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Monday, January 14, 2013

Motherhood Mondays: When pregnant, would you find out the sex of your baby, or keep it a surprise?

After much debate, I think we're going to...

...wait to find out the sex of the new baby.

When I was pregnant with Toby, everything was hard to wrap our heads around, so we wanted to find out the gender to make it feel more real. And it worked: Once we found out that we were expecting a baby boy, we could easily envision holding him in our arms and reading him stories and dressing him in engineer overalls. Plus, we could choose boyish nursery decor and clothes and toys before he arrived.

But with this second pregnancy, everything already feels very real, and it's easy to imagine holding a wriggly baby in our arms. And how amazing to have that crazy surprise at the end of a long labor, when the doctor or your partner calls out "It's a ____!" It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! Since this will (most likely) be our last baby, I'd love to see what that moment would feel like.

(The only catch is, I might not have the willpower to wait! At our next doctor's appointment in two weeks, she'll be able to see the gender, and I cannot imagine telling her to stay mum.)

What would (or did) you do? If you found out, were you glad you did? If you waited, was that climactic moment amazing? I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts. And take this poll, if you'd like... :)


P.S. Would you have a gender reveal party? Plus, talking to girls and having a boy.

(Top photo when Toby was a mere ten days old)

376 comments:

1 – 200 of 376   Newer›   Newest»
eriKa said...

I would want to know the sex of my baby, but my parents decided not to find out with me and after having 2 boys, I was a nice surprise for them :) I suppose I could see the perks either way.

simone said...

We waited both times and it was AMAZING!!!! Particularly the second time since we already had a girl & I was so hoping for a boy second time round...and he was a boy!! It was so worth not finding out!!

Congratulations to you, hope you are feeling well :)

slip4 said...

We waited to find out with our first (a girl). We did find out with our second because most everything we owned for babies was pink - and it turned out to be a boy. Not that the baby would have cared if he wore pink, but...

laurenfoode.com said...

I think I'd follow your lead: I'm terrified of being pregnant (I'm 27, unmarried but with the man I will marry eventually!), and scared of labor, and nervous about being a great mom... so I think the less surprise the better. At least the first time around. I also dream of that lovely moment when someone yells out "It's a ___!" and we're all crying and it's a surprise.

Kate said...

Currently at 30 weeks and we're waiting to find out. Hard not to know, but I don't really see any reason I need to know. We'll be happy either way! I think it's one of very few true surprises in life!

Spencer and Michelle said...

We found out. Before I was pregnant I said no way... then as soon as I knew I had a little human inside me, all the sudden I couldn't wait. Like you, I found it a way to bond with baby and was able to vision all of those details as well. We plan to have three or more kids. Now we have a girl, if we have a boy next we may have the third be a surprise.

We had a gender revealing family. More for our friends (we live far from our families.) My husband and I found out during the ultrasound, then called our distant relatives and friends. Then I went home and made pink cupcakes with white icing and we had a party that night. It was really fun.

Desiree Fawn said...

I found out with my first babe, my daughter -- who will be four at the end of the month. But next time, I will wait :)

Ellen said...

We waited with the first two - both girls. I'm thinking this time I would like to find out! Partly because planning would be easier and partly because I think I would find it easier to connect with the baby... I found it oddly disconnected not knowing the gender the other two times. My biggest reason for not finding out was that I didn't want the world to know... and that is still the thing that holds me back! Everybody asks about it and I don't like that.

The Cyclists Wife said...

This is interesting. I have a 3 year old step-son and no kids of my own. When it's time for me to have a baby, I always felt like I did not want to find out the sex. But because we have boy everything for my step-son, we now DO want to find out the sex in order to determine if we will need girl stuff. We have decided on a compromise. We will have our doctor put the answer in an envelope and then we will wait until just before it's time to send out shower invitations. We'll have our own private "gender reveal" for ourselves and then reveal it in our shower invites. This way we can (kind of) experience the best of both worlds.

kel.bow said...

I have a girlfriend who has waited to find out the sex of her two children and I love it! It is so much excitement for everyone, not just the parents. Also, with her first, she received all of the necessary and practical gifts at her baby shower instead of clothes and toys.

Who knows what I would choose in the moment, but for now I think I would want to wait.

Scout and Rice said...

I thought it weird when couples would say they wanted 'the surprise' of not knowing the gender. As if having a baby fly out of your lady-bits wasn't enough of a surprise!
We found out early on and like you Jo, I was able to imagine a little girl and give her a face and a name in my mind, and it was a nice way for my husband to feel connected to the baby rather than it being this obscure 'thing' that he didn't have much to do with during the pregnancy.

The second time around I can see waiting to find out the gender. Like you say, it's not a 'surprise' exactly anymore, you know what to expect and the gorgeous face that is waiting for you. I'd still like to know if it were me though. :)

newyorknonsense said...

I'm such a planner that I think I would just have to know. I like to think I like surprises, but in reality I like to be prepared for everything.

Malia said...

I found out for my first, she'll be making her appearance in April. I think I'm with you though, I wouldn't mind not knowing the second time around. You're also less likely to have a shower so people won't be begging to know.

Moonlight said...

I could ever answer to such a question without having been through having a first pregnancy, but I think that if you can be organized after giving birth, then go for it. I imagine it will be very intense on the moment you find out.
By the way, I believe you can ask the doctor not to tell you and just renew this decision before every appointment. It will be over before you know it! :)

Scout and Rice said...

Love the idea of revealing the gender just before a baby shower!

Sara said...

We found out, and we'll totally do it again - but we kept our baby name a secret from everyone (except for our dog) until he arrived! We chose his name months in advance, but it was a fun secret to keep between the two of us :)

Kerri Lynne said...

I found out and I'm so glad I did. I love being able to picture him, imagine him, buy gender-specific clothes and toys for him, decorate his nursery, proudly tell people it's a boy and to just KNOW that it's him kicking and swishing in my belly.

I feel like since I had a positive experience and loved knowing that we're expecting a boy this time around that I'd love to find out for any subsequent babies. But maybe next time I'd have the self-control to at least have a gender reveal party! Last time, we were so excited we practically begged the ultrasound tech to spill the beans... :)

Emma said...

My mom did not want to find out for any of her four babies. But when she was having baby #4 in Germany, the doctor accidentally told her. Somehow, she managed to keep it a secret from my dad for all that time. Such willpower!

Julie H said...

There are so few good surprises in adult life. I think waiting to find out the sex of your baby is the last big, wonderful opportunity for a surprise.

mundart said...

Oh, I like "The Cyclists Wife"`s idea!!!

Miss Em said...

I'm due in July with my first and cannot wait to find out next month what the sex is!

Also, my girlfriend is just 7 weeks ahead of me and, on the topic of gender reveals, she found out and made cupcakes which she handed over to family and friends until everyone knew. I couldn't even wait to bite into the cupcake - I just tore it open - she's having a girl!

I'm chronicling my journey at accordingtoboyle.com

Alaina said...

With our first baby my husband was adamant about not finding out the gender, I thought it was going to be complete torture for 40 weeks, but it was sooo much fun to wonder. We had it in our birth plan to let my husband announce the sex, so even though I was holding our freshly born baby - I still didn't know the sex until my husband told me, "It's a girl!" I will cherish that moment forever.

With our second (just born in December), we found out that it was a he and that fun as well. We had fun being able to plan and get our small house ready for two children and to talk to our toddler about her brother coming.

Both ways were amazing in their own ways, but IF we go for THREE...(scary) I think I would wait until the birth to know the gender.

Danhiskka said...

Oh, Johanna, congratulations! Quick question, where is going to sleep the new little one? He/She will share the room with Toby?
My sister is due the last week of july and she is quite worried about her 4yo seeing is space occupied.
Congrats again!

athomewithbethany said...

My parents waited to find out with all of their children. But I think I will have to find out when I have kids. I'm just too curious! It would be so hard to NOT know when I COULD know. But the biggest reason why I would want to find out my baby's gender? So I could decorate him/her a kick-ass nursery. :)

However, I would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS tell people my choice for the baby's name before it was born. If you find out the gender beforehand, you need to have something to announce!

Frankie said...

We're due beginning of June with our first and are not finding out the gender. I hate surprises, but for some reason I don't want to know... Can't wait for that big day when the kid is here and we find out just who has been in there this whole time.

cora87rs said...

oh, joanna, so if it's a boy won't you try it again looking for a baby girl? :)

kate reymann said...

I always figured it was a surprise no matter if you found out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks. We found out with our son but like others kept the name a secret until he was born.

lori jo rebeles said...

We waited all three times. And it was such a wonderful surprise each time. My husband and I both never had the desire to find out. It wasn't even a question for us. I loved not knowing. And if we are lucky enough to have yet another.. we would let it be a surprise too.

EJW said...

We haven't ever found out (intentionally - they accidentally gave us a pretty solid guess with #2) and I love the surprise and the drama of the announcement. While every baby is exciting, lately I have known the gender, name, and birthday (planned sections) of several friends' babies, and it's not quite the same.

I'm 20w with #3 now and just had my "big" U/S last week. It's so tempting when you're in that room! I have two boys and I know my family would be over the moon for a little girl, but we don't care. I found it gave me that extra tiny bit of motivation for pushing when it came right down to the end - to finally know and meet this person. Maybe it's that my two boys are so incredibly different, I'm not making any predictions about personality based on gender, too.

Chloe Moon said...

The first baby I want to know but the 2nd and maybe 3rd in my life I don't want to know!! =) I want to have a gender reveal party for the first baby!! =) I saw a gender reveal cake one time and it was so awesome!! =)

Ergo - Blog

alex said...

When I have kids, I would like to wait to find out. Partly because it would be exciting, but also to maintain some privacy and to keep people from giving us baby things in either all pink or all blue.

monica said...

We waited to find out with our first (and only, right now!) baby. Not knowing for 9 months was SO fun ... my husband and I talked about it every day, trying to guess what was inside!

I think you'll love these months of wondering and guessing ... it really is one of life's most joyous surprises!

Lisamarie said...

We are going to keep it a surprise!! (Whenever that time comes for us.) Thankfully my husband and I are both on the same page about this. I think there are virtually no surprises left for me. I'm generally too nosy to be surprised. But I can think of nothing more exciting than waiting waiting nine months to have out if you are having a little boy or a little girl. The benefits of paiting the room pink or blue before the birth does not out weigh the fun anticipation in my opinion!

Jennifer said...

I just heard of someone having a reveal party where they gave a painter (of walls) the gender of the baby and then everyone found out at the same time the gender of the baby when they opened the doors to the nursery (photographer on hand to capture reaction). Dramatic but neat sounding! I think waiting would be fun, though.

Belle on Heels said...

I go back and forth. Part of me thinks there are so few surprises left in this age of insta-knowledge via smartphones and Google. It would be nice to have a little old-fashioned surprise. And I honestly do not care whether I have boys or girls. I just want healthy babies.

But I am also a MAJOR Type-A perfectionist planner and the thought of not being able to prepare for one or the other terrifies me. I don't see myself as having a very gender-specific nursery, but if it's a girl, I will want to start buying dresses from the get-go!

Wendy Coykendall said...

We waited to find out the gender of our baby. It was wonderful. I was actually quite surprised how many people seemed to be upset or opinionated about our decision to wait -- since, you know, it was our decision.

That moment of "It's a girl!" was wonderful. I was exhausted from labor, and once she arrived and was on my chest, all I could think was "BABY!!" and didn't even think to ask what the gender was. I actually had to ask my husband several times what he said before it registered that he was telling me our baby was a girl. And then everything seemed so obvious -- of COURSE we had a girl. I wouldn't trade that experience and sense of wonder for anything.

Eleanor Rae said...

I obviously haven't has a baby yet, but I really think I'd find out! I think it would like to know 'who' I was carrying around everyday, and to be able give them a name...who know though, I might change my mind when it comes to it! I don't think I'd be one for a genes reveal party though, and I might not even tell anyone else! xxx

Joanna Goddard said...

EJW, that's awesome to hear that it gives you an extra bit of motivation when pushing, right when you really need it! :)

Joanna Goddard said...

cora87rs, it would be fun to have a girl, but i'd love to have two boys, too. and i think we're just having two children, since that seems like the max we can handle in NYC, haha! :)

Alyssa said...

We waited to find out. I was really glad we did while I was pregnant and loved being able to fantasize about a boy or a girl right 'till the last minute. Like you, I was so excited for the moment our baby was born and we would find out the sex. But after a long labour with a twist ending it was very anticlimactic, and we never really got our moment to celebrate 'its a boy!' Next time we will find our in advance.

Joanna Goddard said...

the cyclists wife, i love the idea of having your own private gender reveal. our friends had the doctor write the sex on a slip of paper in an envelope, and they opened it late at night in a field while on vacation...it sounded so romantic.

shawna said...

I couldn't wait to find out the sex. We actually had our scan this morning and found out we are having a BOY!

jess said...

wonderful news, congratulations to you 3!
we waited to find out & it really just added to the magic of the moment... if you stop to think about it, it truly is one of the only surprises you get as a grown up! we had asked our midwives that they let my husband announce the sex, but i caught a glimpse as we were lifting our little one up onto my chest and exclaimed to the baby {and everyone else}, "oh! you're a little boy!".

Joanna Goddard said...

Jennifer, that is the COOLEST story!

ELLEN WOONT said...

We're waiting! I'm pregnant 23 weeks now and three weeks ago we've answered "no" when the doctor asked if we wanted to know the gender. So we've had our chance ;)

Alli said...

We found out the gender with my first child, a boy. I didn't like having to use the pronoun "it" when talking about my baby. It was so much nicer being able to say "he."

On a related topic, Joanna, I would love to read a post by you about when you and Alex decided it was the right time to start trying for baby #2. I think you'd have some wonderful, insightful things to say about making the decision.

Carrie said...

I admire your interest in trying to wait. I don't know if I could do it! Definitely not for a first but for a second maybe. It'd be the biggest surprise of your life that's for sure. I can't imagine I'd have the willpower.

bisbee said...

I didn't know with either of my children - it wasn't an option then. In fact, I only had one sonogram with my second - to determine if I was having twins (I wasn't - someone measured differently). Today...I don't know. My son and his wife found out with both of their children and told us - which was a wonderful thing, since I found out I was having a granddaughter (I have 2 boys) and then a grandson.

I just find it very strange when couples now name their children ahead of time and let everyone know the name - no problem with revealing the sex, but it's just strange the way they introduce the child in utero by name...but maybe that's just me...

bendancin said...

I waited, I always wanted to wait. Our moms had to why shouldn't we.

conceptionquestions said...

We had the tech write it down and put it in a sealed envelope. I tried to wait, but I was feeling some serious prenatal anxiety. Finding out the sex (boy!) made it real, just like you described. We kept the sex and the name a secret until after the baby shower. I couldn't even keep that secret until after the delivery!

Rachel said...

I think you should wait! How exciting it will be when you find out. If you, in your heart of hearts, want a girl or boy it might be fun to wait also. There is no way you will feel any fleeting disappointment in the labor room. That being said, it is going to be hard for me as a reader to wait- so I can't imagine how you will feel! Congratulations :)

Eleanor Rae said...

Haha, I just read this and it is SO me too, I think i like surprises, but really I just need to know everything! xxx

Heather said...

We did not find out the sex of our baby and it was AMAZING to hear my husband yell out "BOY!" in the delivery room. It is a moment a remember so vividly and one I will cherish forever.

Manda said...

Totally find out.
I'm not the type who can wait 9 Months to know. :)

Love,
Manda at Eat Cake

leya said...

We waited with both our children and it was the best thing ever. That moment when you find out is unlike anything else. So amazing to hear my husband say, "it's a boy!" both times. This may sound silly, but I also loved just connecting with our baby as just that, a little growing baby. And getting lots of bright, gender-neutral clothes isn't near as hard as some people make it out to be. I love it that both my boys wear A LOT of purple, orange, red, and green.

Alicia Marie said...

We found out with both my boys. I am always curious what parents do who do NOT know. How do you get prepared?! Do you buy both sets of gender clothes and blankets and than return? Mad dash to the store after birth? The lack of preparation for me was a big selling point in finding out. With my first, it DID make it seem more real. ( I was unsure of having a boy, they seemed so foreign to me at the time) The second time, we were able to really talk with our son about his new brother that would be coming. "Your brother, Colin, is in mommy's belly. He will be coming out to meet you soon..." stuff like that.
After a miscarriage, we are pregnant again and not sure about finding out. If we find out, it would be more to prepare the boys for their new sibling.

courtney said...

I think it would be so fun to wait if you don't have a preference for the baby's gender either way. But really--it's still a surprise regardless of when you find out!

Nicolette said...

I wanted to find out for the same reason. I am a (semi)young single parents so when people would say "Don't you want to be surprised?!" I would think, I've got enough surprises coming my way!

I hadn't thought about the next baby to come along but it's true that there will be less surprise so why not wait?! I don't know!

Kid-Friendly Clayton said...

I loved not knowing our now two-year old was a HE! It made an already joyous time in the delivery room even more special.

Laurel Hammond said...

I do too! I think I will do the same!

Natasha said...

I waited to find out with my 3rd and if I have a 4th I will definitely wait again!

Anna said...

My husband hates surprises. We have our ultrasound in a week (it's our first baby) so we will find out the gender then. If it were up to me, I think we might wait but even if we have another I think he will insist that we find out. We still have to finalize the name and decide if our child will have both our last names (hyphenated) or not, so I am sure we will compromise on that.

megan said...

What struck me was a friend telling me how much it drove her crazy that the TECHNICIAN (and everyone else in her doctor's office, for that matter) knew the sex of her baby and she didn't! So, she opted to find out before the baby was born (she has three boys!). Also, you are going to be surprised and delighted whenever you find out - it's not going to be any LESS surprising if you do it at the birth versus than at a check-up. HOWEVER, I think if we were to have another one, we'd wait! Why? Because we didn't last time - and it gives it a different and fun spin NOT to know this time around. On the other hand, it's so much easier to plan if you already know! Ha ha! No help here! Congratulations though you guys! Exciting!

Michelle Staley said...

With my first child this was not even an option. When we got pregnant with our youngest we decided we did not want to know the sex, We had names picked out for both a boy and girl and the nursery was done in generic colors anyway, I don't like pink or blue. Finding out the sex at the moment of birth is the last leg of the pregnancy journey. Why would you want to spoil that?

lyndsay said...

awwww! i found out with my little baby boy but i feel like with a future baby maybe i would wait... just imagining that feeling of being told after you've delivered... goosebumps for sure!

congratulations on your second, by the way!! very exciting!

andrea said...

i had twins... never wanted to find our the sex of the babies. 37 and a half weeks wanting to know, but i was so happy to have a double surprise... TWO BOYS!

Cris Corbalan said...

We decided to wait with our first child and it was a complete surprise (I was so sure I was having a boy and it turned out to be a girl). With our second baby we found out the gender, we did this mostly for the sake of our little girl. We thought it would be much better for her to know what was coming and instead of just saying the baby, she knew that inside her mummy's tummy there was a little girl called Carlotta waiting to meet her. It worked brilliantly and actually I really enjoyed getting to know my baby even before she came out! It was a very different experience. C x

Erin Marie said...

We found out with our first two, a girl and then a boy. If we have another one I will definitely have it be a surprise!

Ashley Lucas said...

We are family planning now. We have 1 son who is 20 months old and we found out with him for the same reasons as you all. But I think this time around when it happens I want to be surprised. I think it would be neat to experience that surprise the 2nd time around Since we have most everything we need already for baby number 2.

Janna Maria Vallee said...

I'm due with my first in 8 weeks, and we have decided to keep it a surprise :) Some days I kind of regret it, but most of the time I know it will make the labor that much more magical.

Libby said...

I'm due with our first baby in 3 weeks and we've not found out his/her sex. Several friends convinced us it was the only way to go and that the surprise was out of this world. It's been hard at times not to plan for either a boy or a girl (especially when it comes to names), but now I can't wait for the surprise. I think it will be such a great motivator for getting through labor (aside from finally getting to meet our little one!).

Besides, hearing all of your friends and family, who are certain of the baby's sex, flip flop at least 2-3 times trying to figure it out is too funny!

I also like the fact that we haven't already imposed gender specific stereotypes on the baby before he/she is even born. Shopping for your surprise baby really opens up your eyes to how early those stereotypes and gender roles are instilled.

bsinthemidwest.com said...

I was absolutely convinced I'd want to find out -- until I got to be about 18 weeks, when I changed my mind! We COULD find out at the end of the week when we have our ultrasound, but I got to thinking about the silly/sweet name we call our baby (Jam-Jam Jellyroll) and I felt like knowing the sex would end the Jam-Jam phase and I'd start to think of the baby with his/her name attached. From what my new mama friends tell me, all of the milestones fly by, so I've decided to wait and savor this time instead of giving into my typical impatience.

P.S. I was SO EXCITED to hear your baby news! I've been re-reading your pregnancy and early motherhood posts from Toby and they've been ever so helpful.

Nancy Cavillones said...

With our first, we found out the gender. With our second, we decided to wait until she was born. It was a lot of fun, and gave me something else to look forward to after all that pushing! For our third, we will also wait to find out the gender. It's very easy to skip over that part at the anatomy scan! Most technicians are really good at keeping a poker face if you tell them you don't want to know.

crazy like a fox said...

There aren't many genuinely good surprises anymore - I like the idea of finding out once you give birth. My mom didn't find out for any of us, and I remember that made it even more exciting when I found out I had a new little brother!

Gretchen said...

Hi Joanna! Like you and Alex, we found out with my first pregnancy that we were having a girl. I'm expecting now and due in March, and decided to not find out this time. Honestly, once we got past the 20 week ultrasound and told the technician that we didn't want to know, I have found it to be quite easy not knowing. The only problem now is we're having hard time find names we both like, and this time we have to find both boy and girl names!

Meadow said...

I am absolutely terrified of giving birth, so I think that if there's that surprise element, it might make it a bit easier. Now I am not the most patient person so we'll see if I can wait 9 months.

kristin said...

With our first, the u/s was close to Christmas so we had them write it down in a sealed envelope for us to open Christmas morning. What a fun Christmas present it was to find out we were having a little girl! With our second, we found out at the ultrasound and I ended up surprising myself with my reaction - cried tears of joy! I had been scared of having a boy since I had all sisters, but when I found out #2 was a boy, I was so excited! I just needed to know he was a "he," somehow. As for the "only true surprise," it's still a surprise when you find out at 20 weeks! I just love not calling my baby "it" and being able to learn something about them before I officially meet them; definitely helps me visualize them and starts the bonding experience early. And their looks and personality are still a huge surprise! It's all good, though, and totally your call. :)

Erin said...

we found out with our first 3, but the next one, which will definitely be our last, I want to create a 'much ado' experience about it. In addition to not finding out the sex, I want the cute too expensive maternity jeans, the $50 baby booties that they wear for like 5 seconds before they grow out of them, I want the massages and pedicures and all that because I love being pregnant so I want to go out with a bang!

Anna with Altitude said...

First, CONGRATS! I read every day and I'm so very happy for you. Second, we didn't find out with our first (and probably won't with the next one either) either. It was super hard at the 20 week ultrasound but once we got past that it was easy. Stay strong, it's so worth it!

chambanachik said...

We're in about the very same situation (second and probably last baby, and just about exactly as far along as you!), and we are not finding out this time. I'm looking forward to the surprise and stocking up on green and yellow onesies. :)

Libby said...

Love the idea of a private gender reveal. I have friends that had their doc put the U/S image revealing baby's sex in an envelope. They stuck it on their fridge so that they could find out if they just couldn't wait any longer. And... they waited until the birth to be surprised. Imagine the willpower!

LWF said...

I'm 19 weeks, and we just found out that we're having a boy! During the big appointment, we had the gender written down and sealed an envelope. We went to Craft, one of our favorite NYC restaurants to open it. The waitress caught on and was so excited that we had chosen the restaurant for the big reveal (and brought us extra dessert to celebrate!)

Hlazare said...

My husband and I were on the fence about finding out the gender of our little one (I'm 25 weeks) but we decided to turn it into a present. We had the woman who did our sonogram at 18 weeks write down the gender in a card and seal the envelope with tape so there was no peeking! We made it the last Christmas present we opened, and found out we are having a little boy! It was so fun to get to FaceTime with our family after and tell them the news and show them the card.

Dani said...

I want to wait and not find out until birth when I have another baby (like you, I have one boy and we found out with him), but it will be hard to discipline ourselves into that decision, knowing that we CAN know. Ya know? Just like you can't resist googling an ex, because you can. Another way that technology is both a blessing and a curse :)

Katie said...

Hi Joanna! Congratulations to you and Alex!! I'm actually expecting my first baby in less than three weeks and we didn't find out. I am SO GLAD that we waited. It was hard at that ultrasound to not have them tell me, but now I'm getting super excited to find out whether our baby is a boy or a girl. I think it will be such an amazing moment and something to focus on when I'm going through labor. Also, I had lots of fun planning a nursery with lots of bright bold colors that could be for either sex rather than going with neutrals or pink or blue.

I also owe you a big thank you for your blog post about your baby registry!! It's really overwhelming when you start researching baby products and that post gave us such a great starting point!

paper friday said...

I waited for both of mine (but oh my goodness it was tempting!) and that moment when you hear really is amazing. We would obviously have been elated either way, but it really was a 'wow' moment. It was also a lot of fun guessing during the scans!

Christy said...

I am 31 weeks along with my first baby and we decided to wait to find out the sex. This will likely be our only child. It's so exciting!

We've received tons of comments like "I could never do that." or "How will you plan?" Well, we can't really change what's been determined and all that babies really need are a warm place to sleep, love and comfort, and food. They really don't care about pink walls or blue onesies. (That's our take on it anyway.) The nursery is bright with lots of colors and patterns. I think it's actually been more fun to decorate this way.

It was tough at our 18 week u/s to not peek--especially when the technician told us that she could tell.

I totally agree with other posters re: gender specific stereotypes and roles.

Il Fornaio said...

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and we decided not to find out. My sister in law had a baby a few months before me and she knew the sex, and had already told everyone the name so there was very little surprise when she had her baby. I love the idea of my husband getting to call our families with the news, the speculation of everyone around me guessing what I'm having, and I can't wait for that moment in the delivery room when I finally find out.

Plus there are enough bad surprises when you're an adult, how great is it to have a happy surprise for people?

ps, my doctor told me 80% of parents in her practice find out. Seems so high!

sarah said...

it's a surprise no matter when you find out... we found out with our second because i am an organizing freak and i had to know if i could give away our first baby's clothes... the day after we found out we were having a girl i called a friend who was having a boy and told her to come and get the mother load! she was happy, i was happy!

Christie said...

I waited! It was the best decision, and I plan to do it again. It was the most magical moment of my life when the doctor held up my son (without telling me his gender). My first words were "oh, it's a boy!." I am a person who loves surprises, though, so it wasn't hard for me to wait to find out.

Amy Lauree said...

Fun! Either way the gender is a surprise no matter when you find out :)
We found out for our first (a girl) and then at the ultrasound for our second baby, it was rolled up too tight to see. I was disappointed, but then okay with not knowing since I had no control over it. But then I had to go back for a second (something minor was missed) and we were able to find out we were having another girl and we were ecstatic! I knew I wouldn't have to go buy new clothes since we had it all and I designed her room and made her a quilt.

Aya said...

I'd like to wait because it's one of nature's best surprises. I think it would be fun to find out after the birth. Plus, I don't want everyone to know and then start giving me heaps of gender-specific gifts.

Bethany Banakos said...

I haven't had kids yet, but I was a labor and delivery nurse for a while and the few births where the sex was a surprise were truly magical. I think I will wait to find out, there is something that just feels natural about it to me.
However, I was present at a birth where I think the mother was really disappointed by her surprise (in other words, she didn't get what she wanted). If this is you and you are dying to have a girl or a boy, maybe it is better to find out and give yourself a few months to get used to the idea so you can be ready on the day.

EmmaMalloy said...

I think my husband and I would want to find out before hand, but then if possible just not tell anyone else so that it's still a surprise for all of our family and friends. And definitely won't be giving out any names until the baby is born!

Shannon said...

Well I think it's a surprise no matter when you find out. We found out at 20 weeks but kept the name a secret so that there was still something exciting for our family and friends to find out the day of.

After my son't delivery I for sure won't wait to find out the gender, reason being that I had to be knocked out during the Csection, so I was asleep when he was born and during those first few minutes and I would have been even more upset about missing the birth had I been asleep when they announced the gender and my husband finding out minutes before I did. Granted that scenario doesn't happen often but I don't want to risk that happening should I have another one day.

Shelley Senai said...

For a long time we were set on not finding out when we got pregnant. But then we went through infertility, IUI, IVF, a difficult early pregnancy, and finally a diagnosis of a birth defect for our baby. All that somehow changed out minds and we found ourselves needing to find out to make it about more than just the defect. We needed it to be a real baby, our baby. Since it was our first, finding out the gender really helped with this. Has also made planning so much easier! And as I have been completely agonizing over names, made it so I only had to agonize over one set instead of two. I'd hate to fall in love with a name and then have to shelve it for an undetermined amount of time.

Lomagirl said...

With all three of our babies, we waited, and it was wonderful. I also only had one ultrasound, and very early on, for my first 2. We chose not to have any more ultrasounds since they weren't necessary. With my second baby, the midwife asked my husband and I "Do you want to know what the baby is?" We kind of shrugged, not really caring at that point, and just glad he was out!
The other fun thing is that afterwards you may realize that you as the mom kind of knew all along or that your dreams told you. For my first, I only had girls names picked out, and that's what we had. I really couldn't think of a boy's name.

d-gmail said...

I am due in early June (first kid), and we're not going to find out. I wasn't too adamant either way, but my husband was. Personally, I definitely want to avoid the pink- or blue-ification that seems to be the norm these days, though from what I have heard from other friends that have waited, it just means everyone buys green, because for some reason blue and red aren't gender neutral enough! I don't have too much of a problem imagining the baby (but I expect it to be a little less real to me than to someone who's already had a baby) and I don't really see how the sex plays a big part in the early days anyway. I think "reveal" parties are sorta weird, but I've also heard stories of people who were expecting one sex (as told by their doctor) and ended up with the other. So even if we found out, I would still wait to "see it to believe it"!

Me said...

Here in India, it is illegal to have sex determination tests... so due to legal reasons, the gender of the baby ends up being a secret till the very end... Legality aside, I would probably die out of curiosity but I guess I would love for the baby's gender to be a surprise...

Betsy West said...

I totally have to find out- no willpower here! I won't do a gender reveal party, but I will have the ultrasound tech write down whether it's a boy or girl so I can find out with my husband. He's away with the army, and it's a small way to include him in the process since he can't be here.

jenni said...

Waiting crossed my mind both times I was pregnant but, to be honest, I absolutely loved knowing. I never had a moment of guilt about it. My labors were quick and easy and exciting and kind of (am I a weirdo for thinking this?) fun enough as it was. :)

sip-n-wear said...

with my first, i thought i didn't want to find out the sex, but then changed my mind and found out... glad i did! with the second, i totally wanted to find out asap! i think i'm too much of a planner to not find out!

Julia Tuer said...

I find it funny when couples say don't want to find out because they want it to be a surprise.

If you choose to find out the sex of your baby, it's still a surprise at the moment you're told whether it's a boy or a girl. And there are so many options for how you can have that information revealed to you: in the doctor's office, give the envelope to your mother and have her tell you, give the envelope to a baker and have them bake a pink or blue cake....the options are endless.

On the subject of "Gender Reveal Parties" I LOVE this idea and will be doing it myself when the day comes. But can we please stop calling them GENDER Reveal Parties? You are finding out the SEX of your baby. The way you treat them, colours you assign them, roles you expect of them shape their gender - not their anatomy. Sex is science, gender is a social construct. I'm not all "don't put your baby girl in pink" about this, I just think that we need to be more thoughtful in our language.

Congratulations on the news! I look forward to following you and Alex on your journey!


Cassandra said...

We waited to find out with our first, found out with our 2nd and third, and are back to waiting to find out with our 4th. In each pregnancy there were specific reasons why we chose to wait or find out.

Rachel said...

there are some bakeries who will bake a cake (either pink or blue) for you to cut into in order to reveal the sex of your baby if you give them the envelope from the doctor!

http://hudsoncakery.com/2012/08/gender-reveal-cake/

Lisa said...

I am typically a planner and a control freak. For some reason, I decided to wait. I was convinced I was having a boy. Like 100% convinced. The moment when my husband announces the baby is a girl on the video of her birth is one of the incredible moments of my life. I'm happy to share it with you, Joanna.

sian said...

waited. both times. it was lovely. first time was a water birth at home and i was the first to know the sex as when i caught hold of him in the water i could feel the little boy bits! second time i gave birth 5 weeks early and into my trousers in a hospital corridor and so had to shout the question at the back of a nurse who was carrying baby off to check him over (he was fine). both times everyone said i was expecting a boy and both times they were correct! x

Kim said...

I'm currently pregnant with our first and we're planning to find out at our 18 wk appointment, but we've already discussed not finding out with our second. I agree: for the first one, you want to know everything, for the second (and likely last for us as well), I think it'll be fun to have the surprise!

Tiffany said...

My friends waited on their first child and it was so fun even as a friend. Brain storming both boy and girl names until the last minute. Once she went into labor anxiously anticipating what it was going to be. It was hard buying gifts for them though.

Sian said...

I don't know whether I could resist, but I'd quite like to wait, if only to stem the pink overload you usually get for girls - there's lots of lovely gender neutral stuff out there for babies. I'm a vet though so I do wonder whether I might just see it on the scan anyway..

Jessica and Jake Garrett said...

Can I just say, Joanna, I LOVE your blog! As a new follower, I read it every day and always find myself bummed when you only have one post for the day - "How very selfish of her not to blog ALL day for my enjoyment!" Haha - :) You are right on. I love the blend of fashion, family, city life, beautiful products...it's all fabulous. Keep writing and never stop. As a woman interested in fashion and about to become a mother ...well, just as a human being, I can't get enough.

J+H @ Beyond The Stoop said...

i don't want to know because i don't want any gender-specific baby things. especially those things that babies grow out of so quickly (i.e. toys, clothes, etc.) and i want to be able to "recycle" them with future babies (hopefully many, many babies :P) this way i have a nursery that i won't redo for an opposite gender either!

Elizabeth said...

We waited, and didn't even have the midwives tell us! My husband caught the baby, put it on my chest, and we cuddled it for a few moments before, together, looking to see... and she was a girl! It was a really fun moment to find out together.

daydreamme said...

We waited to find out the gender until the birth. I personally thought it was one of the best moments and surprises of my life, when my husband annonced we had a baby girl.
I think people tend not to regret either decision in waiting or finding out beforehand and I can see reasons why one would want to and one would not want to find out. But I guess to me, I think our society puts to much emphasis on finding out because they want to be prepared. Most newborns live in white onesies and it is very easy to make a gender neutral nursery. And the plus side to this is if you have a second child that is the opposite gender you will not have to invest in a bunch of new items. I think it would be very easy to add items to the nursery after the birth if one is gun ho on a gender specific nursery. But to each their own. As a blog reader, it is always fun to find out what people are having before hand ;)

margaux said...

our 20 week sonogram was the day before thanksgiving. we brought a pink and a blue onesie, and after the tech determined the sex, we asked her to leave the room and wrap up the appropriate one in a gift box that we also brought (i told her to give away the other onesie to some other mama!). we then opened the box on christmas day with our families. it was awesome. we kinda got the best of both worlds; i knew well in advance what i was having so i could prepare, but we also got the fun and surprise of a reveal.

JSKF said...

My sister had a baby in July 2012 and she waited to find out the gender. I don't live in the state that she lives in so on the day that she was giving birth, I stayed home from work and alternated between pacing around and texting my sister's husband all day long. Finally at 6:30pm, I got the text announcing that the baby was a girl named Marliena. I screamed so loudly that my cat ran into the other room. Then I cried and cried- I've never been so happy in my life. Waiting to find out if the baby was a boy or girl was hard but that moment when I found out was one of the best moments of my life. I'll never forget it. And I'll never stop loving little Miss Marliena!

Amy said...

Wow - it's great to ready about so many people at the same stage as me. I'm 35 weeks and we did find out. Exactly as you said in your post, as it is our first baby, it made it seem more real and is helping us to get ready. It's a boy by the way :-)

phyllis said...

I'm a planner so there's no way we could wait! This is our second and our last, so I feel like there are even more logistics to consider: if we have a girl I probably wouldn't need to get anything new, but if it's a boy, I really need to start from scratch, plus I would love to give away some of my first's things to some of my first time mom friends expecting girls :)! One of my second time around mom friends is due in February and they'll be waiting until the big moment at delivery to find out -- but they did this with their first as well so they're pretty experienced at it already. We're all excited for them and to find out if their son is going to have a little brother or sister!

kateOD said...

If you genuinely don't care what gender you have - wait to find out! If you think you might be a teensy bit dissapointed if its another boy -- find out so you can adjust now ;) I found out with both of mine -- both girls. I love knowing!!

Alexandra Wright said...

We didn't find ou with our first or second, and I think we'll wait on this third. From experience, it definitely gives you that last bit of edge you need to finish pushing!

Jimmy said...

We waited for both of our kids, and absolutely loved it. We have a boy and a girl (never expected one of those for us - they are rare in my family). We were obviously dying to find out, but waiting made the special moment of birth even more special, if that is even possible.

Waiting to find out seems to be out of the mainstream right now, which in an odd and unexpected way drew us lots of props from old people when we told them we were waiting. "Good for you!" was a common response from the grandparent crowd.

Funny story about our first baby: we switched birthcare providers mid-way through the pregnancy. In so doing the doctors handed my wife her whole folder of medical history for this pregnancy to take to our new provider. She finally broke and sat down pouring over the pages and pages of information to see whether we were having a boy or a girl. And she found nothing. Medically speaking, unless something is wrong, it's not even worth recording.

Maryli said...

I found out I was high risk with my son, so I wasn't really game for any more surprises and asked to fine out in advance. I'll still be high risk if I get pregnant again, but I'll know what it entails next time so I MIGHT be able to wait for a surprise...

Good luck holding out!

tallia said...

we have a boy and a girl and if we ever get really brave and have a third baby i would love to wait and not find out the gender, it would be so exciting!

M said...

I am 5 weeks from my due date with our first - and from our big surprise! My husband and I both knew we didn't want to find out, and haven't had much difficulty with the restraint...I love surprises and as far as I can tell, this is the ultimate one! The entire journey has felt incredibly surreal and exciting - we can't to meet our baby nugglet :)

Lauren Humiston said...

I'm due June 30th and we chose to find out for a few reasons. First, as an ER nurse I can read ultrasounds just enough that it would be near impossible for me not to be able to figure it out even if the tech didn't say it out loud. Second, I am SUCH a planner and I would go crazy not being able to get things totally ready (and I don't want only yellow and green). Third, (and I know this is an unpopular sentiment, but true for many even if they won't voice it) my husband and I had a sex preference and knew that we wanted to know early so if the baby was the opposite sex, there was time to adjust our mindset. It was pretty clear on the 12.5 week US what we were having and then we had a special genetic blood test done. So we know at 16 weeks along that we are having a BOY!

Jesse said...

we waited and there is nothing like that moment:)

Cam said...

We waited! It was like Christmas morning multiplied by one million when my husband called out, it's a girl!

I had some friends who had two boys and were hoping for a girl. They opted to wait, and when the mom delivered her third son, they were more than thrilled because they were holding him, there - it wasn't a concept, it was a person; with all the endorphins and lovey birth highs they didn't care they never got a daughter, because they had a perfect son in their arms.

Courtney said...

I think I would want to wait. My reasoning is kind of different though... I feel like our culture is already so overly genderized and we push all these sex-based expectations on kids from a really young age. I wouldn't want the temptation to start that before they're even born. Have you read Annie Murphy Paul's book, Origins? She talks about how women who knew they were having boys tended to describe their babies as more active, strong, harder kickers etc. while women who knew they were having girls described their babies as gentle, relaxed, dancers, etc. more often. Crazy right? But can I also see how knowing could make it feel more real.

Mairéad said...

We waited the first time but nobody yelled out 'it's a boy!' I had to actually ask!! Everyone seemed to forget that i was the only one in the room that couldn't see what it was straight away. He was lying curled up on my tummy with me looking down at him in amazement before I even thought to ask what it was!
25 weeks now and we are waiting again.. I'm traditional and won't but anything before the birth anyway so no need to prepare. It's all very exciting.
Congrats Joanna, delighted to hear your news x

Lilac In May said...

Congratulations! Happy news, you're due the same time as K-Middy (as we say in the UK) , or not! I waited, nice gift after the labour.

Brooklynne said...

I'll need to find out, if only for practical purposes. I hate the idea of gender neutral clothing and nursery stuff, and that's all people would be able to get you at showers and as gifts. Plus, I don't want the chore of having to decide on more than one name - that'll be hard enough!

Jacki said...

As much as I admire those who wait, for me, there is no question - I want to know! I really want a girl, and I will probably only have one (biological) child. I have a 4 yr old stepson so when expecting I will want to know if I am having a little girl or if I'm going to have a house full of crazy boys ;) I will be thrilled either way, but I would want to know in advance to get mentally prepared for another boy.

AmandaB. said...

My brother and sister in-law are having twins in February and they are waiting to find out what they are having! I would think twins would've been enough of a surprise. haha

Catherine said...

I wanted to know. For our third, and we already had a boy and a girl, I thought we'd be able to wait. but so much of my last pregnancy was consumed with the needs of my first two children that I really didn't have any of that "focused bonding" time like I did with the last two pregnancies and it felt weird saying "it". Anyway, around 30 weeks we broke down and found out he was a boy (I was right) and it was much nicer picking a name, calling him "him" and getting his clothes ready, etc. I like knowing. If we have a fourth, we'll find out again.

Cathi said...

I waited until I gave birth with both of my kids - I highly recommend it! xxoo

Anna Cohen said...

Like you we had to find out first time - also I was SURE I was having a boy - we found out and were of course stoked. Second time round we didn't have such a need - I felt like it could be a girl but wasn't sure, also I was so worried that if I found out I was having another boy, I'd be disappointed.... so we didn't find out... and when he came out and my husband yelled 'it's a boy!!!' I was so, so so happy - having two boys is the most amazing thing ever.

NOURISH said...

Even if it's early...it's still a surprise :)

gingersnap said...

We waited to find out and it was SO worth it. I had a natural delivery and kept telling myself that at the end of the whole process, I would have the gift of a baby and the answer to this question I'd had for months. It really helped keep me focused on something. And SO much fun to call family and friends and say-"We had a GIRL!" Everyone gets a surprise! And, you really need so little as far as clothing with a newborn, so it was excuse for people to bring us cute little girl outfits when they came to see the baby. I wouldn't do it any other way.

How I Roll said...

I'm eight weeks pregnant for the first time and although I always thought the suspense would kill me, my husband and I agreed it would be really fun NOT to find out!
We have a number of reasons but one includes buying and receiving gender neutral clothes and toys and stuff in the event that we're fortunate enough to have a second (possibly different sex) baby.
Also, I'd love to avoid football/princess culture/advertising gender roles until our child is old enough to make those decisions on its own. That makes me sound like a hippie but some of that stuff really annoys me.

katilda said...

Love that you decided to do this. To be frank, I think the whole "gender reveal" trend is really silly. All the balloons? Pink or blue cake? Maybe it just became prey to my already bad attitude about really awful pregnancy photos (sometimes they are just downright bad) and my natural distaste for all things inherently cheesy. In any case, I'm not a negative nancy like I sound! Just can't stand gender reveals and terrible pregnancy photo shoots. haha

Shaina said...

I'm due in 4 weeks with my first baby and we are waiting to find out the gender. I think it is harder for all of our friends and family than it is for us! I was never the girl that dreamed of her wedding day, I always dreamed of the moment when my first child was born with my wonderful husband next to me and the doctor (or husband) announcing "It's a ...!" That still makes me tear up. Also, after experiencing a miscarriage about a year ago, we feel so lucky to have had a easy and healthy pregnancy that waiting to find out the gender helps us focus on the important stuff. A healthy baby and the gender just doesn't seem as important anymore. Boy or girl, it will be our baby and it will be the most amazing experience in our lives. I just can't wait to meet the baby in 4 weeks!

Erin said...

I applaud waiting - it sounds marvelous and meaningful and lovely - and I could never in a million years do it. Can't wait to hear how you feel about it as time goes by!

vmcarnevale said...

I can't decide if I'd want to know or not....but whenever this debate comes up I always think of my grandma who, when she went it to have her last child, gave birth to TWINS! surprise!! She was furious with the doctor for not telling her he heard two heartbeats and he said, "well truth be told, I didn't ever hear one heartbeat, but I didn't want to freak you out!" both babies were healthy as can be. Crazy how things were different back then1

Daniella C said...

I would have to know! It's a surprise either way I think! And i'd rather be prepared and be able to plan and everything if it was a boy or a girl.

Unknown said...

I think that moment would be amazing too!
We found out both times though. My first was a boy, and I wanted our second to be a girl so (so!) badly I wanted to find out early—mostly in case it was a boy. And it was. And I cried. But, by the time he was here, I was adjusted to the idea of two boys, and just happy to finally meet him!

asiajane said...

We waiting the first time, but not the second. The second time around, it was so much fun to refer to the new baby by name... our oldest knew she was going to be a big sister to Anastasia. Waiting would have been fine, too, but we simply couldn't wait!

Glo said...

I can hardly believe that many people would wait. I'm pregnant with my first and I couldn't stand waiting until 17 weeks to find out the sex. There are already so many unknowns (especially with your first), and I want to be able to plan for as much as possible. Not knowing would drive me crazy. I agree that it helps you bond with the baby and makes it seem more real. Maybe if I already had one of each, then I would think about waiting, but probably not;)

asiajane said...

*waitED, of course!

Rachel said...

We're expecting our first THIS Wednesday, and I HAD to know the gender....I couldn't imagine not knowing. And while I thought a gender reveal party would be fun, I couldn't imagine inviting a bunch of people over just to watch us cut a cake or pop a balloon, etc. Instead we ordered a cake, and since we live out-of-state, we connected with family via FaceTime so they were able to watch us cut into the cake...I think seeing (and hearing!) my parents' reaction to the stripes of pink icing inside the cake was the most exciting part!

barbara said...

With my first pregnancy we didn't want to know. it was hard... very hard, but i think more for our family then for us! when our princess was born and my husband said "it's a girl" was the most amazing moment of my life, even if i always knowed it was a girl ;)
now i'm pregnant again but this time i want definetely to know the sex! it will be easier for Zoe Tiare to know if she will have a brother (as i feel) or a sister!

k.hunk said...

Funny enough, one of the biggest arguments my now husband and I ever got in was in Target over this very topic. At the time we were not even engaged and I remember him telling me how ridiculous I was for not wanting to find out. Funny argument to have in a Target checkout line about a hypothetical baby.

Flash forward a couple years and I am pregnant with our first due in June. I figured it wasn't an option not to find out but maybe will wait with the second. We had our appointment on Friday and were both CERTAIN it was a boy. We had the surprise of our life when the technician announced it is a girl, so in a way it was the big surprise I wanted, but now we can work on girl name since we had strong contenders for boys but none for girls!!!

KJTR said...

Well, I;d probably want to know, but you cannot always believe what you see (at first). I remember when my mom was expecting my baby brother. At first, the doctor told my parents they're going to have another girl. They told me (I was 10 at the time) and I was happy to have a baby sister, but I was surprised because I was sure I was to have a brother:) When they did another USG at 7 months it turned out that my intuition was right -- it's was boy! The first time he had to be turned a bit so they couldn't see his penis:P

Kristen said...

I think it depends first of all on how well you know yourself and what you can and can not handle, and then also on whether or not you have a gender in mind, or on your heart. This is such a flame-inviting response, but let's face it, some people, having had one or the other, may have hopes for the next one. Either to have two of the same, a boy and a girl, whatever... it's there, and it's fine. Of course we all want healthy babies first and foremost, so flame throwers get over yourselves.

So I think if you're hoping for a boy and there's a chance you may hear "It's a girl!" and have a real moment, well... you might not want to risk it. Maybe find out beforehand, have the "Well I guess we're just boy/girl people!" chuckle to yourselves privately, and carry on.

I never thought I'd want to know, but preparing for her was such a dream, I could never regret or top it, and I imagine I'll find out with any future children we may have coming. Then again, I may not.

All I know for certain is I will not be throwing a gender reveal party. The hell are people thinking...

Sol Kawage said...

I agree with Asiajane. Knowing the sex of the baby is good for the older sibling, in order to prepare him or her for the massively radical change that's about to come. With my second, we waited till we knew the sex before telling our eldest that he was going to become a big brother of a boy. When boy #2 arrived, boy #1 knew and is made a huge difference.

The Cyclists Wife said...

I've seen that cake idea, so cute! I hope we have the will power, but we want to be surprised to. :)

Lindsey said...

We waited both times and I am so, so glad we did!

Dusty Botting said...

We waited to find out with our first two and it was in a word, MAGIC. We found out with our third, which was magic for our older two little girls who were giddy with delight over a baby boy.

Megan F said...

We just found out the gender a little over a week ago and I'm so glad we did. I miscarried our first pregnancy and have been so stressed and worried this time that I feel it affected my ability to bond with the baby (and even to be proud of my body as it started changing). The second we saw our baby on the screen, I knew I didn't care about the gender but when they said BOY I just fell in love. We're not big gender-heavy decor people either, but I have loved calling him "him" and trying out names for him. That said, I love hearing stories of people that don't find out. Maybe we'll hold off next time around?

Erin M. said...

Our first child was not a planned pregnancy and in the thick of labor at the hospital a nurse I'd never met said "OH I love surprise babies!" And I was so confused (not thinking clearly during transition phase) about how she knew that this pregnancy wasn't planned. It wasn't until after the labor that I realized what she really meant. We were always very happy to have waited and had the surprise of gender when our babies were delivered. Everyone is different so I can't guarantee you'll you happy with your choice, but I really think you will if choose to wait. Congrats on the pregnancy. I hope you're feeling well these days.

Lindsay said...

It's a surprise no matter when you find out! You're either surprised at ~20 weeks or surprised once you deliver!

thenestingspot said...

I found out with my first two, a boy and then a girl, so when we got pregnant a third time I thought it'd be fun to wait since we already had what we needed for either gender. It was fun but if I were to have another one (which I'm not planning on) then I would find out. There were a couple moments when I think my sonographer slipped (but tried to cover her tracks saying that she always says he) and that dissappointed me. My doctor does a sonogram at pretty much every visit so it was really hard to make sure that no one said anything. I was really thinking it was a boy and it was. It was a fun moment for sure but it would also have been nice to be able to get everything ready before he arrived while I had all that nesting energy.

Lucy Mirabelle said...

I am a doctor working in OB/GYN, when I was pregnant we decided not to know the gender...in the beginning it was difficult and more than once I was tempted to take the ultrasound I was using everyday for my pregnant patients and examine myself but luckily I could resist and in the end I thought "now you made already so far without knowing so it became so easy and was fun having this wonderful surprise... I think its kind of romantic since these days we already know so much about this little human being before its even born, with the ultrasound we detect every inch of the body, people are posting the pics through the web so why shouldnt we let this little person keep some privacy and let us surprise... and when my daughter was born I was sooo happy since I was convinced I would have a boy.. So joanna, good luck with the decision. some couples also told me they would keep this info for themselves and would just not tell it to others...

Christina said...

Joanna, we have the same due date, how fun. My husband and I are going to find out the sex of our 1st baby on Valentines Day. I think it is kind of an awesome Valentines present, plus it is our 1/2 year anniversary that day as well.

Adam, Belinda & Rondo said...

Be strong Jo! You'll never get a better surprise in your life!
I thought i was having a girl for sure with my first baby, i have all sisters, my partner all sisters, his parents and my parents had all sisters, so when i was presented with a little boy i was over the moon. i am due same time as you wtih my second and i feel like i'm going to have another boy but no way am i going to find out, best surprise ever. plus its not as exciting when you announce the baby has arrived when everyone already knows the sex. be strong. clothes and nursery decor etc can wait.

anonymous said...

We waited the first time and are finding out now that I am pregnant with twins - it makes the daunting seem a
bit more manageable. But I would say that if you are planning to try for birth without an epidural be prepared to have a different emotional experience at the moment of birth - my experience and that of other people I've talked to was that I was not really present in the same way I am in everyday life. It was exciting to find out the sex of the baby - it was the first thing I checked for when the midwife handed him to me - but I remember no emotion aside from relief that labor was over. I might have had more of a sense of "how amazing" if my emotional, rational self had been more present.

Jojo A. said...

I'm 30 weeks pregnant (as of yesterday) and we didn't find out what I'm carrying. We'll know soon enough and it actually has me excited for labor. It is THE BEST!! It has been so much fun not knowing. Stay strong it'll be totally worth it!!

neilandnikki said...

i am a labor/delivery nurse and have been a part of loads and loads of births. i can tell you this: whether they knew the gender before or only find out at delivery- the moment of birth is always a wonderful surprise! you just can't go wrong!
that being said- i did NOT have the willpower to wait to find out with any of my four pregnancies. finding out our fourth was a girl after three boys was definitely an emotional moment but also totally freaked me out- maybe i would have been more excited (and less terrified!) if i didn't know until the moment she was born!

Abbie said...

We waited with our first. It was suspenseful and a lot of fun, especially for our friends who were also pregnant but new the gender. Made it a big exciting guessing game for everyone involved :)

Notes from Holly St. said...

I would never have the will power to wait! When I was pregnant with my daughter, I couldn't wait until 20 weeks for the gender reveal ultrasound. Plus, I think it's just as exciting to find out at 20 weeks as it is to find out in the delivery room. But, I'm also a little impatient :)

natalienoods said...

My parents didn't find out with me. I was the 2nd kid, they already had my brother. My dad's siblings had had all boys, and same with my mom's siblings. My mother was convinced I was a boy throughout the pregnancy. And my dad's absolute favorite story to tell about me (other than the fact that I decided to be born SUPER fast, before even the doctor had gotten to the hospital) was when he held me up and said, "Look Connie!" My mom said, "It's a boy!" and my dad goes, "No, it's a girl." And she goes, "No, it's a boy." Finally after some convincing (harumph) visuals, my mother finally realized our family had its first baby girl in a generation (two on my dad's side!). Funny!

Sarah Harm said...

I have a daughter. I would like to have 2 more kids. If the next one is a boy, I want the third one to be a suprise.

Nikki said...

Before having my daughter, I was a big fan of waiting till birth to find out the sex. My husband would have NONE of it, though, and retrospectively I'm glad, because I loved decorating the nursery, and honestly I find gender-neutral clothing and decor ugly. Not just boring, UGLY.

One of my friends found out with her first (a girl), and waited till birth with her second (a boy). She said that after baby boy was born, they regretted waiting: they were so busy trying to wrap their heads around the fact that they had a SON that both she and her husband felt like they didn't bond with him nearly as quickly.

minamoka said...

I think it's a very good idea to wait. It adds something very special to the birth experience - at least that's what I heard and what I imagine it to be. Because I was too curious to wait, both times. If you can - don't find out before! I really regret that I didn't have at least one surprise-sex baby!

glenda said...

I waited. Twice. A boy & a girl.
It was the best surprises of my life.

Susannah said...

We had a surprise for our first baby (a girl!), which was AMAZING, the surprise and anticipation of the surprise was just incredible.

With our second baby we thought we wanted a surprise, but in the end at 30 weeks we found out (a boy!) and is was so nice as we told no one, but had a chance to get things a bit organised before he was born (maybe it was just my excuse to be able to start shopping?!!!)

Since you have already found out during Toby's pregnancy, I would HIGHLY recommend going through the experience of having the surprise. There are so few nice surprises in this world, that this is one of the most amazing you can have.

ANd I really like when other people don't tell me what they gender their baby is, there is nothing like receiving the news a baby has been born and it's a ......!

l_r_ said...

I have three boys and have done it both ways. With my first and my third, we waited. We found out with our middle son, who had a medical issue diagnosed in utero and his sex was relevant in terms of the nature of the diagnosis. It's so much more fun and exciting (and, in my opinion, natural) not to know. Even with our third, when we were really hoping for a girl, it was nice to find out when he was born because he was a real, beautiful baby, not just an abstract idea of another boy. I highly recommend waiting, though be forewarned that many people think it's crazy and will tell you that. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Melissarneff said...

We did not find out for both of our children and it was so sweet and beautiful and amazing to have my hubby look over with tears in his eyes and tell me the sex. It was especially fun because everyone had told me that they thought I was having a boy (both times) because of the way I was carrying. Anyway, we were super surprised and happy! And it was fun because all of our friends were so excited to find out. I think that you'll love not finding out until the end!

Sadie said...

We are having our first, and we just had the 20-week ultrasound... and we told them not to tell us. It was hard to make that call, but I'm glad we did. Too many of the things people say about "girls are like this; boys are like that," really get under my skin-- much better to hold off on that.

Melissarneff said...

Oh forgot to say- that we had a girl both times!

Gussy Sews said...

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with our first and we've decided not to find out the gender. Sometimes I wish we knew... it's fun to dream when you know all the exciting details. But most of the time I'm glad we don't know. Talk about such a SURPRISE! Oh! Can't wait :)

Sarah D said...

We found out with both of ours (a girl and a boy). I could have gone either way, but my husband really wanted to know. Since he had stronger feelings about it- I let him get his way.
It made shopping fun and really helped with name choosing. We had the hardest time coming up with names when we knew the gender. I can't imagine trying to choose without knowing!!

And... NO to a gender reveal party. A bit narcissistic, IMO.

naivecookcooks said...

I think when I become a mom, we would love to find out the sex so we can decorate the baby's room and get all kinds of cute stuff. Ahh what fun!!

cassidyjane said...

I found out with my first (a boy!). It was nice to know and be able to prepare when so much else was such a mystery. I always thought I'd want to find out again, but I was surprised the first time around how many people asked me, "Oh, a boy! Is that what you wanted?" It was a strange question, but it was easy to answer, "Yes! I'm so excited to have boy!" But now, I feel like as much as I would love to parent brothers and can see my son being an amazing older brother. I do really want a girl. I don't want to be the odd (wo)man out in my house. I'm considering not finding out the gender with my second just so that I don't have to think about or answer the question, "Is that what you wanted?" Because, of course, what I really wanted was a second, healthy child to add to my family...but there will be a moment of disappointment.

Erica C. said...

My husband and I have discussed this at length, and we decided we would like to know the sex of our first and wait to see how we feel when we have our second (assuming everything works out and we're able to have two children, of course). Our reasoning is quite similar to yours, actually. With the first I'm assuming I'll feel so overwhelmed I'm going to want to know to ease some anxiety.

Amanda Storey said...

We didn't find out with our first (a daughter) and haven't found out so far with our second (25 weeks along), nor do we intend to. My husband's reasoning is that he likes the surprise. My reasoning is that I don't want to start ascribing and personality traits or characteristics to the baby before he or she is born. Had we known that our first would be a girl, I think we would have both instinctively thought she would look like me and maybe act like me, but now that she is nearly 2 years old it is clear that she is her father's daughter through and through.

abby said...

i'd prefer not to find out, but my husband is dead set against any surprises when we start having kids. i think we'll just keep the name to ourselves instead. it's not the same at all, but i don't have to have EVERYTHING my way . . . but many he'll change his mind ;)

RTah said...

I am 22 weeks pregnant right now with my first, and we found out as early as we possibly could. Like you said, it really helps you to relate to the fact that you have a human growing inside of you. Plus, it was very difficult for me and my husband to decide on names, so rather than having to pick out both, we waited till we knew it was a boy to really start arguing, ha!

chopsuey said...

You'll totally be able to wait! It's such a fun experience to not know - all the possibilities are open. With our baby (now 9-months) my husband wanted to wait, I was neutral on the topic. And once we agreed I worried that I would be too curious, but I let go of wanting to know. Other people thought it was a fun game to guess, but it wasn't something I thought about much. When our daughter was born it was the most magical thing to really meet this person (just the three of us) for the first time with no preconceived notions. I'll do it again next time.

Bonsoir Nicolette said...

My mom told me that it was the best surprise of her life, waiting to find out with both me and my brother and she was right! We did not find out with my first (a boy) and we are anxiously awaiting our second babe (any day now).
One good reason for not finding out is it saves us money! If I knew we were having a girl I would be spending entirely too much money!!!

Becca said...

23 weeks today (!) and we chose not to find out. My husband wanted the big "It's a ..." moment, and I think that's pretty fun too. Also, as soon as you find out you're having a girl you're inundated with pink sparkly stuff. And if I *do* have a girl and she loves pink sparkles then pink sparkles she shall have. But I if she likes trucks and the color green I want her to be able to have that too, and not a pre-determined Disney princess closet. As of now we're going with fruits, animals, blues, greens, yellows, cool patterns and waiting with baited breath!

Teri said...

I waited to find out on my first baby, it was amazing! The second I also planned to wait, but at the sonogram, my baby boy was unmistakeably revealed to me, lol. :) Keep in mind you may not want to watch the sonogram that closely! If I were to do it again, I would have a reveal party with all of my friends and family!

Hilary Severson said...

Joanna, do yourself a HUGE favor and wait! It is so much fun to look forward to the surprise. My husband and I waited with both our boys and the anticipation of our friends and family was palpable. Everyone is that much more excited when you go into labor because the big mystery will be revealed. Good luck with baby 2! So exciting!

LJones said...

As much as I would have a hard time waiting, I would make myself. There aren't many surprises in life, and this is possibly the best surprise going. Congratulations to you and your family! Can't wait to see all the great pregnancy posts

suzanne said...

i was surprised three times and it was wonderful, but i decided i want to know the gender of #4...just to try something different :)

sophinewman said...

My fiance and I don't plan to have kids for at least another five years, but we think we'd like to find out the baby's sex but won't share it with anyone else. We just aren't comfortable with the overwhelming gender roles in our society, and basically don't want to open ourselves up to a deluge of well-meaning but overly gendered presents and comments. Besides, doesn't a space or forest or animal themed nursery sound a lot cooler than one that's blue or pink themed?

Elizabeth said...

I was torn about this decision when I was pregnant with my son and because I couldn't make my mind up I decided to wait - and it was THE BEST surprise ever. Such a thrill and not what we were expecting at all.
I was thinking that we might find out for our next baby but yesterday my friend (who was told she was having a little girl) gave birth to a little boy! So, if these tests still can't be 100% accurate even today, I've decided to wait for the definitive answer at the end of 9 months. You get to find out eventually!

leah fesi said...

we waited when i was pregnant. i wanted a surprise, and didn't feel a huge need to prepare for any which gender. however, my husband really, really, wanted to find out, so i needed to promise that if we decided to have more children (and we do hope to now!), that i would let him find out. so, the next time we will be finding out.

but will i let everyone else know? maybe... maybe not.

i will say, that when my daughter was born and my husband said "it's a girl", i just felt like "well of course it is!" even though the entire time i was pregnant i felt i was carrying a boy. ha!

oh, and this link is great if you haven't seen it yet:

http://youtu.be/LbTB3ASkdOo

Alexa said...

Hi Joanna! I'm a couple of weeks behind you I think. For our first we waited to find out. Everyone (and I mean everyone...including my hairstylist, the mailman, random strangers) thought it was a boy. Then about a month before the baby came, my husband's friend's girlfriend said, oh you're having a girl for sure. And I've never been wrong yet! Well, turns out she still isn't wrong. Haha. We had a little girl - who is now almost 2! Can't believe it! This time we will find out in advance just to have that experience, plus my husband cannot wait. Haha.

Katie said...

I love the idea of a surprise at delivery because, as folks have mentioned, it's a rare moment to have. Or, maybe find out the sex of baby # 1, and then since subsequent babies don't get all the pomp & circumstance of #1, let their sex reveal at birth be the big excitement. My worries with waiting til birth are that there are nine incubating months to daydream about future experiences with the baby, and if it's not the sex daydreamed about (let's face it, I know my husband is amped for a son)there'd be ever-so-slight disappointment/adjustment. I can only trust what everyone else says that those feelings usually go away with the arrival of a healthy and happy kid.

(and we're only TTC, so this is all still hypothetical!)

Chelsea said...

We waited to find out with my daughter who is three and a half. I had a difficult labor and when we got to the end and found out it really lifted our spirits. It created a very personal lighthearted experience in what had been anything but...

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