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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Do you get jealous?

I usually don't get too jealous, but...

...instead of worrying about Alex's current female friends, the one thing that can drive me weirdly nuts is imagining him with his past girlfriends. I picture them watching movies and cooking tacos on Sunday nights. I envision his girlfriends making jokes and him laughing. I picture them reading in bed. Aaarg.

I mean, at one point, he actually loved each one, right?

Then I just chill out because now we're in love, so who cares? But now and again, I'll get a masochistic streak and ask him questions about them. Over dinner, I'll affect a breezy tone and ask, "What was your first date like with Nora?" or "Did Lacey come to your family's house for Christmas?" I always think I want to know, but, no matter how innocuous his answer is, I always wish I hadn't asked.

Well, artist Leanne Shapton was curious about this type of "backwards jealousy," so she wrote a compelling illustrated book about people's ex-girlfriends. I love how each illustration has a quote about the woman, a snippet that the current girlfriend has probably heard from her boyfriend that drives her nuts.

Here are a few funny examples....
The book makes me laugh...it rings so true!

I'm curious: Do you suffer from "backwards jealousy," too? What tidbits do you know about your partners' exes?

P.S. Do you have friends of the opposite sex? And how long do you wait to sleep with someone?

(FYI: This topic was brought up on Glamour five years ago, and I wanted to write more about it now and show you guys this book)

203 comments:

1 – 200 of 203   Newer›   Newest»
EJW said...

You should read "Before She Met Me," a novel about a man who goes down this type of wormhole. It's a little weird but sort of interesting how easily it could happen!

Kate Thomas said...

I definitely suffer from "backwards jealousy"! I unfortunately am usually curious about what bedroom activities were favorites with each girl. Like you, I always immediately regret asking.

Eva / Sycamore Street Press said...

One of my husband's exes is now married to his brother. We're family! It was so far in the past, though, and wasn't very serious, so it doesn't bother me. It is an interesting little piece of trivia to pull out, though. :)

Laura Pierce said...

I always feel funny when my fiance tells me negative things about his ex, because it makes me feel like he's trying too hard. Obviously he really liked her at some point and is still friends, why would he say negative things?

christymclark said...

I am so guilty of backwards jealousy! I try to not ask, but sometimes things just come up, and it usually takes me a minute to remember that we're in love NOW.

Elizabeth S. said...

I'm embarrassed to admit that not only do I get jealous, but I used to play the game that involved asking about ex-girlfriends. I would always end up getting mad. Now that we've been married a few years and we have 2 kids, I don't ask... mostly because there's no time. :)

Nikki said...

Sometimes you just don't want to know - my husband's most serious ex-girlfriend was apparently a stripper when she was in college (long before they dated). My husband is so straight laced it's hard for me to even imagine him with her, but it's something I wish I didn't know, especially since she moved down the street from us with her new boyfriend the same day we moved into our apartment - UGH!

myheartscontentblog.com said...

I'm not particularly bothered but my husband's ex-girlfriends but I am intrigued by his first girlfriend whose name was Celeste. What kind of name is Celeste, bearing in mind they lived in a grim little town in the North of England. How do I compete with Celeste??

Hannah White said...

I'm the same way as you. I ask little questions that I think are harmless, but I immediately get irritated when he answers them. I want to think that our love now is 100 million times better than any other love he's had, but I let my worries get the best of me and I wonder, "what's the difference between me and her? Nothing." But I know there is a difference. I'm me and he loves me for me. Thanks for posting about this topic. It's comforting that someone else does it too and I'm not completely crazy. :)

Melanie Liliana said...

I loved this post! I have to say I do get jealous but I'm exactly that way with backwards jealousy. I know I shouldn't care about it but its so interesting to find out things but then again it's not fun picturing it!

Allie said...

I absolutely suffer from the same. I just hate thinking about all the tiny moments he shared with someone else! It's such a weird sensation and so irrational. It's impossible to think that he wouldn't have had any meaningful romantic experiences with anyone else before me, but it drives me bonkers to imagine it. I better watch out or I'll get worked up now! Ha, I think it's best to just try not to think about it. Though I have to admit it is so intriguing to consider if you could work through the thoughts if you really just dove in to see what happened. I can't imagine it would turn out well though.

beth said...

I've seen this book- it's so funny, and also quite resonating because virtually everyone's partner has at least one ex that drives you crazy in some way. I suppose the flip side is that you, too, must be an awkward force for at least one of your ex's current partners. My husband always tries to tease information about my long-ago ex's, to which I generally only respond with a silent smile...he then thanks me that I don't actually feed him with the sort of fuel that would drive him crazy!

Katie Peterson said...

There is one ex that I get extremely jealous of. The reason they didn't end up together is because she moved to China. Somehow, this always makes me feel like she could have him if she wanted him. It's not true, of course. Still, I wish he would have had the chance to dump her.

Elsa de Diego said...

Wow, that was very courageous of you to be that honest with us -u always are! :) Perhaps every relationship is different. I mean, were you like this with former boyfriends? For me, I just wanted to have all the information about my bf's previous relationship and he's always been open to talk about it. I guess that I was curious...but not really jealous. I see myself being jealous more about something/someone in the present than the past, to be honest. Anyway, we really have to take control of our mind and thoughts, as sometimes we become our worst enemies! :) Xo,

officiallyobsessed.net said...

I don't, really. Not because I'm above jealousy exactly, but I've been in my relationship now for 12 years, and realize how much annoying stuff there is in living with and loving another person that goes with the great stuff. In our relationship, the good outweighs the annoying, but there's still those moments where I briefly but sincerely hate something my husband does. So for every amazing "he always buys cookies or ice cream for us when he goes to the grocery store," there's a "he only ever half-finishes a household chore."

So whenever I hear him talk about an ex, or even how hot/cute/funny another woman is, I realize that we all go a little ways down those imaginary paths of what it would be like to be with someone else (including remembering only the good stuff with exes), but it's not the full picture. And if there's anyone that he would want the FULL thing with (with all the magic and all the mid-meal belches!), it's obviously me.

zeeandthoseknees said...

I'm definitely the "backwardly jealous" type ... Ha! My contribution would be ...

"Marcus' ex-girlfriend was a French exchange student from Paris. She had lovely blue eyes and curly long hair, reminiscent of a young Keri Russell in Felicity."

True story! We're married 3 years now but she still gets to me a little. LOL. Oh well. Good to know I'm not alone, ladies!

ajuarez33 said...

My husband was kind of a lady-killer and so most of his exes (or even past flings for that matter) were really, really pretty. Like, gorgeous. When we first got serious it was awwwwwwful to deal with - especially when I'd find photos of these girls on his computer or his friends would casually mention something about how "so and so was hot!". It really drove me crazy; to the point of Facebook spying on some of these girls and picking out little things that "weren't really so great, right?!" about them.
Now we've been together for 7 years and have a toddler and I've just given up on that kind of thinking. It's pointless and for someone like me who can dwell easily, it has the potential of putting me in a real funk.

tragicsandwich said...

I can, which is why I don't ask! I mean, we talk about our exes, but we both focus on "why that never would have worked and how much better it is now."

Our exes are part of what made us ready for each other, so I have no problem talking about them--but I don't want to know details!

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Wait until you are in your fifties... you get all fat and fluffy around the middle and the best part is that SO DOES HE! HA HA.... Those old girlfriends don't want him anymore anyway.

collette said...

Nope. I'm so busy with two kids, it would be a waste of time to think about Hubs' past life. Pretty secure here.

bestof2sisters.com said...

I used to suffer from terrible backwards jealousy, drove me nuts, and always left me feeling rubbish. I was curious about their bedroom activities - but more so, how sporty they were? "Did she always come skiing with you?" , "Was she an awesome surfer?" or.. "I bet she could catch a ball, hey?" ;-)

Love it when you write about awkward personal stuff Joanna, and love reading all the comments from people.

C x

Tracy S said...

I used to get jealous because mainly the (serious) ex (they were together 7 yrs) was a big part of our life back then, so I didn't even have to ask, she (the ex) would gladly volunteer past information. She realized later on that it wasn't too cool of her to do that, she thought I was 'cool' that way (since I was actually friendly with her too). Definitely harder to avoid jealousy when she's right there in front of us and still flirting with him.

Chelsey Dixon said...

Backward jealousy, what a great topic! A few months ago my man's laptop wouldn't connect to the internet when we wanted to watch something so he dug his old lap top and we hooked it up to the tv. A few minutes later I look up on our tv and see the happiest moments of his last relationship (via screen saver) in my living room. After a moment of heart in throat jealousy and insecurity ' does he look that happy now?' we laughed it off.

theshellhammer said...

When I first started dating my darling, I felt like I wanted to know everything about his ex, Becca. For some reason I wanted to be sure I was better suited for him. They broke up because he is a workaholic and, some days, I completely agree with her reasoning. But after 5 years, and meeting her numourous times, I found out she is a lovely girl but they simply did not belong together. Happily, I do belong at his side. Hysterically, one of the waitresses at the Spotted Pig looks identical to her so we may have taken pictures with the waitress to send to Becca (she laughed). The waitress is Ash and we sit in her section every time now, just for kicks.

Kate said...

Oh yes! My boyfriend of 4 years and I chose in the very beginning to be very minimal about the information we shared about our past relationships to avoid the jealousy issue. We had both been in relationships before where sharing everything about our exes caused a lot issues. So I know the names of his exes, how long they dated, and why they broke up but that's about it. It's almost better. I still wonder about a lot of things and it still gets to me sometimes. But not knowing a bunch of details about his past gals is kinda nice. Especially since we live in the same city as some of those girls and I like not knowing if there are any memories attached to places we now go together. For some reason, it feels more romantic by not really acknowledging them.

J.Mill said...

I have mad backwards jealousy!

My husband is amazing about it though. He'll turn my questions around on me and end up saying something so syrupy sweet about me that I feel silly for asking and complimented at the same time!

E. and Baby P. said...

no, not all. since we've been together for 17 years and none of his past relationships can top what we shared and have together. and also i feel so blessed to have married my first and true love, i know he is a lucky man to have met me ;P

happilysmitten said...

haha! good one :)

happilysmitten said...

hehe me too... makes me feel less crazy :)

Casey Elizabeth said...

I happen to be my husband's first! So obviously I don't have a problem with his exes. ;) Lucky me, I know.

kate-girl said...

i get pretty crazy-jealous. there was a while where i wrote a blog about it. it's called "dear new nemesis"...makes most sense when read from the beginning: http://dearnewnemesis.tumblr.com/page/15

so, yes. jealousy, i has it.

17 beats. said...

exactly ! my husband i have been together for 10 years, and i know that none of his other relationships even came CLOSE to the level of intimacy we share. that said, my husband DOES get backwards jealousy ! i find it incredibly attractive when he bristles a bit if mention one of their names.

this book looks awesome, by the way.

sarah said...

One time I was playing this game with a boyfriend and he said to me.."i wouldn't be the man i am today if i had not dated her. just be happy you are dating me today." it sounds so obvious, but it really hit a cord. it made me appreciate her and be less jealous!

melissa kasate said...

I ask questions because I am also so curious and then always hate hearing the answer. Also, was this your vocab challenge? If so, way to use "innocuous"!!

Lil T said...

I am not jealous over my husband's exes (or his female friends)... Possibly because I am still good friends with 2 of my exes (and their wives) and I am confident in those friendships and cherish the platonic love. I don't play the ask/tell game but I also don't expect him to omit his ex-gf's when retelling stories from the past and I don't shy away from hearing those stories when the occasions arise to be told. Our exes are part of our histology and (for good or bad) we are who we are because of those relationships.

Kat said...

I used to have the worst backwards jealousy -- she had a cool car, she was foreign and had a cute accent, she was smart. My sisters had to constantly remind me that there were reasons he wasn't with her anymore, but I knew that she had dumped him.

We've now been together for 10 years -- married, kids, busy jobs. Neither one of us is young, cute or cool anymore. We are nagging parents, who are gaining weight and are too tired to even schedule a babysitter, much less go out. But, we still make each other laugh and support each other, which ends up being the reasons he wasn't with her and was instead with me.

Chelsea said...

I think that most girls suffer from this. I don't know why! We are strange creatures. I know that I have but then I just have to hit my head and remind myself that I'm being silly.

Orangepeel23 said...

I so suffer from backwards jealousy! When I am done thinking about it I always have the thought of that was so silly to spend two minutes worrying about.

La bohème or something like it. said...

Argh! Hello fellow backwards-jealous chicks of the world! I did something absurd this morning: I googled my ex-bf's ex-gf just so I would be annoyed and huffy... Don't ask me why I did it today! I found exactly one photo, and a few work quotations... and I just found myself fuming at the "once upon a time, they were in love" synopsis, even though I had a lovely time with him until our love story had to end. Blah. So dumb.

Meadow said...

This concept of being jealous of an ex is really interesting/odd to me. My boyfriend was with his ex for like 16 years. Very few occasions have made me actually feel jealous. He is with me now so I don't really worry about it. He doesn't really have any female friends so I don't worry about that either, but if he started, I would for sure be a bit iffy on that. I figure there's zero threat from his ex... but if he's friends with a living, breathing woman, then something could potentially happen, right?

Erin said...

Yes and no. With my current boyfriend no, because he's sweet and is really picky, so he hasn't liked a lot of girls (and that makes me feel extra "chosen"). With my college boyfriend, YES! Mostly because he was insensitive and would make comments about her, especially sexually -- and he and I didn't have sex. Obviously why he's now an ex -- ew!

blondescientist said...

It's so comforting reading these posts; you realize that you're not alone on this. I get jealous and curious at times too of my significant other's exes..especially of the one he was together with for 6 years! I always compare myself to them and occasionally (maybe more than occasionally) creep on their Facebook profiles.
I immediately regret asking questions of his past relationships.
Ah, love all for your wonderful comments! I feel soooo much better! :)

katie said...

my husband's first and (and only other!) girlfriend had the same name as me. it bothered me for a while at first when we started dating. now we jokingly refer to her as Katie 1.0, I am obviously the updated, improved, and more hip version :)

Moniblu said...

No, I have never even wondered about his past exes, does that make me weird? We've been together 8 years and married 2, and he tells me all the time he doesn't remember what he was doing with his life before he met me. Maybe that helps a bit. :c)

On the flip side, I was with an ex-bf still when I met him. I was deeply unhappy, and I immediately broke up with my ex when I realized that this guy was what I wanted, and if I couldn't have him, then I had to find someone just like him. It was a turbulent time, and my ex didn't take it well. Madness ensued. When I think back to what he had to go through in that first month of us knowing each other, I wonder why he stayed at all.

So while he knows I have a past, and I know he has too, we both utterly committed ourselves to each other from the the very beginning. That has always been enough for me.

Anastasia said...

I've done the asking and spent way too much time dwelling on answers, despite how diplomatic my boyfriend is about the whole situation. I even tend to compare teeny tiny little aspects - like, how much did he like her dog in comparison to how much he likes my dog! Petty stuff. And unfortunately, she lives about a block and a half away from me. So I have that constant reminder anytime I drive by her house.

Allison said...

Definition of HISTOLOGY (courtesy Mirriam-Webster): a branch of anatomy that deals with the minute structure of animal and plant tissues as discernible with the microscope.

Anastasia said...

I love this. That's such a good point.

kasigrassi said...

I only get backwards jealous about one of my husband's ex-flings, and they weren't even in love! They were just having casual sex, but the fact that she was so whimsical and aloof and didn't demand a relationship infuriates me. Who is she that she's too cool for a relationship with my husband? He's great. Any girl would be lucky... etc. and so-on. Anyway, the only real detail I know about her was that she had a chinchilla with no cage, so I just imagine her as having a disgusting apartment.

Abby said...

My husband suffers from this more than I do. Maybe because I've met all his exes and I see there's no competition!

sumslay said...

Omg, I love this. Yes, I do, primarily in the beginning of relationships. I think it's because I don't want to be "another notch," and let's be honest - men tend to have toooons more history than women do.

I had it out with my current boyfriend about 6 months into our relationship. I feel so silly now (of course being drunk is what made me unleash the fury). It's the only time I've heard him raise his voice, and it was to say, "I don't know what you want me to say.... I can't change my past, sorry!?"

The funny thing is I have exes that I'm still friends with, but I'm not who we're talking about. ;) Besides, i've seen the way they behave sometimes when they find out i'm dating someone new, so I knoooow how shady people can be. Then I think about their current girlfriends thinking that way about me, and it makes me laugh (because while they should be jealous, i deeeeef don't want either of them back).

Girls. We are a funny bunch. Sigh.

sumslay said...

I can't wait to check this out! Hahaha, looove the name.

Sarah said...

Me too! Actually for both of us. I had high school flings, but nothing serious. We started dating freshman year of college, been together for 7 years and married for 8 months. Nice not to have to worry :)

LK said...

I have an amazing boyfriend who is the most genuinely nice person. I however am not. I generally don't like people right away so jealousy can be a big problem for me. His friend group is pretty evenly split between men and women. I could care less about his exes because he never dragged out relationships or stayed with someone he didn't truly care about. However, I get jealous of his female friends because they always say how he is the best and he is always there for them and I get jealous that they had so much more time with him before I came around. And it sounds so crazy because I know I'm the most important person to him and he is just super nice and very much a big brother type but it just makes me jealous that I don't get those extra years that they had. Wow, it's nice to finally say that out loud. Also, I actually do like said female friends which makes the jealousy even weirder.

Hillary said...

The snippets I know of my husband's exes are all of the things that he hated or annoyed him...he knows it makes me feel better.

Jessica Matthews said...

This is us too! Neither of us dated anyone for more than 2 weeks before we met each other... I would probably be crazy jealous of his ex-girldfriends if they existed. Haha.

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Lisa | Happy By said...

Yes, I have been very tempted to ask at the beginning and I wish I never did. Although he doesn't have much of a background, it was very damaging to my emotional and mental health to know even a slight detail. Jealousy is terrible and might hurt you and your partner in a huge way. I am happy to have overcome those insecurities since years ago and I rarely think about stuff like that now. A friendly advice to all new couples and young girls especially. No matter how badly you want to know, you will thank God you didn't ask too much. I mean, of course you can have a general idea about the past of your partner, especially if what you have seems serious and true, but details are harmful and totally not needed for any good. This applies to both of you, don't ask and don't tell unnecessarily details.
Joanna I love your imagination and the idea of Alex doing the same things you do together. It is hurtful indeed.

Hannah said...

I too have fallen into this backwards jealousy trap- back before I was married and in my early 20s. I sometimes wonder about my husband's ex, but then I realize that I could just as easily be the ex that a woman is worrying about... Then it all seems so silly!

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Sparkling Ruby said...

Yes, I get totally jealous. and it's dumb because my boyfriend doesn't even love his ex-wife anymore. I get jealous of the experiences that she got to have with him though, trips to Europe...having kids...it seems idyllic. Um, but, it wasn't... they were both so unhappy and of course it ended-like these things do. and you know what? he is looking into the future now with me. so yea, it's kind of helpful to remember that this jealousy is being jealous of a relationship that we don't want, that ultimately ended. It's like being jealous of someone with a broken arm or jeans that are too tight...we don't want that relationship, we want ours : )

circlecitytwentysix said...

YES! It bothers me to think about his ex because I know they are still in touch. I don't understand why, if she ended it with him, she still wants to talk to him. Her family is the same - they still want to see him and hear how he's doing even though she was the one who ended things.

I try not to let it get to me, but it's hard not to ask questions about her. It's like a part of me wants to hear him say that I'm better than she was. Obviously that must be true to some degree because we are together and they aren't. But it is still something I struggle with.

Mary
circlecitytwentysix.wordpress.com

Lauren Doxey said...

I get so jealous! My boyfriend mentions his ex girlfriends occasionally and I hate it! I get a knot in my stomach when I think about him with exes. Weirdly, when he told me the other day that his ex called him to help her when her car broke down, I really didn't care at all. He talks about his exes without realizing and I absolutely hate it. I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

laurencapri said...

John's ex is the traffic/weather girl on our local NBC news affiliate. She is blond and adorable. Whenever I hear him watching the news I always check to see the channel. If it's NBC a bolt of rage runs through me. It's stupid but I can't help it. She is so freaking cute.

Sarah Scott said...

I think it's also helpful to remember that there's a reason why they broke up. Even if she broke up with him, clearly something about the relationship wasn't working - if he married you, something must be working a lot better this time around! :)

Holly said...

not at all, those chicks are in the past for a reason!!

Hadley said...

I'm about to move in with my boyfriend, it is my first time living with someone, but his second. I am so, so curious about their living together habits -- who cleaned out the fridge, who did the grocery shopping, who picked out their bedding. Z hates this topic of conversation, but I just can't help myself!

lifeofdi.com said...

Oh my gosh! I can definitely relate to this. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and it drives me insane whenever I think about his past girlfriends. I know they are no longer around and I'm the one that 'won' (if you will) but I still get really jealous when I think about the connection he once had with someone else. Bleh!

13bees said...

I think it says a whole lot that folks even remember what you were writing about in 2008. keep on keepin' on, sister. I love you ;)

Talia said...

YES! and, sadly it just happened just last night. My husbands ex lives in the same veeeeerrryyy small town as we do and ugh, every time I have to do something with him that involves his children which involves his ex (of course), I get a sick, icky feeling. Just knowing everyone is playing the comparison game makes me want to stay home. My ex has passed away, so he doesn't get the same experience as I do. Thank goodness. I'd hate to put him through that!

Write to Simplicity said...

I have felt that way before. Also, I couldn't help notice your use of the word innocuous after your vocabulary post. Nice! :)

Melanie Yarbrough said...

Hahaha oh man this strikes a(n embarrassing) chord with me! Funny to see it in a book after experiencing that kind of research on the Internet... :)

art lover said...

Oh yes! When I first met my husband eight years ago he saw nothing wrong with sharing details of his ex girlfriend with me aaaaallll the time. It almost made me breakup with him and definitely got on my nerves to no end. Now that we've been together for so long AND he no longer feels the need to talk about her it really doesn't bother me as much. I feel like it's apart of his passed that is, in the past! He says that it shows I'm insecure but I think there are some details we simply don't need to share :)

Silvia said...

I don't like that I'm jealous, but I am a little bit and especially about exes. Any mention of them definitely gives me jealous twinges and I do sometimes masochistically ask about things they did and then drive myself crazy about it later. Although, I think the worse thing for me is the fact that he was with some of them for far longer than we've been together. We've only been together for a year and change and his most recent ex was with him for about 4 years, maybe a bit longer and so she knew his whole family and some of his family is still very close to her. It makes me feel better though when people tell me that he seems the happiest he's ever been with me. :)

Danielle Todd said...

I would be jealous so I've always made it a point to not ask too many questions about my husbands past loves. As far as I know, he didn't really have many girlfriends before my anyway.

Susie said...

Love this! I feel curious about my husband's past loves, but not really jealous. The curiosity mostly stems from the fact that his past girlfriends were very different to me (athletic tomboys in engineering-type fields - I'm a rockabilly non-athlete in a creative field). Love moves in mysterious ways...

Chloe Moon said...

I do when it comes to the girls he smiles when he talks about them. I know it's in the past but I feel jealous when he mentions this girl Iris who was perfectly beautiful from Sweden and everyone loved her. Grr...

Ergo - Blog

weaser said...

My fiance and I are pretty open book when it comes our exes. The more I know about something the less jealous I tend to be. The less I know about something the more likely I am to make up stuff in my head to be jealous about ;)

Patricia Roberts said...

I'm so glad I am not the only one who has done this!

TH said...

it's weird, i thought i had posted a comment and then it seems to have vanished, along with all the replies.

i had read this article, verbatim, before. http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2008/09/are-you-jealous-of-your-boyfri.html

it's interesting stuff, and obviously still a relevant topic, especially for the majority of your readership who never read your smitten blog posts. but i still wish that you would acknowledge that the first part of the post is pretty much word for word material that you've already published (it's yours, so go ahead and publish it again, but it feels inauthentic that you wouldn't mention it had previously been published).

Luli Belmonte said...

I'm jealous, but just in some things. I used to ask questions to my boyfriend about her ex-girlfriends, but then I started thinking, Girl! You are here now, that's why they're called ex's!!!
I think that if you're not jealous at any point, you don't love truly that person, because that's what love's about!♥

Joanna Goddard said...

TH, it is actually mentioned, thank you!

Vildana Krslak said...

HA! That is weird indeed. I also read your comment earlier so it has been deleted

fleur_delicious said...

Nope. Three days after I met my husband (he was in my town to visit his girlfriend - now the ex!), I had this weird flash of recognition that he was "the one," as they say. I can't really describe it, but from that moment, I knew with absolutely certainty, "Oh. It's you." There's no room for fear or insecurity or jealousy in that kind of certainty. There's only the absolute truth of he and I. We're perfect for each other - and nothing that came before could ever change that.

Ashley said...

It's lucky that Aron and I have been together for so long that ex-girlfriends are almost limited to high school girlfriends--because I think I would definitely suffer from Past Jealousy! That said, his ex-girlfriend from high school sang at our wedding and we're pretty good friends, so maybe I'd do better than I think?? I hope so.

fleur_delicious said...

Nope. Three days after I met my husband (he was in my town to visit his girlfriend - now the ex!), I had this weird flash of recognition that he was "the one," as they say. I can't really describe it, but from that moment, I knew with absolutely certainty, "Oh. It's you." There's no room for fear or insecurity or jealousy in that kind of certainty. There's only the absolute truth of he and I. We're perfect for each other - and nothing that came before could ever change that.

TH said...

i try to be as polite as possible, because everyone has feelings that can get hurt. but it's starting to feel like the pinochet regime around here.

erma!!!! said...

I didn't know there was a term for this type of jealousy!

I'll admit I get a bit jealous of my boyfriend's exes once in a while. Just like you, we like to share interesting or funny tidbits about exes in conversation but sometimes it gets to a point that I'm wishing I didn't bring it up in the first place. There are also a lot of other non-ex tidbits of info about his past that I wish I he didn't tell me either, because then I'm left hoping that the incident doesn't come back and bite him in the ass!

Megan Sweeney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erma B. said...

I didn't know there was a term for this type of jealousy!

I'll admit I get a bit jealous of my boyfriend's exes once in a while. Just like you, we like to share interesting or funny tidbits about exes in conversation but sometimes it gets to a point that I'm wishing I didn't bring it up in the first place. There are also a lot of other non-ex tidbits of info about his past that I wish I he didn't tell me either, because then I'm left hoping that the incident doesn't come back and bite him in the ass!

Anna @ The Things I'm Learning said...

I really don't like knowing anything about my husband's past. He was married before, so I'm wife number 2. Since he has two children (very young) with his ex, I have the pleasure of seeing her very often. It doesn't bother me talking with her (we get along great) because I can't possibly picture the two of them together, but at the same time, it's like she was his before I was and I just don't like it. I get insecure about it sometimes, too. Totally crazy? Yes, but at least I know there are other women who feel the same!

Lynn said...

I am so guilty of this! I get weirdly competitive, like I somehow haven't won, even though I'm with my boyfriend. I need to be the best, better than all of them and the only way to be better is to know more...which is never a good idea. :P

SLOmygosh said...

HAHA! This comment is perfect. I think everyone has a "Celeste" somewhere in their past. The less we know about her, the better.

Sincerely, Me. said...

I also admit that I can be extremely jealous. Not just back wards jealousy of his ex, who's parent live directly behind us, but also of silly things like the app Chive. Ugh. Does this ever pass?

HAS said...

Guilty! I have not asked him questions about his ex, but am insanely curious. I am also jealous...of the unknown. It doesn't help that his mother always mentions the ex in convos with me, talks about how great she is, how family members love her, etc.!!! Hate it. Of course she does this with me only, never in front of anyone else...just to add to the craziness.

SLOmygosh said...

Joanna, I think I read somewhere that your Alex was married before the two of you got married- and knowing that made me feel a certain affinity with you... I'm in the same situation, and as much as he assures me that his first marriage (of less than a year) was "a mistake" when he was "young and stupid", sometimes I can't help but be bothered by the very idea of it. How could he ever love someone else enough to MARRY her? Shouldn't that have been reserved only for me? In this crazy, non-nuclear, world of rampant divorce... I guess this is just one of the things we have to accept. Such an un-romantic concept! It does take a little wind out my sails. I'd be so interested to know your thoughts on this. xo

Shoko said...

as much as i hate to admit it, i've gotten VERY jealous in relationships, over pretty much nothing. it's something i hope will get better as i get older (though it's hard to say, as i haven't been in a relationship in a while!) time will tell... :)

Polly Rowan said...

I am guilty of this. For me, I think it's partly due to the fact that I had never had a boyfriend before, but he's had 2 or 3 girlfriends in the past, and although we're much serious than he was with any of them, I still think about them too much! And I know what you mean - you think you want to know and then you regret ever asking!

Allyn said...

I know some general info about my husband's exes (mostly short relationships), but I'm not really jealous because he never even told any of them that he loved them, and he told me from the beginning of our relationship that he knew I was the one for him. I do however get jealous of some single female coworkers of his, mainly because I know he had a crush on me for years when we were just friends, and he would always say that my other guy friends did too. He swears that it's completely different know, and I trust him, but part of me wants to just yell "it's your fault my mind goes there now!" Haha.

A Place to Bee said...

here, here..! :)

Vanessa said...

I'm so guilty of this but luckily it's faded away as I've grown older and am now settled. When I was younger I was the little red devil of jealousy though! It's dangerous how we women can instigate fights by asking questions about the past, that shouldn't bother us in the present, but somehow do. I totally sympathize with getting pissed off about ex-girlfriends and not knowing if they were "better" or "prettier".

Melissa said...

The worst, the WORST, backwards jealousy is a deceased spouse. I am married to a man who lost his previous wife to cancer. This was obviously terrible. But as we were dating I thought I wanted to know everything about her. Turns out, you DON'T. You have a very hard time letting that information get out of your head, because it rings as if she was a saint (don't we saint all our dead loved ones), that their marriage only ended from death (so you feel like an usurper), and that you are a secondary place holder.

If you are dating a widower, this is what you want to make your mantra: DO NOT learn all about the late spouse, DO NOT allow your partner to talk about them in present tense (my wife, my husband), DO NOT allow them to treat you poorly because this bad thing happened to them, and DO act as though you are both freely single and dating and in love. (If your partner still needs to grieve, then you need to break up. Each person grieves differently, but don't drag a new person into it.)

Because if you treat the late spouse as a present spouse, then what are you? (You are a jealous mistress, that's what.) But that backwards jealousy is deep. You can't get over it until you are BOTH on the right page of living in your current present. And ignore the online articles that tell you your relationship has "three hearts," that's just sick and bad for everyone involved.

It took a lot of talking and honest soul searching to get over these things and we did move to living in OUR present or we wouldn't be married today.

onechicklette.com said...

Guilty. My most significant ex boyfriend ended an engagement not long before he and I met. I was consumed with curiosity about things like what she was like and why it didn't work out. I couldn't understand how he could be serious enough to propose but not marry.

Eventually he got me to meet her (!!). It was after we had been dating on and off for a while and he sprang it on me. I was furious but couldn't get out of it. She was nice to me BUT brought him a present she had been hanging onto for a past birthday.

Shockingly we did keep dating for quite some time after that...

TH said...

you mean, "I added an addendum to the post after commenters mentioned that I had already published it."

I am sure you are going to delete this, so I may as well get this out there: from an objective viewpoint, you have built your "brand" by representing yourself as a girlfriend chatting to other girlfriends, sharing questions or secrets or new favorite tee shirt brands. your brand's currency is authenticity, as you have mentioned yourself. as a reader, i have noticed myself reading you as if you are a "friend," someone whose opinion i trust. your ethos is all about how genuine you seem. lately, however, you are corroding your own brand-name value. while i'm sure other people feel differently, i no longer click on your affiliate links, because i feel you are always trying to make me buy something. i actually no longer trust your suggestions. your brand value has eroded. in large part, that's because of issues like this--where rather than be upfront about your reposting--you don't mention it at all. i begin to think that your brand is not as genuine as it seems, and your value goes down (for me). i no longer trust either the content of the posts nor your commentary on it.

i have long enjoyed reading this blog, and have really been a big fan. i also support you making money off your work, and i support you reusing and updating your many published materials. but increasingly, i feel bummed that your work lacks the authenticity that drew me to it in the first place.

Co. said...

This, exactly. +1,000,000

Well said, TH!

Sarah said...

I was only like that in dating relationships. Once I got married that changed. I have no desire to hear anything about my husbands ex wife. (Who is now deceased.) thankfully he never mentions her. He also doesn't want to hear about my exes. So it works out well!

Lydia DeWolf said...

I guess I'm a weird person...because... I've asked my boyfriend about his exes (there have only been a few) several times. He was my first kiss, but I asked him about his first kiss, and it's never like a negative thing, the "scandalousness" is kind of a turn-on, and he always assures me that I'm, like, way better than those other girls, haha! Another thing that should be really awkward but isn't, is that his other super-serious relationship...well, that girl is now one of my best friends! People always think it must be weird since they can't just hang out, but it's really not! She and I get along super well. I've never been jealous. It's much more of a, "Ha, I have him NOW, I win," kind of feeling... Strange? He doesn't like to hear about MY ex, though, I don't think.

Lydia
lupinelydia.blogspot.com

Chereen said...

Haha! I can so relate to this! Often, my husband will bring up a sexual position or act and I'll be like, "hang on a minute! WHO did you do that with?!" I want to know, but also not, if you know what I mean!

KJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scout and Rice said...

I don't get jealous when I think about my husband's ex's. But I did for previous boyfriends, when I was much younger and stupid. I think I just don't see anyone else as even coming close to the relationship we have now, so it doesn't occur to me to ask questions about anyone else or feel jealous.
I do know that he hates to hear about any of my ex's though and gets a funny tone to his voice when I mention them, so I eventually learned never to bring them up. :)

I find the book really odd... Definitely not my style.

lauren said...

Yes, TH. Yes.

Cathryn said...

I appreciated this comment, TH. This blog has always been one of my favorites, but lately it feels so inauthentic. Extremely frustrating. Also, hate the deleting of the comments. Nothing hateful was being said. If we can't discuss freely, it kind of defeats the purpose of a conversation. Jo, you are losing me fast.

The ambitious librarian said...

Not always.
Buuut...now that you bring it up. My most current boyfriend and his friends TALK about his exes right in front of me. I never know what to do.

angharad said...

This is such a great, thoughtful response to the question. I never thought about how it would feel to be the new partner when a previous spouse had died. Thank you for bringing something so much deeper to a relatively fluffy conversation!

LHM said...

I have been a longtime reader (back from the Smitten days!) and have nearly always loved your posts. However, today (and not for the first time) I watched you post, watched you delete comments from readers (which were not unkind, but pointed out that you were repurposing content), and then watched you add an addendum and pretend it was there all along.

These actions just seem very different from your online persona, and it's disappointing to think perhaps all the "dear readers" are really just an act to cover sales pitches.

As a fellow writer, it's also disappointing to see repurposing content, which could be a non-issue, with appropriate disclaimers, handled this way. It really makes me question the authenticity and genuineness of content on this blog.

Bethany said...

This is going to make us sound like terrible people, but my husband and I always joke around about how all of our exes have gained weight and have become really unattractive since our relationships to them ended, while he and I have both lost weight and feel like we're healthier, happier people. We both feel like we got the better end of the deal, finding each other while those other suckers moved on. I don't think either of us have ever felt jealous in our relationship, which honestly might be the reason our relationship works so well. Lots of trust and celebration of who we are together.

BeeBeeZfa said...

I so do this too, except it is the ex-fiancee that gets me! Good to know I am not alone.

Kasia said...

Joanna! How do you do it? Constantly find such great, interesting and super cool finds from around the web?!! You are truly an internet genius!! Love this, and yes I also tried to get as much as I could out of my now husband. He was my first boyfriend so I had no dirt but was so interested in his! lol He on the other hand, did not enjoy sharing. Probably a good thing!

xoxo,
Kasia
idabsolutelyloveto.com

Shoko said...

also, i really want a copy of this book...

Lizzie Polish said...

My husband is a nerd and doesn't have much of a "past". He had a girlfriend that he dated from senior year of high school until sophomore year of college and then he had a girlfriend he dated from his senior year of college through the second month of his first year of medical school before he dumped her for me. We didn't break up once and got married 8 months after we started dating. That is it. No jealousy because I don't feel like I have anyone to be jealous of. Nobody else made it 3 years and I've got 26 under my belt and we're going strong.

Lizzie Polish said...

Talk about yours!

Emma Steendam said...

I can't really say I've got this problem - my husband and I have been together since I was 16 and he was 17! I was his first kiss, there literally IS nobody before me! I did have a 'serious' boyfriend before him though, as serious as it gets at 16, but he would come to family dinners, was friends with my brother etc. so was pretty involved in my life. I'm not sure how my husband feels about that, or him, sometimes we still see him or his family. Lots of people give us a hard time about being 'highschool sweethearts' and judge us for not 'spreading our wings' during university or after, like we're missing out on something. But we just let the comments strengthen our relationship and say we didn't mean to find the love of our lives so soon, we were just lucky! And because we've been together for-ev-er we've shared so many milestones and special events together. So no, I don't get jealous of prior girlfriends, in a nutshell :)

scgrits said...

I was in a relationship once that turned violent...due to his mental illness. I had to get a restraining order and was told in the office that there was a judge who would likely sign it. When I met my husband (we're currently separated), I discovered he used to date that judge. Just weird.

Lauren said...

Emily Yoffe (Slate.com's Dear Prudence) has a beautiful essay about her husband and his late wife. I thought it was so interesting and so so moving.

Lisa Dreissig said...

Agreed! :)

Lisa Dreissig said...

I rarely comment, but for some reason I feel like I need to today. Keep doing exactly what you're doing because there's a reason why you're such a well loved blog! You continually find interesting and unique content, and are brave to open up to readers with some of your most intimate details of your life. Thank you for always being honest. xoxo

AmandaDemsey said...

I bought this book after starting to dating my current boyfriend very soon after coming out of a long relationship. He was in the same boat, so ex's were (and are) very much a part of our first few months together. We both read this book and it served as a good common ground for talking about our insecurities, jealousies, etc...
I now recommend it to all of my friends as there's surely to be a passage that resonates with everyone.

mindykay said...

umm.. YESSS!!! I totally suffer from "backwards jealousy" here and there! I can get pretty worked up and then I have to remind myself, oh wait I married him- so I win! haha. It's like I'm still competitive about it. I'll say silly things like 'ugh, I wish I went to prom with you- stupid girlfriend' haha. So lame, so funny. And yet I guess it's in some ways good because it shows how much I love him right? ;)

Bea said...

Such a cool book, I love it! I laughed when I read this post because I am exactly the same. My boyfriend has one ex in particular who is still obsessed over him (calling, emailing, writing on his facebook) and it drives me crazy. I know that he loves me and isn't interested in her, it's been a good 5 years since they were together, but the fact that she's still making herself felt in our lives is very irritating. And I can't stop myself asking for the details - I'm a little jealous for sure, but mostly just nosy!
http://thegoogleyear.blogspot.com.au/

Sarah said...

As a longtime reader, I agree wholeheartedly with TH and LHM. So my word for this week's vocabulary challenge: disillusionment.

The first time, it was just disappointing, perhaps excusable; this time, it's alienating. We know you're a working mom and this blog is your income. We read that post last time. I've clicked many a link to help you out. I commented this morning (on the string that got deleted), thought about it all day, and you know what? I'm mad! I admit it. DON'T pull the wool over our eyes. Treat your loyal(/"sweet"/"dear") readers with a little respect.

For what it's worth, you could have simply posted photos of the book without the self-plagiarized text above it. Just a thought.

Hi said...

Not an issue for us...we were both virgins and also had not dated anyonebefore marriage. The no sex before marriage thing, while dismissed by many, actually keeps surprising us with its benefits anf gave more strength to our bond. Scoff all u want modern society, biblical ethics rules

Stephanie Watanabe said...

I wish I could say no, but I'd be lying. I totally suffer from this. It's funny because it's not an outright act of jealousy (at least it doesn't feel like it). For me it's an insane curiousity. Like finding clues to his former life, to who he used to be. It's weird. Oddly fascinating. And totally common apparently. Phew! ;)
Thanks for writing about this!

häjni said...

My boyfriend's Italian, and once I saw a video on his photo camera (I was just innocently watching back his pics when I bumped into it) in which he says his ex: che ce? It means something like what's up, what is it. So every time my boyfriend says me che ce I'm like don't tell me this, I know you used to say it to Monica. He finds it funny (luckily) and says he cannot really avoid saying it since it is a very common, everyday phrase. :)

Elle Ramirez said...

I am so the same way even worse at times. If ever my partner shows me a little jealousy I get really upset and hurt from him not trusting me however I go into that same masochism of asking a dozen questions of past girlfriends and always end up regretting it. Trying to get better but shoot sometimes it's hard. - Elle from http://www.Englishbelle.blogspot.com

häjni said...

Ohh it feels good to read that someone else is just like me. I'm also not a very nice person, and there are a lot of people I cannot stand and my boyfrind is just so great and so nice to everyone. And there are these girls that are not even friends of my boyfriend, but you know, he knows them from somewhere (job, friends of friends etc) and I just HATE when he laughs at their jokes and I could kill those girls when they say something nice about my boyfriend. It is such a weird feeling.

Johanna said...

omg this rings SO true joanna... i am not jealous at all- i totally trust my husband- but i can't STAND thinking about him with previous girlfriends! it has always been difficult to explain to my husband that i am not worried they'll get back together or anything... it's just the thought of them IN THE PAST and living in memories having fun together and doing, well, all the things that you mentioned in your post.... aggghh!

very glad to know this isn't just me!!! thank you for this!

Johanna said...

:-)

Johanna said...

thank you for sharing this. beautiful and powerful and amazing.

Johanna said...

yikes. i have to admit i am feeling similar things to TH and LHM and the others lately :-(

jm said...

This book looks amazing. I guess the only think we have to think in the end is that those prior relationships ended!! Interesting post for sure.

Siew Mai said...

I feel very secure in our relationship and hardly suffer from backwards jealousy at all, although I think my husband does a little with my exes.

His ex before me was crazy from what his parents told me and the ones before her were inconsequential. In the end – and this may sound cocky – he married me and I reckon he's done pretty well for himself! ;)

Puput said...

This is very interesting post. In my case, it is not a backwards jealousy, but me who is always jealous over his female friends. I went crazy when he hang out with his female friends and didn't contact me. I always thought negative. Last Wednesday night, it happened again and I couldn't control my self when he said he wanted to visit his female friend. I was so angry like a monster. He was tired with it and he wanted to break up. Then I felt like I was shut down and couldn't do anything. I don't want to break up but he was serious about it. So now, he left me, he didn't want to talk to me and he didn't reply my message. I feel like my life is over and regret it so much. Wish I could go back to the past and fix it.

So, jealousy will only distroy both of you. You better control your self and trust him. Jealousy is only your fear speaking.

If you have any inspiring quote or story that can help me to survive please send it to my email puputnopitasari@gmail.com


Mm said...

My husband has an ex whom he later had a fling with when she was married to someone else(he was still single). They later broke off their dalliance because she fell pregnant (apparently with her husband's child). They remained friends after. But I always feel very hypersensitive and unhappy when he talks about her/ mentions her.

Sima said...

I don´t have that problem. I am the first one for my boyfriend of six years and he is my first and only one too.

busandstops said...

Bahaha - I love both your comments. Too true....

Moonlight said...

Totally! But then he reminds me that we are together now and all of that does not really matter, and how he wants us to focus on our current relationship with each other, as it's more important than anything in the past. And he's right if you think about it, really! But then again, hormones are real bullies! ;)

0f407840-97cc-11e2-b6f2-000bcdcb5194 said...

The concept that anybody has an ex makes me so sad. You meet someone and have special moments together....and then never see or speak to each other again in life. Sometimes even hate each other or treat each other cruelly. If his exes mean nothing to him now because he is with you...you being prettier, smarter, funnier, better in bed...then if you two were to break up; you would mean nothing compared to his new woman just like all the other exes. It makes me sad. It's a cycle of leaving a trail of people behind you. All those moments meant nothing all along. He calls you 'babe'? He called them all that. He buys you ice cream? That's probably his formula. I mean what's the point?

Not your goddess said...

I don't suffer backwards jealousy but my ex used to big time! He would ask me all sorts of questions, obsess about the answers and get all passively angry. It is one of the reasons I am glad we're not together anymore.

nearandfar said...

Discovered this book through a new blog friend while we were walking through Notting Hill. Great book and an even greater post.

l.c.s. said...

oh my gosh- don't even worry about this. he ended up with you- aka the best- so don't even give it another thought! xo

lauren
www.annacroswell.com

Hannah McCormack said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zoë said...

Absolutely yes. Isn't it bizarre? Like, your SO and his ex broke up for a reason, but the fact that they were ever together just inexplicably sucks.

I'm terrible at curling my hair. Just TERRIBLE. My fiance tells me that he prefers my hair straight and doesn't like curled hair (on anyone, including me) because it looks fake - only naturally curly hair looks okay. The majority of his exes had naturally curly hair. So of course, this bothers me to no end.

I make the same mistake as you and I ask questions about them, and he loves opening up about them and talking about his fond and not-so-fond memories but not in a nostalgic way. I always regret it, but I'm so curious about what he was like before I met him.

Jarlene Skjolingstad said...

I always wondered if I was the only one... but not really because I figured tons of women (and men) suffer from "backwards jealousy." It's refreshing to read this though and KNOW I'm not alone. Plus, like you said, it's not jealousy -- and I trust my boyfriend 1000%, but it's just irritating.

What's even more frustrating in my situation is I've known my boyfriend since we were 15 and we didn't start dating exclusively until recently. So, I've personally met one of his ex's just from mutual friends. grumble grumble. I try not to ask questions because I know I won't like the answers. And on social media, anytime I see pictures of the girl I know, I try to steer clear. But it's an annoying itch you can't help but want to scratch.

Although one of his ex's, the one I know, is absolutely crazy and doing nothing with her life, even after graduating from a prestigious university. I'll admit that I take that tidbit and pack it in my pocket for a random ego boost.

cheers!
Jarlene

The izzle said...

When I am being sensible I think that yes we ended up together so that's good. When I am not being sensible I wonder what their sex life was like. My husband thankfully stays quite close-lipped about it because I might be devastated temporarily if he told me something I didn't want to hear.

elizabolt said...

Thank you for this. I was just having some issues with this type of thought the last few days. and it will drive you crazy.
My boyfriend is currently acting in a play opposite his ex (who broke his heart), so my 'backwards jealousy' isn't so random. He mentioned the publicity poster for the show earlier this week and how they didn't get her eyes the right color "because she has such deep blue eyes - that's the first thing you notice about her" and -ouch- that hit hard. I also have blue eyes, which I don't think he's ever commented on...

bionicgrrrl said...

Well now that I know that there's an official term, I don't feel so bad.

Lady Natalie said...

Hi Laura, I used to do this a bit when my husband and I were engaged. I think, for me, it was part of processing how this relationship is different from one I had in the past. As we were approaching marriage, I would notice things that were similar to or different from my ex, and I think noting them was just part of me affirming, "yes, this is the right one" (even though I had no conscious doubts at all about getting married). I think it can just be part of processing/ letting go of the past. If it's any comfort, this has happened a lot less since our wedding. Maybe your fiance is experiencing something similar. (And congratulations!!)

runningwestrock said...

My boyfriend and I have an agreement: we pretend I am his first girlfriend ever and he was a virgin until we met. So silly but it works to keep my head straight. I just don't want to know anything about his past girlfriends!

Eric and Jill said...

OH good golly! She's pregnant, cut the woman a break. Ever hear of prego brain? That's right, I've been there twice, and I'll vouch for it being even worse the 2nd go around. Because Joanna is so awesome and talented at what she does, she's cultivated a very intelligent readership like you guys who remember these kinds of posts (although I didn't and I've been a loyal reader even since the very beginning when Joanna had probably 30 posts max!)... and YES I read Smitten too. So what if it was a little bit the same?! It's her own content; she wrote it! And she also changed it up a bit w/ the book excerpt. Get off your high horses, people! Joanna still has a loyal reader in me.

Lisa Fuller said...

last weekend my boyfriend went back to his home town for an engagement party and i stayed behind because of work. i dont normally get jealous but i knew his ex girlfriend would be there and that night i had an awful dream that he cheated on me with her and i woke up so upset and all alone. luckily it didnt take long for me to snap out of it and one phone call set my mind at ease.

Shel Lakin said...

I was never one to feel backwards jealousy until recently. My brother-in-law was visiting and had been drinking. He mentioned that he was hanging out with a high school friend whose older sister is an ex. This was a middle/high school ex. I met my husband when I was sixteen and we are still together (almost ten years later). He just sort of threw out there that his ex doesn't like me because she was still in love with him. I was just caught off guard. She is actually married to someone else (and possibly pregnant), but it sort of irks me. I know the adult thing to do is just laugh because it sounds completely ridiculous, but I still get pissed off that maybe there was some truth to it. Not now, but back when.

TH said...

I felt the language I used was respectful and I don't feel you need to say anyone is on a "high horse."

I would disagree with you that the post "was a little bit the same." It was virtually word for word. And as I said, it doesn't bother me that she reuses the content; it bothers me that she passes it off as new content and then only adds the italicized disclaimer after someone mentions that this is recycled content. It feels dishonest, and that's jarring because, like you, I have read and enjoyed these posts for years.

dinaclabaugh said...

I feel exactly the same way Jo. Except I do not ask questions…not that I don't want to occasionally, but I opt for the preventative approach…aware that the outcome is almost always inevitably going to make be feel bummy so no-go. He's got you babe…that is all that matters now and you've got nothing but forward. Beautiful.

I can't wait to read the book. I'm curious about the small town near Lake Superior reference…that is my neck of the woods!:)

xo dina

dinaclabaugh said...

Love that Katie. Hip Katie! Cute.

lin said...

Eric and Jill, I totally agree! I've been a reader for many years and this one thing will definitely not be reason for me to stop reading this blog. It might be prego brain or maybe she just didn't feel like it mattered that it wasn't new content. Like you all have said, she doesn't HAVE to give a disclaimer. Who cares if it's not new content?? So many people have NOT gotten a chance to discuss it and she's also sharing a book with us that relates to the topic. This is her job. If it was my job and someone wrote something that may compromise my reputation/brand/whatever I might want to delete it and just add a freaking addendum too. Not because I want to be sneaky, but because it's wrong and annoying. Holy crap.

Meg said...

What bothers me is not that she repurposed content, but that she deleted comments about it and then added the disclaimer and pretended like it had been there all along. It seems dishonest and unethical. Had Joanna responded to these comments directly, something like, "Thanks for the comment, I forgot to include a disclaimer but will add one now," or "Thanks, I didn't think I needed to include a disclaimer but I will in the future," I would have had no problem. It just bothers me that she's deleting comments but not addressing them head-on. I don't want to be negative -- I love Cup of Jo -- this situation just strikes me as REALLY odd and completely contrary to the open, honest image that Joanna portrays.

hadrianredlion said...

My partner died and now I am dating his best friend, who was a very a close friend to both of us throughout our relationship. So now there is mutual backwards jealousy. He of his best friend/my ex, and my jealousy of the women he dated during my former relationship. I broke the "Don't s#!t where you eat rule," and it is very difficult to move forward when you know so much about each others screwed up past. It can lead to a lot of unfair and overly harsh judgements.

em said...

It's horrible I know, but I think I am a "Celeste"

Cheryl said...

Oh I TOTALLY still get jealous. . . over silly things. Like at a party, if he's talking to other people more than me. . .hahaha. we're still so in love after 12 years, but I still want all of his attention for some reason, ha.

katdiogo said...

I do this all the time with boyfriends. I don't ask questions but they'll eventually come up as what they'll figure is a harmless part of their past and life. Although I have been with some really lame dudes that actually weren't totally over their ex-girlfriends (bad, bad, bad), and seeing pictures of how pretty they are/were makes me insane.

Anyway listen to the song Other People's Tongues by Dan Emery Mystery Band, on this topic.

Sini said...

I can get easily annoyed or jealous so I have avoided to know too much about the past.I know about how many exthere are but never asked questions about them.If my guy Dodd break up with them, that means it didn't work and nothing to me getting jealous of. About female friends,i don't care since we share same friends and all them are my friends too.I have more male friends than female and it's not bad either.

HappinessProject (Maria) said...

I suffer from that definetly! I feel stupid sometimes and mostly insecure. But I try to think that we are married, together, with one little boy and another one in the way...My hubby had a lot of women, many available to kill his lonelyness (and one fiancee to some point) before me. So the backwards jealousy for me is hard thing...*sigh*....

Cortnye said...

I used to struggle with this a lot in my last relationship. But then I thought about it and realized, I've been in previous relationships. I loved my exes deeply. I considered marriage with them. But for one reason or another, the relationships didn't work out, and I can very much picture myself in a future relationship where I love someone deeply. I think its possible to have more than one "big love" in your life, and I don't want to apply a double standard to my significant other.

Nora N said...

Haha definitely suffer from it..but it doesn't help that they have a son together, so she's Always there in the background. I brought it up a lot when I had our first son together, and had to make myself stop bringing up their parenting or etc.

Nosideup said...

I have this theory. My husband is mine forever (in a 21st century kind of way, of course). Now, forever is infinite, hence it has no beginning and no end. Therefore, any relationship before me is "retrospective cheating". Yes, I'm Mediterranean :)

Kelsey Ross said...

This is SO perfect! Mine would read, "Ryan's ex-girlfriend, Lucy, was a painter who moved to New York with her twin sister, after attending RISD" 1. Lucy was supposed to be MY baby name. now it's out the window. At least we had a boy instead. 2. We live in Colorado, and although beautiful, it doesn't quite have the mystique of NYC. and 3. Didn't EVERY girl (or was it just me?) dream of having a twin sister? You're one of the luck ones, Joanna! (and her name's Lucy too, right?!) and 4. I thought RISD was so, so, so cool even before I knew about Ryan's Lucy. Damn backwards jealousy! so Funny. Thanks for sharing this.

wllwproject said...

The answer is no! Because the past is THE PAST! I'm not going to let the past bother me when i have enough worries about the present lol.

I'm Ali said...

Jo this is such a relief. I am guilty of backwards jealousy. It seems like no one talks about it and so when it happens to me I think I'm insane and no one else goes through this so maybe we're unhealthy and not a good match or I'm too insecure. Only with my current boyfriend have I found the strength and willingness to zoom out and see that moving backwards is ridiculous, I have a past too and ultimately we love each other. I have gained so much power over my reckless emotions and its a combo of what we have (our love & a gnarly connection) and my own personal experience with how ugly jealousy can be and just how useless it is. This strength came with the right person too. The funniest thing is when I do get this way I wonder if you and Alex ever have these kind of problems because reading your blog over the years, the life you guys have together I'd love to one day have with my love. So this really is comforting. As always Jo you always find new ways to AMAZE me by reading my mind eventually with one of your posts. Thank you!

keke odin said...

I want to testify of what a great spell caster did for me and my HUSBAND.we have been

married since 2005 without a sign of pregnancy.I went off birth control then and did not

have a period.my gyro gave me progesterone to jump-start a period and it did.,but i did not

have another one.we did another round of progesterone followed by 100mg clomid for 5

months,we followed all doctors instructions but all to no avail.I have been buying ovulation

kits pregnancy test AND i finally got 3 test when i was ovulating! So ever since that we

been trying for years now! Well i was very confused because i keep taking ept test AND they

all keep turning out to be negative! I really want a baby girl while my husband want a baby

boy LOLL! I think maybe we are just trying So hard, What i can tell you is that its been so

many years now and i still yet do not have my period??nobody to help because every body

around us was already at the verge of losing their faith on us.no were to run to until one

faithful day i was reading a magazine and i stumble on a page were i found topic or a head

line {A SPELL CASTER} who can heal someone from HIV AND AIDS,bring back your EX,enlarge your

BREAST,help you win a VISA LOTTERY,make you have money,bring back your ex, save your

relationship,losing your WEIGHT and even get six PACKS AND flatten your BELLY,I gave him a

try and before i could know it DR KEKE ODIN rescued me from my problem by casting a spell

for me and told me to go and make love with my husband,then i did,and after nine months i

delivered a twins A BOY AND A GIRL. just as DR KEKE ODIN said.This spell caster name is DR

KEKE ODIN. so many people have witness his wonderful work..He is nice, contact him on

GREATKEKESPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM OR CALL HIM ON +2348104181322 if you are in any predicament

email him immediately without doubts•
Thanks so very much!

FROM CHRISTY

DRLOVESPELL said...

DR LOVE HELP ME GET MY EX BACK
Thanks God i met Dr Love to be my savior in my relationship Problem I was reading about an article in net stated that Dr love helping people improving marriage life and get there ex back so i request DR LOVE for help me solve my problem because Actually i had break up with my boyfriend it has been 3 month due to someone we had misunderstanding with him but still i tried to contact him but he did not revert and neither responding back. i love him alot and he also our relationship was more than 2 years but all of a sudden why he is reacting like this i could not understand until Dr Love help me bring him back to me between 48hrs and things change better in my life , thanks to Dr Love drlovespellcastersolution@gmail.com , drlovespellcastersolution@yahoo.com +2348038096203
warm regards,
Rebecca from United Kingdom

Janifer modric said...

My name is Janifer modric and I base in USA...“My life is back!!! After 14 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me and our two twins . I felt like my life was about to end i almost commited suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Zula which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across alot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called sonia,she testified about how Dr Zula brought back her Ex lover in less than 7 days and reverse the effect of their little boys cancer, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr. Zula 's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give Dr Zula a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are evenhappier than before. Dr Zula is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try Dr Zula anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact:{odumagadaspiritualtemple@hotmail.com}.or by phone :+2348155983287 Thank you Dr Zula

spell caster said...


I had doubts about magic spells after purchasing many spells that never worked and actually decided to never buy a spell again. I have tried different casters.. Some of them never answered me after I paid and were obvious scammers, some really cast a spell but for some reason it didn't work. Then I saw a video on youtube with a person who was mentioning she had results with DR,Anita. Despite the suspicions I had her site looked real so I gave spells a last try. It's probably the best decision I ever made in my life because it worked and my boyfriend came back with me After I broke up with my ex I spent a lot of time wishing that I could just turn the clock backwards.He helped me do just that. In fact our relationship feels like the break up never even happened. We have never been this happy or passionate, all thanks to mama anita. If you're looking for a good spell caster look no further, MAMA ANITA surpass all other spell-casters,you can contact her straight on (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com) mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com

vodoo spell said...

BE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK,ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE ANITA AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2YEARS WITH MY 7YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL I SAW THIS PHONE NUMBER ONLINE +447012926136 ABOUT MR ODIGIE SPELL IN LONDON AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HIM A CALL.HE ASK ME FOUR THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND £500 AND SAID MY EX WILL COME BACK IN 24HOURS SO I HAVE TO END THE CALL AS I HAVE PAID OVER $7000 ON SPELL CASTING AND COURIER AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME AFTER 3 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR BECAUSE OF ANITA SO I SAID LET ME GIVE HIM A TRY SO I CALLED HIM AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND THE £340 BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS HE TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE ANITA AND WANT HER BACK AT 9PM THAT DAY I SAW ANITA ONLINE ON FACE BOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 9 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFFLINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ONLINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 7.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE CALL AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE BACK AGAIN I CALL MR ODIGIE THE NEXT DAY THANKING HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HIM AND THANK HIM AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT ANITA PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A LOVE SPELL THEN CALL MR ODIGIE NOW +447012926136 OR EMAIL HIM (odigie24hourslovespell@outlook.com)

Sincerely,Jenkins Smith Chicago USA.

Nina said...

I'm more concerned that should we ever break up, my girlfriend is going to say things like "Oh Nina, she was an immature bitch a lot of the times." or "Well she wasn't all that pretty." or worse yet "The sex was really bland"! Haha! But let's hope we can continue keeping things on the right track so these worries will never materialize.

Frank Silver said...

My name is Mr Frank Silver,I live in Mexico,and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children. I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago,to the extent that she even packed her things away from me and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring her back,but all to no avail.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster,and i quote.“There’s someone who can handle your situation,he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting,i will like you to contact him with his email,which is as follows.”Ekpiku spell temple”. I never believed in spell casting,but he convinced me and i had no choice than to follow his advice,because i never dream of loosing my lovely wife.And that’s how i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my wife back a day after.so i never believed,until when i got home,the next day,my wife called me to inform me that she was coming back…..So amazing!! That’s how i got my wife back through spell casting and our relationship was now stronger than how it was before.One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by “Ekpiku spell temple”. So! my advice for you out there is to visit this same website,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back,to have a happy family.THANKS.... HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com : CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL. Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com or view his websit ekpikuspelltemple.simplesite.com

Becky said...

I am Becky by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com, have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr. Okoro. His email: dr.okorospelltemple01@gmail.com

Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348053209149

laura cadikal said...

Hello Everyone My Name is Laura and I base in USA ...?My life is back!!! After 5 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our two kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr.Ogba which i met online.
On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell temple that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell temple. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw,it was about a woman called samara ,she testified about how Dr.Ogba brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop Dr Ogba e-mail address.
After reading all these,I decided to give Dr. Ogba a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me and was pleading forgiveness . We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. Dr.Ogba is really a talented and gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man...
If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell temple to solve that problem for you. Try Dr.Ogba today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here's his contact: Dr.ogbapaullovespellcaster@gmail.com or +23408116144331 Thank you Dr.ogba

Sir Rob Wart said...

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Are you a business man or an artist,Politicians and you want to become big, Powerful and famous in the world, join us to become one of our official member today.you shall be given an ideal chance to visit the Satan and his representative after registrations is completed by you, no sacrifice or human life needed, Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty away from your life now. So contact JOHN YI YI NOW. Via:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com... CONTACT THIS EMAIL ADDRESS NOW:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com

Sir Rob Wart said...


My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to johnyiyi@rocketmail.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com.ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: johnyiyi@rocketmail.com

Sir Rob Wart said...

My Name is Erick Wilson..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos h ave tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: johnyiyi@rocketmail.com...... CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com..

Sir Rob Wart said...

This is John Yi Yi, Am a strong powerful SPELL CASTER who helps people, We are very serious to help those that has been scam and those that seek help in this wonderful world. So today Have you ever think of bringing back your ex or husband back you immediately. Have it ever occur to you that DR JOHN YI YI TEMPLE is the best and powerful spiritualist who can help you bring your relationship back to a standard view, if actually you so much believe on bringing back your husband or lover, please you are advice to get back to the only helper and solution to your needs at my temple mail now with your problem at:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com

I FIX THE FOLLOWING PROBLEMS TO ALL ACCROSS THE GLOBE ON:


1. Gettings your lover or husband back
2. Spiritual bulletproof
3. Training
4. Money spell
5. Long life spell
6. Prosperity spell
7. Protection spell
8. Get a job spell
9. Becoming a manager spell
10. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell
11. Getting your scam money back
12. Child spell
13. Pregnancy spell
14. Freedom spell
15. Love spell
16, vanishing spell
17. Invisible human spell
18. Sucess or pass spell
19. Marriage spell
20. Avenging spell
21. Popularity spell
22. Killing spell
23. Cancer spell
24. Supernatural power spell
25. Madness spell
26. Free house loan spell
27. Production spell of films and movie
28. Hiv/aids spell
29. Tubercolosis spell
30. Loose weight and body spell

contact me of any of these today at: johnyiyi@rocketmail.com..... WE GOT SOLUTION TO ALL PROBLEMS HERE ...

Sir Rob Wart said...

Thanks to John Yi Yi as he is a great spell caster who brought back my lover.....

I want to tell everyone about my meeting with Prophet John Yi Yi who was able to bring back my ex lover within the period of 2days... At these moment i don't have anything to say than to appreciate the good works of Prophet John Yi Yi who you can simply reach at: johnyiyi@rocketmail.com

1. He has got charms/spell to take away bad luck & give good luck in life

2. He fix broken relationships, marriages

3. He treats Beareness

4. He fight evil/ witchcraft/ ghost/bad spell/curses/bad dreams& cleans homes.

5. He bring back lost lover/family

6. He Makes court cases/divorces/bad debts to disappear.

7. He has herbs for losing weight

8. He solve financial and domestic difficulties

9. He has a spell charm to bring back stolen goods.

10. He has got a sale quick potions to boost customers in business.

11. He can make you gain promotions at work place.

12. He can make your admired partner to be yours.

13. He has herbs to make long live with HIV

14. He has something to make you have lot of children.

15. He has a spell/charms that can make you have a good job.

16. He can stop someone to interfere in your love relationship/family

17. He has mixtures of herbs for sexual weakness.

18. He has herbs to enlarge your sexual system to satisfy your partner.

19. He cure madness/stress/addictions/long illnesses.

20. He treat sexual transmitted infections quickly.

21. He has lucky spells/charm to increase your wealthy.

22. He has charms for gambling/lotto/ casinos.

23. He has powerful herbs for curing early ejaculations.

24. he has charms to protect away from car robbers/hijacker/properties attack& Etc


contact me of any of these today at: johnyiyi@rocketmail.com..... WE GOT SOLUTION TO ALL PROBLEMS HERE ...

Sir Rob Wart said...

Hello To The World At Large,
I am Miss Wacks.,From united states of America.I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS JOHN YIYI ORACLE TEMPLE.My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is : johnyiyi@rocketmail.com ,This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok..Thanks
Regards,
Miss Wacks.

Sir Rob Wart said...

My Name is Dan Anelos ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called johnyiyi@rocketmail.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com... CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED JOHN YI YI ... HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS :johnyiyi@rocketmail.com... CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS...

Sir Rob Wart said...

My Name is JACOB WESTLEY..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called johnyiyi@rocketmail.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizingI NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD'S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS;johnyiyi@rocketmail.com ......HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT OUR OPPORTUNITY ... CONTACT THIS GREAT SPELL CASTER VIA EMAIL:johnyiyi@rocketmail.com...

Virgi Guzman said...

Lol! I stumbled on this site because i feel the same way and just have to google about it. (lol) and wow, im not alone. not that im happy about backward jealousy, but im relieved im not abnormal. :)

sandra able said...

I want to thank DR. ekumabor for what he has done for me in my life, After my lover left me without notice i was so frustrated and confused i never knew what to do until i told my friend, After she told me the great deeds of DR.ekumabor on how people talk good about him on radio stations and internet so she gave me the contact. I email dr.ekumaborspellhome@gmail.com and told him how my lover left me for over 3years,He told me just to be happy that i will have him back to my arms that's its only a matter of time,i was like is this real mean while i had fate in DR ekumabor that he would bring back my lover,amazingly to my surprise after 3days i got a call from my husband who has left me for over 3years begging me for forgiveness,Which i did,And now we are together and he love’s me more than anything on this earth. Please you can contact him for help on this email address; dr.ekumaborspellhome@gmail.com

crystal wilson said...


I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another woman. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help.And i saw a testimony of a spell caster who help a girl called michelle and i said let me give it a try so i contact him for help and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting my love back and now i am a happy woman.For what you have done for me,i will not stop to share your goodness to people out there for the good work you are doing.I hope God blesses you as much as you have help me to get my Love back,visit him on oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com is the only answer to your problemS
EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

Jaz Poz said...

I am Ann Marie and words can't express how happy i am now. Read the story below to see why i am happy and try to save yourself or a friend today by reading this to their ears and thank you......
Imagine a man who come to you with love in his eyes for you and then he come kneeling down, proposing marriage to you and then when you both looked at each other eye ball to eyeball, then you see strong bond of love between you both and you agree to be his love and after the marriage you both enjoy yourself as husband and wife with a strong bond of love and then the first fruit of your union as husband and wife come and you both are happy over it because now he is a father and you are a mother but all of a sudden at work, a young sexy girl is brought as secretary to work for your husband and in the course of her service to him at work, she seduces him to herself thereby gaining control over him and when he comes home, he don't eat your food and he disregards you and show no love and time for the kid and then a fateful day comes by and he tells you, he is no longer interested in you that he don't love you and the kid no longer that he is filing a divorce and then he actually do it and later you get to know that he is having an affair with his secretary and they have relocated to another apartment and everytime you think about him because you love him and wish he could come back and then everyday you pray but he isn't showing remorse or coming back and you don't want the kid to know about it, sometimes when the kid want to ask about daddy, you tell him he is away to Canada working that he would come back to visit and then you hear and read of some psychics and spell-casters who could bring him back but you tried the ones you thought could help you but the situation is worst and he isn't coming back, then you think all hope is lost and your kid become more inquisitive about his dad and you're wanting to tell him the truth but then a friend of yours in another county come to visit you and see how depressed you are and tells you and show you prove how he got his boyfriend back through one powerful spell lord and tells you means on how to reach him and you contact the spell lord and then this powerful man tells you what you must do and then you do exactly as he tells you and then he tells you your desire will manifest in 3 days time and surprisingly, according to the prophesy, he calls you that he is so much sorry that i should forgive him and his son also forgive him and that he is coming home and in the cool evening what you longed for that your love come back to you loving you and never again leave you happens and then you all are again reunited with more love and he write a petition against his secretary and she is sacked and then you both are happy, spending time for your son.
So, i am indeed happy today and words can't express my JOY because you just read my story and looking at it from the begining, you would think he won't come back to me that it was an impossible thing but thanks to my friend who talked to me about LORD ESIENDO and a bigger thanks to LORD ESIENDO at HOODOOSPELLCASTS@OUTLOOK.COM for restoring back my love and not just only for me but also for my son and today i am through my article of JOY telling as many that are having problems in their marriage, love life and whatsoever challenges that you might be going through, first thought that should come to your mind is, every problem has an expiry date and second and a must thing that you must do is contact LORD ESIENDO for everybody needs somebody to make it in life.

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