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Monday, August 06, 2012

How many kids do you hope to have?

We are hoping to have...

...two! Now and again, we'll get carried away (especially after an especially successful day of parenting:) and talk about how fun it would be to have four. But then we think about the logistics of our day-to-day lives, and realize that two is the magic number for us. Fingers crossed; knock on wood. And I would LOVE to see Toby as a big brother.

We're thinking of "trying" for a second baby this fall or winter. We were very lucky and didn't try with Toby; he was a welcome honeymoon surprise. But now we'll be trying and then waiting each month to see what happens (I've heard a lot about the infamous "two week wait"). The whole process makes me excited and nervous. (And I can't imagine how hard/disheartening it must be to keep on waiting...)

What about you? How many children do you hope to have? None? One, two, three? The more, the merrier? Not sure?
P.S. All about pregnancy.

(Top photo by Mihaja Photography; bottom photo by Louis Fleckenstein)

321 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 321 of 321
Marie-Eve said...

I have two boys (age 2 and 5). We always said we wanted three, but it's so much fun with the two, but also very time consuming ! We decided to wait a little (a year or two) before we decide. And yes, the infamous two weeks are the most stressful yet exciting ones ever !!!

Ashley said...

I'm doing fertility, also which my health insurance doesn't cover a penny so I am hoping for at least one.

I would be thankful to just be blessed with ONE!

We have been trying for a year & fertility for 4 months.

Trying to stay positive, you don't know how lucky you are!

Mackenzie said...

umm...That first photo!! It makes my heart ache in a good way.
My daughter just turned 8 months old and right after she was born I really felt like I wanted 10 more! It was just the best of feelings and experiences, I wanted to do it over and over again.
I am loving motherhood more and more, but 10 would be, well, 10. But I would love a big family!

Eliza Wells said...

Global population has just surpassed SEVEN BILLION.

The self-absorbed ego of folks having more than one kid is pretty hard to stomach these days. It's painful and unpopular with the kiddie set, but one kid or (gasp) none is the only option that reflects any responsibility in modern life. It's not just a choice, it's reality.

Come on hipsters, get political. Stop thinking that three kids is still an acceptable choice.

mollyskj said...

I'm almost 32, and my husband and I still aren't sure if we want to have kids. I'm not one of those people who always wanted to be a mom, and the same goes for my husband re: being a dad. I know I don't have THAT much longer to decide, especially if I end up wanting more than one child. Is it "unnatural" not to want children? I don't have a great relationship with my mom so that may be why I'm so hesitant. I do love other people's babies though, and I can't wait to follow you on your journey should you have baby #2!

Brenna said...

My little boy is due in early October. Haven't gotten a carrier yet, this would be perfect. By best friend has one and she LOVES it.

Anonymous said...

this is such a timely post joanna! my daughter is nearing 2 and my husband and i have had a lot of back and forth about whether we want to have a second kid. pre-baby, the plan was to have 2 or 3. once we discovered what parenthood was like we backpedaled a bit and decided that one was enough. but now we're back...to wanting and trying for 2...i'm excited!

junebug said...

I have two step-sons, whom I adore and adore, and we are looking to add three more (they're still pretty little). I think sibling(s) are the most valuable thing you can give your children.

Anonymous said...

I love kids, and I grew up in a family where my sister and I were super close with our cousins and second cousins. So while there were only two of us, it often felt like a lot more. I respect each couple's right to make their own choices about how many children to ahve, but I am surprised that in 2012, when our earth is supporting 7 billion people, and struggling to do so, so many people unthinkingly contribute to the increasing global population. Why not adopt if you want more than two? Or foster kids who need homes? I just wanted to, respectfully, say that I think having more than two children is socially irresponsible.

Scout and Rice said...

I would love two. We currently have one, but after a miscarriage and two ectopic pregnancies right on top of each other (one resulting in a left tube removal) I'm not sure it will happen.
I try to remind myself how blessed we are every day by our one gorgeous girl, and if another is meant to happen then it will happen.

Jessica said...

I'll be happy and feel blessed to have one child. Two would be great, also, but I don't think I want more than two.

brian and amanda said...

we have always wanted five. we have been trying to get pregnant for the past 5 1/2 years with no luck.

now we're on our journey of hoping to adopt. i think we can still get those five we've always wanted. i don't think we'll ever give up.


www.wewouldlovetoadopt.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

'Saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers.' And I think flowers are beautiful . . . fields and fields of flowers.

I hope to have a large family. I'm the oldest of six and can't imagine my life without these other five persons shaping who I am with their love (and sure, some whacks here and there to keep me in line).

I'd rather live simply, with the riche gift of six or seven children.

marni zarr said...

we have three and i grew up in a family of three so for me i feel like it's the perfect number. our two boys are two years apart and then four years later we had a girl. we had to try for her and i was pretty sure we would have the three musketeers and that was okay with me. i like odd numbers. she was a delightful surprise, although my husband had to see her in person before he truly believed it!

Brittany. said...

I'm surprised at how many commenters say they are too selfish to have children or more than two children. I think it's sad that there are so many admittedly selfish people.

I come from a family of 6 kids. I thought that was just a normal size. I want 6 kids. My husband half jokes about wanting 8! We have two (3 months & 21 months) and I'm only 25. I guess we'll see what happens, but because i LOVE family gatherings with my siblings, I''m going to try for as many as come my way... unless of course they don't stop coming after 10!!!

Unknown said...

We are shooting for 4. With a 7.5 month old, and one on the way, I'd say we're doing pretty well!
We just started telling people about our pregnancy to very mixed responses, but we are just so excited to grow our family! Sometimes we sit at restaurants eavesdropping on families with multiple gradeschool-aged children and we just LOVE the way they interact.

Vanessa said...

We have two and have called it a day on the babies. Going from one to two was harder than going from none to one! Piece of advice - try to have Toby potty trained before the other one arrives. It will make a huge difference.

Kelly Thompson said...

I personally don't want to have any kids, but that can often be a deal breaker when it comes to relationships. Although, I am not against adopting.

Anonymous said...

When I was young, I thought 3 kids would be perfect. When I was in grad school, I actually lost any desire to have children. But after marrying, the mothering bug came back. Again I reverted back to thinking we wanted 3 but after having 2 (one of each), I realize this is the perfect number for our family.

abby said...

we haven't started yet, but my husband and i do talk about the "magic number." and honestly, we just don't know. we're both from families of 3 kids and pretty much agree that we would have preferred even numbers . . . with 3, someone is always left out!

beth - ann said...

It is took us a very long time to pregnant so I would be so grateful to have this one happy healthy baby. But deep down the thought of three would be amazing.

http://greenwhaleblog.blogspot.com/

beth - ann said...

It is took us a very long time to pregnant so I would be so grateful to have this one happy healthy baby. But deep down the thought of three would be amazing.

http://greenwhaleblog.blogspot.com/

Jesse Nattamai said...

I would love 2! I'm pregnant now... so one down... one more to go! I've heard a lot about replacing yourself and partner with your children (to avoid overpopulation). That's not why we've decided on two, but I like the reasoning behind it. :)

Chelsea said...

@ Eliza Wells,

That's just the point though, some people are thinking beyond "modern life". For me, it's putting modern pressures and politics aside, and thinking of the real future, the one after this life, and I sure can't wait to be there with all my children!

christian said...

How many kids do you hope to have?

I want 2kids,a boy and a girl..christian women

Jessica Flett said...

Hi Jo - It must nearly be a full time job just reading all these comments. We currently have one 13month old and hope to have two. We will be trying around the same time as you. Good luck with it. I have my fingers crossed we will both be successful and not have to try to too long. Jx

Emikos Werid Unexplained thoughts said...

none yes i have no magic number i am pretty content. I know how I am and I want my freedom and im happy to watch my friends kids but kids dont make me feel complete

fleur_delicious said...

Jo -

this is so far down, I wonder if you'll even see it? I read the first 200 comments and am surprised and taken aback by the frequency with which "selfishness" comes up when talking about NOT wanting to have kids. Three comments so far about not wanting to have kids chalk their decisions up to selfishness (that they either "outgrew" or "will outgrow" or "admit to still being") and two commenters who are happily childfree claim that having a child is selfish.

This is a disheartening correlation for me. To have a child or not have a child - these are all personal decisions. In a way, they are ALL selfish decisions because we should all think long and carefully about whether or not we will bring a new life into this (admittedly, overpopulated) world.

I am 31 (just a few months from 32) and I knew when I was four that I did not want children. It is not selfish. Nor is it selfish to want to have children. I want to post because I'm obviously a minority - people are biologically designed to want to produce. But some of us just plain don't. And it's not because I'm young. I don't think I'll ever change my mind. It's not because I'm a nanny and I get my kid-fix elsewhere.

I just plain don't want kids. I have a loving husband. We've been together 11 years and married the last two. We are beating the divorce rate for childless couples like mad. I told him, early on, that I would not be having children and he spent some time thinking about it and decided it wasn't a deal-breaker for him. He is an architect. I am writing my dissertation and going onto the academic job market. He builds furniture. I paint. We cook, host dinner parties. He plays bassoon. I play piano. We have an organic garden. Our life is rich and full and very happy. We have game nights with friends and their kids. I love sewing special surprises for my friends' little ones, and painting portraits of them for their parents.

So, we love being part of "the village," as it were. But even if we were not part of the village, we would still not be having or raising kids of our own. I don't know about the other childfree women who commented on your post, but I have absolutely been given the guilt trips and suffered nasty confrontations about my choice. I would personally really appreciate it if you would consider doing a post about the choice to be childfree. It has its own liberties, it has its own pitfalls. But it is not any more selfish than any other woman's (or couple's) choices about their lives.

Anonymous said...

We're planning on 2 (We joke we want them to be twins - once and done) and in the trying phase now, so I know of the "two week wait" and am relieved to find I'm not the only nut on the internet during this time. :)

Katie:: Grow.Cook.Sew. said...

We plan to have 3 but will have to see how we go as we have been through so much just to have 2.

I fell pregnant with my daughter "by surprise" and had the easiest pregnancy and birth ever.. my husband and I thought this whole baby making thing was pretty damn easy! But then life had other plans..

We started trying for baby number 2 (thinking it would be as easy as before) and ended up having lots of trouble falling pregnant and suffering 2 miscarriages. Just when we thought it could not get any worse (and after another 9 months of trying) I had a little girl who died during the birth after I went into labour at 22 weeks.

After another year of trying I finally fell pregnant for the 5th time. After having a cervical stitch and spending 5 months on full bed rest, I am now 34 weeks pregnant with a little boy and just weeks away from holding him in my arms.. It will be the best moment of our lives!

The gap between our kids will now be 5 years. Much longer than we ever anticipated.

So.. We would love to have 3 but will just have to see how we go.. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to have two!

Jennifer of JennySue Makeup said...

Our plan was two (I'm an only child, he is one of two) and we went thru 3 rounds of invitro to get our 2 boys. We were told we had a 2% chance of ever conceiving naturally. Our almost 2 yr old daughter is that 2% chance - oops + yay!!! We are dunzo w 3 - bc we are outnumbered! ha!!

Michelle said...

Two is also our magic number. I too sometimes dream about three but know that two is the number that will work for us (financially and logistically). I am expecting #2 in December and it feels really peaceful to know that this will be my last pregnancy, I am so excited and calm about seeing this baby knowing that (she) will be my last newborn.

Tara said...

I've always thought that I want 5 or 6 rowdy boys. Of course, I'm not married or dating anyone, AND I'm aware that I can't control the sex of these fictional rowdy children, so it's very easy for me to speculate on how many I want.

I just know that someday I want a big loud loving family.

Whitney said...

We have one now, and we'd love to have another in the next year or so... perhaps adding one more to the mix a few years after that!

Kristine said...

I would love to have 2 and adopt 1!

Stacy said...

We have one 3 yr old daughter who is truly the light of our eyes and to be honest i very rarely even toy with the idea of having another. Neither I nor my husband feel the strong urge to have more kids. We are in a happy little place, she is a delightful and easy child and it's a relatively stress free situation with one child. After reading these comments it has really opened my eyes that we are in the minority! It's really fascinating to see how other women feel about this. I guess you just go with your gut on these important life decisions. As a few commenters have pointed out, it is so very expensive to raise children today and give them and yourself the quality of life you envision. I don't want to spoil my child with material things, but I do want to show her this big beautiful world we live in and I think that would be an amazing gift to her that she will thank me for when she's older. My dad was an only child and said he loved it and that it's not tortuous the way some people are making it sound. Yes you rely on friends alot but there are so many advantages as well. It angers me a bit when I read people say " I could never do that to my child" (by not giving them a sibling). C'mon. A happy childhood/life surely does not rest on whether you grow up with a sibling. As a previous commenter also said, we feel just so honored and blessed to have been given the opportunity to be her parent and love this child that I feel selfish asking the universe for more, to be honest. We feel fulfilled and complete as a little family of three.

Anonymous said...

I have one brother so always thought I would have two children (my husband is also from a "two"). The first one took longer than I expected to conceive and so I leapt into trying for the 2nd quickly. I got pregnant straight away...so they are 16mths apart. We had two boys. So I decided to try for another for them as well as for us. We expected a another boy but we had a little girl....who brings such a lovely different dynamic to our family. We couldn't be happier but I should say I found a huge jump between 2 and 3 children.

Nana said...

I had 5, the oldest 34 and the youngest 20. I adore each and every one of them. If you are lucky, they turn into your best friends.
I am blessed.

courtney said...

Joanna, have you heard about the tribecast podcast? My doula is one of the girls on the podcast. It's an honest, real look at motherhood/pregnancy/birth and it's so, so good! https://www.facebook.com/TheTribecast

leah said...

We have one girl. My husband has a two-girl rule, so if the next is a girl we will be done. We would like to have three, but he feels that he will truly become a crazy person if he is made the worrisome father of three girls. We are hoping our next is a boy, because it would not be easy to say no to a third.

Anonymous said...

I've always wanted 3-- and hopefully, we can have that once we start. I come from a family of 6-- I'm the youngest and having a whole brood around all the time made for the best childhood ever. I'm a bit confused about people's comments about adopting vs. "selfishly" having more than one kid. Surely, you are intelligent enough to understand that bearing a child that is genetically yours is different than adopting one. Adoption is fantastic and an awesome decision to make but it doesn't make you noble and it doesn't save the world. Further, the world isn't "over populated"-- there's simply a gross and disproportionate sharing of resources. Bearing more children that are biologically yours [which, in matter of speaking, is your literal life purpose] doesn't create chaos, hunger, war, or children who are "emotionally toughened." How silly and ignorant to think so.

Anonymous said...

ZERO.

I agree with the very tiny minority of commenters who mention the overpopulation of the world. It may seem kind and giving to "give life" to someone, but if they were never conceived and never born to begin with, they would never know or care. At base, I think parenthood is usually undertaken for highly selfish reasons.

I'm also in an odd spot - I know for a fact that I cannot have children. My husband and I tried and tried actively for almost two years, and now have had unprotected sex for 4, with no success. We tried more out of the idea that while we didn't know for sure we wanted kids, we also didn't know for sure that we didn't want kids, and we were getting older. Each month without success was heartbreaking and yet, oddly, somewhat of a relief.

I've never heard anyone else discuss infertility in these terms... usually the women say they want nothing to be mothers. I think that's true in a large number of cases, but I also know from experience that NOT being able to get pregnant when everyone else is bragging about getting pregnant on their first try (and friends are able to time their first AND second pregnancies so that they're all pregnant at the same time) makes you feel much more strongly that you want kids than you might otherwise feel.

When I took a step back, I realized that my life was full as it was and that I would probably actually regret being tied down by kids. That's where the relief comes in. And yet, hard as this may be for some people to understand, the heartbreak is still there and just as real. It's hard to explain.

I'd like to see a piece on people who are childfree by choice (which doesn't exactly describe me, since I DID think I wanted kids, and tried to get pregnant, but at the same time, I didn't pursue treatment or adoption.) This is rarely seen as a valid decision even though the decision is usually made with much more thought and reflection than underlies the decisions most people make to have kids. People are ostracized explicitly or implicitly. Even posts like this one, and all the Motherhood Monday posts really exclude women who aren't on the mommy track for one reason or another.

Anonymous said...

We've got one, and that it's our perfect number. She was also a honeymoon surprise, but we'd planed on waiting at least five years before having a child. Opps! we adore our daughter, who is seven now, but we also feel like the more independence she gains, the more ”lost time” we make up for in our marriage. I wil say, there are days I feel REALLY guilty about her not having siblings, since both my husband and I are close to ours. But ultimately, we just don't feel like we want to do it ask over again. So, we make sure she has time with cousins and friends instead.

Anonymous said...

Your politics of being complacent and gluttinous is what leads to you believing the world is "over populated," @eliza. It's not ACTUALLY overpopulated. Adjusting the way you live will allow "hipsters" to have as many children as they damn well please [and can, hopefully, afford.] What happens when all the people capable of reproducing have just 2 children? And their children have only 2 children? etc. What does that world, 200 years from now, look like? Probably not the "properly populated" planet you somehow are imaging. Facts... they really brighten up conversations, huh?

Anonymous said...

Just to add... the idea that people are selfish if they DON'T want to have children is utterly ridiculous. Sometimes people will say this about themselves in a self-deprecating way, as an easy out rather than trying to explain to someone that their decision to not have children is valid and well-thought-out.

But most of the time, this is a charge leveled AT the people who don't want children, rather than by those people themselves. A person can't be selfish if attention and resources are directed on him or herself rather than on someone who DOESN'T EXIST. Focus entirely on yourself, others, and a career when you have children who need attention? Selfish. Do that when you don't have children because you have purposely structured your life that way? Not selfish.

And, wanting to develop yourself rather than develop someone else is NOT a negative thing. If anything, the decision to have children (especially multiple childen) is the inherently selfish decision, because you're contributing to the overpopulation of the world and bringing a child into a world which is going downhill. (And, remember, children grow up. They're not "beautiful children" forever.)

And MANY people have children because "that's what you do," or they want unconditional love, or maybe even worse, are desperate to be able to announce a pregnancy on Facebook and post "baby bump photos." Babies are trendy these days. Of course I also understand that some women have a maternal drive which makes them want children, and other people have made the decision to have children after careful thought. But if we need to assign the label "selfish" to one choice or the other, NOT having children is not the selfish decision. Not having children frees up resources. I pay at least $5000 a year in property taxes which go directly to a school system I have never used and in which I will never have a child. I am free to fully develop my marriage, devote full attention to my pets, my relatives, and other endeavors like volunteering and hobbies. There is nothing selfish in that.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @11:57... what facts have you cited? 2 children per every person capable of having children? That's an awful lot of people on this earth.

Elisa said...

I just read through the comments and my heart breaks for all the ladies TTC, but not finding success. We went through 2 long years of TTC, with 2 miscarriages, 2 failed rounds of IVF and an ectopic. Then finally, we were very lucky to have a successful pregnancy with our sweet little boy, who is almost 23 months. We'd like to try for another, but sometimes you just need to be happy for what you have. To all the ladies still trying, stay strong - your time will come. I promise.

Anonymous said...

Good encouraging thought, but not always the case. IVF is not a sure-thing, some insurance doesn't cover testing, let alone treatment (and some people don't have treatment.) Let's be realistic. It's not the end of the world if your time doesn't come - you can embrace life without children.

Anonymous said...

*I meant to write, "and some people don't have insurance."

kati said...

we've got two. one of each, perfectly healthy, the jackpot. and there is not one good "rational" reason to go for another... but i'm tempted ;)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous... What would the world look like in 200 years if everyone capable of having children had just two children?

Ever heard of exponential growth? There are approximately 62 million women of child-bearing age in the United States alone. Let's allow for a 10% infertility rate. Do the math. I think that your implied idea that population would decline dramatically is flat-out wrong.

And yes, the world IS overpopulated. It's true that we could all dramatically change our lives and make much better use of the available resources. But the fact of the matter is that that is not happening now, and will probably never happen on a grand scale. Let's make decisions based on the reality of the situation, not what would be the case in an ideal world.

Annie said...

I would love to have 3 but I think two is more likely. I would just love to even have one, we have been having infertility issues and are working towards TTC. Hopefully one day soon. :)

Emma said...

Not to hijack the thread unnecessarily but I always find it so disappointing that the discussion eventually has to go downhill and become competitive whenever a group of women discuss having children/not having them.

The facts are most people have kids, some people don't and it all evens out. Most people do their best to have a happy life and that's that.

I'm not even going to go into my own personal situation as there isn't much point, just that it would be nice to read others' experiences regarding this subject without the inevitable 'selfish' etc comments.

Live and let live I say.

Kelly said...

I've thought since I was pretty young that I'd like 5 boys. We have 3 now.

So now I'm just trying to decide how to space the last two ;0)

Unknown said...

I have three boys, aged 9, 7 and 3. My husband has been pleading for a 4th. I love the idea of having 4 kids, but do not think I have it in me.
I know that if I have a 4th I will never regert it, but having a choice and control over it, has been keeping me up at night as it is a big decision.
Comes down to; I dont think I will be able to be the mother I believe the baby deserves. I think I will not have the energy and paitence to do the same things I did with my three boys. That kind of makes me sad, but I think it is the best decision for my family.
Lilac, (Sydney, Australia)

Céline said...

We have two - and this is it. We've been blessed with boy and girl, three years difference. This is important too when you plan on having a child : I could take care of our baby girl whereas our elder son would discover school - timing was great. I also like building "unique" relationship with him and her, individually. I hear from mothers of four that they cannot build this individual relationship with each of their children (well, they get a strong team spirit instead) and I would miss that with more kids around. And yes, seeing your first one becoming a BigBro really is a thing ! Joanna, did you write anything about asking for gender while you are expecting or not (yet) ?

Céline said...

Another comment though ! I often read that three children is the current trend - Families of three were kind of an exception when I was a kid. As stated previously, we have two and sometimes feel we are the exception now ! Easter holidays in Brittany (I am French) made me realize this, so many families with three kids were stacking up in small rental cars whereas we'd feel super comfy with our two children (only) in our rather large SUV. I guess I am one era behind but it is all right : I have energy for two only.

Craft and Decorate said...

We want three but i don't know if we'll be lucky enough to have so. It takes a lot of time and money to raise three children :/
http://craftanddecorate.blogspot.com/

Dee said...

0! Ever!

LF said...

I'm pregnant with our first ( 17 weeks along now )... It's been a harsh pregnancy so far, which makes me hesitant of ever getting pregnant again. But I do love babies and the little people they become... So I hope to have two kids, maybe three... ( my guy wants three! ).... But it's a miracle to even get pregnant, so I hope we are lucky enough to get pregnant again once ( or twice ) more... We'll see in about, eh... four years!

iLa said...

Me and my husband have always talked about having 3 kids (we both have two siblings and we are happy with it). We had #1 16moths ago and in a little more than a month will get #2 (a surprise and a bliss). We still have to figure out how things work with more than one, so we'll see when our family grows ;)
Good luck!
iLa

janzi said...

Wow that certainly stirred up a reaction... lovely to read everyone's ideas, but at the end its what you are lucky to get..

I reared five wonderful people, and never thought of a.. the responsiblity of being in charge of little ones.. b.. the time it would take,c.. the cost.. somehow, it all worked out so well.. we were lucky, but we didnt have the money to splash around, no holidays as such... however they are all grown up, happy to see each other,.and I am very blessed... money didnt come into it really... we just managed and hoped for the best and flew by the seats of our pants... no one has truly worked it out,but its all such a great ride.!!!. I hope you have the children you wish for and that you all live happy and fulfilled lives.. j

17 beats. said...

that lower picture killed me. my daughter just weaned herself a few days ago, and i wasn't ready !

i think we'd like four, but that seems impossible timing-wise ... so we'll probably do 3.

Cho said...

I wish to have an even number of children haha,
Like two or four?
Well, three will be good too...
(Too early to think about it lol)

Lynn said...

Before having a child, we thought 3 could be fun. Then there were about 13 months after our son was born that one seemed like PLENTY. Then things got really fun and 3 sounded fun again. Until I got pregnant. Each day of the last two months I've vowed that this will be it.

Darling Kelsey said...

We are also planning to start actually 'trying' this Fall. We've always talked about two kids as well but some days I think about three but my husband quickly vetoes that idea!

Our first was also a surprise so it will be exciting trying for the next... kind of giddy about it actually!

Bri (like the cheese) said...

I would recommend "not preventing" over actually "trying." It is terribly disheartening each month that it doesn't happen when you 'try.' Especially if you have a time-frame in mind and start to see it slipping away.
I am cooking #3 right now. I am not opposed to having more....yet. I have to wait to see what we think after each new one comes along. You never know how you'll react/handle it! If time, energy, patience, and money were no object, I would love to have 5 or 7.

kyle anderson said...

Excited for you both that you have that "Ready for a second" baby feeling. I'll be marrying a man who has 4 kiddos! The wife passed away.. and he's had his hands full. It's been amazing to see how much he loves, how much he takes care of all 4 kids while working full time, etc. I'm in awe of him in how he provides for them on so many levels and am so excited to join the family. I know we both desire to experience having a baby together.. which will put us at 5 kids. We'll be one big happy beautiful messy family ;) I can't imagine a better life!

Anonymous said...

We have 4 and are hoping for 6, although we are open to any others God gives us :) Honestly, I think the first two are the hardest. With #1 you are learning your parenting style (cloth or disposables? vaccinations or not? breastfeeding or formula? cosleeping or crib?) and just learning how to raise a child in general. It's beautiful but difficult when you struggle through that first year of realizing it's not all about you anymore. With #2, you have to learn how to balance more than one set of needs at a time. But with #3 or more, all those things are sorted out already and you can really enjoy every second, having that peace of mind :)

.sa said...

When I was younger I wanted three.
I'm 35 now, and have a 2,5 year old and am pregnant with nr2 and Im thinking if we had started having kids earlier... in our 20's... we might have had 3.

We never even had to try with nr1 or nr2, they happened pretty much the minute I stopped on contraceptives (nr1) and stopped breastfeeding (nr2).

But, I find being pregnant and breastfeeding is very hard work... and even though it is the best thing ever, it is taking it's toll... both physically and economically... so we feel with a boy and a girl we are done after this one :)

Amets said...

Step by step. I´m expecting a girl.She is going to born on December. Uyyyy... she is name is Maren.

I hope everything is gonna be all right!!

Jessica Cole said...

I have a nearly 4 year old and I'm expecting baby 2. I feel really quite smug about the 4 year gap. My sister in law has a 4yo,2yo and a baby and it's very hectic to say the least!! I'd love to have 3 or 4 but we're just going to see how we feel after this baby is born.

I had 2 miscarriages whilst trying for this baby and in the end I felt like it would never happen for us. It's not that our boy isn't enough for us, he is amazing, it's those darn hormones which make you broody!! I have a lot of romantic notions about having a large family. But I also don't want to spend my whole life having kids and I know another 4 year gap would be too much if we are going to have a 3rd...

Anonymous said...

When I got my 1st baby 21 months ago I could have not imagined going through it again for the life of me. I couldnt understand friends that were working on the 2nd one straight away.... But 21 onths fast forward and I am thinking about it again.

34 years old and diagnosed with PCOS, doctors said I would never get pregnant without their help. I got pregnant twice (1st time I had a miscarriage) and 2nd time it wasn't planned at all, so I wouldnt trust all they have to say. Still, I cant help but worry if the 2nd one will ever happen (although not yet trying)....

we shall see...

good luck though!

eastcoastbird said...

Wow, after reading the comments I feel even more blessed to be holding my 3 1/2 month son as I type. He is our first and we are over the moon to have him. After a surprise pregnancy, a very easy 9 months, a fairly easy delivery, and a healthy and amazing baby I feel almost greedy to want more. I know just how lucky we are and it only takes reading the comments here to confirm that. I would love to give our son a sibling, I come from a family of 3, but I also would be okay if it's just the 3 of us. I do struggle with spacing and think if we did try for another I would wait close to 3 years- I just want soak in every moment with my son for awhile!

Heather said...

We have two, and we're done.

Love this photo!

KKRvF said...

I have always wanted four or five. We have one daughter; age 20 months and we have been trying since March although work schedules meant we haven't been able to make each month count. I am in the TWW right now and it is killing me. I hate this! We tried for only two months the last time. I'm 35 this year, so I'm getting antsy.

Anonymous said...

None!

RobinT said...

We planned two, and I got talked into the third, and I think that is it for us! If we had a fourth it wouldn't be the end of the world but at my ripe old age of 38 I worry about chromosome problems, thanks to my job.

Sara said...

I've always wanted 3! but as i'm 24 and still have at least 4 more years of school ahead of me, I've been thinking more and more about the idea of adopting a baby alongside having my own since I'll likely be in my 30s before I'm ready to start a family.

Anonymous said...

One. Part of me would like two (although with overpopulation a problem, I would feel uncomfortable having more than two, since that's obviously the replacement rate), but in my family, there tends to be a very, very easy first daughter and then a crazy hellion second daughter. So, I cannot raise my sister or my aunt. I figured we'd stop while we were ahead with the angelic first child. I think she'd make a great sister--but then, I was so excited to be a big sister, and my sister was not excited to be a little sister!

I know some people are against onlies, but honestly, I think it's societal conditioning. I also think the resentful onlies don't know what kind of sibling they might have ended up with! Maybe it would have been great, but honestly, I only know about four people who dearly love their siblings. Everyone else just tolerates (or dislikes) theirs.

Anonymous said...

Just adding to my earlier comment about having an only child - if we do have a second child (which seems unlikely at this point), we'll adopt. There are so many kids out there who need homes.

Samantha said...

Currently I am just playing the role of child, 21 year old child that is.

I have a brother who is 25, and we have been able to be good friends our whole lives.

I have spoken to others who have a an age gap of around 3 or 4 years between siblings, and they all feel the same way.

I don't know how much it has to do with things, but its a thought.

Cheers!

Gabrielle said...

One, and totally happy at that.

Both my husband and I come from families of five, and personally we have mixed positive and negative sibling experiences. There are both negatives and positives to having siblings, and I don't think one necessarily out weighs the other. I am comfortable that my daughter is not missing out anything. I raise my daughter to know that her close friends can be as close to her as family, and she has plenty of social experiences with a range of children every day.

It is interesting to read how many people think that two is not contributing to the overpopulation problem. It is. You don't have your two kids, and then you and your partner die straight away - hopefully not anyway! So its not a simple replacement. With health and longevity these days you are around to see your children have children, and often to see your great grand children. If they all had two as well, your original two (you and your partner) has become six (children + grand children) or fourteen (children + grand children + great grandchildren). You are all on this earth at the same time putting pressure on the same resources (water, space, clean air, food etc.). Two children contributes hugely to overpopulation. Sure have two children if you want to, but don't try to say it is not contributing to overpopulation.

I agree whole heartedly with the comments about only children and all the bad flack against them in society. To me it is really sad that people still have these old fashioned ideas. Its all linked back to some dodgy research that was done way way back in the old days that tried to say only children had bad behavioral traits. However, with modern research, it has all been shown to be wrong, and only children actually have greater rates of success and personal happiness.

Ultimately it comes down to how many children you want to and can (emotional, financial resources etc.) parent. There is no point in having a child just to give the first one a sibling if you don't want another child - what sort of parent would you be then?

A great book on all this is Maybe One: A Personal and Environmental Argument for Single Child Families

Anonymous said...

Just one comment on the overpopulation idea. It's true some people have kids, and others don't. But no, it does not "all even out." If that were true, why would I be 35 years old and living in a world with a population that is literally almost twice what it was when I was younger? 7 billion people now!!!!

Regardless of what you think about people's choices and the ability of the earth to provide for an unlimited number of humans... the population IS rising, dramatically so. From 1960 to 2011, the population more than doubled, for about 3 billion to 7 billion, at a rather steady rate, with no end in sight.

Nora Nuno said...

We have a 5 mo old, and he has a 6 yr old from a previous relationship, but I look at our son and I crave one more baby. I want to enjoy our oliver as much as possible, and maybe in another yr or so try for our last baby. Three total between the two of us would make us complete =)

Maria Baker said...

We have two and for us, it's the perfect number. We have two girls and we always knew that whatever the sex of our kids, two was it for us. People always ask us if we're going to try for a boy and are always astounded when I say no. Hubby had a vasectomy. We are done. Though having a boy would have been lovely, our girls are amazing and we have the time and money to manage them well. For us, it works. No regrets. Our friends have 3 and 4 kids and they seem so harried all the time. Yes, for us, two is good, but it is a deeply personal choice.

frecklefaceford said...

My fiance has 3 other siblings, all of them girls and 2 of them twins. I only have one sister. But both of our parents come from big families and I kind of want to bring that back. Having 3 or 4 would be my ideal number of kids. But it all depends upon what life gives us in the end.

ruzzel01 said...

Have some time with them as much as you can.

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Anonymous said...

Six children.

Tiffany said...

I always wanted four, two boys and two girls. The boys the oldest the girls the youngest, it's kind of a pattern in my family. However I am 34 and not married yet so that is highly unlikely. To be honest, at this point, I would feel tremendously blessed to have one.

Anonymous said...

At least four, ideally more. Most of the mums I know say that after the first child, the extra work doesn't really add up.

Desiree Fawn said...

I have a daughter from my previous relationship.. and for some reason I see two with my current partner. So maybe 3 in total is MY magic number? We'll see! :)

Jacquelyn {The 20 Something Society} said...

When we were younger we said we didn't want to have any - but here lately we have been talking about possibly having one.

kate said...

I think our number is 3... #1 is currently on the way, so we'll see how it goes!

At first, I wanted 4 (I grew up with 3 older brothers, so it seemed like the perfect number/perfect chance to have 2 boys and 2 girls so each had a sibling of their own gender. I always wanted a sister! Thankfully I've gotten them through marriage :)). Anyway, my husband is from a family of 2, so that was always his number. (His cousins are all in pairs as well, with each family having 1 boy and 1 girl).

I know it means I'll need to get a minivan one day, but 3-4 is probably going to be our ideal :)

jonahliza said...

at least, one. maybe, two. i think thats my lucky number.

Bronwyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sam said...

I've always wanted either two or three. I suppose it depends on how I feel after the second child, and how financially set I'm feeling on paying for college tuition for all three kids!

elena prikhodko knapp said...

we are still trying for our first one
quite late for both of us
ideally would be two but if we can have just one its a blessing

elena prikhodko knapp said...

and good luck with the second@@@ !!!!
you make wonderful parents

krisel keeper said...

Two for us and that's what we were blessed to have this past March, our second. We tried and tried for 3 years after our first. Now, in hindsight and knowing what I'm like I feel blessed they are 4yrs 4months apart. The help of the first is amazing. Had I had them any closer I think I'd be going nuts...well, I am almost daily but the fun kind not the crazy kind.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts for the making of your second. We didn't try with our first either and when you're planning and trying it changes things for sure. Different mind set. I'm actually enjoying this second child in ways I couldnt with the first. It's been lovely!

Alys said...

I am the eldest of four and I always imagined having a big family. Sometimes I still want a big family .... other times one child sounds perfect to me!

In reality though I will be happy with however many children I am blessed with

Mariana said...

Three. Fingers crossed; knock on wood. :) And I would love to see my little guy as a big brother, too.

Bren said...

I just became a mom of a baby girl. I would like another baby to be her sibling. But just not right now. I barely even get some rest. lol

Sarah said...

I used to want 4 kids, but after having two, I'm literally just taking it one day at a time lol!

- Sarah
agirlintransit.blogspot.com

Heather said...

We want to have a child biologically AND we want to adopt, so at least 2!

princess butterfly said...

I have the two I had hoped to have, and while there are days that I wonder what a huge family would feel like..I think the two are perfect -- girl & boy -- sister & brother, and they are adorable together!

Agen Sbobet said...

You are my breathing in, I have few web logs and often run out from to brand.

Anonymous said...

I want people to start asking themselves how many more children the earth can handle.

Amielle said...

I come from a big family and it's something that I've always wanted for myself. Maybe not quite as big, but five kids has always felt nice to me. People seem to favour even numbers, but when there was 'just' the four of us girls in my family, it was still odd because we didn't pair up like we were 'supposed to', at least in getting along/relating/etc. And, to be completely honest, even with odd numbers, a child is never alone, that's what having siblings is for.

christy said...

We have five. It is crazy wonderful. None of them were "planned", although I did say at one point (when I had only had one) that I thought 4 would be nice. He is getting a vasectomy in October. So 5 is definitely the magic number. Oh, I should mention, I am the oldest of 12.

Polly Rowan said...

I think 3! I would never have an only child and I don't think I could cope with more than 3!

Cheryl said...

We are very happy with our two ages 5.5 and 27 months. One girl, one boy. Not outnumbered! And feel like we'll be able to fully give to each.

Kiasa said...

I'm sure this sounds crazy to most but I'd love to have 5 kids! I'm one of seven and I love my huge, wonderful family. But I currently have 3 littles in a small 1 bedroom on the UWS and I'm SO worn out. I am hoping we can move out into the country in the next year and have more kids and outside spaces for them to independently explore.

I have a friend here on the UWS who is pregnant with her 7th! The oldest is almost 9 years old, and there is a set of twins. They live comfortably in a 2 bedroom, and don't use hired help. She, in my book, is a saint. She is seriously the most sweet and patient person and he inspires me.

Kiasa said...

I'm sure this sounds crazy to most but I'd love to have 5 kids! I'm one of seven and I love my huge, wonderful family. But I currently have 3 littles in a small 1 bedroom on the UWS and I'm SO worn out. I am hoping we can move out into the country in the next year and have more kids and outside spaces for them to independently explore.

I have a friend here on the UWS who is pregnant with her 7th! The oldest is almost 9 years old, and there is a set of twins. They live comfortably in a 2 bedroom, and don't use hired help. She, in my book, is a saint. She is seriously the most sweet and patient person and he inspires me.

A. (Ana Carolina) said...

I wish i could have 3... but I think two is a more realistic number in real life...
I've tried with my first one...The wait always put me down once the period came in... But i shouldn't complain much, it was quite fast (less than 1year after stopping with pills, but I lost :-( but then only 2 months after the miss carriage :-) )
Now i am planning to start trying again sometime next year.
I bet my little one will be a very good big brother :-)

xx,
A.

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Rachael said...

We're expecting our fifth baby, and I hope we have at least one more. When our first daughter was born, it was overwhelming (I was finishing up graduate school at the time), but now it's wonderful. Nothing brings me greater happiness than raising my children. I'm also glad that we started having children when we were fairly young (I'm 29), because I've definitely noticed that it gets harder to bounce back from the sleepless nights!

l o v e l y d e s i g n said...

hahaha - both of my kids are one-shot-wonders... really! Be careful, all it takes is a couple of glasses of red wine!

l o v e l y d e s i g n said...

(although, I should clarify... even though both kids were one-shot-wonders, they were both planned. They just came... instantly!) XOX

tae Davis said...

I had my 1st baby at 26 & i had the worse docs... long story short my son was born with cerbel palsy due to Docs mistakes that was 10 years ago. Now at 36 i think 1 more baby but when my son died it was the worst feeling to be somebodies mommy one day and the next day to be no bodies mommy so with that thought i think maybe i will have 4 or five but at 36 IDK if thats possible or if that is best. So i am still having the great debate with myself!

NeatoKeen@Etsy said...

I have four children (two boys and two girls). They are all out of the house working and away at school. I had all four within 6 1/2 years so there wasn't much thought put into "how many" to have, but I feel so blessed and fortunate to be the mother of these beautiful human beings.

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