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Monday, December 10, 2012

Motherhood Mondays: An ode to rituals

My friend Jenny Rosenstrach wrote the cookbook/memoir Dinner: A Love Story, and as I was reading it for the hundredth time in bed this weekend...

I fell in love with her chapter on rituals. Jenny has such a warm, down-to-earth approach to parenting. Here's her essay, full of great ideas...

Lazy Parents' Dark Secret: The Ritual

Having a hands-off approach to healthy eating is pretty consistent with our parenting philosophy in general. Have you ever read the instructions on a cast-iron skillet? It goes something like this: Do not clean this product too well. The fat and flavor left in the pan after cooking helps your skillet build a naturally nonstick surface. Can I tell you how much I love instructions that reward laziness? Braising is like that, too—the longer you ignore the hunk of beef or pork simmering away in a pot, the more the meat will melt off the bone. So is playtime: No one was happier about that study encouraging parents to give their kids unstructured time with limited parental intervention (not to be confused with limited parental supervision!) Apparently this was the secret to getting kids to build imaginations and rich inner lives. No one would ever accuse me of being a Tiger Mom.

But my all-time favorite example of laziness, which also happens to qualify as good parenting, is the Ritual. To be more specific, the ritual of a family walk after dinner on warm summer nights or to the farmers' market every Saturday morning between April and November; the ritual of the kids selecting where they'd like to celebrate their birthday dinner (they choose a country, like Sweden, and then we find a restaurant to match that country); the ritual of dancing to Music Together or Jack White or Taylor Swift or the Nutcracker after dinner and before bed; the ritual of bath-book-bedtime every night and of a bowl of fresh fruit first thing in the morning; the ritual of eating pancakes or bagels in front of Dora or the Backyardigans or (later) iCarly on Saturday morning; the ritual of me giving Andy a good bottle of bourbon for our anniversary every October. (And don't try to tell me that bourbon has nothing to do with parenting.)

Kids crave routines and rituals—your pediatrician probably told you that at your first baby's first weigh-in. But I think parents—okay, maybe just this parent—craves routines and rituals even more. Because, yes, yes, yes, as outlines above, I know it's comforting to my children on some level to know that they'll be able to sit down iwth their parents every night for dinner, but it's also comforting to me because there are just so may other things to keep track of. (I always remember that scene in I Don't Know How She Does It when Kate Reddy's boss, who has just lost his wife to cancer, comes to the office completely overwhelmed by all the things his wife did without his noticing. "You wouldn't believe how much there is to remember, Kate," he told her. And to herself Kate says, "Yes, I would.") In other words, when there are twenty-five things on the to-do list already, I don't want to waste energy figuring out how to ensure we have quality time with our kids for the three hours we are with them on a weekday (hence: Family Dinner plus After-Dinner Dancing). I don't want to tap my small supply of creative juices trying to outdo last year's special birthday celebration (hence: Our Pick-a-Country ritual). In other words, when there are so many little things to think about, it's comforting to know that I have a few of the big things running on autopilot.

— by Jenny Rosenstrach, excerpted from her wonderful cookbook/memoir Dinner: A Love Story
P.S. Jenny's balance of work, life and family.

82 comments:

Sara said...

How lovely! Thank you for this book recommendation.

And now I'm yearning for my own post-dinner dance party!

Brooklynbee said...

I love this book so much. Just made a recipe from it this weekend. Every thing I've made from it so far has been a winner. And the stories are inspirational, too.

Elissa L. said...

Sounds like a great read. As I got to thinking about our daily routine I never realized how things have become rituals. Like the post-bath sing-a-longs while getting into pajamas.

Sarah @ Two Blue Lemons said...

I really hope Santa brings me this book! Our favorite rituals are: feeding the dog, taking a shower before bedtime, reading the Big Dinosaur book after nap time. Cheers to mommies!

Eliza Jane said...

What a great book recommendation! I'm looking forward to reading it, now. I loved rituals growing up (actually, I still do!), and they're some of my fondest memories. Especially the ones that involved my mother reading to me while I was taking a bath. That happened every single night.

My Scandinavian Home said...

I love the sound of this book, it sounds like me on a plate! Thank you for the tip :)

Jen said...

I got a copy on Saturday and have already read half the stories and made the pasta bake with sausage and veggies (delish)! It's a fantastic book, even if you don't have kids yet (as I do not). I normally don't like so much narration in cookbooks, but each recipe headnote was more like a literary essay with philosophical musings on food, eating, modern motherhood, marriage and family togetherness. Kudos to Jenny! I'm so glad to have it in my collection.

Joanna Goddard said...

eliza jane, that is so sweet! what a lovely memory.

Joanna Goddard said...

i really love the idea of having kids pick a country for their birthday dinner and going to that type of restaurant.

Chelsea MacMeekin said...

I simply love this essay! Thank you for sharing and I will definitely have to check out the book!

Chelsea
Haute Child in the City

Lauren Jamison said...

I love the idea of rituals that signify your childhood. We ate at my Granny's every Sunday after church, and ate dinner at the table every night with my parents. Looking back now, those meals and the conversation within your little family mean so much!

Visit me at http://thebarnnc.blogspot.com!

Jacki said...

This book sounds like a great read! Definitely adding it to my wish list. I think a dinner and family dance party might work well for us, hehe.

Monica L. Shulman said...

I loved reading this and it resonated so much. We are creatures of habit in our house and our daughter thrives on her routine and rituals. She is the kid who after lunch and a book says "I want my bed" and I love and look forward to our dinner, book, bath and bed routine as much as she does. I love that quiet cuddle time after the bath just before I tuck her in for the night. They love knowing what comes next and at least with my kid, she loves the occasional unexpected surprise of going out to eat, staying up a little late or whatever other thing that comes up in life.

I'm going to pick up this book. it's right up my alley!

Laura @ Chaotic Domestic said...

I'm excited about this book. I've been following her blog for a while and it's a joy to read. I'd mostly been paying attention to the recipes, but I really like the way she writes in the excerpted essay above. Thanks for sharing!

Kristín Jóna Kristjónsdóttir said...

Loved this post and would love to read the book.
I noticed two typos in the post - sit down iwth their and small supply tf creative juices, just thought to let you know since I know how annoying these are :)

Kerri Lynne said...

Absolutely love this!

Lindsey said...

I love Dinner: A Love Story, and I'm equally committed to rituals in our family. I think of the scaffolding on which we hang our family year, and I really also think they provide something that is safe and steady in worlds (those of my tween daughter and 7 year old son) which feel so in flux.

marketa anna medas said...

:) iam pretty happy for my kid:0
http://thankyouanna.blogspot.sk/2012/12/reconstruction-is-done.html

Jenn said...

I didn't think I had any rituals with my husband yet, but then I remembered - our home made Friday night pizza and movies. It is usually the highlight of my week and I'm looking forward to continuing it with our kids one day (although with different movies at first :-)

Notes from Holly St. said...

I absolutely love this! When we had our daughter my husband and I included her in our Saturday morning ritual of going to the corner cafe for a cappuccino and a croissant. Now, at almost two, she loves this ritual as much as we do and have created many more rituals that are centered around her.

I'd love to read the rest of this book. Thanks!

Ms. A said...

I love your blog; I really do. I'll probably keep reading it for as long as you write it so please know that I truly am a fan and have very much enjoyed following you over the years.

That said, between Motherhood Modays, J. Crew sales and recipies, I sometimes feel like the working girl is getting lost here. I'm a 33 year-old single woman who enjoys a chocolate chip cookie and a deal on a cute skirt as much as the next gal, but I think we're walking that gender role line a little close here at times.

What about Working Women Wednesdays or Friendship Fridays? Do I still want to read about date ideas for my boyfriend and me? Yes! Would I mind if we mixed in some conversation about how women are investing or tips for planning an overdue girl's weekend...

Just my two cents.

House Of Hemingway said...

This and your previous post makes me excited about one day having my own family and creating beautiful traditions...

Come and see my 25 days of Christmas!
www.houseofhemingway.com

Corrie Anne said...

That book looks beautiful! I'd love to read it.

Amy P said...

I loved this book - I initially borrowed it from the library but it's officially on my wishlist to own (and that's not common). Also, I have the same Ikea stepstool from the photo above the book cover and my 1.5 yr old daughter stands on it to watch me make dinner :)

Panda Head said...

I've GOT to get this book! I've read so much about her blog and now the book; I can't wait to dive in myself.
Coming from a family very lax on tradition/obligation, I've definitely got a soft spot for the things we DID repeat (namely: my Dad cutting my horoscope out of the paper for me on my birthday; playing Go Fish everytime we went to my Grandparents'; Chinese food on Christmas Day).

Sam said...

Yes! I adore Motherhood Mondays and pictures of Toby (even though I don't have kids . . . yet). More and more lately, I'm feeling like some of the old "Cup of Jo" flavour is lacking even in the Tuesday through Friday content for the rest of us without cute kiddos.

Not every post has to be about vibrators (though I fist-pumped for joy when that one was posted), but Ms A. hit the nail on the head. Perhaps more content on other lifestyle topics that affect us readers?

jm said...

Rituals are the best. My husband makes french toast every Sunday and somehow it makes me feel that all is right with the world.

Karen A. said...

I'm going to have to check this book out! Thanks for the great recommendation!

http://www.teenyhippie.com/

Jo Walker said...

I think these types of ritual are important for all types of relationships - not necessarily only with kids. My parents were very lax on rituals throughout my entire childhood, because they were both rebelling against their parents and all their preconceived notions of what a parent should and shouldn't do. I've found myself developing my own rituals as I've grown up - regular yoga classes with a friend, dinner with my brother once every other month, phone calls with my grandmother every two weeks, walks with my boyfriend after dinners - and these have all come to define how I remember my relationships over time. That one time my friend fell out of a pose and almost kicked me in the face, and we laughed about it in class for weeks. When my brother first brought his girlfriend to dinner with him. When my grandmother fell and broke her hip, but still said she felt "just fine." And how my own relationship with my boyfriend has grown and matured over time.

As much as my parents thought rituals were not important, I've found them so essential to my own happiness and my own personal relationships over time.

Sharla said...

This is beautiful - I can't wait to read the entire book!

meredith said...

Joanna, you should check out "The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Every Day" by Meg Cox. It has TONS of excellent simple (and some more complicated) rituals to start with your children, and gave me so many ideas for things to make our own. I bought it to help me bond with my step-kids. We aren't religious and don't have any other family close by, so this book has really been amazing for us. The kids love everything we've done, and they will remember it forever.

RosyRilli said...

I love this! And it makes so much sense. My husband and I haven't been blessed with children yet, but I hold on tight to all of the traditions I grew up with when I was younger. There's something supremely comforting about having rituals that are unique to your family alone.

Diane said...

Oh I too love this. For nearly 5 years I've had it in the back of my head to write a cookbook that is really a love story in my head about my mother and eating our dinners as a child. There was magic in those meals made from my mother's kitchen and it had nothing to do with her being anywhere close to a gourmet cook. She cooked simply, frugally, and with love. We ate that way too and it was some of the rituals that coated the love. I love this -- but I said that already didn't I? (since my Google account doesn't show who I am or where I'm from: this is me: www.dianeschuller.com/blog)

kati said...

i love it. i'm all about the rituals, too. i'll have to check out her book!

Kristina said...

My family has always done a post-dinner dance party while cleaning up! Any guests who may be over always end up in the kitchen dancing too ;)

Kristina

Kristina does the Internets

heather said...

i love her book so much! so glad you featured it!

dervla kelly said...

Beautiful, love the idea of rituals. It's so hard to forget about them in our daily busy slog. Must take the time to be consistent with rituals that my family will remember forever and carry on.

Hallie Sawyer said...

I'm definitely going to check this book out. I LOVE rituals but often find myself thinking of great ones I wish I started back when the kids were younger. Mine are 13, 10, and 7 and I feel like sometimes I missed the boat.

I also find that I am stuck in rituals that are from my childhood and haven't started new ones of my own. I'm determined to do better. Thanks for the inspiration with this great post and book recommendation.

Kelly said...

I disagree with the above ladies. I find your blog perfect for looking into your life and you are a mother! I get so many ideas and tips that I hope to use in the future and on Fridays I am clinking and linking for almost an hour on all of your suggestions. I love what you are doing and this post made me all warm inside...thinking about my rituals as a child and ones I hope to teach my children.
Keep up the great work.

Natasha said...

This is truly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am totally picking up this book when I'm back in Canada for Christmas!

Love your essay, Jenny! Love your blog, Joanna!

by Esther Vidal said...

I´ve two children: a fifteen-years-old daughter and an eleven-years-old son. Sometimes they like to help me cooking, above all my eldest child; that makes her feel mature and proud of herself. At the same time, my son, that admires her sister, tries to imitate her, so both are maturing by cooking, and that improves their relationship. I´m gonna try to get the book you sugges. Thank for sharing this!!

Lejla said...

Thanks or all the advice.

http://lejlatravels.blogspot.com/

Lauren Ashley said...

A very sweet post - I'll have to remember this!

angela said...

I also disagree with the first two ladies above. I love and appreciate the way you celebrate motherhood.

keishua said...

ritual is so important to adults and children. i think it gives our life shape and meaning.

Kate said...

Rituals are so important! My mom always says that it didn't take long for friends and family to learn not to call between 7 and 8 when we were little because of our evening and bedtime rituals! I think they help to take parts of your childhood with you on to adulthood while making them your own. Love this post :)

Ceciel T said...

One of my daily rituals-reading Cup of Jo at some point every eve! Love my kid rituals and love being able to read quietly by myself for a few minutes. Keep it up, Joanna, us busy working women (mamas or not) need ya!

Sara said...

Haha, Jenny's pre-bedtime dance party reminds me of a Sesame Street song I loved: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQmut5GI7-k&playnext=1&list=AL94UKMTqg-9DC1_3UPjnhZVQhZ2NCqrzH

It really is the perfect way to fill those precious moments together.

Lauren said...

This was beautiful.

la la Lovely said...

I love this post. First of all .. I think things are way to scheduled, planned and kids don't have much a chance to use their imaginations, play make believe and just do what kids are supposed to do, play!

And on another note...I love your birthday ritual... and am going to have to steal that one....even if it is for my birthday.

Keep up the great writing!

xo . trina

kat mast said...

I think things are way to scheduled, planned and kids don't have much a chance to use their imaginations, play make believe and just do what kids are supposed to do, play!


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basma gaber said...

شركة تنظيف خزانات
شركة تسليك مجارى
شركة رش مبيد بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بالرياض
تنظيف فلل بالرياض
تنظيف شقق بالرياض
تنظيف منازل بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف موكيت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالرياض

basma gaber said...


شركة خدمات منزلية بالرياض
شركة تنظيف وتسليك بيارات بالرياض
شركة نظافة بالرياض
شركة عزل مائي للأسطح بالرياض
شركة تنظيف واجهات البيوت
شركة مكافحة حشرات ورش مبيدات في الرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات ورش مبيدات في الرياض
شركة لنقل الأثاث بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحشرات ورش المبيدات بالرياض
شركة عزل مائي للأسطح والخزانات بالرياض
طبيب بالون المعدة
شركة تنظيف فلل وقضور بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بجدة
Short URL
Code 1
شركة تنظيف خزانات
شركة تسليك مجارى
شركة رش مبيد بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بالرياض
تنظيف فلل بالرياض
تنظيف شقق بالرياض
تنظيف منازل بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف موكيت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالرياض
افضل شركة نظافة بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة تخزين اثاث
شركة نقل اثاث الرياض
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
كشف تسربات المياه
كشف تسربات

basma gaber said...


شركة كشف تسربات بالرياض
شركة كشف تسربات
شركات كشف تسربات بالرياض
تسليك مجارى
شركة غسيل خزانات
تنظيف خزانات المياه بالرياض
شركة نظافة خزانات
تنظيف الخزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات المياه
غسيل الخزانات
مؤسسة تنظيف خزانات
تسليك مجارى
شركة تنظيف بيارات بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجارى
افضل شركة تسليك مجارى
شركة تسليك المجارى بالرياض
تسليك مجارى بالرياض
شركات تسليك مجارى بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش
شركات نقل عفش بالرياض
شركات نقل العفش
شركات نقل الاثاث بالرياض
افضل شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
تخزين اثاث بالرياض
تخزين اثاث
تخزين عفش
شركات تخزين اثاث بالرياض
افضل شركة نقل اثاث
نقل أثاث في الرياض

















eng sara said...

نقل اثاث
نقل عفش
شركة نقل اثاث
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
نقل عفش بالرياض
افضل شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش

شركات نقل عفش بالرياض

تخزين اثاث

تخزين عفش

eng mesbah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eng mesbah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eng mesbah said...

شركات نظافه بالرياض

شركة تنظيف بجدة 

شركات رش المبيدات الحشرية بجدة 

شركة مكافحة حشرات جدة 

شركات نظافه فى جدة 

رضا رمضان said...

شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالرياض
شركة عزل اسطح بالرياض
شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف موكيت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مجاري بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركة كشف تسربات بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجاري بالرياض
شركة شفط بيارات بالرياض
شركة غسيل مجالس بالرياض
شركة تنظيف سجاد بالرياض
شركة تنظيف كنب بالرياض
شركة غسيل سجاد بالرياض
شركة غسيل الموكيت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض

eng diaa said...

تسويق اون لاين
شركة تسويق اون لاين
تسويق
tasweek
tasweek online
taswiq online
taswiq
التسويق
on line
Marketing Online
Marketing On Line
Marketing of On Line

eng diaa said...


شركة تنظيف اثاث بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مجالس
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
عزل الخزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
افضل شركة مكافحة حشرات
مكافحة النمل
مكافحة الفئران
شركة كشف تسربات بالرياض
كشف تسربات المياه
شركة نقل أثاث بالرياض

eng diaa said...


نقل العفش بالرياض
نقل و تخزين العفش
شركة كشف تسربات
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض

تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض

شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة نقل أثاث بالرياض

كشف تسربات المياه
شركة تنظيف بالرياض

eng diaa said...


شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات
شركة رش مبيدات
شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
كشف تسربات بالرياض

كشف تسربات المياه
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض

شركة تنظيف بالرياض

شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة نقل أثاث بالرياض
تنظيف الفلل فى الرياض

eng diaa said...

شركة تنظيف بالرياضشركة كشف التسربات بالرياضكشف التسرباتكشف تسربات المياةكشف تسربات المياه بالرياضكشف تسرباتشركة كشف تسرباتشركة كشف تسربات بالرياضكشف تسربات بالرياضشركة نظافةشركه تنظيف بالرياضشركة تنظيف فلل بالرياضشركة عزل مائي بالرياضشركة عزل خزاناتشركة عزل اسطح بالرياضشركة عزل اسطحعزل مائيعزل حراريشركة عزلعزل خزاناتعزل اسطحشركة عزل بالرياضمبيد النملمبيدات مكافحة الحشراتمكافحة النملمكافحة القوارضمكافحة فئرانشركة نظافةشركة مكافحة الحشراترش مبيداتشركة مكافحة حشراتشركة تخزين عفش بالرياضشركة تخزين عفش>تخزين عفششركة نقل عفش بالرياضشركة نقل عفشنقل الأثاث بالرياضنقل اثاث بالرياض

راندا السيد said...

شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مساجد بالرياض
شركة مكافحة نمل ابيض بالرياض
تنظيف مسابح
نظافة خزانات
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
جلى بلاط
كشف تسربات

راندا السيد said...

شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاج بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة عزل اسطح بالرياض
نقل عفش
تنظيف شقق بالرياض
تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركات تنظيف بالرياض
غسيل مجالس
افضل شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
رش مبيدات
رش مبيد
عزل خزانات

راندا السيد said...

شركة رش مبيدات بالخرج
شركة رش مبيدات بالقطيف
شركة رش مبيدات بالجبيل
شركة رش مبيدات بمكة مكافحة الحشرات المنزلية
مكافحة الوزغ
رش صراصير
شركة مكافحة الصراصير
مكافحة صراصير المنزل
مكافحة نمل المنازل
مكافحة نمل الخشب شركة مكافحة البعوض بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بشقراء
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة غسيل مجالس بالرياض
شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاج بالرياض

hakeem nour said...

شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض

hakeem nour said...

شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
شركة تنظيف واجهات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالرياض
شركة تنظيف موكيت بالرياض
شركة غسيل السجاد بالرياض
شركة تنظيف مسابح بالرياض
شركة كشف تسربات بالرياض
كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
عزل خزانات واسطح
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة عزل اسطح بالرياض
شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض
مكافحة حشرات
شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض

hakeem nour said...

here
here
here

تنظيف مجالس
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالرياض
شركة تنظيف موكيت بالرياض
شركة غسيل السجاد بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيارات بالرياض
شركة شفط بيارات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بيوت بالرياض
شركة كشف تسربات بالرياض
شركة تسربات المياه بالرياض

Vickie Carrington said...

loved reading this and it resonated so much. We are creatures of habit in our house and our daughter thrives on her routine and rituals. She is the kid who after lunch and a book says "I want my bed" and I love and look forward to our dinner, book, bath and bed routine as much as she does. I love that quiet cuddle time after the bath just before I tuck her in for the night.


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