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Monday, August 06, 2012

How many kids do you hope to have?

We are hoping to have...

...two! Now and again, we'll get carried away (especially after an especially successful day of parenting:) and talk about how fun it would be to have four. But then we think about the logistics of our day-to-day lives, and realize that two is the magic number for us. Fingers crossed; knock on wood. And I would LOVE to see Toby as a big brother.

We're thinking of "trying" for a second baby this fall or winter. We were very lucky and didn't try with Toby; he was a welcome honeymoon surprise. But now we'll be trying and then waiting each month to see what happens (I've heard a lot about the infamous "two week wait"). The whole process makes me excited and nervous. (And I can't imagine how hard/disheartening it must be to keep on waiting...)

What about you? How many children do you hope to have? None? One, two, three? The more, the merrier? Not sure?
P.S. All about pregnancy.

(Top photo by Mihaja Photography; bottom photo by Louis Fleckenstein)

321 comments:

1 – 200 of 321   Newer›   Newest»
Jody said...

We have three, and that was always the plan. We definitely feel 'complete'. They are quite the trio!

Anonymous said...

We just found out we are pregnant with our first today! So we'll see how one goes but I'm kind of hoping for 3; it's seems like fun to go places as a family and be a "bunch".

Amy P said...

Four! We both come from families of four, so to us it feels like a good, balanced number. It helps that I have cousins with eight or nine kids - it makes four seem reasonable!

RosieB said...

That last photo is so incredibly beautiful and intimate. Two's a good number I think! Toby would be a marvellous big brother :)

www.ciderwithrosiebee.blogspot.com

Deanna (Silly Goose Farm) said...

I always said if I had more than two kids, I'd have to have them in pairs (so, four, six, eight, etc). I always felt that once you have three, you might as well have seven, because once you are outnumbered, you're outnumbered.

I have two. I thought about a third but two is all I can managed (I have Irish Twins). I'm not really sure how I would be able to "enjoy" a third. I feel like with my attention drawn between two, I sometimes miss things as it is. Plus, I kind of felt guilty having more than two, because with two, my husband and I are "reproducing ourselves" and having a third felt kind of selfish considering all the overpopulation problems in the world/children who have no families to love them. If I have a third child, it would be through adoption, no doubt.

Anonymous said...

I have two and always planned on two. No prob getting #1, but after two miscarriages- 2 finally came 3years and 4 months after #1. I am so glad I started trying when #1 was 18 months. Three years b/w kids is really good. After that too far apart. My kids play pretty well and jealousy/competition is not really an issue since they aren't too close in age. At age 8 and 5 they can go to some of the same summer day camps together and can do many of the same activities which is good for us.
However, I get weepy now and then and think about how great it would be to have more kids around when I'm older. They are such gifts. And really the diapers, drool, sleepless ness is justa blip in the grand scheme.
Good luck!!!

Dianne said...

We gave birth to boy/girl twins in April after trying for 3 years. They are very easy going as babies go but it has been a HUGE adjustment and the delivery was a bit harrowing for me health-wise. So we might be thinking "shops closed". Although they do grow so fast!

kate said...

We have one and we are stopping there, which was a surprise to me initially because I always imagined having three. Before I actually had one. :-) We started having that conversation when he was nine months old and just kept talking about it. He will be four in October and we are still positive we have made the right decision for our family. I usually don't link to my own posts, but this was one I thought was really important to write down. I read it more than a year and 1/2 later and I still feel the same way.
http://sheusedtowalkfast.blogspot.com/2011/02/28-is-pretty-great.html

Ashlae said...

Yay for more babies!

As of right now, my boyfriend and I are not planning on having any children. We're incredibly selfish and like things the way they are. I should also add that I'm a nanny, and have helped to raise a handful of children over the past five years. They are so. much. work. I'm just not cut out for it 7 days a week ;)

Sarah Caron said...

I used to think that four was the right number for us. But after having two, I realized that two is the perfect amount for our family. It was a hard thing to come to terms with since I was pretty set on four for awhile.

Anonymous said...

if we can have kids, it will be more than one. i am an only child and my cousins are only children. i would never ever choose do that to my child.

we just started trying in april and it is harder than i thought it would be. it doesn't help that the only thing regular about my cycle is that i'm irregular; alas, it definitely makes me think about all those years i was so intent on preventing pregnancy.

RTah said...

I am planning on 2 and then waiting to see if we want a third. We are trying right now, and the two week wait is so killer. We have been trying for 6 months and it already feels like forever! Definitely much harder than I always thought it would be...

Malia said...

Wow, you couldn't have more perfect timing. I just took a pregnancy test this morning and it was negative :( I'm hoping maybe I took it too early because I'm being impatient. It will be our first of hopefully 2. Although we havn't been trying for long I'm already a little sad it wasn't positive. The TWW website is perfect for me to commiserate with all the other ladies who are waiting.

Sarah Hope Dickert said...

We'd like three. It seems like a sweet spot for our family-- I'd like two boys and a girl (we already have our sweet girl.) But I feel deep inside that we'll probably have all girls-- it's gonna suck to pay those wedding bills! :)

Whitney said...

We wanted five, but it's looking more and like we'll be lucky if we're able to have one.

Rose said...

I've always thought one, two or four (no offence to threes!).

I'm a one and that it's wonderful and challenging bits- I'm not against ones (lots of ones I know are). Two is nice I think, four would be wonderful but as I'm 31 potentially tricky and I think you need a lot of time, which means a lot of money to not have to work- or to be JK Rowling or something! Also I have noticed children from large families can be a bit teflon emotionally, I think that serves them well but I might find it hard as an only parenting them- we'd be very different- but maybe that's great.

I'd just like to think I could have a child if I want to, you never know until you try I guess

Charlotte said...

I'd like 2 I think.. although honestly I'm not sure. Some days I don't even think I want any! x

Anonymous said...

I always only wanted two children. After a miscarriage at 33, I got pregnant again and had my first son at age 35. At 38, I had a second miscarriage and went through a bit of depression and then got busy with life with a growing boy. At age 42, my husband and I thought we were probably done but then came pregnancy number two and our second son! The boys are now 4 and 11. And trust me, sibling rivalry is alive and well with them! They are both crazy about Legos and soccer and going fishing. And we, of course, are a complete family.

mama84 said...

I'd like 2 maby 3:)

Kiley Kate said...

I change my mind depending on the factors I guess, but it's always been 1-4. If I have the money and time, 4. If I don't, then 1 or 2. 3 would be ideal for me :)

--r said...

We're expecting our second any day now (c'mon, kiddo!). Our first was a boy, and now we're going to have a girl—so one of each!
It took us about 15 months of trying for this second one and since it took just one month of trying for the first, it felt like a LONG wait and a lot of disappointment.
I think I'd sort of like to have a third, but we're waiting to see how well we handle two first. :)

AVY said...

2 sounds like more than enough to be honest, but maybe I'll change my mind.


/ Avy
http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com



Luli Belmonte said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mairead said...

We have one great little honeymoon boy who is almost 18mths. We started trying again when he turned one and got pregnant straight away but miscarried at 3 months... so now we are trying again and I am so so impatient! I really wanted a small gap but every month that goes past makes that gap bigger and bigger.. Fingers crossed as ideally we would love 3 kids although we are already blessed with one :)
Hope it is easier for you Jaonna x

Anonymous said...

I always wanted 2, but after 3 years of trying no babies so far. Hope that will change soon :)

Sabine said...

Two! We have our two kids, a boy and a girl, and i would say we are complete.
Greetings from Switzerland, Sabine

PS: I wish you luck! :-)

Tonia said...

One. One one one one! And I'm so pleased I have her, even as we begin to enter the teenage phase. There was a point when, whacked out on post-cesaerian drugs, I turned to my ex-husband and said "this is easy, lets have 5".
Ha! Luckily the meds wore off before I left hospital.

Luli Belmonte said...

I'm too young for being a mom now but, in my future, I would like to have five. I'm already telling my boyfriend! hahaha

XOXO.-

Anonymous said...

Life gets in the way of plans - I was dead set on having one, and then we had twins.
Love those crazy guys and now sometimes consider having a third, just to have the experience of having only one baby instead of the insanity of two to manage, but probably will just stick with two.

Bree said...

We have two and will be trying for our third, and last, baby this fall. Three was the number we decided on before we got married and it still feels like the right thing for us (although I do harbor 4th fantasies, I don't think it will become a reality). Every time I think of stopping with our two girls, I just feel like there is another person out there waiting to join our family. With three years between all our kids, I'm pretty ready to get on with the next stage. However, neither of us will be taking permanent steps to alter our fertility so we can always change our minds!

Joanna, check out the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". I got pregnant the 2nd month trying using her methods. Also, it is so cool to learn about your cycles and what i going on "down there".

elise leighann said...

we don't have any yet, but two sounds perfect. we'll be grateful to have any though--so many people can't have any!

best of luck trying for number 2!

Anitra Sweet said...

We only wanted one but I became prego with twins when my daughter was 8 weeks old! So yeah... we have 3 and we couldn't be happier and if truth be told... i have baby fever like crazy right now and wouldn't mind another but we have to think of quality of life for our 3 babies we have now. :) Do you want a girl? Or do you not care?

abi bechard said...

We are in the unknown camp. We'd been married nine months before I got pregnant. And we're "trying" or "not avoiding" that while time. I'm not sure how easy additional pregnancies will be. Our son is 4 months old. My only prayer is for a bit of spacing. No 13-17months apart babies, please.

I am the oldest of ten. My husband is the third of seven. (We aren't catholic or Mormon).

We are open for whatever blessing God calls us too. But I'm hopeful for 5. Seems a full bustling number without panic.

Anonymous said...

All I ever hear about is the rising cost of college. It's more expensive than ever to raise a child. I suppose, for each generation, it's always been that way and people somehow make it work. We have to save for retirment, pay for increasing health care costs and have more expenses related to technology than previous generations. How are others managing the financial planning responsibilties that must be considered when growing a family? It seems so very overwhelming. Thanks!!

The Romneys said...

My husband always wanted 12. Then we had 1, and his number went waaay down. Then we had another (she was born when our first was only 21 months old), and he decided he was good with 2 kids. I always wanted 6, but now I'm thinking I'd be ok to stop at 4. :)

M said...

We have 4, which was the plan. I'm not gonna lie, it can be a lot of work (they're all 2 years apart, give or take a few months on either end), and all under 11, so.... ). When they're getting along, it can be so great to see them together! Whatever feels right for you, Jo, and your husband is probably what's right for you! Best of luck!

Gina said...

I come from a family of five girls and my husband comes from a family of two boys. We're both the babies. We are currently trying for #1. I think 2 is our magic number also, because anything over that would have to be 4 (hubby only likes even numbers, don't ask) and I don't think I can be responsible for that many humans.

Carina said...

I'm only 19 but when I'm older I'd love just two kids too.

I'm an only child so I know how lonely it gets!

Jessica said...

I always thought ONE. Then had TWINS. Then decided I needed THREE. Now, we had a surprise and are expecting FOUR. We're shutting down the shop after this one though :)

Heba said...

i think 3 sounds perfect

http://girlynote.blogspot.com/

Catherine said...

We are hoping to have two. We have been trying for three years with no luck so are going to start fertility treatments next year when we can switch our insurance to cover the treatments. It's nerve wracking and one of the hardest things we have been through. I'm hoping it all works out.

I think Toby would be a fabulous big brother!

Amy said...

We have one, and we don't know how many we'll have. There are days when I swear he'll be an only child and other days when two or three seems like a great idea. We're over the moon with our little man and very blessed to have him!

sadie said...

I am one of 4, so always thought I'd want lots of children. But no.

we have one and I am happy with that. There was a time when I thought I would never be a mum. The months turned to years, and there was 'should we go to the drs' conversations. Something I could not bear to do, in case it was something that simply wasn't going to happen for us.

Then after a personal disaster, where my nephews were nearly killed (the eldest spent a week in a coma in hospital), my body seemed to shock itself into working, and shortly before my 34th birthday, I did the pregnancy test and found it was positive. It had taken 4 years of trying. I turn 41 in October, and the thought of going through the waiting for so long again makes me say 'no,we'll count our blessing and say thank you very much'. Had it not taken so long to get pregnant in the first place, I think I'd have wanted another, but sometimes it's good to just be happy with what you have, and that's how I feel. So 1 is the perfect number for us. Being mum to my little girl is the best thing in the world, that'll do me!

Anonymous said...

Probably one. If not one, then none. Kids are expensive and very time consuming. Neither my husband nor I can give up our jobs to take care of them and daycare is expensive!!! I'm only 25 and in no rush to make a decision now so we'll see where we are in 5 years. I hope to be more financial stable, own a home, and hopefully it'll make a decision about kids easier.

Jamie said...

I always said 2, but now I think 3 would be great... i guess we'll see! We're expecting our first now after only 2 months of trying! Joanna, use an Ovulation predictor kit and track your temp! I didn't the first month, we just did it like rabbits, but no baby. then the 2nd month i tracked my cycle and we had sex much more "strategically" and it worked! i thought for sure it would take a few months of tracking to see patterns and figure out when the best time would be, but it happened right away :)

simplemittens said...

We have two boys whom are 2.5 years apart. I'd like to have two more after a little longer gap between :)

girlseeksplace said...

None. I've been working with kids in all capacities since I was 12. It's really good birth control, even at 30, when I should be thinking about having kids. I'm also single and happy with that, so throwing a kid into the mix doesn't sound like much fun.

chambanachik said...

I just wrote about this very thing! I would like one more.

Shannon said...

Funny, we agonized over the decision and I am actually pregnant with # 2 right now! We 'tried' for only a month, and even that short amount of time was frustrating. I wanted to know RIGHT AWAY (since my first one was a surprise). I actually think in many ways it is easier if it's a surprise. Well, that's what happened with this one too, as soon as we stopped trying, boom, pregnant!

We are thrilled though, and our kids will be exactly three years apart, with their birthdays a week apart!

Two is the perfect number for us too. ;)

Barbara The Healthy Nut said...

A hat trick for us. And we already scored!!

Anna @ IHOD said...

I know for every family it is different, but I grew up with 10 brothers and sisters, and had the best childhood. My sisters were my best friends, and still are.

I thank my parents now for not being concerned about all the standards of the material goods the world said we had to have, and gave us instead, something money can't buy!

I have two so far, and hope I can give that that same gift of more siblings one day. Its a sacrifice but the joy that comes with sibling interaction far outweighs the rest.

Thanks for great topics Joanna!

Elizabeth said...

I struggle so much to understand people who want to have a lot of children. Why isn't one enough? Why can't you just cherish that one you have and not be so sad that you can't have another? Or why can't most women seem to settle for adopting the second? I'm not judging anyone, I'm really not - I just don't get it, and I would love to understand. I'm the youngest of three, with a 10 and 12 year age gap between my siblings, and I've only ever wanted one child - having any more than that has always seemed extremely selfish to me. It makes sense to me to want to have a baby of your own, but why two? And why can't you rescue some poor unloved baby rather than creating another of your own? Again, no negative feelings, I'd just love to understand!

Designology Interiors said...

We have been talking about baby #2 for 5 years. Kinda crazy, but we are both on the fence a little bit. This year I will be 35 so I feel like it's now or never... or adoption.;)

Mad Max and Family said...

Two or three! I have a boy about the same age as Toby, and we have a girl on the way - due at the end of October!

I feel like our family is complete at 2... but I wouldn't mind another. We'll see!

Good luck with your venture! It came very quickly for us, but I've heard otherwise so we were in a rush.

Tara
http://madmaxandfamily.blogspot.com
http://blog.chron.com/madabouttown/

Laura @ Sawan-Heaven said...

For sure three, but Eric said if the three are boys we can go for another.

I asked him, "What if we keep having boys, when will it stop?" Apparently after the 11th boy we will adopt a girl. O_o

For my body's sake, I pray we have a girl next, but I just love our little boy and would love for our two sons to be close in age.

Allison said...

right now my husband and i don't have kids so we might change our minds once we have one ;) but right now we are thinking biologically, we would like to have two and then adopt 2-4. We love the craziness of big families and are really passionate about adopting (and i also really want to experience the process of being pregnant/ giving birth). we're crazy i know :) but it sounds absolutely wonderful!

M.A.B. said...

my boyfriend wants FOUR ( he comes from a family of 4 children). id like to start with a puppy... and go from there maybe two (as i can from a family with 2 children) perhaps the magic number is 3. i cant wait to be a mommy though!

stephanie said...

Beautiful beautiful beautiful bottom photo. And I want 4, but I'm adopting so it's a little different. I have my own opinions about people creating so many humans when there are so many little ones without homes (and overpopulation). So I think birthing two babies is a wonderful decision, and best of luck to you and Alex -- I can tell you've been wanting another one :)

Amy said...

I'm currently holding our sweet, sleeping, ten week old baby. He is the most amazing gift. In moments like these, I want dozens like him. Realistically, though, we are hoping for two. I'm an only child and, while I loved it, I'd love to experienced the bond between siblings. My other half is one of four and feels like that is WAY too many, so two sounds like a happy number for us!

Beatrix said...

I was an only child and desperately wanted siblings. My husband and I are pregnant with our first and I'd like two and his attitude is "let's see how one goes first".

We got pregnant our first month trying to conceive and I got super into reading about fertility and charting and found it to be so much fun! I recommend a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I charted with an app called fertility friend. Some people may find it a hassle or too much work but I was fascinated to see what was going on inside of my body by watching external signs.

Good luck!! I love your motherhood posts!

Robbyn said...

We have two and we're done. After #1 I was nervous about having a second, but because we're more experienced and more prepared now, our second's baby days have been a lot easier than our first's, even with the 3 year old running around.
I wouldn't mind a third, knowing how easy two is when they're spaced like ours are, but our family feels complete at the moment. I would love to have a gaggle of teens and adults in the future, so we have talked about maybe adopting an older child or two down the road, but we're not interested in having any more littles.

As for trying, we've had 3 pregnancies, all planned, but we've never had to try very hard. All 3 were conceived in the first cycle.

Katie said...

I'm the oldest of 6, and I love it, so I've always wanted a big-ish family. I think 4 would be a good number. (not an odd number, because then someone gets left out, and about 2 or 3 years apart so they can be buddies). I wouldn't mind adopting some, either.

My boyfriend on the other hand wants 1 or 2. Having a family is so important to me, and I can't imagine limiting it. It's what we argue/disagree about the most... :/

But who knows, maybe I'll have 2 and realize there's no way I could handle more. I guess you just have to leave it up to God, since he knows you best!

Alexa said...

i was an only child until i was 10 and have always known i want a big family....4 or 5 :)

Amy Y said...

We have two and I love it! My boys are best friends. :) Also when you and hubby are together, you're never outnumbered by kiddos!
I grew up in a family with three kids and someone was always left out.

Jimmy said...

We just had our second baby a month ago. The transition from no kids to 1 was a lot more disruptive than going from 1 kid to 2. This new one just sort of fits right in pretty seamlessly. We're already parents, so every little thing is a lot less dramatic this time around than it was the first go.

We want a lot of kids. My wife and I are both from big families (I'm one of five kids, she's got one bio brother and two step brothers since she was little). We've long said four was our magic number, but who knows. The plan from here on out is to re-evaluate after each kid.

Within three days of giving birth to our second baby I asked my wife if she thought this was our last, and she was absolutely certain that we would have more to come.

We also live in the city (DC). We're in a one bedroom apartment (yep, four people, one bedroom). I get why people consider the logistics of the having more kids as part of their calculus, but I really can't imagine thinking that I'd never know who that third or fourth kid might have been because we didn't know how to arrange the car seats. I think if you want more, have more. If you don't, don't. Things will work out. Or they kinda will and you'll be a little crazier for it. Either way, don't let the little things hold you back from the family you want. The kids will adapt, and so will you.

Amanda said...

We have three. I adore them and always felt that our third, Finley, was our exclamation point. Yet anytime I am asked to answer the question, "Are you through having kids?" I just can't do it. But I suppose it's ok to never want to say that, right?

Jessica Kiger said...

I have a 13 month old now and she rocked my world! We are just not beginning to think about #2. I was an only child with only my mom as my family, so a big family seems appealing to me. But considering I'm 31, I would be ok with 2 kiddos. 2 or 4, so we had better get busy!
Jess
www.swishandswoon.com

Loulou said...

I was hoping so have 'some' but alas we were not so blessed and after almost 13 years of marriage have all but given up. But life goes on and you make a new life for yourself.

Loulou

melanie said...

we want 2 (just the perfect number!) I was hoping to start trying this fall, but we have our old house on the market and need to sell that before we try for baby #2. Fingers crossed is sells soon, because I think I am ready!

elderbug said...

We're planning on having two more after the current little one, which will bring us to a total of four - three at home and one forever in our hearts. However, since hubs family tends to have boys in packs of three, we may end up going for one more since we miss having a little girlie around so much.

Sherry said...

We have three and our family feels perfect...not too big, not too small. It's easy to dream big when they are tiny beings who go along with the flow and are low maintenance, but it definitely gets more difficult as they become older. We have 3 teens and it's so expensive with clothes, cars, insurance, college, vacations, books, sports, school supplies. We easily spend $600 on books/school supplies every August. And keeping them making straight A's, active in sports/arts, and too busy for trouble...is definitely a full time job. One I wouldn't trade for the world though!!!!

Steph said...

The more the merrier, absolutely! I married into my husband's huge family and there is such an amazing fullness and dynamism! I want that!! We will be trying for our second in the coming months... good luck to you guys! : )

Hope said...

Growing up I always dreamed of having five! Since then I've had two not-so-great pregnancies (though the babies themselves are beyond worth it) + a husband who would be quite happy to stop at two, so I'm angling for maybe just one more :) I think a family of five sounds perfect! But then other days, I begin daydreaming of a huge family again...

And PS - I love being a mom to both. My son this morning said, I love you June, and then held her hand (June = 6 month old sister).

Chelsea said...

I have three already (I'm just 30) We had two come at once, by surprise, so our family came faster than expected:) I think three is the magic number for us. It seems just enough with out making me into a frazzled mess all the time. When I see bigger families (especially when they're all older) I'm always like "that looks so fun!", but I don't know that I would confident raising that many, you know?

@Elizabeth- interesting, I've actually never heard anyone say that. I think for me, it isn't that one wasn't enough, it was just that one was so incredibly wonderful I couldn't imagine stopping there. I cherish my relationships with my siblings so much, and I wanted my daughter to have siblings. As much fun as I can provide for her, there is NOTHING like another sibling! Cherishing my first child SO much meant loving her enough to spread my time, talents, money to give her siblings to love, and to love her. I understand how important adoption/foster care is, but I also understand, just like having a baby is not for everyone, neither is adoption. I've also heard from friends of mine who aren't able to have their own, who adopt, talk about how they feel a little bit of anger for women who CAN have children, and choose to only adopt. Creating a family, whether by adoption or conception is never a selfish thing, it's all beautiful and Motherhood, in any sense of the word is never selfish.

Lexie said...

i am one of four, and i LOVE coming from a big family! however, i am so young and removed from baby-making that i see over-population as a huge problem. so i think it would be wonderful to adopt... and have one? two or three sounds wonderful, no matter how they come to me!

Hena Tayeb said...

Good luck in the baby making and don't forget to have fun in the process..
We are currently at one.. and are also planning on trying for another next year.. we'd like to go for three but let's see how two goes.

Izzy said...

I have two, and there is a small part in my heart that'd like just one more, however my heart is starting to settle with the great feeling that two is the right number for our family. Good luck to you, can't wait to see what happens

Freya Lily said...

I am not even close to beginning to think about children but I either want two or three. And I want my first to be a boy. Growing up, I always wanted a big brother, someone to look out for me and to have hot friends I could crush on...so I want that for my little girl :)

Vordale said...

the more the merrier! we both come from bigger families,(me 5 my hubsand 6)but we are also young, we have one who is 20 months adn im expecting my 2nd!
similiar story to yours, our first happened on our honeymoon, so i kinda imagined it would be the same with this one, but it wasn't!
it took exactly 6 months, and the crazy person inside of me was disapointed every month until i saw a + sign
good luck!

Sanna said...

My husband and I hope for four - two boys and two girls :) Children feel a long way away though, I need to finish my studies before we start trying (which is another 2 years..). But we cannot wait!

Lottie said...

i always say three when answering this question, i don't know why but it just feels right.

we are expecting our first in november so we shall see how that goes--it might totally change our minds.

Carrie said...

We have two and are stopping there-- it's just so expensive to have kids these days-- in the sense that we want to save for their college years and our retirement... If it made sense financially and I was about five years younger, I think we'd consider having a third. It's just so fun, but serious work too...

domonique said...

i would have pegged you for 3. no judgement of course, there are many factors in deciding to have any or how many. we have 3. No one is left out, they are the best of friends. Our 9 yr. old adores our 2.5 yr. old and our 6 yr old plays up of down freely. They are their own little people and are parented differently. There are challenges to having 3 kids, but they/we are amazing together. We had always talked about 3, but wavered a bit after #2. SO glad we didn't change our minds. #3 has been a delightful gift to our whole family. take it one day at a time and savor it. people always say how it goes by so fast! Up until recently that kinda bugged me, it's very true though. go give toby a big kiss and a squeeze!

Hope said...

I only want two kids - but my partner and I both have siblings, so hopefully they will be a big clan o' cousins!

Katie said...

I think two... I had vague thoughts of three, but we live abroad for our jobs, and at some point you just have to think about the airfare costs. Maybe that is a terrible way to look at it...

But none yet--thinking in a year or two.

-Katie H.

Betsy said...

I had my first at 40 which was a huge surprise so I guess I shouldn't be shocked that I am having my second at 42! We didn't think we would get to have any so the perfect number seems to be two. I think the factory is shutting down after this one out of bio-necessity!

We are just so grateful to have one that two seems like an embarrassment of wealth.

Anonymous said...

Probably 5 or 6, no less than 4 (even if we have to adopt a few!) We would love a big family!

Anonymous said...

I would be so happy with just one. We've been trying for 2.5 years, and we're still waiting...

Alisha E. said...

I love reading these responses.
We have a 7 month old, and we've decided to wait until he's 1 before we talk about trying again.
I've always wanted a large family, but I have a few friends with 3 kids, and they've confessed that they've reached their breaking point. I don't want to get there! I think my husband's practicality will override my longing for a brood, and we'll likely stop at two.

BeauDEEful said...

I have gotten my palm read a few times for kicks and both times I've heard I will have 3.

I really only want two and my serious boyfriend wants 3. I am a HUGE worry wort and kind of flaky sometimes so I feel like 2 would be my max.

Jennifer Wubbels said...

We had our first (a girl) about 4 months after Toby was born and I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with our second. I think that will be it for us. I'd be happy with two since we like to travel.

Alisha E. said...

Katie H--I think you're smart to consider airfare. It's definitely factored into my thought process;)

Alissa said...

Shout out to not having kids! I've always adored babies and toddlers, but realized that I don't enjoy older kids as much (and not enough to deal with their everyday activities like homework, sports practice, discipline, etc.). It recently occurred to me that I can get my baby fix pretty easily as a nanny or with my friends' kids, and then go off and find other ways to fulfill my life. Books like "Childfree and Loving It!" have been very validating and make me think deeply about my options as a woman.

Anonymous said...

One and done! It was a huge struggle for me to get pregnant and I have medical issues that make me very hesitant about putting myself through this twice. The idea of a bigger family doesn't appeal to me anyway, so I don't have any sadness about it.

Christy said...

When I was in my adolescence I was sure that I didn't want kids (too selfish, I suppose), but ever since I met my husband I have thought more and more about it, and at 30 I can say I probably definitely want at least two :) I'm one of four, so I can't imagine having a child without siblings- they're like built-in friends! But I'm sure there are plenty of only children who feel differently- whatever works for each person is what's best in the end.

Justine said...

Hi
I've only just discovered your blog and I'm enjoying it so much!

Hubby and I have one little boy and we are happy to stay that way. I'm an only child, hubby is one of four; I can say that being an only child is great but has its disadvantages; hubby can say that having sibilings is great but it has its disadvantages! It seems that no matter how many children you have (none, one, two or fifteen) there are advantages and disadvantages for the child(ren), the parents and the family as a whole.
When my ovaries start clacking together and I see tiny babies everywhere I want to have another one, but then I spend time with my little boy and I absolutely cherish him and don't want to have to split my time with another child. And at the end of the day when we've packed him off to bed and I feel completely worn out I'm glad he's the only one! That may be selfish, but so be it - we all have to make decisions in life that not everyone will agree with, but we are making the decision that feels right for us.

Lauren Ashley said...

Two for us too (I think) :-) Good luck!

Ethaney said...

i don't have any children yet, but i hope to have at least two or maybe even three.

i have the best and closest relationship with my younger brother and i couldn't imagine my future kids missing out on such a great relationship with their own sibling.

i always wished for more siblings, specifically brothers! i think siblings share such a crazy great dynamic that i can't wait for my children to experience that. especially because my beau has 2 brothers.

good luck for trying with number 2 joanna! that is so exciting :')

Kristina @ Sarcire said...

That's a big question, Jo! We are still waiting for the arrival of our first (closing in on 3rd trimester right now)... and I have a stepdaughter, so I have 2 kids. Each of my parents come from a family of 5 siblings, and I was the ONLY only child in the family- whereas all my cousins had at least 1-3 more siblings.

Whenever I read about Gabrielle Blaire from DesignMom and her 6 children- I am in awe and disbelief, but they also look so happy.

I don't know what the magic number is for us... perhaps 3 or 4 (including my stepdaughter). But we'll see!

Lettie said...

We have one already and we definitely want another one. I guess we'll have to see how we feel after the arrival of #2!

Good luck!

Dani said...

We think we want three, but we'll see how we feel when we get to two! My husband and I have a 9 month old little boy and are already thinking we might try for another in the coming months. That way they are close in age and I can get back to work sooner than later (I am staying home right now so I may as well stay home with 2, right?)

What really made me sure I wanted more than one was watching one of my best friends, an only child, deal with the death of her mother (we were in our twenties). Having to sort through the Mother's things, etc., she even dealt with remodeling and selling her home...I don't want my little boy to face anything similar by himself.

And! If we make it to three and they are all boys, we would definitely consider adopting a little girl!

Sammi said...

i am in no position to even think about having kids (what with a lack of boyfriend, still living at home, doing a job that pays NMW, etc), and until recently i didn't even want kids.

but maybe, when i am older, with the right person and what not, i might think about one, or maybe two... :)

and if i were to have a child, after falling so head over heels in love with my boss' nearly 4 year old daughter, i so badly want a little girl!

Nikki said...

Hope you will. :)

Nicole said...

Two, maybe three. I'm pregnant with my first (due in Nov).

I agree with @Jamie, use an Ovulation predictor kit and track your temp. We got pregnant the second month of "trying" thanks to those tools :) It may seem unromantic, but it took the stress out of it and kept me sane.

Enza said...

Wow, Joanna, you always seem to post things about motherhood that speak directly to me! This post is so timely for us.

My husband and I have a 1.5 yr old who is the love of our lives. We haven't "tried" for another baby yet, and are not sure if we will. Part of me would love to have another and make our little one a big sister, but my husband is not so sure. He is a wonderful provider and planner for our family and thinks about the financial aspect of raising a family. With one child, we would be able to provide a great life for her: college would be paid for and no loans would be on her back. I know that may come off as sounding oddly "cold" or weird to some, but it's important for us that she start her adult life some day with no debt and only opportunities before her.

Which leads me to ask Joanna--and all the other readers out there--how do you balance wanting a big family with the reality of how expensive it is to raise them? I know not all of you with 3 kids can be financially independent, so I would LOVE to know how you make it work, considering how expensive childcare and education is. I feel like this is an area that is seen as taboo (talking money), but I'm really curious, as it's been on my mind.

E. Jean said...

I'd love two. I came from a family of three girls and I always felt ganged up on as a kid because I was the oldest. So I figure with two, it's one versus the other or the two together - always even no matter what.

Stacy P. said...

We have one now (10 months) and just started trying this month for our second. Our first little guy was hard to come by, hoping for an easier go at it this time! We're hoping for two and then that's it. One alone takes up so much time! Wouldn't trade it for the world... :)

Anonymous said...

My husband and I planned to have 2 kids and then discuss the possibility of more. That is, until we found out our "second" baby was twins. Guess you really can't count your chickens before they hatch!

Halle

Courtney Suzanne said...

Funny this question just came up. I was at a wedding reception this weekend with my 18-month-old son. People were talking about kids, and I thought "it wouldn't be so bad to have another one". Not long after that thought, my son puked all over himself and me, cutting our evening short.

Yes, I'll stick to one right now, thanks. :)

Monica said...

We have one and would love to have another! Sometimes we also get carried away and start day dreaming about three :)

Jessica C said...

I find all of the responses fascinating. Let me preface by saying I am unfortunately no where near having kids, as there is not a husband, boyfriend, acquaintance, hot guy that I saw at a coffee shop, or anything of that nature anywhere on the horizon (and yes, this makes me terribly sad.)

I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. It is the only thing in my life that I have any conviction about, and I don't share it with anyone. I drool over babies and toddlers and little kids.

I know that I want at least four. My mom is one of seven and her family is so delightful and large and loud and boisterous that I want to have lots of kids. My Nanny is absolutely adored by her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids and it is just so wonderful to see.

I only have a brother, and he is four years older than me so we were never in the same school or activities so we aren't that close. His new fiancee is one of four, two girls and two boys, and that just seems absolutely perfect to me.

My best friend had a surprise pregnancy and is having a sweet little girl. I can't help but be jealous because she didn't even want to get pregnant, and she only wanted boys. So in a sense, she is getting everything I want even though she didn't want it for herself. And yes, I realize that makes me a horrible person to feel that way.

I would also like to factor in adoption somehow, like having two myself and adopting two. Is it weird that if I weren't able to get pregnant I think I would first try adoption, before even thinking about fertility treatments?

Martie @ Spunkyrella said...

I agree with two as well. I always wanted four or five but I guess in the end it´s too stressful and - let´s face it - too expensive!

So I really hope to have boy soon :)

xo Martie

http://spunkyrella.blogspot.com

jen said...

If my husband and I decide to have one, we will adopt. I do development work and I see so many kids who desperately need a family. I'm not judging biological parents at all. It is such a personal decision. For us, it seems to make sense to share the amazing good fortune and families that we were born into with a child (or maybe children?!) who was not so lucky.

Michal said...

I'm not really sure if I want children, but as I get older I think more & more that I might. I'd want to at least have two though, because I'm one of four and my brothers & sister made my childhood magical and I can't imagine growing up without them.

shoegirl said...

I was an only child for the first 10 years of my life and my husband is one of five, yet somehow we're both feeling like kids might not be for us. We LOVE being around our friends kids, but if I'm honest, I love coming home to my quiet, clean house and being able to focus on the things I want rather than be at the mercy of someone else. We also love our lifestyle of being able to travel all over and I'm not sure we'd want to give that up. Maybe we'll change our minds as time goes on, but there's not too much time left for that as it is.

Corrie Anne said...

I have a heart for adoption for older kids who have a tough time finding families so I'd like to do that, for sure. my husband would really like us to have at least one biological child to pass on our sweet genes. lol.

Mary E said...

My boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet, but we'd like to be married by the end of next summer or the end of the year at the latest. We are open to start trying to have a baby soon after that. My boyfriend says that more than 5 at this point in his life seems overwhelming, but by then he'd be older, wiser and probably used to it so we're pretty open to seeing just what happens in due time. ;) I say the more the merrier. I'm one of 2, but I have several friends who come from larger families and my parents both came from large families and it just seems so fun and so worth everything.

Dee said...

Thought we would only have one, but lo and behold got pregnant last year after a trip to Europe! (what is it with Europe anyway?) so now we have a 5mo old boy, and his big sister is turning 10yo on November :)

Pauline said...

You said "And I can't imagine how hard/disheartening it must be to keep on waiting..."

It's very hard. I would say it's the hardest thing I ever do.
We did some tests and there is nothing wrong but still no baby. We don't now why.

We started some medical treatments and it's quite restrictive (and very expensive but luckily, I'm French and it's completely paid by social insurance) but we keep positives (it has not always been the case).

We can NOT imagine us not having a kid. We hope two (why not twins?)

Anyway, I wish you good luck for your try!

Koru Kate {Koru Wedding} said...

We'd always hoped for two kids but after a year & a half of trying with nothing to show for it but a miscarriage, we're just hoping for one kid now. I wish you the best as you try for a second baby!

Sara said...

Elizabeth,
I think wanting to have multiple children is a wonderful thing. When two people who have a strong marriage, secure finances, and a loving home want include others in that home it is a noble thing. Having one child is great too, but as you can see in the comments, some people who grew up without siblings felt it was incredibly lonely. If parents have the resources to add to the family, I think it is incredibly *un*selfish to add a sibling with which the other child/children can learn, grow, and play. Parents who have more children make so many financial, emotional, and social sacrifices to have more children, so i would not consider their choice as one this is selfish.

Further, many religions believe that having children is noble and should not be put off for selfish pursuits. They believe that children come come from God and that God entrusts these children to these parents as earthly stewards. So in a way, having children glorifies God.

Like you, I think adopting children is one of the most unselfish things a person can do. For some, though, the expense and time is too great just to even get the adoption going. For others, it may be more difficult to adjust with one biological/one adopted child in the home as the adopted child may feel alienated and unloved. Just because adoption is unselfish, though, does not make wanting to biologically procreate a selfish act.After all, that is what we are biologically born to do.

Tragic Sandwich said...

We'd love to have a second, but it's not always that easy. I had two miscarriages before Baguette and two more since--that's five pregnancies in four years. I can try one more time, but it's just too hard on my body and emotions.

What gets us through is remembering what we have, and how important that is to us. When it looked like it might just be the two of us, we knew we were lucky to have the two of us, and we cherished that. So if we wind up being three, we won't complain. Because we know how lucky we are to be three.

Anonymous said...

We are hoping to adopt two. After eight years of treatments, we finally accepted the fact that we can't have children of our own. Very excited about the possibility of creating a home and sharing our lives with children who are already here

Casey Elizabeth said...

I am one of five children and my fiance is one of nine! I myself want at least four and after that, it depends on my sanity. ;) Overall though, it depends on how many God gives me! I'll gladly take any and all of the little blessings. :)

~ Casey
http://theconfessionsofapastorskid.blogspot.com/

Laura said...

We hope to have two, but we're still in the process of trying for our first. It's scary to think about infertility--we've had two disappointing months so far, and it's easy to jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong.

Laura said...

You know what would be a post or series I would love to see? Moms reporting on how long it took them to get pregnant. There are statistics online but statistics are so far from human. It seems like we talk about infertility a lot, but what about people who have to try for six months before conceiving but then get pregnant naturally without a doctor's help? Or do people just rush to the doctor now? It would be great to know how other women have dealt with the pressures of trying.

Amy said...

We have two little girls, and although we definitely want one more, two feels pretty perfect for the time being. Each child is so special - I love what each one brings to the family. I could be done at two, but thinking about never experiencing another newborn, another toddler, is heartbreaking. It will be more difficult to decide that we're done than it was to decide to start a family in the first place.

Ally said...

None, but my boyfriend has 2 from a previous marriage.

Would love to see a post about step-mothering.
It was a shock from having no kids to dating someone who has 2 kids (he has primary custody).

Amy said...

I always think 2 or 3 would be perfect but then I watch an episode of Parenthood and want 4 just for the awesome dance parties :)

Jennifer said...

I never, ever thought I'd have kids. Just didn't picture it in my life. Even after I met and married the perfect man.

But, several years in something in me "clicked" and I changed my mind. So, a few months after celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary, we welcomed our son.

Once he was born, I knew I wanted him to have a sibling (I love my brother and couldn't imagine growing up without him). So, along came our little girl 2 years later.

We became ridiculously smitten with her and I thought, "I don't think our family is complete yet." So, here I sit, 40 years old and 28 weeks pregnant with my third.

If someone had told 25-year-old me that this would be my life now (including moving back to the Midwest after 16 years on the East Coast and being a stay-at-home mom), I would have laughed. Hard.

While my current life is not at all what I pictured, it's so great. Fulfilling. And I can't wait to see what baby #3 will be like!

But after this, we're done! :)

erin said...

We are about to start trying for No 2 this fall as well. It is daunting and exciting all at the same time. I am more scared now even though I know what to expect, I think that knowledge makes it even more scary. Good luck to you. Toby is really cute.

Anonymous said...

We would be thrilled with one, but we have not had success after three failed IVF cycles. Still hoping for one very special miracle.

Anonymous said...

We have three. Two boys and a girl. I had a VERY easy time getting pregnant every time. With the last two we picked the due date we wanted, and got pregnant that way. (Not kidding--one time was all it took.) However, my last birth resulted in an emergency hysterectomy so I can't have any more biologically. We want four, so we will be adopting in a few years.

Em said...

Ahh....have learned the hard way not to get too attached to any particular vision of what our family will look like and to be grateful for however many kids we are lucky enough to end up with. I wish I had realized sooner not to spend so much energy thinking and planning for the future because life has a way of doing what it wants regardless of what you have planned...

brittany said...

that photo is beautiful! we have an almost-two-year-old right now and i would love to start trying for a second very soon but i think we will be waiting another year. i originally (before my first) wanted four but now i'm thinking two, maybe three.

Robin said...

I used to think I wanted one or four. Sounds crazy, right? But I figured I wanted to either experience parenting and have one kiddo and still have a life OR have a big chaotic bunch. My husband and I ultimately decided that one is right for us (although we do still have an international adoption fantasy).

For any other only child families out there, Time did a great article a few years ago, I have a link here:
http://no-one-thing.blogspot.com/2010/07/amen.html

nōms: said...

there are 5 kids in my family, and we're all best friends and have the best time when we're all together. I have loved it! It makes me want a big family some day...but then I'll see someone with a lot of kids out in public somewhere, wonder how my mother did it, and think that maybe I'll just get a puppy instead :)

K and/or K said...

We are one and done...our girl surprised us and filled our hearts up so big, we know we are complete now!

cora d said...

Well, before I had my first, I wanted two. Then we had our first, who was a great baby but still kicking our butts, so we said one. Then number two came along after one encounter without protection. And before number two was born, my husband got a vasectomy. I think someday, somehow, we'll add a third, by adopting or foster care. We'll see. But two babies, that's all I want - no more babies, thank you.

Jenni said...

My husband and I have one beautiful daughter who will turn 4 this month. We are trying for a second but know that if it is meant to happen it will happen. We will be happy with one if two are not meant to be.

Baylee said...

I'm unsure if I want kids or not. The older I get the more I think I want one though. Just one!

Morgan said...

We have four and love, love, love it! I have one sister that is seven years younger, so I always wanted lots of siblings for my children to play with. Of course, we don't live in NYC (we live in a small town in Northern California), so our logistics are much different. I always said I wanted at least four, so we're not quite sure we're done. We're probably done, but..... maybe not. :)

Mommy Lauren said...

Like you, I have a boy, he's 19 months, and we are also going to start trying soon..prob next month (EEH!), I have no idea how many I'll end up with...if I get a girl next, I might be inclined to stop there, but if I have a second boy, I think I might be tempted for the third..just have to wait and see how we feel I guess?!

christina said...

we're hoping to have 2. although i'm almost 40...so our window is getting smaller. we are trying to conceive right now...so fingers crossed! our first time was so easy (i went to acupuncture and that seemed to help!)...

our conception was a little "offbeat" as we are a lesbian couple. {here's our story: http://offbeatmama.com/2011/12/using-salsa-jar-to-get-pregnant}

so the timing has to be right and since there is a 3rd party involved, it's not as easy to just "try"! i'd love for beatrice to be a big sister though.

Sarah said...

We planned to have two, but our second daughter was stillborn last year. So heartbreaking. I know now that when it comes to kids, a lot is out of our hands. I want more kids, but I no longer have much of a plan.

Anonymous said...

seven! I'm one of six, and although having more people in the family was always hard here and there (sure, people don't get along sometimes) it's absolutely a beautiful thing to have grown up with. I'd like my children to experience the same thing. the world needs some more babies anyway (:

Bethy said...

i would like all of the babies.

Ashley@MarriedLane said...

We'd love 4! The 2 we already have keep us busy, happy, exhausted, and more, but we love it and think 4 would be great.

Connie said...

If you would have asked my husband and I when we just got engaged how many, we'd have said three. And then after we bought our house and then had a finite number of bedrooms, we would have told you two.

But the truth is, we've been trying to have children for over a year now. If we could have just one...just one little one. That would be enough. (Sorry. I know this question was meant to be in fun. But I'm feeling sort of fragile about it today).

Anonymous said...

I think 2 is our magic number. We have one so far and we were lucky that it was pretty easy (dealing with a toddler is not so easy). My husband is very much wanting two, but I feel I could go either way with that. We will start trying for the second this fall/winter as well, and if it happens then great, but if it doesn't then I will not be heartbroken. I'll just have to try extra hard to make sure our one is surrounded by friends and cousins.

Jilly said...

I only had one perfect daughter. As it turned out, it wasn't easy to concieve and it took it's toll on our marriage. So we didn't try to have any more and now I regret that. I wanted our daughter to have a sibling, someone to grow old with when we are gone. and I wish I would have had the joy of one more baby to cuddle. It's too late now, so think about it carefully.

Anonymous said...

Unless a family lives on a farm or something, I think it's crazy to have more than 2 these days. Adopt if you want that many!!

We'll stick with our 2u2 :)

Tisha Green said...

I would be happy with one but the hubby wants more than one, lol! I love your pic of the baby. So Anne Geddes =)

Rose said...

5 :) We better get started, I'm 32! But we'd like to adopt as well.

Kayla said...

Four :) I'm an only child, and while it was nice a lot of the time, I also craved a big family.

Jennifer said...

I have one beautiful daughter. I thought I wanted more but I couldn't imagine it now. It would have been nice for here to have siblings though. But she got all my love and attention without sharing it!

Meghan said...

The tww is the worst! I suffered a miscarriage in January and have been trying since. It is so disheartening to keep seeing negatives and it is hard to stay positive. I would love to have one. Would love more but right now just want to see a positive and carry full term.

You are so blessed with Toby! I hope you don't have to try too hard your next one :)

Manda said...

Two.
I've always had a weird theory about odd numbers of children. :) I'm a weirdy.
Eat Cake

pws said...

Our limit is definitely 2! We have a spunky, sassy 16 month girl who keeps us on our toes every day but we love her to bits. I feel like every other month I'm going back and forth on whether we should have a second...on one hand, I feel like I could be perfectly content just with her (and honestly on some days it feels like I couldn't handle more than her!)...on the other hand, it seems like she would LOVE being a bit sister and I kind of miss those sweet, tender baby moments sometimes. Being that we're both from 2 children families, it just makes a lot of sense! But we both agreed that after 2 kids we are done done done. I have friends who want big families and I think that is fantastic, but I don't think it's something either of us want.

Here's a question for you Jo...since you're a twin do you ever wonder if your next kid actually ends up being KIDS? :) Do you think you'd be more thrilled than scared (I would be scared, but I think a lot of people would be!)? Does being a twin yourself kind of mellow you out for that sort of experience?

Lisamarie said...

Oh gees... I contemplate this all the time. I would love three - specifically two girls and a boy. There's nothing better than sisters. And every man needs his son to play baseball with, right? So three. But gees... how do people handle three kids? I don't have time. Space. Energy. Its exhausting to think about. So we will start with one (sometime next year) and go from there. Best of luck to you!

Ygritte said...

I grew up in a family with 5 children. And I would never ever have that many! Because I know what 5 children mean. My parents must have been mad or something.. :)
I'm not even sure if I wanna have any, due to personal issues, but if I ever choose that path, 2 would be the number for me, because I don't wanna have an only child. Siblings are such a gift!

Joanna said...

I am not married yet, but I think that hen the time comes I would like to have 2-4. probably 3

Mimi said...

I've always wanted to have a big family. The more the merrier. I imagined big, laughter filled Holiday's with kids running around the house. Now, since my husband and I started trying over a year ago, I am hoping to at least have one biological child. If not, I will 150% adopt.

Rebecca said...

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my first, and though I always thought I wanted three or four kids, I've hated pregnancy so much that I think one or two might be all I can handle. So maybe now isn't a good time for me to answer this question. :)

michelle said...

Four.

I have three now and for the first time, I'm actually baby hungry. With my other three, I got pregnant when turned one. It was planned, my husband and I wanted a large family. But after my third, we both weren't ready. Now the youngest is almost 18 months and I catch myself looking at newborns and I'm excited to start trying to conceive again really soon.

I'm one of four children, my husband is one of six, so I think that also plays a big part in determining how many children to have. It also makes me marvel at mother and mother-in-law!

Anonymous said...

We have a 2 year old and I always thought we would have 2....until #2 didn't happen and the drs told us we were experiencing secondary infertility. I'd never heard of it! So we did a round of IVF and are waiting to see if it worked. It's funny how you have one child and just assume you can have more and you make plans...and then those plans don't work out and you wind up at a fertility clinic. I still can't believe it! It sounds cheesy but it has definitely made me treasure my daughter, all the while hoping for another baby to add to our family.
Good luck Joanna - I know the hoping and then waiting for month after month can be incredibly frustrating.

The Meaning of Me said...

Our "plan" was two, but a difficult birth changed the "plan" to one. We are now completely happy with our solo flyer and wouldn't have it any other way! :)

Inner Outer Beauty said...

We have three, and we took a break between two and three to really long for a third child. It´s a bliss. And a lot of work. We feel very complete though, and grateful. And giving birth the third time was soooo much easier (though the pain is the same but this time you know you gonna survive:) than the first. Good luck Joanna!
Caroline from Sweden

Anonymous said...

Oh, and as for someone who posted about how much time it takes to get pregnant -- I'm going through IVF right now and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.... But I don't understand people who just wait and wait. There are so many health factors that affect fertility that can be overlooked so get check out sooner than later!!
It may vary by insurance company but I think you have to be "trying" for at least 6 months or even a year before an insurance company will cover fertility treatments...and even then you don't usually go straight to IVF. You probably would start with an IUI -at least one or maybe more, it depends on the insurance company... Unless there are both male and female factors affecting fertility -then sometimes you can go right to IVF. It's amazing how insurance companies can dictate fertility options. Hope that helps!

Anonymous said...

Great question, Joanna.

I am so unsure. I don't have any children yet (I've only been married a year), but I feel like just 1 is the right thing to do for a lot of reasons: financially, emotionally, the world's population growth .. in fact, sometimes it seems selfish to have a kid at all.

Then again, I feel like having 2 is better if you're going down this road because your child has a partner-in-crime, a buddy. I would want to give my hypothetical kid a sibling connection as my family is pretty small.

I guess we'll see what life has in store.. ;)

brett baker said...

I have a three-week-old. I'm actually typing this one-handed as I nurse. I always thought I'd want three, but I can't imagine even having two now. I'm so overwhelmed ! Maybe it'll get better and we'll have more, but for now, it's all I can do to put my contacts in before 6pm. :)

hanner said...

my husband and i just started trying for our first this month and i'm DREADING the TWW. i'm trying not to think too much about it. though posting this comment with my profile public sure has taken a load off... ;)

good luck to you both!

Tournesol said...

I have three boys who are pretty much grown up and I wish I'd had more. Really.

Anonymous said...

I want two - but I am waiting til I'm 30 to start trying (I'm 29 now, so... next year!). xo

hanner said...

also—if you haven't read it already i have loved the book taking charge of your fertility. it has taught me so much about my body and cycles and my 3 sisters swore by the philosophy for both pregnancy achievement AND birth control. the website also has a very active community of women who post on their forums and provide support in all facets of reproductive health.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine life without my little brother! He's four years younger than me and I'm so glad my parents decided to have a second child. My life is richer because he's in it!

Callie Glorioso-Mays said...

Fun question! I absolutely love being from a big family and I had always planned on having 4-5 children. However, after just delivering Baby #1 (three days ago!), I can't even begin thinking about it! Labor was awful and in the middle I swore I wouldn't do it again. But...then I look over at the dreamy little bundle next to me and it seems like such an amazing miracle!

obviously we're still in the lovely "newlywed" state of parenthood. ;)

Leila @ Little Catholic Bubble said...

Well, we started out saying "two kids, three max!" Thankfully, life has a funny way of changing hearts and minds. Now, we happily have eight, and our children often ask for more siblings. Family is what life is about, and our children will have each other, long after my husband and I are gone. Here's my little offering on how to raise eight children without even trying, ;)

http://littlecatholicbubble.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-to-raise-eight-children-without.html

Caroline said...

We just had our second two months ago. He is a doll, but, boy oh boy, 2 is an adjustment. We had gotten into such a great rhythm with our daughter (who turned 3 this summer), and now, back to sleepless nights and diapers! But most days I say it's worth it. Plus--I'm thinking (and hoping) that we are in one the hardest parts right now. After all, sleep training is right around the corner....Best of luck with the "trying." Our first was a fabulous "surprise" and this one came after 1 week of trying. And I'm 35, so you never know :)

Ana said...

Hi, i'd like to have 4. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister and i remember my childhood was so fun, we played a lot together, we defend ourselves, we learned to help each other. My parents are separated so we spent much of our time with my mom, who i truly admire, full time job, full time mom...i dont know how could she have so much energy.
I guess i want to be like her. Ow...this made me sad.

Ygritte said...

I wanna add.. I know what 5 children mean; for the children.
It's fun, definitely, but it can be so tough. A dad who is working a lot to keep the money coming in and a mom, who has to divide her attention up in five parts. Or six, if you count her in aswell. There no such thing as equality and you can definitely feel really, really lonely in such a big bunch of family, if you have special needs and there is just no room for it left. I wouldn't wanna miss my siblings for anything, god no.. but I wouldn't wanna do that to my possible future children. Future parents, please think about that aswell!

Anonymous said...

When we talk about the future, my boyfriend says he wants three as he grew up in a 3 child family. But we would be happy and excited with one I am sure. :-)

his little lady said...

three is the magic number for us, and i couldn't be more excited for when we do start trying. yay!
xo TJ

Anonymous said...

Plan. Now that's a loaded word.
My husband and I hope to adopt at least two :)

Katie said...

I would be grateful to get 2, but if more came, that would be ok too!
At 27 years old (and married) I'm more concerned with when to start having children. We would rather wait a few more years but when I read how much difficulty some couples have getting pregnant, I get scared that we are waiting for the wrong reasons (like $$)and maybe should just go for it, while the odds are in our favor!?!
Interestingly enough, my family has no history of fertility problems, but no one ever waited until 30 to have kids! :/

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on the decision, and thanks for sharing such a personal decision with us. We have two. You know the expression something like, "A child is your heart outside your body"? If I had more than two I fear my heart and resources would be outstreached. I did feel a small sense of loss getting an IUD earlier this month, but I'm so happy!

Sanja said...

I've wanted to have four since I was eighteen or so (I have their names to prove it :D). I'm 28 now, and I still think it would be nice, but would settle for one, probably two so that the first one wouldn't be bored :) I don't see it happening any time soon, though.

Anonymous said...

I was in my late twenties when I tried for my first - after 2 years of no success on our own (no history of infertility and no health problems), we did an IUI and it worked the first time Thought we were headed back down that path for #2, but he/she magically was conceived all on her own, all to her mom and dad's surprise. I'm almost 20 weeks, looking forward to finding out the sex. My husband says he'll agree to a vasectomy after that if it's a boy (we'd have 1 of each), but if it's a girl this time, he wants to forgo the surgery and leave his options open. I said "for who, your next wife?" I'm done after 2. I can only be a good mom to 2, after that, I'd just be surviving and not giving each what I want to give them.

Stella said...

When I was a little girl I LOVED babies and remember telling my mom once that I wanted "a THOUSAND babies" haha (oh, and 2 sets of twins! what was I thinking??)

Now I think we'd like 4. We don't have any kids yet (just married 2 1/2 months ago), but we both come from families of 4, so it seems like a good number.

PoetessWug said...

For many many years now it's been just me and my 6 foot baby... ^_^ ...I wouldn't change a thing...and at the point I couldn't if I wanted to!

Dana Powell said...

I have really enjoyed reading the responses to this post! Great one.

As for myself, I am so unsure. I go back and forth all the time just trying to decide if I want kids or not. For my own selfish reasons, like sleep, can we afford it etc. I think I shouldn't. I have also never been much of a baby person - I don't dislike them, I just am not excited by them and sometimes scared I am going to do something wrong like drop them! eek. But then I think about how much joy they would probably bring even if it will be hard and that maybe eventually the mother instincts will kick in!

I would honestly love to hear more about people's different decisions and esp from people who originally thought they didn't want kids and then changed their mind and had them.

Alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carmen said...

We have three (and also three miscarriages) and the third (the girl after two boys) sometimes asks for a little baby sister. I am about to be 40 and, although I love babies, after three healthy kids, I think we will keep it as it is... Love your blog!

Carmen from Madrid

Chimmy said...

I would love to raise 3 children, but with no boyfriend or marriage in the cards at this time, and at age wonderful age of 35; I've started to let go the notion of becoming a mother. At least in a traditional sense.

Joanna, I would love to read a post on moms of a certain age :) or women trying to decide to raise children on their own.

In my twenties, I did not really think about it whether I was single or not, but now in my I'm still single and in my mid-thirties so I feel like it's time for a reality check.

Would love to hear your thoughts some time.

Anonymous said...

None! Some many people in the world are having so many kids that I would feel bad reproducing. I've given it a lot of thought and it just feels selfish. If I would look at the human species as an outsider I just couldn't advice people to keep making more babies. Fortunately my boyfriend feels the same way. Perhaps we can be foster parents or adopt one day if we feel like we have what it takes.

Whitney said...

Hi Joanna,

I'm 26 and I have 2 little boys age 4 and 16 months. I would love to have four more! Or 5! I come from 6 kids and absolutely loved it and love having so many siblings. We helped raise each other and still do.

Also, if you do get pregnant a second time I highly recommend THE PINK KIT on Amazon. It's from Australia and it was LIFE CHANGING when I used it for my second pregnancy. It's an educational tool for pregnant women all about how to have a baby. It's all the information you would think our great great grandmothers would have passed down to us on how to have babies but didn't!

Good luck! And I love you and your family and your wonderfully chic blog.

Melissa Blake said...

For me, the answer has always been complicated. I'd love to have kids some day, but with my physical disability, the chances are pretty impossible. Even if I did get pregnant, there is a very high chance that I'd pass my disability on to my child are huge...a risk I don't think I'm willing to take. Does that make sense?

Jessica M. said...

That's so exciting, I can't wait to hear (read) about all things baby #2, when it happens!

I used to want a lot of kids (at least 4) really close in age, but now that I've had my first I'm not sure about the age thing. I had a c-section & I really want to try for VBAC on #2 so I think we're going to wait a while before giving it another go. And honestly, I can't imagine how moms of more than one kid do it!

Funny thing is, right after my son was born I wanted to have like 100 more just like him, kids are so awesome!

neo said...

Before we had our daughter, I wanted at least two. Now that she's here, we only want one. She's a lot of work and with the cost of daycare and other expenses, it's too much financially. I often feel bad that she'll be lonely though. If money and time were no object, we'd already be trying for two. Sigh...=(

Jules said...

I always wanted 3. I have 2 now but they're 6.5 years apart. My husband's unsure about having another one that far apart. So maybe we'll only wait a little less time to have #3.

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