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Thursday, September 06, 2012

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Ok, it's a rainy Thursday. Let's talk...

How old were you when you first had sex?

I was 20. I was a college sophomore. I had a boyfriend. I was nervous.

For weeks leading up to the big event, true to form, I overanalyzed everything: Should I move around in a certain way? Was I supposed to make sexy noises? Would everything fit together the way it was meant to? Would he like it? Would I like it? Would it feel natural? Honestly, the idea of it felt so awkward.

But then my (cooler) friend told me a handy tip: When you're making out, simply focus on how it feels. Don't think about anything else. Because if it feels good to you, she told me, it will almost always feel good to your partner.

So, one morning, I just did that. :)

Spill the beans: How old were you when you lose your virginity? Who was the lucky guy or girl?

P.S. Would you wait to kiss until your wedding day?

(Photo by Todd Selby)

377 comments:

1 – 200 of 377   Newer›   Newest»
Kate {motleymama.com} said...

19.

The morning after I found my first gray hair.

Irony.

Emily Morrice said...

I was 22 on my wedding night! not kidding!

Shelley said...

I was 18! A college freshman with my now fiance - we had been together for 4 and a half years :) It was a long wait for him haha fumbling freshman sex isn't the greatest but when it's with someone you love it's always just perfect.

the urban diaries said...

18. He was my first boyfriend and we were about to go off to college (he was attending Emory, I was going to NYU).

We're still together, over four years later. :)

Becca said...

I was twenty-one. He was a good friend who became something more. I was nervous but I'm happy I waited longer than most people because it ended up being with someone I was comfortable with, who cared a lot about me. The craziest part was that I still remember thinking "This is the least big deal in the world. Why did I freak out so much?"

Paige said...

I was 26 and also on my wedding night!

Sarah said...

I was 19 and the lucky guy is my brand new husband (1 month!). We were bad at it and kind of drunk. But I definitley wouldn't have had it any other way. Did I know that I would marry him? No way, but I'm sure glad it worked out :)

Marcy said...

25 nearly 26. To my then boyfriend, now husband. It was his first time too. He's the same age as me.

Saidah Wilson-Knutson said...

18- it's in the top 10 worst experiences of my life. lol. But fortunately, it's gotten better.

Lynn said...

19, with my first serious boyfriend after about 3-4 months. I waited till I was ready but didn't know when that would be, just that I would feel ready. It ended up being the middle of the day before we said we were going to go shopping.

I totally cried, not out of pain but just out of how special the moment was.

Nikki said...

I was 17 and a college freshman. My high school boyfriend was visiting over a long weekend.

Kris and Cath said...

21, Wedding night. We were both so nervous as we drove to the hotel... did not say one word to each other, which is unlike us completely!

postgraduation said...

I was 20. I waited, even when some of my HS friends were doing it, I wanted to 'love the person'. I know I made the right choice cause I'm 25 and we're still dating (with a few breaks in-between!)

melissa said...

I was 16 (sooo young). I don't regret it at all; he was a wonderful guy, my first love and he was a kind, sweet, loving person. Even though I'm 31 now, married (to a different guy), I still think about and am grateful for my first experience of intimacy. And I'm still friends with my first and think I always will be.

Lillian said...

I was 18, at a party, in the back of a guys car, haha. I just wanted to be done with the whole "virginity" thing and move into what I thought was my sexual maturity. Turns out that really comes later with more practice. I don't regret it, I think it's a fun story to shock people with. :)

Sisterino said...

21 with my boyfriend turned fiance turned husband. I wish we would have waited a few more years until marriage. It wasn't good anyway!

cassiopeia said...

21 and 1/2. with my boyfriend of 4 and 1/2 years. i'm 29 now and we're still together (and sharing the same roof for 1 year and 4 months now) :)

we were out of the town for the first time (alone), in a nice hotel in the mountains... it all fit together :)

kater said...

I was 21. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years at that point, and we were both virgins. I uh, don't actually remember it? We stayed together for 4 more years, so, I don't know I just can't remember our first time!

We broke up 6 months ago and I was HORRIFIED at the idea of having to date and know someone else and deal with all the anxieties of sleeping with someone new, but then when the opportunity came up it wasn't awful at all!

I mean some of it was. I had really bad anxiety for the first few dates and ugh, expectations! But then, you know, when you stop thinking about it and just pay attention to how it feels it's like, yeah this isn't that bad.

Oh geez!

Petya K. Grady said...

18. On my birthday WHILE there was a loud party raging in our house. I think all my friends figured out what was going on. I am mortified thinking about it now but I guess I really liked the guy because I didn't care at the time. (Which was very much unlike me, I cared about everything WAY TOO MUCH at the time).

rawketstarling said...

I was 24 :) With my first real boyfriend--over the course of three days! I kept getting nervous and it kept hurting, until finally on the third day he was all the way through and after that, I figured out why it was so great! He was so patient and sweet and accommodating and wonderful--and he's still spectacular!

bintheknow said...

18. The morning after prom - yay for being a statistic, but it was with my high school boyfriend that at the time I was convinced I was going to marry.
Much love,
B

Margaret Murphy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
April said...

18 - and it was awful! It was with my first love, and that was the best part about it. But the rest- ugh- the worst! So much build up, and just such a quick let down! But... we got the hang of it soon after that. : )

Sarah said...

24, almost 25. I ended up marrying him.

Katie said...

A few months shy of 18. It was with a high school boyfriend. Luckily, he was polite and a gentleman (he was 24!). I'm happy with out it went down. :) Great topic!

iamahoneybee.com said...

well this could sound bad... 14. We were both 14 and freshmen, it was a bit before my 15th birthday. It was with my boyfriend who I dated on and off with since middle school and then we dated most of high school and a bit into college. We prob could have made it work had I not moved away to college and he stayed in town and went to community college, which is not a bad thing, but I didn't feel like he applied himself and the distance was hard on us, specifically me. I don't regret it at all. He is a great guy.

Alex said...

19, to my now-husband. I was so convinced it was going to be awkward that I made a mix of funny "sexy" songs to play so that we'd be giggling anyway. But I remember that "That was it?" feeling afterwards.

Janelle said...

20 years old, with my brand new husband on our wedding night. The drive to the hotel was uncharacteristically silent here too, haha... we weren't exactly nervous- I guess it was more a matter of anticipating/wondering. And once we got there, we were a little bit shy (also unlike us). :)

Zaree Singer said...

I was 16, and although that seems super young now, I was definitely ready. I dated the same boy all through high school and I swear he asked me every single day if we could have sex, and finally I said yes. It was one of those days where the HS schedules a teacher work day, so neither of my parents were home. I did so many bad things on teacher work days! He was so excited he left his socks on. It wasn't that great so I waited a month before doing it again, and then it was AMAZING.

Margaret Murphy said...

I was 17. Sleepover (at friend's house) with my Marine Corps boyfriend who used to drive up from North Carolina on weekends to see me. He was so handsome and sweet and wrote poetry. Oh geez...
Anyway, I played an Innocence Mission CD on repeat and kept talking about, "Should we, or shouldn't we," literally out loud to him. So, we did and I swear, my mom could totally tell the next day.

Cortney said...

I was 17 which seems pretty young based on the other commenters! But at the time, of course, I felt very old and mature. It was actually really good. No regrets!

Kate Harvey said...

I was 23, on my wedding night with my husband.

Amber said...

20. The month before I left for study abroad in Wales. With a guy I was dating casually for a very short time. I just wanted to get it over with since it has so much pressure as "something you'll always remember" and I know how awkward I am with dating, etc. While he was an ass and someone I would never even remotely love, we had good chemistry so I took the plunge. And I don't regret it. Just makes me appreciate how much less awkward that first time was with the next guy, my first real love and current boyfriend.

Nina Leung said...

17 with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. We stayed together for another 5. We were so in love and it was a wonderful first experience, nothing awkward about it. If you're in love, it's perfect.

Melanie Kameko said...

14. And it wasn't romantic, but it wasn't the worst either. But I'm definitely going to suggest to my children that they wait a little bit longer! (ihopeihaveboyysihopeihaveboysandiwillstilltellthemtowait)

kelly zellers said...

I was 21, and at a college party. I was drunk and saw a guy across the room who reminded me of my high school crush. I had recently decided to just get rid of this whole good girl virginity thing, and I just found my target. It was like I became a totally different person, I felt sexy and super confident ( hello, alcohol) and I just walked up to him (interrupting his poker game, OMG I was a ballsy little thing) and asked if he would like to take me home. He obliged, the sex was awful, and I couldn't remember his name the next morning so I had to look through a stack of his mail. I never talked to him again. It was perfect.

Jocelyn Pascall said...

19. It was with my first college boyfriend and I was really glad that it had finally happened. No regrets at all.

Kat G. said...

Seventeen. It wasn't planned at all but turned out to be one of the best accidents of my life. I'm still dating the guy (4 years later)!

weaser said...

19. Worst. Sex. Ever. I was so disappointed, I thought I would really enjoy sex. Thankfully, after deep-sixing that guy and finding someone I was actually compatible with, it got much, much better. :)
Funny (and waaaaay TMI) fact: My hymen had broken when I was younger (farm accident - as I said, TMI) so at least I didn't have to worry about that.

smalldog said...

23 on my wedding night.

rach @ paper hearts said...

18....2nd year of university with a guy I was dating who I am still friends with 9 years later! It lasted about 2 minutes...lol.

Kelsi said...

I was 22, and it was with the man I eventually married. I had been very comfortable with my own sexuality leading up to that point, so it was not emotionally or physically uncomfortable. It was not good, however, that he cheated on me during our marriage. We are now divorced and I am very happy with my new love. =)

Elizabeth Lee said...

I'm waiting until my wedding night, but I'll keep that tip in mind! ;) x

allmussedup said...

I have to say I'm really surprised by all the wedding night commenters! I feel like Hollywood and the media portray teenagers as crazed nymphomaniacs and it's so refreshing to hear that it's not totally the case. I was 21, also freshly married and VERY ready. (:

Carrie said...

Wow is all I can say, I am shocked at how many people actually wait until marriage!

M. said...

I was fifteen and I did not enjoy it. In my home country there was a lot of peer pressure for early sex, so I guess I just went with the flow. Now, so many years after, I don't actually regret it but I just wished I could have saved it for someone who really deserved instead of wasting it with such a scumbag :)

K said...

I was 20, too, and had just finished my sophomore year of college. My boyfriend and I decided to live in Boston for the summer, and it was my first time living on my own in a big city. We had sex in the morning, and later that day I remember walking through the city and feeling so proud, like I'd crossed some threshold. It must have been visible, because I got a big round of catcalls from a group of construction men that day, and I thought to myself, Can they tell?

8 years later, I married that same boyfriend.

Mabel M said...

21. I had never fallen for a guy that much before. He was my first love but turned out he's a d.bag and was playing with my feelings. I was his rebound during his short break with his then-ex. (they got back together right in that week). Yes, my heart was crushed and since then, i've been skeptical of this whole love thing. :'(

Ro said...

I was 18. I decided that I didnt want to be a virgin anymore, and slept with a guy I had been talking to for a month.
We stopped talking some weeks later, but after a few months of silence, we became friends.
And four years later...we're now together and in love. :)

World is My oyster said...

I was 18 about to turn 19 and go off to college. It was with my first boyfriend, who I was with for about 3 years after that. It was a quiet summer afternoon, I think the chappell show was on in the background. Real romantic I know... his dog was in the room. But there was something special about the whole experience. He was just the right one.

Justimaginetherest.tumblr.com said...

This is such a fun post, thanks for being bold Joanna:)

I was 20! Which seems like a pretty normal age from the other posts?

The craziest part is that I called my mom the next morning and told her about it! (leaving out some details) I'll always remember how much we laughed during that conversation. (Is this completely weird?)

mary said...

I was 15 - sounds crazy young, I know, and it was, but we stayed together all the way through high school and college, and now we're getting married at 24, on October 20th this year! Plus we were each other's first. Unusual, but everybody's different!

.kaitlyn. said...

22 on my wedding night. best choice ever!

lisa said...

26! On my wedding night. My husband was 28 and it was his first time too. I was nervous and it hurt a bit, but i wouldn't change anything about our first time together. We spent our wedding night at our first home together, which made it extra special.

Kendall Monroe said...

22 on my wedding night. Happily married to my high.school sweetheart :-)

Amy Powell said...

21. about 45 minutes after we left our wedding reception.

made it through hs & college together and somehow managed to wait because it was important to us :)

J+H @ Beyond The Stoop said...

18. it was not magical. it was not like the movies. it was awkward, it didn't really feel good.

on the bright side... it only went uphill from there ;)

bookwormss said...

I was 15 - no regrets; I was emotionally ready. We ended up dating throughout high school and three years of college.

Elizabeth Hunt said...

Seventeen, at the beach, with a very cute boy that I've never seen again. It was perfect in my eyes, it has remained a romantic, youthful memory.

Ruth said...

22 to my now husband. I remember thinking, "huh? That was what all the fuss is about?!?". It all felt a little overrated but I'm pleased to say it has got better.

Bird said...

20 - Spring Break on campus my Sophomore year of college with my boyfriend in the morning. I don't regret it but maybe a lot of the things that came after. My boyfriend now 26 is a virgin waiting for his wedding day and a part of me wishes I had waited for him.

Heather said...

24 on my wedding night. :)

MissFancyPants said...

That's a lovely story Joanna :)

I was 16, I'd been with my boyfriend for a year and it was so lovely. All his friends had already done it (at 13/14/15 - YIKES) and were teasing him etc the whole time we were dating coz I was making him wait so long. So worth it, and we were together for a further 4 years. I hope my children's first sexual experiences are in such a loving, trusting, respectful situation (whatever age or stage it may be)

Thanks for sharing. Enlightening reading as always.

Nora said...

I'm also a little shocked about the fact that most of the people here waited till they got married... wow!

I was 16 nearly 17, and nearly all of my girlfriends lost their virginity at the age of 15 (my best friend at the age of 13..- quite too young in my opinion too).

It might be just different here in Europe? :)

sofia.romps said...

16. Which I never thought of as particularly young until I saw these posts! I felt ready. I remember it being exciting in a way that was both wonderful and a little nerve-wracking. We broke up 8 months later but I still think of him fondly, he taught me a lot:)

Jess said...

I got really interested in the idea of virginity loss a while back - that is something we have and lose, that there is a singular definition of it (penis/vagina intercourse) that doesn't really apply to same sex couples. It is weird to me that this singular act gets all the attention?
I made a survey during my undergrad about this topic. The survey is available at http://chnm.gmu.edu/tools/surveys/2643/ and you can read the many responses at http://chnm.gmu.edu/tools/surveys/2643/responses/
I never really did anything with the data, but I do think it gives a broader picture of the notion of virginity. Please feel free to share stories.

Sparrow Legs said...

Reading these comments is so interesting- I am a 21 year old from the UK and I was 17 when I first had sex with my first boyfriend, which seems very young in comparison to the other comments but for here in the UK is totally normal, if not a little old. I was chatting to my 16 year old sister the other day about this and she said there is alot of pressure to loose your virginity before it is "legal" and you are totally uncool if you havEn't by the time you are 18. I was my no means the first of my friends, and now having only had sex with 2 people I am considered abnormal. Why are there such big cultural differences and attitudes towards promiscuity and sex in the UK and the USA? I am by no means saying one is right and wrong but it is interesting that waiting for marriage before sex (judging by these comments) is common practice in the US but almost unheard of in the UK. Why is this?
xx

Chelsea said...

People are older than I would have thought, for the most part. I like that! I was 21, he was 23, it was both our first time (talk about not knowing what to do!!) and it was our wedding night. Turned out to be awesome!

Liz Lauren said...

1 month before my 18th birthday! Summer going into high school senior year...we broke up a week later.

http://lavieenliz.com

Jasilyn said...

22. I had always planned on waiting until my wedding night. I never dated the guy, but we saw each other for 8 months. I am glad he was my first.

megan said...

I was 13. Way too young. At the time I thought I was so grown up. Looking back, I was always ahead of my years but that was way to young (obviously).

Penelope said...

21 - senior spring of college with a guy that I was just friends with. I finally felt ready and didn't care about love or being in a relationship. He was nice and he was there. Even though I put it off for years because I never felt ready all of a sudden I was ready. And it was no big deal.
We did it once (awkwardly, badly). Not sure if it was his first time as well... it could have been. I never saw him again after graduation until bumping into him briefly at the Guggenheim years later. Can't really remember his last name anymore...

Paige said...

15... yikes. I thought I was in "love" and was so naive. I regret it but now I'm married and well, my husband has made up for it :)

Lisa said...

I was 31! And my then-boyfriend (now husband) was 37. Oldie McOlds!! This is about 50% because we're Christian, and 50% because we're both shy nerds.

Anyways, it was awkward but we were already so close at the point that it was also funny. It got a lot better as time went on. :)

Ann said...

18, he was my first love. We ended up getting married 2 years later (divorced now but still friends and still share a special affinity for each other).

No way could I wait until my wedding day! :)

Shan said...

I was eighteen. He was my best friend. We both knew it was something more, but I was going off to college and he was joining the army, and we knew it was going to be our last chance. Looking back, it was so romantic, sweet, and sort of innocent. Even though we were sneaking around, and even though he snuck a bottle of white wine from his parents' house haha, the intention was so pure. We wanted that moment together. I don't regret it! I feel like I'll carry the memory with a sneaky smile when I'm older :)

casey_julia said...

Ah - yes. There is much talk of this here in Durban at the moment. An up 'n coming artist, Skullboy, recently hosted an exhibition on the very subject, this is worth a look : http://www.itswhatiminto.com/beta/?p=8019

Danielle said...

I was eighteen. It was winter break my freshman year of college, and I was still dating my high school boyfriend. We'd already been dating for three years, and he'd wanted to forever (teenage boys are crazy about it, huh?). I figured we would probably break up soon (distance wasn't really working out for us with school), but I knew I wanted him to be my first. It was right after Juno came out, and he quoted the movie the entire time so I'd laugh instead of think about how much it hurt. We continued to have pretty awful, but funny sex for a few months before we figured we were better off friends. We're still pretty close, and I was right--I'm glad he was my first, even if we're both better with different people.

goodnightstars said...

I'm 24 and waiting until the wedding night!

Belle on Heels said...

I was 22. He was my first post-college boyfriend. I never really had a reason for not losing it sooner and I always thought it would be this HUGE deal, but it really wasn't. In hindsight that's partly because he wasn't that great :) But it just kind of felt like the right time. He never knew that he was my first!

Steph M. said...

20 and I ended up marrying him a few years later :)

laura said...

haha reading these is so funny! everyone was so old compared to the people i went to school with. i was 18 and i was totally the oldest of my friends by far.it was with my now husband :) i was in college and he was in high school, but we knew each other in high school, i'm not THAT creepy. oh the glamour. it was hilarious, we had a condom hidden in an empty cassette case.

also in response to Sparrow Legs, i only know one person who waited for marriage, it's more of a conservative middle america thing i think. i'm from the northeast and that's really uncommon here. the puritanism of the people who came here first is hard to die i guess. you should look at our sad, breast-less magazines because how horrible the country would become if females were allowed to love and enjoy their bodies and sexuality. don't worry though, we can turn on the tv and watch murdering and crime until we're blue in the face and that's totally ok.

Nina said...

I'm 31 and it hasn't happened yet. I'm waiting until my wedding night (Well, I need a boyfriend first.). I'd also like for my first kiss to be on my wedding day. :)

Rebecca Keller said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna Hamill said...

27. Just 10 weeks ago, with my husband on our wedding night. We were warned it could not be the best, but it only gets better after the first time. We were very pleasantly surprised, and had such a fun time! We will hold on to many fond memories for the rest of our lives.

Camille said...

I'm waiting until marriage; I'm currently 24 and single :)

Jessica, 22, England said...

@Sparrow Legs I totally agree (I'm MissFancyPants slightly further up) I'm almost jealous of the ease with which it's OK to wait in America. I was 16 (almost 17) and I felt mega old and my friends had already done it. And I had only slept with 2 people when I was 21 too and regarded pretty abnormal. Funny old world eh

Carly Swift said...

I was 15 and secretly in LOVE with my best guy friend of 2 years. Turns out he was secretly in love with me too. Once we found out how we both felt, it was just natural to take it to the next level. It was awkward but comfortable and I am still grateful that I had a loving and patient partner I could trust.

We were together for 4.5 years before we decided one day it just wouldn't work out. I haven't talked to him since but I have no regrets. He will always have a special place in my heart.

stephanie said...

I was 18 or 19...I honestly can't remember which. But I remember "it." It was with my best guy friend. We had been friends for along time with some serious sexual tension, so I knew it would happen at some point. One night we were at my brother's place and after a hefty amount of booze we just went for it. The sex part was fine...the bad part was having my brother tell me the next morning how loud I was. Ooops.

sophie isabelle said...

19. with my first serious boyfriend. i am still with him. took a while to get it right, because obviously it was my first time - but you're right, you just have to go on what you feel. not over analyse. :)

Stephanie said...

21 and on our wedding night!!!! friends of my husband's fixed up our fancy hotel room with candles, flower petals, and hot water in the tub but the most memorable part of it is that they left a couple of beer cans laying around! ha! so so SO glad we waited. the wait was tough, though, of course.

Anne Marie said...

I was 20 and I had been with my boyfriend for 1 year. 7 years later we are still together :)

Heather said...

I was 15. I was young, but I don't regret it. He was my first love and we were together for about 3 years and then 2 more years on and off as we drifted apart during college. Those years of my life are still some of my best - regardless of whether I was having sex or not! They always bring a smile to myself. Especially now that life is so different - I'm married and expecting my first child with the man who is truly the love of my life. It's fun to look back on the wild and crazy days of youth - and secretly hope your child is never as bad as you were. ;)

Amory said...

I was freshly 15. Even though I prefer to live my life without regrets, I still wish I had waited for someone more deserving of something so sacred...

Di said...

24, wedding night.

agapelife said...

23 on my wedding night. I was sooooooo nervous!

Gina said...

I was 17 and it was with my high school boyfriend. Eleven years later we got married. He's the only guy I've ever been with, no regrets here! :)

AP said...

19. Freshman year of college to my college boyfriend. It was the middle of they day - at his parents' house. They came home in the middle of "it" and I had to make a run for the bathroom to put my clothes back on! We stayed together for 2 more years and found more private places to do the deed. :)

LK said...

18 to my high school boyfriend almost a year after we graduated. We only had sex a few times. I think we were just so awkward. I will soon have the first time with the guy I've been dating for a few months and I'm terrified. It's like losing my virginity all over again, mainly because the last guy I slept with was my ex and we were together for 2+ years so I think I've forgotten what to do!

Corrie Anne said...

Last year at 26 -- my wedding night. :) I see I'm not the only one.

Nicki Clark said...

29 and on my wedding night. It was my husband's first time too. We had both chosen to wait. Rookie night in the honeymoon suite, but it was tender and loving and perfect. Couldn't imagine anything better.

Annie Citrine said...

I'm 21, still a virgin, and DEFINITELY waiting for my wedding night. I can't imagine doing anything so intimate and vulnerable with anyone who hadn't promised to love me forever. :)

Melanie Liliana said...

I was 18 and it was my high school boyfriend. I have no regrets and we all have the same friends so we see each other whenever were both home and were cool.
I loved this post!

iambornlippy.blogspot.com

Shan said...

To add to the dialogue Sparrow Legs brought up, I think opinions on sex and marriage in the US are actually really geographically diverse. I grew up in Virginia near DC, where my friend group was mixed. I had friends who started having sex at 15, but a few others who were vocal about waiting for marriage. However, I went to school in the northeast, where "waiting for marriage" was a completely foreign concept, even among my friends in the Christian community there! Now that I am out of college, my only friends who are engaged or married are from the south. Most of my friends from college don't even have serious boyfriends. It's obviously not a clear cut north-south line, but my point is that opinions on sex, even within the US, are hugely mixed!

Meggie said...

22, wedding night :) A little awkward, plenty wonderful and it's only gotten better with time.

art lover said...

I was 20. New Years Day. Won't forget it! It hurt SO much more than I had ever been lead to believe!

He was my first boyfriend and I was beyond head over heels in love with this guy. It's almost embarassing to think about...but hey, isn't that the way "first loves" usually go?? He was a few years older and although we started dating when I was 18 I had this weird hang up over waiting until I was 20 to have sex. Somehow I felt like I would be an irresponsible teenager if I waited before then...seems funny to me now, lol!

Mollie D said...

I wanted to wait until I got to college, so I was 18. Lost it to a guy that I never dated but is one of my best friends to this day, couldn't have chosen a kinder, gentler guy to lose it too. (oh and I bled all over his sheets- humiliating, but he was too sweet about it)

tamara said...

I was eighteen, and it was definitely not to the guy I will marry, nor was it a particularly special moment.

Joanna, I don't know if you have data on this or if you would share it, but I am so, so curious if the majority of your readership tends as conservative (socially, at least) as your commenters do. I actually find it really fascinating.

Ashley said...

My wedding night, in 2 days. I am 26 and my fiance is 29. We're both excited, and anxious of course. It's strange to wait so long and then just jump right in! Very timely topic for me, and I've loved reading the comments.

plch said...

27... with someone else's boyfriend but I loved him *first*... ahem, not that it makes much difference but I'm happy that it happened like it did, it was good and it took a huge burden off my shoulders: I didn't enjoy being a 27 year old virgin at all. Life was easier afterward although I had still to wait a few years for my first relationship (with my today's husband).

Ariadna said...

I was 18. First College semester. I was madly in love, we were both virgins and I was rather comfortable with my sexuality...him, not so much I think. It wasn't magical, I remember thinking "that's it?" I took me a long time to get my first orgasm.
I can't really say I regret it, but that person hurt me deeply 4 years later so... kinda sucks.
I am married now...3 years :) and a lot happier with our sex life

7459e20e-f83d-11e1-a6fc-000bcdcb8a73 said...

i love the honesty in these comments :) .

i was 21 on the night of my first time. with a guy i'd been dating for a month!

i was hell-bent on saving sex for my first long-term relationship (which i knew this wouldn't be... my last semester of undergrad, his last of grad school, so graduation was a sort of "expiration date," if you will.) i even stopped him while making out one day and gave him an (embarrassingly rehearsed) lecture on how i couldn't have sex be a part of our thing!

but funny how things work out, he shook up everything i thought i felt and wanted. he was the polar opposite of my "type," but he was so darn SEXY. he just KNEW what to say and do, you know? i knew i wanted to experience sex with him, but i kept trying to hold myself back... then all at once i realized i felt so comfortable and safe with him, and i just finally felt liberated enough to go after what i really wanted.

so i initiated it one month to the day after we met :) . no regrets. and he was so sweet about it (it was so, so far from his first time). real vanilla, and not perfect, but i loved it. PLUS, we got sooo much better at it by the end of the semester ;) . fond, fond memories. what a guy.

Keekee said...

Eighteen. We were madly in love and it was his first time too. It was magical and a bit scary. We've been apart for many years now, but I still can feel this special bond that we created that night.

Sarah M. said...

I love reading everyone's stories!

I was 14. It hurts to type that. I normally lie about it because now I just think I was too young! But all's well that ends well. My first and only was my last :o). We've been together for 13 years and will be married for 2 years in October.

embily said...

27. on my wedding night!

circlecitytwentysix said...

24 - I was a second year graduate student and it was with a first year grad student who was also working in my office. We were both really drunk. It was not good at all and I haven't done it since.

I'm hoping the next time is with someone who I actually care about. and that large amounts of alcohol aren't involved so I can fully experience it!

Meg said...

Haha oh wow. It made my day to see this post. Haven't lost mine yet...haven't found the right one ;)

manderr said...
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Kate M. said...

I was 23, a senior in college, with my first serious boyfriend who was also my first love. I'm glad I waited until that point. It took a few tries but we eventually got the hang of it.

K said...

22. Right after I became a real Peace Corps volunteer instead of just a Peace Corps trainee, the night before I headed off to my bush post ALONE. It was with another volunteer at the afterparty.

Wow... I thought I was SO old.... these other comments suggest that was not the case!

Unknown said...

21. We met in college, and were on our grad trip when we decided to just go with the moment.. Before this, I always thought I'd wait until marriage.. But that turned out to be harder than I thought!

Btw, how do you know that it's gonna happen and overanalyse it before that? Mine kinda happened in the heat of the moment...

I love this conversations btw, my friends and I never talk about this, perhaps because of the conservative culture in Singapore?

Melissa Blake said...

I'm 31 and still have my v-card! I'm waiting for my wedding night....loved reading everyone's story!

Heba said...

I went through all the comments and I'm really surprised with how many women waited and saved it to someone special! nice post

http://girlynote.blogspot.com

Kristin said...

I was 24, the guy before my handsome husband, in a kinda of "oops" moment and I regretted it. But my husband waited for our wedding night!

erma!!!! said...

I was 24 and it was a booty call. I recently decided I still had time to be young and reckless. That period didn't last long. :P

Liz said...

16 with my first boyfriend who i stayed with for another 5 years. No regrets, but I remember it being awkward.

Vanesa said...

I was 18, with my current boyfriend (3 years and counting! :). We waited a whole year because I was (still am!) super paranoid about unplanned pregnancies. I felt weepy afterwards. :)

Craft Lovely said...

I was 16, thought by doing it with the person I was with that he'd care for me more. I was naive and didn't understand that I was basically a fling after he had gotten out of a 3 year relationship (he was 21 and so much older!). I remember the next day waking up and feeling different, like I was finally "a woman." Wasn't horrible, but wasn't good either. Still, no regrets. Looking back it’s nice to be with husband and see how much better sex is with someone who loves you as much as you love them!

And just a side-note: I'm embarrassed to say the only time I've literally fallen asleep during sex was on my wedding night! I was so exhausted from all the late nights of crafting and getting things ready before the big day that I literally could not keep my eyes open after a late night of partying. We had been together for 6 years before we married (and were intimate from the beginning) so it didn’t ruin any first experiences... at least we're able to look back and laugh at that! I'd say don't wait till your wedding night, you'll be too exhausted to enjoy it properly! Haha.

Sara Geidlinger Photography said...

glad to see a few more 14s here... :)

paige said...

I was 24. I've been with him for 2 years now, and we are so happy. For me, waiting was the right decision!

kate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kristin said...

18, freshman year of college, in my dorm room, with my roomate studying with headphones on about 10 feet away.

Which is the only part I regret about it (Sorry Tracy!)

Still with the guy, now my husband, 9 years later.

Cara said...

I was 17. My high school boyfriend. It has been years now and we still talk from time to time- he is getting married this month. I don't regret it. I was one of the last of my friends to go.

Sian said...

18, upstairs in my boyfriend's parent's house (he was 17). We'd only been going out six weeks but it felt right, we'd planned it a couple of days beforehand(!), and it was a little clumsy but fun! We'd neither done it before so it wasn't that awkward, more of an adventure.

We're still together now nearly 8 years later, and 6 months married, but I think even if we weren't together now it would've been the right time and person.

Melissa Kelenske said...

18. I was in love and had just returned from a month-long post-grad trip to Germany. We'd been waiting until the birth control I started before the trip kicked in....

It was perfect.

We dated for a few years after that, took a break, dated other people, came back together....and we've been married for eight years. Wouldn't have it any other way.

kate said...

I was 15, which in retrospect seems way too young, but at the time I felt very mature and in love.

ms wendy said...

Wow. A lot of y'all waited! Interesting. I didn't expect that.

I was 18. I went to Europe. I met a nice English boy. We had sex in the back of an abandoned school bus. It was great. I was super ready - my high school boyfriend and I had done everything but (not for his lack of trying). I always had a thing for English boys, so when this one came along, I didn't want to say no. We never spoke again, but 2 years later - on another trip to Europe - I met a different English boy. We have been together ever since (13 years, married for 8).

Sara said...

Nine months ago. I am 28, and it was with my husband. After all that waiting (it was so hard but I always wanted to give that to my husband), I thought it would be so seamless and natural, but I was so incredibly nervous. I wish I had read this comment thread beforehand to just let him happen natural and focus on how it feels. There were just 28 years of expectation leading up to that moment, but I am so glad I got to share that moment with my husband.

Sian said...

Hey Sparrow Legs - I've wondered that too, I'm also from the UK.

I wonder if it's religious difference - Church of England/generally less churchgoing in the UK vs the different evangelical christian groups in the US (my impression is that they're big on waiting for marriage).

Wonder what US readers think?

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

I was 15; and we were so much in love. It wasn't beautiful ..... but he and his love was!

Janelle said...

22, on my wedding night. Never before had I felt so loved. My husband is the sweetest ;)

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Carolina said...

19. I was a freshman in college.

Jamie said...

@Sparrow Legs - it's not different at all in the US and UK. The 130-or-so people who have commented here don't exactly represent an entire populations of millions lol! There are definitely a lot of older ages being quoted here which I find surprising too! I live in the US, and here it's just as common for people to lose their virginity at younger ages here as anywhere else. I, however, didn't lose mine til I was 19, and I felt that was old but I def wasn't ready before then. I am totally surprised by the number of people who have waited or are waiting for marriage. That's great though! Good for you guys :)

Amy said...

I'm so surprised at the number of commenters that waited for marriage! I can't think of any of my friends who actually waited but it looks as though a lot of people do!

I was 18, and it was uneventful. I remember literally thinking "THIS is it? THIS is what people go on about?" haha. It wasn't bad - I just didn't get the appeal right away :)

Bettye Rainwater said...

17. With my first love. Very sweet. When my daughter turned 17 and I thought of her having sex at that age, GAH, she seemed FAR too young!!! I probably seemed the same.

openid said...

20 - I felt like I was old! I married him :)

Shannon said...

I was 16 - nearly 17 and we did it in a room with another couple. I can't imagine what I was thinking! I felt like I was the last person on earth to have sex! It was to my then boyfriend who I loved. The sex was bad, got slightly better before I broke up with him after he went to university. Fun memories! I am definitely glad I experienced sex with a few people before my husband. If I didn't, I think I would always be curious.

sumslay said...

I'm thinking all the marriage ones are Mormons? I know one Southern Baptist couple that waited until marraige, but that's it. Not that there's anything wrong with waiting, but I'm waaaaaay too curious and I sure as hell didn't want to rush into marriage.

I was 19. (And aside from the friends I mentioned above, everyone else in my hometown lost theirs between 13-16.) I had been waiting to meet a guy that I actually liked, but I reaaaally didn't want to be a virgin in my 20s, so I called up my hs ex. Done and done.

beautifulnest said...

this is such a great topic and i really loved looking through the comments! i was 18, a freshman in college, and i lost mine to my jerk boyfriend at the time... i was the only virgin that i knew and so i kind of gave into the pressure. plus i was curious ;) i dont think i regret it though, because after that experience i've been more ''choosy'' i guess you could say... and i've still had the least amount of partners out of most of my friends!

Megan said...

27, after the wedding.

Alexis said...

I was 22, it was a one night stand, though I still see him around. I didn't tell him it was my first time and it all sort of happened. I was anxious to drop my "V" card (as my friends called it) and when the opportunity presented itself I went with it.
I don't have any regrets about losing my virginity to him or in general but I wish I'd been in a relationship.

Kelsey Chase said...

It was my wedding night when I was 22 :) I'm so happy my husband and I waited (as it was his first time too). We never viewed it as "losing our virginity" either. It instead defined us as "being married".

fiendbyname said...
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BeauDEEful said...

I was 19. It was with my high school sweetheart. We had been together for 2 years and I wanted to wait until marriage but realized I was going to marry HIM! :)

Only I didn't marry him and we broke up right before Senior year due to the long distance we had between us all those years. I am currently dating the man I hope to marry one day! :)

Keri said...

16, to my first serious boyfriend. I loved him in a way, and it was a good experience, but cold. It was November or December and his house was being painted so the doors and windows were all open. Brr.

Anna said...

17

white owl said...

I was 18 and we dated for five more years.

@ Sumslay & Sparrowlegs- I think that the commenters who waited for marriage are mostly Mormon. I'm sure that's not the typical age range for the U.S.
I think I read that the average age in the U.S. was 17.

KConn said...

26 and on my wedding night!

Rachel said...

16, it sounds so young now. I don't regret it one bit. We are still friends, we chat about 3 to 4 times a year.

Sparlingo said...

I was 23 - It was either my wedding night, or the night after, depending on your definition of virginity (let's just say things were very painful and didn't really work as expected on night one - some premedication and lubrication and night 2 was a lot better! So fun).

No regrets - my husband is amazing. Of course I don't say this with any superiority in mind. It was the right choice for us. I was hubby's first as well (he was 27).

Hailstorm said...

I was 20 and it was on my wedding night. I wouldn't have it any other way. I thought we might both be nervous and awkward but it was so natural and wonderful.

Jessica Burns said...

16. Apparently, that is young compared to the other comments! I don't regret it at all. High school boyfriend. I am at little surprised at all the older ages.

Sennie said...

Wedding night - age 20
<3

Lele said...

18, first week of college. Never spoke to him again, and it was kind of perfect. Git'r done!

Elise said...

I was 19 and it was my wedding night. It was so romantic and beautiful! a little awkward and we needed practice but we had to start somewhere!

SingsTheMagpie said...

Just turned 15 in a mall parking lot. How romantic. :/

Jessica Thiessen said...

I thought I was the only wedding night-er left but I see tons already! I was 20 :) For me, it was the greatest decision I made.

Bethany said...

Wedding night, 22 years old. And my hubs was a 25-year-old virgin, too. No regrets. It's been great to learn everything together and never worry about the game of comparison. First and only. <3

Mairéad said...

I am so surprised at the older ages!
For me, I was 16 and it was with my first boyfriend, a very handsome solider just a year older than me - I was head over heels mad about him.. for about six months! Teenagers eh? So fickle!!!
Oh and it was under a tree in a farmers field near my house - classy! No regrets, I still smile thinking about him.

MinnaBrynn said...

25 - a week after our wedding. Our wedding night we hung out with guests until after midnight-and the next day was another wedding, and another night of being with friends until the small hours of the morning. Then a couple days of work - then our honeymoon. After a day of sleeping and relaxing, we finally had sex. We both admit that our first thoughts were 'that's it?' But it's gotten much, much better. (Not Mormon, but raised conservative-Christian. That played a part, but we agreed to wait and both felt keeping that promise was as important as keeping any promise we made/make in our relationship.)

mabe said...

I was 16 and so was my boyfriend (first time for both of us) it was amazing! We're still together 5 years later and engaged. It's a dream come true!!

Alison said...

18, to a boy who had been crushing on me for years and I finally felt the same way! It was wonderful, although we weren't together for long.
I'm amazed at how many women here had their first time with the man they eventually married! I feel a little bad now that my number is as high as it is...

cianne said...

17. had no idea what I was doing. and the guy ended up to be a complete jerk. should have waited.

on a better note- marrying my best friend next month :)

jenny said...

I was 19 going on 20. He was my HS sweetheart and I was head over heels in love. He played baseball in college (who can say no to a man in baseball pants?!). We both wanted to wait until we got married, but one night it just...happened. Somehow we ended up on the cold carpet (rug burn anyone?)and trying to be quiet as to not wake up his roommates. I tried to convince him to marry me shortly after that, I was so sure that one day we would. We didn't and broke up close to a year later. But I think the worst part of the whole experience is when his mom found out and called my mother to spill the beans. I was mortified. But thankfully, now, we can joke about it.

I still believe I was emotionally too young for that, but love makes you do stupid things. And congrats to all you ladies out there who waited. (: I tip my hat to you...

Mommy Lauren said...

18....it was with a kinda bf from senior year, we'd left for different colleges but had each come home a few weeks into the semester for a concert..I finally let him go all the way bc I figured now that I was in college I could loose the v card. The condom broke half way through! So we stopped. My first real sexual experience was with another guy I'd started dating later in the semester....I technically wasn't a virgin, but was the first time I'd really gone All the way with the sex, not stopped half way thru bc of a broken condom!

Tess said...

I'm waiting until marriage... next June! I'll be 21.

@sumslay... we're definitely not mormon! and not super conservative either. we're christians, and think that it is so special to only have sex with one person, the person who has promised to love you forever!

Kerri Lynne said...

Someone noted that these responses seem conservative but I wonder if that's because those of us who lost our virginity at younger ages (like myself) aren't particularly proud and are maybe just not responding?

I definitely lost my virginity too young and can see that in retrospect, but at the time I thought I was old enough, mature enough and ready. I hung out with some friends that were older and was convinced, of course, that my boyfriend and I would be together forever. Luckily this wasn't the case...haha!

Everything happens for a reason and every choice I've made up until now - the good and the bad - has molded me into the person I am today so I have no regrets.

Meg said...

23 wedding night.

Sara said...

@Kelsey Chase What a wonderful way to look at it. I hope that comments like this thread are around when I have children. Sometimes there's this pressure to enter adulthood by getting rid of your virginity or doing what the adults do, but it is so nice to know you share something so intimate with only your husband. It's something a married couple does because of the commitment and intimacy you have both promised each other--not because you're horny and think you're in love (which believe me, I would've been much younger had this been my criteria).

Me...Me...Me... said...

I was 16 years old:) yes i know it was young but it was with my firs love and first boyfriend... and to tell you the troth we are still together and i am engaged rite now. And we are 6 years together:)

Sarina Cass said...
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Sarina Cass said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarina Cass said...

I was 17! It was with my childhood best friend and neighbor. We would I would play "doctor' and play for hours in the mud at ages 2-10. He moved across the country and then to CT (we grew up in MA) and we stayed in touch through the years. I went to his high school graduation party and then it happened.... I would have not wanted to share it with anyone else. xoxo

Yoga Susie said...

17...I had been dating my boyfriend for only a few months. It may have seemed quick, but he was a few years older (20) and besides, I was curious and wanted to try it out! I was lucky - he was a great guy and we ended up together for four years.

KateH said...

I'm 28 and hopefully going to wait. I definitely wouldn't classify myself as conservative. But I am a christian (who loves all people - seriously! I do!) and I want to wait for the man I'll spend the rest of my life with.
I also work with youth and children and am hopefully an example to them. Even though I know a few have had sex (and have had some consequences as far as addiction and pregnancy), I hope I can help teach them to be responsible for themselves and others.

anbkr said...

18, first year of university - I had been with my first significant boyfriend for a few months after being friends for a while before we got together. We still remain friends today. I'll say this - I'm glad I waited until I was out of high school.

Stephanie said...

The comment about those of us who waited till marriage being mormon is pretty funny! for me it just made life so much SIMPLER. no regrets! no comparisons! such a sign of our union.

Katie said...

I love this topic! Has anyone read this article from The Atlantic? I thought it was a fascinating look at modern women and sex.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/09/boys-on-the-side/309062/1/

Kayla said...

17 to my then boyfriend, now fiancé. He was so sweet and gentle and it was one of the best moments of my life to date.

SteffanyF said...

16!
Super young but I don't regret it at all. I had been with the guy (3 years older than me) for a year and a half and stayed with him for another year after. I don't think I could have asked for a better first experience. Not that it was amazing, but it was with someone I loved and trusted.

good_to_be_home said...

19...on my wedding night. We've been married almost 17 years now.

Carmen said...

Both my then boyfriend (now husband) and myself were 22 and virgins. It got much better with experience...

Carmen said...

Both my then boyfriend (now husband) and myself were 22 and virgins. It got much better with experience...

.sa said...

17. I was tired of waiting. Don't regret it at all. I was ready and it was entirely my own decision, I was curious what it was all about. I stayed over at my then boyfriends place- I didn't feel any pressure to either wait or do "it". And it was great for what it was- even though I wasn't particularly in love. I broke up with him a few months later.

8 years later I found the real love of my life :)

Becky Perry said...

I was 27 and it was my wedding night. I had thought waiting until my wedding to kiss was a good idea but that didn't work out, BUT we did wait until we were engaged to kiss and I thought that was cool. My husband is the only man I have ever kissed - I'm PROUD of that! :)

Cathy said...

25. On my wedding night :)

Courtney Adamo said...

It's so interesting reading all the comments! There are so many people who are still with their first. Or who waited to be married!

I was 18. A freshman in college. We were on the top bunk in my dorm room.. and I fell out of the bed right afterward. Super embarrassing. So awkward. (But a funny story.) xx

Julie Taylor said...

24 on my wedding night!

Aya said...

I was 18 and it was with my first boyfriend.

A month or so later, my dad asked if we'd lost our virginity together (how did he know!?!) and I told him yes. He said, "I think that's a wonderful person to share that with." Then he asked if we used protection. When I told him yes, condoms, he smiled and said he was proud of me. It was such a lovely and short conversation that I still remember. I hope I will be as supportive and calm as he was.

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