tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post995626561691501136..comments2024-03-26T07:25:55.850-04:00Comments on A CUP OF JO: My balance: Amanda Hesser of Food 52Joanna Goddardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109285188206811042noreply@blogger.comBlogger96125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-79063304256462022972013-11-22T09:44:07.641-05:002013-11-22T09:44:07.641-05:00I too felt a little bummed after reading this post...I too felt a little bummed after reading this post. I was super jealous/inspired by her love for her work and her days at the office. It's amazing that she gets to do what she loves and is successful as well. Bravo! What bummed me out was the overall tone of the interview. Her responses felt a bit cold somehow? Especially in relation to her kids. But no two moms are alike and it IS tough to get a real feel for a family from one short interview. I would never judge her as a mother but I do understand the feelings this interview brought up for people.sugar pophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12827130926933070945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-45337218674946979392012-01-12T21:22:55.090-05:002012-01-12T21:22:55.090-05:00This did make me sad. My husband and I are equal p...This did make me sad. My husband and I are equal partners, too, and we both have pretty cool careers, but we organize our lives around maximizing time with our son. <br /><br />On the other hand, maybe this setup really does work for them. I don't know them or their kids. My instincts aren't their instincts. So...I guess all I can really say is, it's not how I'd want to live my life, but I'm glad we all get a choice.<br /><br />Also, I appreciate Amanda's courage in being honest about what it takes to get to the level of success that she and her husband have achieved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-62576103718939486372011-12-16T19:27:49.661-05:002011-12-16T19:27:49.661-05:00Pretty worthwhile data, lots of thanks for your po...Pretty worthwhile data, lots of thanks for your post.<br /><a href="http://www.coraldress.org" rel="nofollow">coral dress</a> | <a href="http://www.louisianatourism.net" rel="nofollow">Louisiana tourism</a> | <a href="http://www.haitiearthquakefacts.net" rel="nofollow">Haiti earthquake facts</a>Barrienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-31898409562742788522011-10-16T05:13:11.564-04:002011-10-16T05:13:11.564-04:00How to keep balance is not easy for her.
http://ww...How to keep balance is not easy for her.<br />http://www.outdoorjacketsonline.com.Jerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06792291467945797613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-71776777868645062732011-10-06T14:36:51.588-04:002011-10-06T14:36:51.588-04:00Well, I don't actually consider this is likely...Well, I don't actually consider this is likely to have success.www.almeria-3d.comhttp://www.almeria-3d.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-42332204393661767462011-07-24T10:31:58.281-04:002011-07-24T10:31:58.281-04:00So much useful data for everyone!So much useful data for everyone!Flashlight Vaginahttp://sexshoptienda.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-79200162231905222082011-07-22T13:11:30.529-04:002011-07-22T13:11:30.529-04:00I hate it when people get so judgemental about oth...I hate it when people get so judgemental about other mothers. It is absolutely gender-based, too. I know several women whose husbands are taking low-paid 2nd jobs to provide for the family These dads will not see their kids but it seems okay to most people (i.e. better to have the dad work than the mom)<br /><br />I see my kids 2.5 hours a night if I'm lucky (not counting a 15 minute shower). They sleep later than they should. I wake up at 5:15-5:40 am in the morning to commute an hour to work. I wish I had a shorter commute or could see them more often but it's just not possible right now. I continue to look for a closer job but haven't had success in that so far. I also do like my job and co-workers and my work is near my parents (who help with baby sitting), i.e. "solutions" like cutting commute or just finding another job is not always easy.<br /><br />I also hate that people think it's so easy to cut back or drop out of the work force and then go back. So many of my friends are struggling and with zero retirement funds at 40+ of age because the SAHM can't get back to work or simply doesn't want to after years away from working.<br />This woman is supporting her family and a role model.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-84435185102639048442011-07-20T02:39:02.574-04:002011-07-20T02:39:02.574-04:00At the end of our lives, surely we will regret tim...At the end of our lives, surely we will regret time not spent with our children than time not spent building our careers. That kind of regret is painful to think about. We all have to make choices about where we put our time, resources and what we value most. Kids won't care if their parents have a successful brand as much as they'll care about time spent with them- love is spelled t-i-m-e for a child. it doesn't have to be 24-7 time, but my gut tells me it needs to be more than what is presented here. The great thing is that they sound like they have the resources to change things up if they want. <br /><br />KateAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-31424596155723275352011-07-19T10:27:58.563-04:002011-07-19T10:27:58.563-04:00There is one for dad(s)! Its called www.dadwagon.c...There is one for dad(s)! Its called www.dadwagon.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-67729002965301424522011-07-18T12:14:07.410-04:002011-07-18T12:14:07.410-04:00How sad for the children-one hour a day. Although...How sad for the children-one hour a day. Although I admire her drive and ambition I do not see how this person is managing parenting since she rarely seems to be doing it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-31296774695621225532011-07-18T09:52:50.344-04:002011-07-18T09:52:50.344-04:00Being an involved parent and working as a full-tim...Being an involved parent and working as a full-time professional is a challenging proposition. The schedule Amanda describes shouldn't surprise anyone. She's running a start-up and building her own brand. The hours she keeps are quite typical for someone in that situation. Of course it's a personal choice. The commenters who describe the situation as "sad" presumably have made different choices -- to have one parent stay at home, or not to live in New York, or not to have the same career ambitions. That's what makes this blog so valuable -- it provides specific, personal examples so that readers can see what choices other people have made and use those stories to inform their own choices.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-73716256393324541312011-07-18T09:05:27.330-04:002011-07-18T09:05:27.330-04:00Can everyone please erase the comment "why ev...Can everyone please erase the comment "why even have children" from their lexicon? It is an incredibly powerful- and HURTFUL thing to say. To someone you don't know. <br /><br />Please. <br /><br />Stop.<br /><br />Think.<br /><br />Do your kids need you as much as you think they do? <br /><br />Really?<br /><br />How do you know?<br /><br />What do you need?<br /><br />Think.<br /><br />It takes a few minutes, doesn't it?<br /><br />So how can you be so quick to say.<br /><br />Anything.<br /><br />About someone you don't know at all<br /><br />Let alone her children.<br /><br />Stop.<br /><br />Think.<br /><br />Find some compassion. Which is presumably a quality you may be attempting to instill in your own children. Whom you wouldn't speak to like this. Since you know them. And can act lovingly toward them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-10592950133724839282011-07-18T02:38:47.500-04:002011-07-18T02:38:47.500-04:00After re-reading, I see that Amanda does see her k...After re-reading, I see that Amanda does see her kids in the evenings (not every, but its in there - At the end of 1, and No. 7)Be careful about generalizing on Amanda's generalizing! <br /><br />I think the commenters are right to point out the issue here is generally (anti) full-time parents working, and employing a nanny. Amanda seems to be pretty representational of this, and perhaps she isn't flattered in this Cup of Jo format (for ex. comparison to Jenna Park or Jordan Ferney).<br /><br />Personally, I grapple as a sahm to deliver and afford all the culture and education and even time for reading stories. I suppose I always feel better (/smug?) when I can say, 'at least they get me all day', and my hugs etc. <br /><br />Full time working mothers with full time nannys, vs. sahm is polarizing. period. <br /><br />Joanna, We need you! What do you think?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-6319573798578771622011-07-17T17:12:22.371-04:002011-07-17T17:12:22.371-04:00I am in awe of Amanda's life, dedication and e...I am in awe of Amanda's life, dedication and energy. I simply wouldn't be able to do it - One thing I was wondering the most about when I read her post was that she does not expect to have time for herself. She obviously puts herself last behind her kids, her husband - and yes, also her job because she doesn't have her career as a hobby. I do know myself (and my mother's example) well enough to know that apart from my wish to work I also need to spend time alone away from everyone in order to be a happy mum.<br />I expect my husband to have the same duties and responsibilities in a shared schedule and do not at all agree with that (what I think) incredible old-fashioned "But mamas are mamas, there's just no changing that." as another commenter said. I am thankful that I live in a place where both dads and mums can take paid leave for childcare and dads can also be the "mums". And I am thankful to have a husband who knows that I need to be independent from kids and family and work from time to time.<br /><br />Apart from that, I am especially sad that so many commenters seem to be experts in knowing what Amanda's children feel,that they have a sad life and a sad relationship with the parents even though they haven't heard or seen those kids.<br />I was an Au-Pair myself for two girls when I was younger. The older one started boarding school when she was 12yrs because that's "what you did" in that familie's social circle. The parents were divorced and the mum worked full time (not only for financial reasons but also for her own fullfillment). She came home around 6pm, the girls dropped everything when she arrived and did not look at me until the next moring. They spend their one or two hours in the evening and the week-ends together with creative projects, cooking, outings or simply cuddling. They loved their mother dearly and I am sure that they still have their very close relationship (as they had with their dad as well whom they met every second weekend). This mother's life has been some kind of example since then (minus the divorce...) It is not just how much time you spend with your children, not that you can pride yourself that you spend time waiting for their sports class to finish or that you are the one who tells them to clear their stuff away - it is the positive energy you bring home, the happy example you set, your interest in their development and simply the love that you have.<br /><br />So even I would not be the one with happy energy if I had Amanda's schedule, her example is again great and inspiring like the others. So thank you ladies & thank you Joanna!carockahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08789694466287144765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-14065454074593810702011-07-17T16:13:00.988-04:002011-07-17T16:13:00.988-04:00Both of my parents -- former hippies who became pr...Both of my parents -- former hippies who became professionals -- worked full-time jobs, and they took turns making dinners, doing the laundry, and driving me to music lessons. I am fortunate that I have a mother that was able to pursue her interests away from the home, and a father that happily took on half his share of the housework. I hope my family relationships now, as I plan to have children, will resemble the happy and equal ones of my childhood. This was a great post. Thanks!Naominoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-65741114109480353192011-07-17T10:55:33.686-04:002011-07-17T10:55:33.686-04:00I read this story twice, and then I read the comme...I read this story twice, and then I read the comments. I understand the visceral reaction other people experienced because I felt the same way. I don't think anyone is being judgmental or mean in their comments. The words and images convey a definite feeling of "out of balance" on a blog that emphasizes balance. Women tear each other apart for all sorts of trivial bullsh!t, like choosing group daycare over the supernanny; giving the kid a frozen pizza for dinner instead of fresh organic vegetables, disposable diapers vs. cloth; working at all vs. being June Freaking Cleaver. These comments are not along those lines. We're addressing a basic need of children, which is to be given time and attention to bond with their parents. All of us who have children are expert enough to know that one hour a day isn't enough, and since it was published on this blog with this particular premise, I feel pretty strongly that the discussion here is fair game and reasonable. I know all too well the reality of a start-up life, which is not at all conducive to balance. Maybe Amanda's situation is temporary, but we aren't given that information. <br /><br />I have struggled nearly 11 years to find work-life balance, and while I've found a solution that works for me, of course it isn't always easy. I can relate to so many of the women profiled here. My husband has struggled also to find balance, and while he intellectually understands the concept, he still doesn't put it into practice. We were talking to a child psychologist who said one of her patients is a high-profile attorney who complained that her daughter was oppositional and defiant at home and school. She didn't know how to get through to her daughter to address her behavior. When the psychologist asked the attorney to document every minute of her time during the day, the attorney came back with roughly an hour a day devoted to her daughter. The psychologist's response was, "Why did you have a child, knowing they require time and attention? You're going to wonder when this child is an adult why you don't have a relationship with her. You need to reevaluate your priorities and move things around in your schedule." My husband is at risk of the same thing. It was a wake-up call for him. Children are temporary, and they don't come to you in your 1-hour time block to give you a laundry list of their issues. You have to know them, hear what they're saying and what they're not saying. If I didn't take the time to truly know my daughter, I wouldn't have realized that she was struggling in school this year because she has inattentive-type ADD. If I hadn't heard her say two days in a row, "My stomach hurt before technology class again today," I wouldn't have asked the right questions to discover that she was being bullied by two kids in her class and throwing up beforehand. (And "balance" allowed me to be standing outside that classroom the very next day, waiting for the bullies and the teacher to come out.) It terrifies me to think how miserable she'd be if I hadn't been paying attention. What if I had just whipped out the laptop and blasted off some email instead of watching/listening? It's so tempting.<br /><br />So I understand the problems with judgmental women, and I live the balance issues. But I'm also keenly aware of the risks of the children getting shortchanged, and I'm sure the other commenters are as well. I think that's the perspective from which which we're responding with these comments. And if there's more to the story, that's great and we hope the comments are taken with a grain of salt. Our feelings are based on the information given.Jamienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-38843252626578286332011-07-17T08:23:00.445-04:002011-07-17T08:23:00.445-04:00I'm sure that Amanda and her husband are doing...I'm sure that Amanda and her husband are doing what they think is best for their family as a whole, and no one reading this blog knows all of the ins and outs of their lives to make a better decision than they do. Putting your personal life out there for anyone to read about (and have opinions about) is a risk. Amanda, I hope you aren't hurt by all of the negative comments written here. I grew up with a working mother and my childhood memories are not full of daycare teachers and after school programs...they're of my mom and my brother and road trips to see my grandparents on the weekends and taking me to softball practice. I'm guessing that its a struggle for you to only spend about an hour a day with your kids before they go to bed and not something that is your ideal situation. My mom talks often about how difficult that was for her, so she left for work earlier (around 6am) so she could come home earlier and spend more time with us before bed. As we got older we could obviously stay up a little later too. <br /><br />I completely agree with your comments about it being just as much of a juggle for the father! My husband comes home from work and starts in straight away helping to feed babies (we have 4 month old triplets), trying to exercise or finish up a project from work, eat dinner and somewhere in there we try to ask each other how our days went!christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02134885838169638788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-24421064082129930612011-07-17T04:40:48.890-04:002011-07-17T04:40:48.890-04:00There's nothing better than your children help...There's nothing better than your children helping you bake in the kitchen. Is this the right person to promote "cooking at home"?Belindahttp://www.belindabrown.com.au/blog/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-79903491687517079422011-07-17T04:40:33.212-04:002011-07-17T04:40:33.212-04:00I feel torn after reading the interview and commen...I feel torn after reading the interview and comments. I guess my main question for Amanda is: why have you chosen not to cut back on your work hours in order to spend more time with your children? (applies to your husband equally). Sounds like you have an amazing, dream job and a happy life and I'm happy for you...I just wonder why there isn't more time for the kiddos. Blessings!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-25996871413633556772011-07-17T00:21:47.049-04:002011-07-17T00:21:47.049-04:00This article made me feel very sad as well. I act...This article made me feel very sad as well. I actually read it and then re-read it to see if I had missed a part where she talks about the time she spends with her children. But I didn't miss a part, she really only sees her children an hour a day. I understand that starting a business is hard work, but what about working from home so that you can take short breaks to interact with your children or cutting the workday shorter in order to have dinner with them? Maybe even skipping a few industry events to be home earlier. Why would any mom want to be away from their children so much?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-19348423897277841352011-07-16T23:55:33.359-04:002011-07-16T23:55:33.359-04:00This thread is the first time I have ever felt unh...This thread is the first time I have ever felt unhappy reading Cup of Jo. I don't have children yet but am planning on having them not too far in the future, and I plan to work. I know it will be hard to balance, but I feel I owe it to my children--daughter or sons--to give them an example of a successful woman. To show them that it's not the woman who must automatically work part-time or work from home or make any of the concessions that cause women to be underrepresented across the leadership strata of society. I also want to give them opportunities--my job will give them the chance to live abroad, to attend subsidized private schools abroad, to have a wealth of experiences I never had. I feel this will give them far more over the course of their lives than a childhood in straitened circumstances with few chances to learn about the wider world.<br /><br />I in no way judge women who take time off or stop working or cut back, and I would appreciate if the judging didn't go the other way. Having been raised by a working mother myself, I am horrified by the frankly antediluvian attitudes being expressed here--automatically equating working mothers with bad mothers.<br /><br />Can we please just live and let live? Why is there this instinct to tear down a successful woman?Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05085729969442162794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-91787927905688076082011-07-16T14:07:31.605-04:002011-07-16T14:07:31.605-04:00I commented earlier and came back to read up on th...I commented earlier and came back to read up on the rest of the comments. I agree with many above that mentioned the focus being on the sitter and the fact that both parents seem to be absent. We're reacting more to the fact that these children may grow up thinking of the sitter as Mom. Another commenter said that it's great they're working to give their children everything. Personally, children need hugs more than fancy toys and trips, and hugs are free. But, that's my opinion, not a direct attack on the author.<br /><br />Others say that no woman should have to sacrifice all of them selves and give up their own wants and goals. While I agree to some extent, I think this is not entirely true. This was my issue as well. I personally have struggled mightily with my decision to marry and start a family, since I am the type of person who loves to travel frequently and work abroad. But, family is important to me and I understand that once I take that step, I simply can't spend every day thinking about me me me. Children are a choice, and choices have both fantastic and negative consequences. Instead, I have worked to find ways to sustain myself personally and professionally while still building a healthy family life. <br /><br />I do not feel that anyone truly attacked Amanda. She has posted her story in a public forum that is design to encourage response and conversation. It is perfectly acceptable for each person here to chime in with their opinion, their own response to what they have read. There is no right answer for everyone, but clearly, this post struck a very similar nerve with many readers, and that's saying something.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09998964451301449312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-12023771096913698842011-07-16T14:06:30.071-04:002011-07-16T14:06:30.071-04:00We all make our own choices about how much time we...We all make our own choices about how much time we wish we could spend with our kids, and also how much time we feel we need to spend working. So many considerations factor in to those choices (financial and emotional), and while it's true children grow up fast, they do grow up. If your life is built around parenting, you might find yourself feeling unbalanced when the kids leave the nest. So balance can also mean having a fulfilling career, and other roles and relationships beyond being a mommy.Lady Dihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07415612392269301999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-88117129557346183852011-07-16T13:32:15.165-04:002011-07-16T13:32:15.165-04:00She seem like a hard core professional and I like ...She seem like a hard core professional and I like her attitude when it comes to partnership. But, I feel when you have kids you need to give them more of yourself. Like others, I feel the article was more about her job and when she eats food during the day then her time with the kids. I rather live in a smaller apartment, make less money but be with the ones I love. I guess I come from a different culture and have seen the flip side of a lifestyle like this...Just glad my Mom, a single parent was around when I was young, now she is busy with her career and making a splash. So, proud to have had a loving and devoted Mom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-19062576957291262762011-07-16T12:19:56.514-04:002011-07-16T12:19:56.514-04:00Part of the problem is that all of these interview...Part of the problem is that all of these interviewee's, with the exception of Amanda, are WAHM's. She has a photo-shoot in her house one day a week, and works in an office the other days. So I don't think she was a good fit for the series because we were looking for a 'balance' in her life and clearly there is none.caitlynnoreply@blogger.com