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Thursday, June 06, 2013

What marriage means

Disclaimer: I'm 8,000 months pregnant, which means I'm extra hormonal and schmoopy. But last night, I was thinking about our marriage...

Ever since I got pregnant with Toby, my left foot has been randomly cold. It's probably bad circulation or something? At night, it feels especially freezing. Still, I always forget to put on a sock before climbing into bed. So, pretty much every night, after we read and chat in bed, and I'm half-asleep, I'll murmur to Alex, "Would you mind grabbing me a sock?" And every night, he says of course and finds a sock in his drawer (usually one of those gray business socks, if you must know). Then, while I lie there, basically passed out, and hugely pregnant, he'll put it on my foot.

Last weekend, we were visiting our friends' cabin in Connecticut, drinking lemonade in their gazebo in the woods, when the skies suddenly opened up, and rain poured down around us. Although he's never had an asthma attack before, Alex started wheezing. As we chatted in the gazebo, the toddlers playing under our feet, it got harder and harder for him to breathe, and our friend ended up rushing him to the hospital. (As they raced down the country roads, they also HIT A VULTURE. What an omen!) Finally at the hospital, the doctor stabilized Alex with oxygen and steroids and explained that it was allergy-induced asthma due to record-settingly high pollen counts. Apparently, the situation had been very serious, they had arrived at the hospital in the nick of time, and Alex had been moments away from serious trouble.

Afterward, with Alex back in my clutches, I realized that if anything had happened, the things I would miss most would not be splurgy dinners or weekend getaways, but the little things. Who would care enough to put on my sock? And so tenderly? And not find it annoying that I didn't do it myself? There's something so heartbreakingly sweet about that act. Those little things are what a marriage is all about, it brings tears to my eyes.
(I told you I was schmoopy.)

P.S. A surprising marriage tip.

(Photo from our friends' wedding last summer)

224 comments:

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ExpressJodi said...

Brahmin Shaadi
Historically, the Brahmins in india were divided into two major groups based on geographical origin of the people. The Brahmin groups that lived to the north of the vindhyas were referred to as Dravida Brahmins. Each group was further divided into five sections according to the regions of their settlement.

Sagaai
The Sagaai or the engagement ceremony symbolises commitment However, the South Indian Brahmin do not lay stress on the presence of bride and the groom in their Sagaai, rather it focuses on commitment between the parents of the groom and the bride. 'Latto' i.e., 'engagement plate' Which consist of coconut, flowers, turmeric, betel leaves and betel nuts hold more importance, in their engagement ceremony. The Maithil Brahmin bride of bihar makes her wedding affair stand apart by receiving the blessing from the Dhobi's (washerman's) wife - a compulsory tradition in the Bihari Brahmin wedding.

Haldi
In Haldi ceremony turmeric powder is mixed with milk, almond oil and sandalwood and applied to the bride and the groom. In Kashmiri Pandit this ceremony has a twist becuase cold, white yoghurt is poured on the bride as an alternative to haldi. ritual is followed by a special custom called Shankha (shell) Paula (coral) in bengali Brahmins, where seven married women embellish the bride's hand with red and white bangles, the shell is supposed to calm the bride and the coral is believed to
be beneficial for health. Mehndi is also applied on every bride's hands during the Mehndi ceremony. However, a Bengali Brahmin bride applies alta (red dye).

Jaimala
After the ceremonious arrival of the groom, the garlands are exchanged between the groom and the bride, while the priests chant mantras. Jaimala is the symbol of unifying two souls into one. But in tamil nadu, "Oonjal", a unique jaimala ceremony is performed and could be best decribed as a tug of war. In this ceremony, the women sing songs to encourage the bride and groom to exchange the garlands while the uncles persuade the soon to be couple not to Exchange the garlands.Before the ceremony of jaimala, the bride makes a majestic entry in Bengali weddings.

Mangal Phere
Fire is considered the most pious element in the Brahmin weddings and seven circles around that fire holds the seven promises that the nuptial couple make to each other amidst the Vedic mantras. The Brahmin wedding is deemed incomplete without the seven rounds around the sacred fire. Unlike other Brahmin weddings, in Gujarati weddings only four pheras are taken which are called the mangalpheras where the pheras represent four basic human goals of Dharma, Artha, Kama, and Miksha (religious, moral, prosperity and salvation). Likewise in Malayalee Brahmin weddings, pheras are taken only thrice.

Post wedding ceremony vidaai
After pheras, the bride's family and friend bid her teary vidaai (farewell). The Kashmiri pundits make their vidaai even more special. their charming ritual, "roth khabar" is performed on a saturday or tuesday after the wedding. In Roth
khabar, the bride's parents send a roth (bread decorated with nuts) to their son - in - law's family. But the bride accompanies She stay with her parents and returns only when someone from in laws comes to fetch her back.

Griha pravesh
The new bride is greeted by her mother - in - law with Arti and tilak. The bride, who is regarded as the Goddess laxmi, enters the groom's house after the groom's house after kicking rice - filled pot. In Kannada Brahmin marriages, the groom changes the name of his wife in the name change ceremony where he decides a name for his wife and inscribes it on a plate containing rice with a ring. In Bihar, a very strange ritual is performs at the groom's place.

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ExpressJodi said...

Fertility Rituals

Marriage is one of the biggest fertility rituals Known in Indian culture. When two people get married. they are said to enter grihasta ashram where they are expected to bear children. satify their sexual urge, earn money and follow religious practices. Hindu marriages profess the idea of coming together of the energies and paving way to a new creation.

Offering of Grains

Throughout India, one thing that remains common to all communities is offring of grains in wedding ceremony. Mostly rice, puffed rice or whole grains, these grains are fed to the sacred fire in different ceremonies.

Importance of Shiva's Bael leaves

Holy Bael leaves are proffered in several ceremonies before the wedding and after it. In many communities in india, before the wedding day arrives, Bael leaves are placed in earthen pots which are topped with different kinds of cereals. After the wedding, the sprouted seedlings are then released in a flowing river or a pool. This ritual is performed to invoke blessings of Lord Shiva upon the married couple and pray for their progeny.

Vishnu's pious Lotus

As per mythology, at the time of creation of the universe, while lord Vishnu was pondering over the creation of mankind, a pious lotus rose out of his navel. On that lotus was seated Lord Brahma who paved way to the creation and illumination of the universe. Thus, lotus remains symbolic of procreation, birth and fertility. It is Therefore, offered during wedding puja to the gods to confer potency upon the couple. Also, At the time of a Hindu wedding, the bride and the groom are given the stature of Goddess Lakshmi and Lord Vishnu because they represent the eternal companionship and exemplify how a relationship between husband and wife should be.

Nose ring

Usually seen as a piece of accessory, almost all brides sport nose ring on their wedding day. In some communities, girls are told to get their nose pierced before they tie the knot.

Sacred coconut rituals

Across India, since time immemorial coconut has enjoyed its association with human fertility in a sacrosanct manner. In Gujarat, there is a ritual of bride presenting a coconut in a customary way to the groom at the time of the marriage. Here coconut is symbolic of the progency of the couple that the bridegifts the groom. Of all the fruits, coconut is most closely related to human skull because of the three marking on its base that resemble human facial features.

The mantras of virility

During saat pheras in a Hindu marriage, there are several mantras that are chanted for progency of the couple. While the first phera is for a long lasting companionship, in the second Phera, "Kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam", the bride promises the groom that she will fill his with love and will bear children of him.

The History

There was a time when potency was considered as the be all and all of all activities. The earliest ritual of fertility among Hindus can be dated back to the Harappan civilization where it has been discovered that people worshipped clay figurines of a mother goddess who represented fertility. Several phallic symbols representing gods in sitting position wearing bull's horns (Bull being a universal symbol of male potency) have also been found at the sites of indus Valley Civilization. As the world evolved and ancient civilizations paved way to the modern societies, marriage started being considered as a mandatory ceremony before women could conceive. Also, the idea of marriage was propelled by the thought of having the family legacy move ahead; so that families could get heirs.

ANOUNYMOUS said...

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~Tim – Long Beach, CA, USA

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Emily Woodford said...

I have bookmarked this post and have read it several times. I can't tell you how special this post is to me, and it reminds me so much of the love I share with my own sweet love. I told him about this post recently, coincidentally right before our anniversary, and he adored the story. I love that the little things are what make you appreciate a true love and really melt your heart. Ever since I told him about this post, he asks me every now and then, "Do you need a sock, my love?" Thanks for sharing so much with your readers, I can't get enough of your sweet stories and kind words. Happy Holidays to your beautiful family!

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bestspellcaster said...

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gumbala said...

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missfuckingfashion said...

This is such a cute story and I also think it's all about the little things :)

Lots of love
Tatjana from
http://missfuckingfashion.blogspot.de/

Mariam said...

I am Mariam used every single spell worker on the internet, spent untold amounts of money and discovered they are all fakes...i was the fool though; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In the end, I decided that I wanted a tarot reading to know what my future held for me; I contacted a woman who lives locally to me and she told me about a man named (Priests Abija); he does not advertise on the internet, has another job for income, has no set prices, makes no false promises and refuses to help anyone that cannot be helped and even helps for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn't mind me advertising his contact on the internet but I'm sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.contact him here as (518) 303-6207 or spirituallighthealing101@live.com He travel sometimes.i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap,love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,HIV AIDS,it's all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
more.

carissa larry said...

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carissa larry said...

I am carissa from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, i love him so much we have been married for 6 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Marian, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my a friend of my and i told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem like this before and she introduce me to a man called Dr.swami from indian who cast a strong spell to bring him back to her after 3days. then my friend ask me to contact Dr. swami. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that he is going to bring him back to me within 3days. He also told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr.swami on any problem in this world,if you need any restore in your relationship contact Dr. swamitemple@yahoo.com He is the best spell caster i have ever seen.

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Shubham Singh said...

Texts to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

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jane ashley said...

I had a problem with my boyfriend six months ago,which lead to us apart.
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