tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post6519008015762702812..comments2024-03-26T07:25:55.850-04:00Comments on A CUP OF JO: Do you have friends of the opposite sex?Joanna Goddardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109285188206811042noreply@blogger.comBlogger242125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-23944716827590208472013-04-30T00:45:11.034-04:002013-04-30T00:45:11.034-04:00Huh. I'm struck by how ignorant it comes off ...Huh. I'm struck by how ignorant it comes off that you continuously mention friends "of the opposite sex" as if you've never imagined the idea of queerness or something. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-89817874985276406092012-12-22T10:09:57.772-05:002012-12-22T10:09:57.772-05:00This topic has a lot to with the age group. I gues...This topic has a lot to with the age group. I guess those in their younger years are comfortable with two people of opposite sex being friends in true sense.But the older lot will have apprehensions with their partners having exclusive friend of opposite sex. This is because of the prevailing ideas on friendship during their growing years.<br />The sexual undertones in the friendship has always been there whether its between a same-sex or opposite sex individuals. Its only more pronounced with few selected male friends, not with all of them. We can reach a consensus if we have some male readers give their opinion.<br /><br /><br />raMBling wid lyFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08959834450263606722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-7449834176600560912012-09-07T21:49:24.254-04:002012-09-07T21:49:24.254-04:00One of my very best friends and the person who I c...One of my very best friends and the person who I can tell everything is a guy, and it works, mostly because I had a wicked crush on him, told him, and he accepted it while making sure I knew nothing would ever, ever happen. Since it's always been clear what we "are"... it's a wonderful friendship. Maia Raederhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13625026677389360755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-89965316599145692962012-07-13T15:56:04.748-04:002012-07-13T15:56:04.748-04:00I have a close guy friend. He has had many titles ...I have a close guy friend. He has had many titles in my life, Work Husband, Work Brother, Secret Lover... but the one that sticks is BFF. We talk about everything, ie relationships (He is married, I am single), sex, work, school, family. While I find that He and I have a good balance and maintain a strong relationship, I find others have difficulties with us being friends. I think it is seen as weird or a potential problem for others (our mutual friends, my friends and coworkers). They can't imagine that there is no sexual tension or what ever. I know his wife is comfortable with our friendship and I often spend time with them together as well.Jaimehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15511762625521230113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-63778311660468803112012-07-02T11:01:59.045-04:002012-07-02T11:01:59.045-04:00It really depends on how you know each other as fr...It really depends on how you know each other as friends, and how the relationship develops. The phrase "Its takes 2 to tango" applies in this friendship to g/f, b/f scenario.<br /><br />If one has strong feelings than the other, and the other doesnt feel then sometimes there can be awkwardness, and a feeling of avoidance.<br /><br />I ve asked my best girl friend out (Im a guy) but I havent pursued her as much as I did in the beginning. Shes kind of hung up about her ex at the moment but I dont think she is attracted to me as if she were then she`d be ripping my clothes off.<br /><br />I know she likes me a lot but as a friend, and I hate that term "as a friend". I ve got hundreds of photographs of me and her on our Facebook. Theres a picture of us "kissing" in one of my birthday pictures and it was on her profile for weeks and she never deleted.<br /><br />Its a shame we`re not a couple as I like her a lot, and shes called me "boyfriend material".<br /><br />Its how life goes, but I think people get attracted to people they know and this begins from friends. The foundation of any relationship. Some make it, and some dont.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-76876025185470426282012-04-20T14:46:40.725-04:002012-04-20T14:46:40.725-04:00So funny since I had this topic with friends recen...So funny since I had this topic with friends recently. It seems like so many girls think they can just be friends whereas guys disagree. I think it is possible. :)Heldinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17498265377967547223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-27195772909328593842012-04-16T14:12:07.505-04:002012-04-16T14:12:07.505-04:00i've always had more guy friends than girl fri...i've always had more guy friends than girl friends. but, thinking about it, it's usually because they're interested in me or one of my friends. i can think of only a handful of guys who just hung out with me without ever mentioning any of my friends, but then again, the "friends with benefits" thing is always on the table. so... it's complicated is a pretty apt conclusion.michalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17056965982865520650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-42822378015482821152012-04-16T09:14:36.249-04:002012-04-16T09:14:36.249-04:00Without a doubt! Two of my dearest friends are mal...Without a doubt! Two of my dearest friends are male, and I'm pretty sure it never crossed our minds that we could or should be more, not even in the silliest most drunken teenage moments. I think sometimes you meet a person and you swear you could be brother and sister.Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12700675504609658466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-64270448638992219812012-04-15T22:41:25.776-04:002012-04-15T22:41:25.776-04:00Absolutely! Though I didn't really have male f...Absolutely! Though I didn't really have male friends until I was in my 20's and was always a "girl's girl," today I have lots of purely platonic male friends. I am grateful for their different points of view, their attitudes, and having these amazing people in my life - but I would never want to date them!MyNameIshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14561136762546044175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-6945669375137502212012-04-15T21:28:52.801-04:002012-04-15T21:28:52.801-04:00I do believe that guys and girls can be good frien...I do believe that guys and girls can be good friends, best friends even, but I've experienced both sides of the argument so my belief is no longer as steadfast as before. <br /><br />I ended up dating my male best friend in high school but we broke up shortly after we started dating, and things have never been the same ever since. We don't speak any more. So my advice is, if you want to be friends with those of the opposite sex, hard as it may be, quash any semblance of attraction before your relationship goes south.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-4222546942333025532012-04-15T20:12:57.748-04:002012-04-15T20:12:57.748-04:00It surprises me that adults in 2012 would have thi...It surprises me that adults in 2012 would have this conversation because it seems to be so highschool (the idea that opposite sex friends must be secretly attracted to one another). It surprises me even more that young people in this day and age have 'rules' about opposite sex friends, especially those who are married. I think women who think their guy friends would bed them, given half the chance, are a pretty sad example of how women think of men. Do you also think your lesbian/gay friends are secretly attracted to you? Doubt it.<br />Of my closest friends, half are female, half are male. I've never thought anything of it. Some of my friends are partnered/married, some are single, but if I socialise with a guy friend, it's no different to going out with a girlfriend.Hannahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-43941613765737293642012-04-15T18:20:59.254-04:002012-04-15T18:20:59.254-04:00A couple of my best friends are guys and that has ...A couple of my best friends are guys and that has always been the case really, throughout primary school, high school and college. Maybe it is the way that I seem to do friendships or something, but with myself and my girl friends we seem to change and grow apart much more easily than with guy friends. At university (2nd year at the minute) I do still have quite large groups of friends which probably lessens the issues of attraction between the sexes, in that it is rare to be in a situation that could evolve into anything, but obviously it does happen. The thought of anything happening between me and any of my guy mates has crossed my mind, in a sort of <i>imagine if</i> way, but I'm genuinely not remotely attracted to any of them (plus very much taken). Also, I know way too much about my closest guy mate's sex life to ever, ever have sex with him! We're just two people who have similar thoughts on a bunch of matters and make good company, in a small university town where such company is hard to come by. People have assumed that something is going on between us, because we have private jokes that give us the giggles and are seen together a lot, but we just tell them nope! If I asked him if I turned and offered to shag him he'd probably say that he wouldn't say no, but it just really would never happen. There is definitely the idea there that if a guy and a girl spend a lot of time together it must be sexual though.Kathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12443865051034603807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-65528355550376282842012-04-15T13:13:51.962-04:002012-04-15T13:13:51.962-04:00I love "When Harry Met Sally" - one of m...I love "When Harry Met Sally" - one of my fave movies of all time. I think some of the best relationships start out as friendships first. =)<br /><a href="http://www.closetcravings.com/" rel="nofollow">Satisfy Your Cravings For Celebrity Style and All Things Stylish and Sweet</a>Closet Cravingshttp://www.closetcravings.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-68252758497158106762012-04-15T13:09:34.357-04:002012-04-15T13:09:34.357-04:00my best friend is a guy. for a year we were platon...my best friend is a guy. for a year we were platonic and hooking up with other people. we only started hooking up with each other recently but it does cause things to get very complicated. it's like we can kiss and hold hands and be best friends with no relationship but when we hook up the emotional flood gates open and we start bickering over dumb stuff lol.....i think we both know that we're in love with each other a little bit. how can you not be somewhat in love with your best friend? i am just not at a point in my life where i want to be in a legitimate relationship...and as much as i love him, he's not what i've always imagined for myself. that sounds selfish and a little shallow but maybe i'll change in time....that's why i know i am just not ready to be in another serious relationship right now. especially with my best friend. the risks are outweighing the benefits ;)knoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-29549919518074466462012-04-15T08:13:52.397-04:002012-04-15T08:13:52.397-04:00Since highschool my closest friends have been boys...Since highschool my closest friends have been boys. I seem to connect to them easier and more intense than girls. <br />Of course people around us tend to think that there is romantic going on, and the truth is, that even though we never fooled around there is a sexual tension. Otherwise i could just as well hang around girls...Annihttp://www.notetoyourself.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-41026920526776982792012-04-15T04:14:32.113-04:002012-04-15T04:14:32.113-04:00Yes, I do think guys and women can be just friends...Yes, I do think guys and women can be just friends. My teaching partner is a male and over the years of working together, we have become very good friends. His wife is one of my best friends. I do more activities with her- shopping, walking, movies. But because he is married, I would never just invite him to do something outside of work unless I also invited her. Having this friendship has helped me in my relationships with other men. And I thank him for his friendship.Kerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11702945197499001786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-60235312432679485082012-04-14T03:46:03.041-04:002012-04-14T03:46:03.041-04:00I'm getting hitched in a few months and my fia...I'm getting hitched in a few months and my fiancé is my best friend.<br />That being said at work I have a male friend who I get on really well with and we are really good mates, someone suggested we were *wink wink* getting it on and that just made me laugh and I went home to tell my fella. In fact my male college and my fiancé met and they get on really well together, means I have good taste in friends! <br />I've come to the point where if others are making stuff up and stirring the pot it just looks like they're trying to cause a problem and entertain themselves. At the end of the day I go home to my lovely man and plan the rest of our lives together!HurrahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-24761532852377705612012-04-13T20:19:34.426-04:002012-04-13T20:19:34.426-04:00i think it is a bit demeaning to both men and wome...i think it is a bit demeaning to both men and women to think we can't have fulfilling and inspiring relationships without involving sexuality. i am glad to see that the majority of commenters are developing cross-gender friendships. if we don't, that implies a hang up on gender that seems really unhealthy to me. <br /><br />also not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but Iris Krasnow has a book called The Secret Lives of Wives in which she extols the virtues of being married and having a best male friend (or several) on the side. i haven't read the whole book but i read an article excerpt. the only thing that bothered me was that there was no mention of what happens IF the male friend does begin to develop an attraction.<br /><br />great topic! so fascinating to hear what people think about this kind of thing.moonshinejunkyardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02401889178583608877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-3945970464775771352012-04-13T19:47:09.069-04:002012-04-13T19:47:09.069-04:00A note: I won't actually date a guy who doesn&...A note: I won't actually date a guy who doesn't have women friends.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08506580996142138707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-1994654763446751612012-04-13T19:46:21.285-04:002012-04-13T19:46:21.285-04:00I have lots of guy friends. But it is complicated...I have lots of guy friends. But it is complicated. My oldest friend ~ we've known each other for 25 years ~ is a guy. We were each other's go-to people all throughout our teens and early 20s. That all changed when he met his now-wife. We hardly ever talk anymore, as he doesn't "need" me. I have another guy friend who I'm very close to, yet he doesn't tell me about new girlfriends he has. I've never been able to figure out why; I tell him about my boyfriends, and he meets them too! <br /><br />I've just moved to Australia, and my only real guy friend here is awesome. We acknowledge that we're completely, 100% NOT attracted to each other, and we have such an easy/comfortable friendship. Yet everyone wonders if there's something more, which there isn't.<br /><br />Bottom line: it's possible. But it's complicated. Mostly because of society, like the author points out.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08506580996142138707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-80821721029386224662012-04-13T16:05:08.655-04:002012-04-13T16:05:08.655-04:00I do. I am among these girls who guys always consi...I do. I am among these girls who guys always consider it best to be best friends with rather than get romantically involved. Not sure if it's a good thing or not, but after walking out of a verbal abusive marriage, I am content with this kind of relationship.Zanahttp://www.superbunneh.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-62867528634881966682012-04-13T15:21:48.751-04:002012-04-13T15:21:48.751-04:00As a married woman, I had platonic friendships wit...As a married woman, I had platonic friendships with members of the opposite. And like you, some of them I had dated but once I got married, the sexualization went out the window. <br /><br />BUT...<br /><br />As soon as I started to go through my divorce, the sexualization came back, with some of my guy friends professing they had secretly still carried a torch all these years. <br /><br />So, I guess "it's complicated" is a good answer. lol.Morganhttp://thelittlehenhouse.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-35648494563738736502012-04-13T14:27:46.382-04:002012-04-13T14:27:46.382-04:00I feel like it depends on how you met... most of m...I feel like it depends on how you met... most of my close guy friends are because one of us was in a relationship at the start of our friendship. That way it was already established that friendship was the only thing we could offer each other. Ugh! Such a tricky topic!Samantha Tancoshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17244096466121377450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-13680335365542689962012-04-13T14:21:08.757-04:002012-04-13T14:21:08.757-04:00Hey Joanna,
that question is quite interesting sin...Hey Joanna,<br />that question is quite interesting since I do have a male friend. Our relationship is very close, which means that we talk about intimate things like love. But I have to admit that for me he isn't just a good friend, even if I know that we could never be more than friends. Fortunately we don't see each other that often as he lives in another city. But anyway I think it depends on a persons character if she is able to have friends of the opposite sex.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28060897.post-34652193793020568192012-04-13T13:22:09.814-04:002012-04-13T13:22:09.814-04:00Of course. Most of them are married and I'm fr...Of course. Most of them are married and I'm friend with their wives, either because I knew the wife first or because I became friends with her because of him.Brianna Soloskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08663188011029476486noreply@blogger.com