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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Would you wait to kiss until your wedding day?

When Andrew and Carissa fell in love, they decided to wait to have their first kiss until their wedding ceremony...

I was really curious about their experience--can you imagine the willpower?!--so the adorable couple agreed to answer my five questions...

Why did you choose to wait until your wedding day to have your first kiss?
Andrew: It was something we both thought would be special to save until the day we officially became one. Plus, I'm Italian and didn't want to get in temptation's way of having a pre-mature Andrew, Jr.
Carissa: We met when we were 17, and neither of us had ever kissed anyone before. So, maybe we didn't even know what we were missing! I don't actually remember talking about it--it was just something we both knew we wanted to save for that moment when the minister says, 'You may kiss your bride.'

How long did you wait? Was it tough?
Andrew: I waited three years. I wanted to kiss her the day I met her. Yes, there were times it was very tough, but I'd settle for her eyes.
Carissa: I remember the first time I really wanted to kiss him. He had been in Ethiopia for a month, and had gotten terribly sick. I was flying out to see him when he got home, and I remember thinking there would be no way I would be able to not kiss him when I saw him...Yeah. It was sometimes quite hard.
When you finally kissed, were you nervous?
Andrew: I wasn't nervous. But I definitely wasn't prepared. When my dad (who was marrying us) said we could kiss, I was like, oh man, I totally forgot we got to do this! Then I got all serious, but Carissa wouldn't have any of it and exploded as I landed upon her lips. And that was it. Our first kiss was really a first laughing while our lips were touching.
Carissa: I remember standing up there, hearing Andrew being told to kiss his bride, and thinking, 'We have no idea how to do this...' Which made me laugh, right as our 'kiss' began. We took the next few weeks to perfect the skill on our honeymoon.

What did your friends and family think?
Andrew: I have a feeling a lot of people thought we were crazy.
Carissa: I dont think most people even knew, or if they did, they probably didn't believe us--until they saw our failure on the wedding day! But I know my sweet Gramps thought it was quite questionable. 'If you love a girl, you kiss her!'

Anything surprising about the overall experience?
Carissa: Well, as silly as it may sound, that kind of tension was actually quite romantic! It's sweet to me, when I recall how utterly in love we were and convinced of each other's hearts, that it hardly mattered what each other's mouths tasted like. That love has only gotten sweeter with time--but so does the kissing!

Thanks so much for sharing your story, Andrew and Carissa!
What do you think? Would you consider saving your first kiss for your wedding day? Could you? Or would you rather kiss beforehand?

P.S. How old were you when you had your first kiss? And how long do you wait to sleep with someone?

(Photos by Lydia Jane Photography, courtesy of Andrew and Carissa)

325 comments:

1 – 200 of 325   Newer›   Newest»
Kiana said...

This couple sounds really adorable! But the idea of not kissing (which I'm assuming also means you're not doing other stuff) until your wedding day is not only tough but I also wonder if it's wise?

Bianca said...

I think this is so wonderful! But I could NEVER wait that long! I'm all for saving the rest... haha, but not kissing ;)

ELLEN WOONT said...

Are they brave or a bit crazy? :) I know I couldn't do that!

Abbey said...

I had my first kiss when I was fifteen.

A couple years later, I started going to a church youth group with my best friend. I discovered of my three friends in youth group, ALL were planning on waiting till their I Do to have their first kiss!

I was shocked and really confused. I felt like I'd done something wrong, at first, because of the setting of church and youth group.

Two of them are married now. Neither made it to I do -- one couple kissed while they were dating and later got married, and the other couple decided to kiss when they were engaged because they liked a certain style of engagement pictures.

The third kissed a boy she was dating and discovered she really likes kissing. :) She's getting married this summer with a bit more kissing experience than the other two. :)

Jenni said...

Yikes! I couldn't do it - I'm way too affectionate. My husband and I kissed on our very first date, almost four years ago, and we've probably kissed at least ten times a day since.

AVY said...

I don't know if that's romantic or just crazy. A little of both I guess.


/Avy

http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

Robyn said...

3 years!! They seem lovely, but no, not for me. I love kissing too much...and what if your partner was a horrid kisser....?

Kate said...

Too late now :) I've initiated every single first kiss I've ever had. I would be too impatient! I don't really like how that TLC show portrayed couples who did choose to wait, though. To each his own, as long as it's their choice and not something they're shamed into doing (or not doing).

Simone said...

She is a beautiful girl & they sound like good people....but honestly, I find their story really really really odd & impossible to understand!! Why why why?! It sounds pointless!

I also find it odd that she refers to their wedding day kiss as their "failure".

Kissing is a lovely thing - if you love someone, you kiss them....simple.

Sarah said...

I'm with gramps 'If you love a girl, you kiss her!'

Katie said...

Oh... I think this is very sweet. Hate to see people being so negative about such a personal decision.

Mandy said...

I definitely don't think it's "problematic" to not kiss until your wedding day! In fact, I think it's sad that people think so. I'm not an idealistic person (I leave that stuff to my fiance), but there is nothing wrong with saving physical intimacy for marriage, including kissing... it's sweet! And I don't think they were putting sex up as a pedestal, I think they were being realistic about their boundaries and sticking to their guns. RESPECT to this lovely couple. :) I really don't know too many people who could do what they accomplished in their relationship. :)

Ashton said...

Love this. I don't see anything "problematic" with waiting until marriage to experience certain things. Their personal story is a great example of that. Thanks for sharing Andrew and Carrissa!

Carissa said...

I love that line, "convinced of each other's hearts." super sweet and truly the most important thing!

I had a pair of friends in high school who when they got together decided not to kiss until they were married. They are Christian and wanted to save themselves for marriage and I think they decided not to kiss so as to not fall into that temptation to go down the wrong path... how easy it is to get caught up in the moment, right? I remember thinking it was a bit crazy, mostly because I don't think I could do it. but they did, they waited! not sure how long but it was a couple years like Andrew and Carissa (by the way, I love her name! :) and she was a very pretty bride.)

Mandy said...

P.S. I agree with Katie.. I think people being so negative about a personal decision is pretty snarky. :(

Jill said...

I didn't have my first boyfriend till I was 17. We kissed about a month into the relationship. My next boyfriend I met when I was 18. We kissed on the first official day that we started dating, the rest is history, as I married him 5 years later. :) Happily married for almost 2 years so far.

My husband is my one and only sexual partner.

Amanda said...

There is a Jewish custom to not see each other during the week leading up to the wedding. My husband and I did this, and although we had photos before the ceremony, we didn't actually kiss until we were officially married. It was a long 7 days, but it was worth it!

Laurel Hammond said...

OMG let's focus on that girl's wedding dress. Stunning! What a beautiful couple! Where did she find that dress?

HiLLjO said...

It's not really for anyone to say... it's a personal decision.

Erin said...

I'm pretty sure I'm missing how the groom being Italian has any bearing on their decision. He made a point to mention it, but I'm still missing something.

To each their own. Whatever works for the couple isn't up for anyone else to judge. It wouldn't work for me, but I'm not them.

Elise said...

We did! It was amazing!

Elise said...

We did! It was amazing!

yocheved zivar said...

not so strange to me as i grew up orthodox but not something i chose and would choose for others as an adult. physical intimacy is such an important piece of relationship and communication.

Joanna Goddard said...

laurel, i know! her dress is SO beautiful. i'll ask her:)

Allyn said...

I waited until I was 21, but mainly just because I normally got bored with guys like 2 dates in and it took a while to find one I liked enough. Now I've only ever kissed two guys (one being my husband). I think it's for everyone to decide on their own. I do however HATE when people start talking about how repressed the poor people must be. I chose not to sleep with my husband until we got married, but it wasn't for fear that I'd be a slut or be struck by lightning or disowned by my family. It was for many many other reasons.
One of my best friends was going to wait to kiss her now husband on their wedding day. I convinced her to kiss him the night before so they could have that special, private moment (and figure out how. Ha).

Lynn said...

Not sure what being Italian has to do with getting pregnant! I assume she meant Catholic, yes? Not exactly synonymous!

Marie said...

I understand (and wish i will do so) the couples that don't want to sleep with each other before wedding but kissing, i don't know how they've done it ... plus how can they decide at first that they won't kiss before their weeding day, how did they know from the beginning of their relationship they will be going to end up together?

Emily said...

I'm not sure how you fall in love with out kissing (or touching). I feel like part of loving someone involves that. I love many of my friends, but to be in love with someone, for me at least, I feel that I need to be physical to some extent with them - even if it is only kissing.

Alison said...

I couldn't agree more with what Mandy said in her comment above. That this couple together decided they wanted to save something so precious until their wedding day is commendable, not shameful. I know that this particular way of doing things isn't for everyone (myself included), but I would certainly hope that people don't judge them for it. It was a personal choice, and something that was clearly special and beautiful to them.

Sephira said...

I think it's a super cute story to have. And kudos to them for being able to do it. Personally I couldn't do it nor could I wait to have sex till i'm married. I think I'm too much of a Sex And the city girl there:

"Before you buy a car you take it for a test-drive" haha :P


I had my first "real kiss" when I was fourteen I think it was. But here in my country I would say we are very "free spirited" {im from Denmark} so its usually around that age, usually. Of course it varies.

I had sex for the very first time when I was fifteen. I was very smitten with this boy who I dated for about 8 months. And I wanted to wait till it was legal, which was age 15. I do not regret anything. He and I did not turn out to be "meant to be" but i have good memories to look back at :)

And to answer the question of how long I wait till i sleep with someone, well it really depends. I waited around 5 months with my last boyfriend but it really varies I think. Where as I've slept with someone on fourth date too.

Joanna Goddard said...

allyn, that's sweet that you convinced them to kiss the night before:)

kendra said...

aw! this made my heart leap for joy!
thanks for featuring them Jo!
They are one of the sweetest couples I have ever come into contact with.

Michelle Marie said...

I cannot help but recall that TLC show, and that ad they had with the couple kissing for the first time at their wedding.

I could never do it; I would never want to. My theory is that you've got to try before you buy. Kissing, and being physically affectionate with a companion/partner/lover is essential to me.

This couple does seem very sweet though. And my goodness, that dress is gorgeous. Beautiful!

Rachael said...

Each to their own but I don't think I could do this and I wouldn't want too.

tamara said...

Obviously everyone should do what they think is best for them, but personally, no I would not wait to kiss until my wedding day. I also think it seems like a little bit of an editorial failing to completely exclude the fact that this decision was (I'm intuiting) guided at least somewhat by religion--I don't think a 17 year old goes to Ethiopia for a month if not for a mission trip?

Joanna Goddard said...

lynn and erin, i assumed he joked that he was italian because of the old-school notion of italian guys being extra flirty/having a strong sex drive/etc. so he didn't want to get carried away if they started kissing, and then.... :)

virginia said...

I'm not religious so maybe that's why I'm weirded out by this. It sounds needlessly repressive to me. However, it's their marriage and they can do what they want. I've been kissing my fiance since our first date (about five years ago!) and I don't think kissing him at our wedding will be any less special for all the kisses that have come before. To me, physical affection is a crucial part of an adult romantic relationship.

Joanna Goddard said...

tamara, it might have been guided by a religious background (they're christian), but they did say that no one else in their family had done it...it was their personal decision, not a religious tradition, for them.

natalie said...

Oh wow! I could have never NEVER waited. And really couldn't think of any reason why I would have. But then again, I had a hard time not physically mounting my husband on our first date... I'm not a big fan of holding back in hopes that it makes something more special.

Annie said...

My husband and I dated for about eight years before our wedding; glad we didn't wait all that time! It sounds like having the first kiss at the altar worked out well for Andrew and Carissa, and I think it's great that they did what felt right for their relationship. The only thing I would have been concerned about in their place is having so many people watching my first kiss. But then, my husband and I also did a "first look," partially because I wanted to see him privately before we were surrounded by family and friends at the ceremony.

Joanna Goddard said...

haha, natalie, that is cute:)

Joanna Goddard said...

annie, we had a first look, too. it helped with nerves! i was so nervous walking down the aisle and nervous for our first kiss, too, even though we had already kissed many times:)

Anna @ IHOD said...

I truly admire this couple for going against the norm! So amazed by this. Its counter-cultural which is inspiring. I don't understand all the cynical comments. The intention here was to give each other a beautiful wedding gift...somthing they hadn't given to anyone else. The no kissing was just understanding that its the only way to save that gift.

So refreshing to hear that some people still fight to uphold their personal morals without being affected by what others think.

Thanks for sharing your inspiring story!

Sarah said...

This is just too cute! No one does stuff like this anymore. I am a romantic and would swoon over something like this (even tho I would prbly fail) My hubs and I stopped sleeping together when we got engaged and didn't until after we were married a year later. It was tough but we are also religious so that helped keep things in line. So worth it tho :))

Good love story :)

ruthy ann said...

my husband and I waited to sleep together until our wedding night...I don't think we could've waited on the kissing (but perhaps if we were 17 when we met vs...30?) who knows.

steph said...

i think it's awesome!!! wish my husband and i would have done it!

Abigaila said...

A couple from my hometown did this. When they announced that this was their first kiss at the end of the ceremony everybody cheered. I think for them it came out of a place of respect for yourself maybe? They explained it as not wanting to give away a piece of yourself to someone you weren't going to be together with forever.

Joanna Goddard said...

ruthy ann, were you nervous? i would have been nervous anticipating it all through the wedding day:)

dellamargaretta said...

While I respect and admire their decision, I sincerely hope Andrew knows that kissing can't possibly impregnate his wife... I wouldn't wait until my wedding day to kiss my partner. While I think I have the willpower I just wouldn't want to. I see kissing as such a display of affection, not a sexual action. Most of the kisses my partner and I share are not make-out-style kisses but very sweet and friendly kisses.
I had my first kiss when I was 16 and didn't have another until two years later. I can count the number of men I have kissed on both hands and the men I have slept with on one. Sex is very different to me than kissing. Sex is unquestionably.... sexualized. Whereas kissing doesn't have to be. In the past I have waited until I felt it was "right" to sleep with someone; until I cared about the person very much and knew I wouldn't regret my decision. While it is a nice ideal, I simply don't think I would wait to kiss or have sex with a man until I married him because for me, marriage is only a title that has little bearing on the way I feel about someone.

Kath said...

I could never do that, but good for them for making a decision and sticking to it! But I've never liked the excuse of "no kissing, in case we go further". It's not that hard to stop yourself from having sex! Kissing doesn't cause sex.

Anonymous said...

My first kiss was when I was 16 and the boy who kissed me still contacts me every year on my birthday to wish me happy birthday. (We never slept together)We've remain friends after many many years!

SRBratton said...

The beauty of love & marriage is that everyone gets to do it their own way - any the fact that they could agree on a decision as big as this means they are meant to be together. That being said, I kissed my husband on our first date and a million times after and I don't regret a single one. Kissing is wonderful!

Joanna Goddard said...

margaretta, ha, he definitely knows that -- he just didn't want to start kissing and get carried away:)

Joanna Goddard said...

anonymous, that is so sweet!

Emoke Orsolya Czako said...

That is so sweet! :)
But no, I don't think I would wait 'till my wedding day.
Not because of me being impacient, but because it should be between two people not everyone gathered there.

J+H @ Beyond The Stoop said...

now that's some LOVE! it's a feat just to wait on the sex until marriage!! let alone kiss. kudos to them!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful couple! I would not do this myslef. I feel that the physical relationship is one component of compatability and intimacy, and I would want to know that it was all it should be before the marriage. However, if this was a mutually agreed decision, more power to them! Interesting post.

alli/hooray said...

I agree with Anna@IHOD, I admire them for not being concerned with social norms and doing what felt right to them! Thanks for sharing.

Alison said...

Joanna, in response to your question to Ruthy Ann about being nervous...my husband and I waited until our wedding night as well, and let me tell you- I was a lot of things but nervous WAS definitely NOT one of them! Ridiculously pumped and ready to leave the reception early? Yes. Nervous? No. I was marrying the man I loved and already knew that he would love and accept me no matter what, so there was no need to be nervous:)

Kristyn said...

Wow that's romantic! I could just see the love in those pictures! I don't know if I could ever do that though, but congratulations to the happy couple :)

sip-n-wear said...

Omgoodness! How sweet is this couple? And what great willpower!?! I wouldnt be able to wait, but it wouldve been so neat if we had! Love this little story!

Joanna Goddard said...

yes, that's a great point, alison. i was always nervous when sleeping with someone for the first time, but it's probably because we still didn't know each other THAT well (we would have been dating for a couple months, for example...) -- but once you're getting married, you're really close and committed (obviously:). i hadn't thought of that!

Sarah O'Brien said...

As lovely as that sounds, there is no way I could do that, so props to this adorable little couple. I am way to affectionate of a person. As much as I want it the first date, I always make the guy wait til about the third date or so, it makes you want it so much more, doesn't it?!

Amy Powell said...

my friends did that -- it wasn't their first kiss, but they had bad relationships in the past & it was a way to make this one different & special. they've been married 5 years & have 2 kids now. it's sweet :)

first kisses are so slimy & weird! lol

Anne said...

I admire them for waiting!

angharad said...

A really sweet and beautiful couple. But would I wait to kiss until my wedding day? Nooooooooooooo! Like other posters, I find this idea so removed from my own value system it's unreal. Kissing is BEAUTIFUL! Fair play to them though, if waiting made them happy :)

Tracy said...

Their story is so sweet!
My husband and I waited for 6 whole weeks to have our first kiss, and then when he tried to kiss me I was trying to pull back out of his arms, haha! It turned out to be the best kiss of my life, I sat in my car for a good 10 minutes afterward just giggling.
We were married 9 months later :)

xxoo
Tracy

Claudia said...

Everyone is free to do as they want.... but I would never ever wait for my wedding day to kiss my future husband for the first time!!! What did they do during the courtship??!?! I am too european???
Actually, I kissed and spent the night with my (now) husband on the second date.... it just felt right! Kisses :)

Anonymous said...

This is a real eye opener to me. I would never have believed anyone would wait to kiss until their wedding day except in an arranged marriage where that was the cultural norm. I never would. Fascinating.

Leah said...

What a sweet story. My husband and I have almost the exact same story. Neither of our parents did it but we both wanted to b/c we both wanted no temptations before marriage. It was completely worth it and I would do it all over again exactly the same. It is incredibly romantic and exhilarating getting to kiss for the first time right there after we were pronounced husband and wife. Romantic, sweet, memorable, and lovely. We didn't care how it turned out. We were just thrilled to kiss for the first time and to know it was the our beautiful first kiss together. We saved kissing and sleeping for marriage and we loved it, wouldn't do it any other way. Yes, it was incredibly hard but it was worth it to wait.:)

Laurel Hammond said...

Thanks Joanna!

Tinyo said...

We too waited for sex until our wedding night, and now that I am married almost ten years I have to admit that Ihalf of me is happy, but the other half does feel like I missed out on some fun and should have tried some other boys - which of course you can never admit!! That said! We all make judgements and decisions and very few of us are without any reegrets or whimsical 'what if' thoughts, so I think that it's best to remember that when commenting on others decisions x

Joanna Goddard said...

laurel, carissa said the dress was actually her mom's wedding dress, and she altered it to fit. xoxo

agapelife said...

Husband and I definitely kissed before getting married, but we didn't sleep with each other until our wedding night. I'm glad we waited, and if took willpower, I can't imagine the kind of willpower it took to wait to kiss someone!

Ash the Bash said...

WOW!! Non of my friends have done the waiting til marriage for sex let along kissing so for me this is a really alien concept. We live in a city where everyone lives together before marriage. Interesting though, and good on them for sharing. xox

Hillary said...

I lived with the New Order Amish in Ohio last summer, and the couples there have a "no-touch" policy, meaning they can't have any physical contact, let alone kissing. while it was hard to wrap my head around, the couples really did establish bonds that were much more emotional and deep because their relationships weren't based on physicality. they wanted to give everything to their future spouse, and they felt that physical intimacy before marriage prevented them from doing that. just an interesting perspective!

Meadow said...

Maybe I'm cynical but this is kind of ridiculous. Ok, they were 17 and never kissed anyone before... then turned it into a fun game, fine... but I doubt this would work for most couples. I guess I'm one of those people who wants to know if the sexual chemistry is there before committing to a person for life. You can tell a lot from the kiss. I'm glad it worked out for these two, though... they seem like a cute couple.

hairbowsandbutter said...

I think this is amazing! I love romantic stories like this! I haven't dated since high school (not necessarily by choice) and have only kissed one guy but I really enjoyed it! I don't plan on waiting til my wedding to kiss my future husband but I FULLY intend on saving "the other stuff" for the wedding night!

These are personal decision and we shouldn't judge each other based off of the decisions we make in our personal relationships, what works for some may not work for others.

Anonymous said...

I bet you didn't expect this to be such a hot-button issue when you posted this incredible story. It's sad to how many people say "to each his own" or "I'm not judging" only to follow with calling this couple crazy or unwise in their decision. I read this and see a couple that, even as teenagers, had the maturity to discuss their convictions before they fell into habits where niether wanted to be before marriage. That's amazing!

I wish I could say that I've only ever kissed my husband; what a bummer to have wasted lip time with any man before him.

Lauren C.T. said...

My first kiss was when I was 5. No joke. I had a kindergarten crush (I still remember his name), and we stayed behind when everyone left the classroom to get the bus home, ducked under a table, and sneaked a quick peck before our teacher came back to find us. I guess I've always just been openly affectionate! ;)

I could never have waited to kiss my husband. And, honestly, I can't think of a reason why I would have wanted to. I mean, I grew up kissing my mom and dad, my sister, my grandparents, my cats, etc... Why would I not want to kiss the man I loved enough to marry? I kiss my husband very often, many times a day. Kissing is fun and it's a special way of saying "I love you" without words.

Sarah said...

I waited until my wedding day to kiss my ex-husband. We'd both kissed other people before, but seriously, how awkward. I would never, ever, ever make that decision again.

It wasn't romantic, it was weird and public. It actually became it's own "thing"...like, the act of waiting for the kiss was more momentous than the kiss itself. And we started wrapping up weird moral implications in everything else we did. We were holding hands TOO MUCH! And cuddling TOO CLOSE!

All that to say, while I can personally respect the patience and self control it takes to wait to kiss (because, hey, I've been there. Also, my dad officiated my ceremony, too), I think it's a not-good idea for most people. Chemistry is very important in a relationship, and kissing is a great way to figure out if that chemistry can be there for the long term.

Madame Leiderhosen said...

I cannot fathom this. There are far too many lousy kissers to risk getting hitched with one. I've had to pry more than one off saying, "I like you and you are lovely but not for me".

I'd also be concerned about being comfortable asking for what one wants.

And kissing is FUN. I remember Salma Hayek on Inside the Actor's Studio (a great episode) when asked the Pivot Question: What turns you on? and her response, "Other than kissing?" at which the entire studio audience let out a whoosh of a sigh. Great episode.

Jenni Austria Germany said...

Joanna, I really respect the way you respond to comments/questions (that come off to me as somewhat snarky, but I understand could be interpreted as merely curious) in such a polite way. You're protective of those you interview without seeming defensive and I think that's such an admirable trait to have as writer.

häjni said...

OMG aren't they the most beautiful couple? It's really romantic and really brave of them! I could not wait that long for sure...i would kiss my boyfriend while sleeping :))

teeny84 said...

I love stories like this. I think there's something so romantic about discovering sex and your sexuality with one person. And I too think it's sad how quick people are to judge others. Calling them "odd. very", or "ridiculous" is just cold.

Carolina said...

The Italian comment made me laugh. I have a handful of Italian male friends and they all definitely fit the stereotype of flirty and over-the-top sexual....and they'd be the first to tell you that. :) Though I do understand it's a generalization that doesn't apply to all Italian males. ;)

Barbara The Healthy Nut said...

The first time I kissed my husband-to-be was the moment I knew he was the one. His kiss felt like home. That was a long time ago. It is still home for me. I'm not sure I would have known he was the one without that first kiss.

Christianna said...

Kudos to them!!! My friend and her husband did the same thing and he was almost 30! It just meant a lot to them to save that special moment for each other and my friend said she simply didn't want any other image of a guy in her head when she was kissing her husband. problem solved ;)

While physical attraction does play a part in love, the emotional connection you make outside of the physical aspect is what is really going to last anyway. I think it's awesome that they chose to use the time leading up to the wedding day to continue to nourish the emotional bond!

And I just have to add how funny it is that a lot of peoe are assuming these two are so naive just because they didn't kiss before their wedding day! Perhaps that just makes them that much more mature because they knew what they wanted to do and stuck to it. :)

Mariclare Cole said...

Well clearly if this worked out for them then I am all for it. I for one would have no desire to wait until marriage to kiss someone. Firstly I'm a bit too affectionate to wait (kissing is the BEST), and secondly, I'd want to sample the pie before buying the whole thing... if ya know what I mean!

Jacob, Julie & Naomi said...

This is the cutest story! My husband never would have made it to our wedding day without kissing though... we were both virgins until our wedding night, and I think that was hard enough! :)

Nora said...

oh my gosh.
amazing love story.
But... in fact not having sex before being married is something that is difficult to imagine for me... and not kissing? wow. unbelievable!
anyway, cute couple and each must live as he sees fit. :)

Alison said...

I think this is a sweet story!

Although I didn't wait to until my wedding day for my first kiss, I did wait until my (now) husband told me he loved me. Having never kissed anyone before him, my first kiss seemed so special and I wanted to make sure I gave it to the right person.

So, I get it. :)

CamMi Pham said...

They are a sweet couple but I don't think I can do that
x
cammi
http://www.cammilicious.com

Petya K. Grady said...

This may be totally TMI but one of the many reasons why I love and wanted to marry my husband was because of the kisses and... you know... the s•e•x. I don't think I could have married him without knowing that we were compatible in that department.

Loulou said...

No I wouldn't wait. I believe that chemical attraction is an important part of a strong relationship, and part of discovering such attraction is by kissing. It's science! Pheromones and such. Very important for continuing happiness.

loulou

Kelly Cramer said...

I just want to jump in with my two sense here. Although I find nothing wrong with waiting to kiss until you're married, growing up in a church community, I have had many friends who have waited to kiss or have sex until marriage. The issue I see repeatedly in these relationships is that a) the couple gets married really young b) and they marry really quickly to fight off "temptation."

Although this couple made a personal choice and I don't know what their background is at all (which means I'm not specifically addressing this couple), I have seen friends move into marriage way too quickly and end up hurt because of a culture of church. I don't have a hardcore belief that you should or shouldn't kiss before marriage, but I do believe that you should know yourself and each other, which takes a lot of time.

Again, I'm not specifically addressing this couple, I'm just addressing something that I see commonly. And just because someone gets married young doesn't mean they can't have a long, fulfilled, happy marriage. But I do worry that people often move things along too quickly in these types of situations.

Jennifer said...

@Virginia,

You are correct. You have every right to voice your opinion. I don't think anyone here is suggesting one has no right to call them ridiculous, silly, naive, etc., but rather that it's judgmental and unkind to voice one's opinion in such a critical or harsh way.

That being said, you have every right to be judgmental and unkind, though it sadden me to see it.

Anonymous said...

I have to say I think this is SO sweet. This idea of "waiting" is foreign to our culture and I think there is beauty in waiting (not necessarily just the kissing but also having sex) to be married. I think so much has been lost in going too far too soon in a relationship. Thanks for sharing!

Tara St said...

I have heard of couples making this choice. Although it's not one I would personally make, I think it's a really sweet sentiment. I wish them the best and I hope it was one hell of a kiss on the wedding day!

Tara
Penniless Socialite

deloom.com said...

Beautiful couple... Very Sweet! I think this is wonderful... But I could NEVER wait that long! lol Thanks for sharing!

abby said...

What an admirable couple!

Ana Bispo said...

It is not wrong. The fact that Andrew and Carissa have waited for their wedding day to have your first kiss is to be welcomed, but unfortunately this idea is currently underestimated. I am a Jehovah's Witness (although a Bible student) and defends the idea that certain intimacy should be saved for after marriage.
YOUNG Christians know that the Bible disapproves of premarital sex. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10) But some may not realize that the Bible also disapproves play with sexual immorality, that is, having intimacies that are definitely unique to married. (Galatians 5:19) That means that it is wrong to express affection? No way.
The Bible tells of a Shulamite girl and a shepherd were jeopardized. Their courtship was impeccably chaste and virtuous. But it is evident that there were among them some expressions of affection before getting married. (Song of Solomon 1:2, 2:6, 8:5) Today, some dating couples might also think that holding hands and hugging are appropriate expressions of affection when the marriage seems near.
Even in the case of the boy and girl who have honorable intentions, it is very easy to lose control of emotions and go play with sexual immorality.

Jennifer said...

Whoa, holy comments!

I laughed out loud when I read Anon's comment, 12:55 PM.

"They got married when they were 20? They never kissed? They are Virginia super-Christians? I can't relate to these people on any level. Sorry. Won't judge, just can't relate."

The third question in and of itself is a judgment; the fact that they are "Virginia super-Christians" is mentioned nowhere in this interview, nor on their blog. It is simply a judgment.

Oh, Anonymous. What would we do without you?

It's kind of the same as Stefana's comment: "I wish them the very best in life, but yikes...". What well wishes! LOL

erin said...

oh my goodness! that is commitment. james and i have been together for 6 years, and while we certainly haven't waited for our upcoming wedding to kiss, i find myself strangely nervous about how the whole ordeal will unfold on the actual day of!

Nikki @ Outnumbered said...

Do people really seriously think that waiting until marriage to kiss/sleep together/whatever and finding out your partner is a lousy kisser would kill the relationship? I see all these comments about physical chemistry and yes, of course, you need physical chemistry. Has anyone ever considered that people can LEARN to be better kissers/better lovers?
My husband and I saved our virginity for marriage and we have been married ten years this summer. I have never once regretted saving myself for him and I have never once wondered what it would be like to be with someone else. He is all I know and I am all he knows. I'm going to say that neither of us were great at sex in the beginning- we didn't know what we were doing! But you can bet that we have taken the time to learn and wow, our sex life is better now than ever before.
I think the phrase "try before you buy" is completely ridiculous to be honest.
Just sayin.
Kudos to this lovely couple!

Amie said...

My wedding day kiss was my very first kiss EVER & same with my husband (cept for that little 6 year old girl that snuck one in on him! hahaha) - it was beyond magical!!!!! I'd recommend it to anyone and EVERYONE!! :)

Robyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mama in the City said...

NO. No I can't imagine waiting until my wedding day for my FIRST kiss. I can't relate to this couple at all. Of course, they are SUPER young. I'm sure for them it was the right thing to do. I can only imagine the anticipation of the first EVERYTHING. I bet a JR. will be making an appearance sooner than later.

Lauren Bair said...

The waiting is probably why she's kissing with her teeth first. (I'm kidding! What a happy, lovely shot of them). Love this ROMANCE! We don't have enough of it anymore. Me - I prefer to test drive the kiss mobile before I take it off the lot.

Delphine said...

There is a movement among young Christians to wait until marriage for a first kiss. I have to say that I don't understand this choice, but hey...whatever makes you happy. However, I'm a little weary of movements of this sort because I don't think pressure in any direction should be put on sex. Doing this doesn't make you a "good" person, and not doing it doesn't make you "bad."

Here's the book that sparked the movement: http://www.amazon.com/Kissed-Dating-Goodbye-Joshua-Harris/dp/1590521358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340298414&sr=8-1&keywords=i+kissed+dating+goodbye

Shelley said...

Oh my goodness! this post made me feel all giddy and romantic. haha I can't imagine not kissing my fiance but I think this is really sweet. Some people may wonder if it's smart...I think its great! It's whatever ya wanna do.

Robyn said...

Just like this couple, my husband and I waited to kiss until marriage.

It was very important to me at the time (17 years and 4 kids ago) to wait, and so I'm grateful that we did.

How did we know our sexual chemistry would work when we'd never even kissed? IT WAS OBVIOUS! No if's, and's, or but's - we were attracted to each other. It was hard to wait!

Without the physical aspect to sway my thinking, I knew then, and still know now that our relationship was built on friendship, compatibility, and selfless and sacrificing love.

That said, if I had it to do it over again . . . I'd have gone ahead and kissed him. I think I was overly strict with myself :) Sex? Definitely not - but a few good kisses would have been fine :)

Lauren Ashley said...

There.is.no.way. I could never do this. But maybe I just don't have the willpower. :-)

Natalie said...

Stefana, I have always found that even religious couples who have made a commitment not to be intimate (to whatever degree) before the wedding night still are super open about it. Maybe just in the circles I've encountered, but open communication about sexuality has been the norm for me and my friends and our partners, even though we are religious. :)

I personally will wait until my wedding night to sleep with someone, but I have always wondered how a couple can go from zero to sex in one day! I feel like I would be emotionally overloaded, and yet I've always heard positive things about waiting to kiss on your wedding day.

Sammi said...

My sister did something similar to this.

It wasn't so much a no kissing thing though, it was more a nothing further than kissing thing. They didn't even live together before they got married.

Their wedding was incredible- we sang the Lion King Can U Feel The Love Tonight all together during the reception. It was fun and she wore flip flops and not high white heels.

That was all two years ago! They have since lived in three houses, the third of which they bought (about 3 months ago) so exciting! I think they are utterly perfect together, I feel like I'm hanging out with a brother when I get to spend time with the two of them. And whilst I don't think it would work for everyone, it has been great for those two.

Anonymous said...

Jenni Austria Germany, I was planning to leave exactly the same comment for Joanna, but you said it even better.

As someone who has spent a lifetime trying to live values that go against the modern grain without making myself seem utterly anachronistic, I have the deepest respect and appreciation for Joanna's gentle tact. She sets a wonderful example.

Colleen said...

Nope, I wouldn't be able to wait. Kissing is one of those things I feel is part of a relationship. Kudos to then for having the will to do it, but I'd explode.

Jenni Austria Germany said...

Whoa. I commented earlier but returned, out of curiosity, to read the comments and saw that this discussion has exploded. While reading everyone's opinions, though, I found myself genuinely wondering something that Nikki summed up in her comment, above:

"Do people really think that waiting until marriage to kiss/sleep together/whatever and finding out your partner is a lousy kisser would kill the relationship? I see all these comments about physical chemistry and yes, of course, you need physical chemistry. Has anyone ever considered that people can LEARN to be better kissers/better lovers?"

Sarah said...

I would totally consider it if I could go back and do it again. It's like a whole new chapter of romance!!!

- Sarah
agirlintransit.blogspot.com

Melissa@Julias Bookbag said...

THIS IS WHY I COME TO THIS BLOG! Fascinating! Best wishes to this darling couple. I wouldn't want to do what they did and I don't understand their choice, but best of luck to them and I'm glad they can kiss each other now :)

Anonymous said...

As cute as their story is - what if he/she was a horrid kisser? Although I think everyone has to make their own choices on kissing / having sex before a marriage - I think it's far too important to find out how it's like to have sex with that person until after you married...

LaurenMax said...

joanna - thanks for this - it's very cute - but mostly, i found their adoption story on their blog and i'm extremely touched. i just married and (am very surprised to) have babies on the brain, and my husband was adopted, and i just want to hug their little family and rinah and be their friends. :) xo

Toni Logsdon said...

It is so hard to keep my composure when I am reading this. Such a beautiful story! Congrats to the happy couple, may your years be filled with joy, happiness and unconditional love.

sweet harvest moon said...

They are such an adorable couple! I think it's sweet!

Bethany said...

I waited until marriage to have sex and I'm so glad I did, but I definitely couldn't wait until marriage to kiss! It's too much fun! But here's the thing that I respect about their decision - it shows so much self-control and mutual respect for each other physically, spiritually, emotionally. It doesn't get much more romantic than that - certainly more so than the whenever, wherever, whoever philosophy.

Jennifer said...

Wow! This discussion has gone off the rails! Raquel A's comment says "I dont think anyone is being negative about this." I have to say, I think "pointless", "ridiculous", "odd", etc. are negative adjectives to use. In fact, I think there are much nicer ways to express opinions and still get the point across. But I understand some people don't like to be nice.

And Anonymous, I'm sorry you didn't have a positive experience with your camp counselor but I don't think that Andrew and Carissa should be the target of your frustration, especially since they didn't mention religion in this interview once, and never tried to imply that they think this decision is right for anyone but themselves. Joanna asked to interview them; they didn't come to her and say, "Hey - we have this kidding idea that we think your readers should adopt." If you knew their story (I read their blog sometimes; their story is really profound), I don't think you'd be so quick to lump them into the same category as your fundamental camp counselor.

Thanks, Joanna! This discussion is fascinating.

Jennifer said...

*kissing

Melisande said...

i read andrew & carissa's blog and i'm so glad that they are featured here today! waiting until " i do" is definitely not for me and my partner, but i can respect their choice. i can only imagine the anticipation building up! mostly, their patience is the most impressive!

Batsheva said...

i am an orthodox jew and my husband and i waited until our wedding to do EVERYTHING. we had never been alone in a room together, we never held hands, never kissed, and obv nothing else until we were married, bc we believe you cannot touch the opposite sex (in a loving way) until you are married to them.
it was really hard when we dated, btu we pulled through and the night of the wedding was amaazing. well worth the wait. oh and obv we had no clue what we were doing, but had a good time learnign together.

Daniel & Mindy said...

yaaaay! i'm so glad to see this couple featured on your blog, jo! they are fantastic, sweet people & i think that their waiting to have their first kiss on their wedding day is tender...

charinthecity said...

On our first date, I was at the turnstile of the Tube (UK, US=subway) and I called him back, kissed him on the cheek and ran away home on the train! We had spent 5 hours talking about our hopes and dreams, opening our hearts like soulmates not strangers who had met for the first time. I just had to let him know that I fancied him, though I was shy! Next weekend will be our 2nd wedding anniversary, and I do not regret showing him what my heart felt 4 years ago.

Alexa said...

i just really love what she said about being convinced of each other's hearts. what a lovely couple!

Erik and Jane Petersons said...

My guy - now my husband, waited to kiss me until the evening he proposed to me on a hilltop in northern Wales. The sun was setting and bells were tolling in the town below and a flock of sheep was grazing nearby. Such a beautiful setting that made the moment so very special. I'm so glad we waited to kiss until then - adding it to our commitment to marry one another (thought our wedding day was still 9 months away). It was really tough to wait until we were engaged in many ways, but looking back now I'm so glad we did. It was an amazing moment and so very special for us since it was the first kiss for both of us.

Anonymous said...

I don't think this sort of thing is for everyone, but it seems to have been perfect for them. We should all take into account that they were very, very young when they got married. Three years is a long wait, yes, but it's not like they were in their twenties or thirties while this waiting was going on.

They're a darling couple--I've been following their blog for a couple of years now, and I'm happy to see them on A Cup of Jo!

virginia said...

So it looks like my earlier comment was deleted and maybe this one will be too. I am not trying to offend but I also think it's okay to be passionate about my opinion and disagree (as I'm sure this couple was passionate about the rightness of their decision for them) instead of walking on eggshells. If we're all going to agree or dish up platitudes like "Everyone can do whatever they like!", what's the point of a discussion forum? Why even have comments?

My sincere apologies if I did indeed offend anyone, but I won't apologize for *my personal opinion* that this is a strange decision for two adults that I personally do not relate to. That opinion doesn't preclude me from hoping the couple has a wonderful life together and a happy marriage.

Shoko said...

I think that sounds just lovely! Great for them, and major kudos for sharing - they look so happy!

Amy Seager said...

I think you need to know your partner before you enter into a marriage and whilst I realise that marriage is not about the physical things, it has something to do with that spark, that chemistry and the physical attraction with one another. This is a sweet idea and I know people that have managed this, but I think there needs to be some kind of physical contact in the form of a kiss to really establish your feelings fully. Just my opinion tho.

Love
amy
x

wedding stationery designer www.dottypink.co.uk

Rebekah Daphne said...

My husband and I did not kiss until the morning of our wedding. The wait was tough but we have zero regrets. Basically, we knew that we wanted to save our sexuality for marriage--and we also knew that once we kissed one another it would be hard to stop going down that road. (And holy cow, we were right! Our first kiss was ELECTRIC!) So yeah, we had no "sexual experience" prior to our wedding, but believe you me, we've had lots of fun getting all the experience we can in the 2.5 years since then.

I never felt repressed--we WANTED to do it this way because we believe it's the best way. So don't feel sorry for us. ;) Like Robyn, I never worried about sexual compatibility. I loved him, he loved me, we found one another outrageously attractive, and we knew it would work out just fine.

Awww now I can't wait for him to come home.

Hannah said...

Fascinating comments! Did you know that 95% of people have sex before marriage? So the no-kissers must be a very slim minority!

I think all the comments about needing to "test drive" are unfounded. I would hate to think that two people truly in love would be "incompatible" because of chemistry, and I agree with the person who said that chemistry can undoubtedly be learned! The kind of love that says "I need to see if I like sleeping with you first" really isn't enough to make a marriage last forever. The assumption behind the "test drive" theory is that who you are now is who you will always be. NOT true. Furthermore, the statistics don't uphold this theory. People who wait to have sex until married have lower rates of divorce.

Two other statistics that are somewhat related (and I find interesting)... 55% of singles say they have had sex on a first date. AND a study showed that among married people, Roman Catholics and evangelical Christians have more sex than any other group (religious or not).

On a personal level, I will say that my husband never kissed or dated anyone but me. It wasn't quite on purpose ;-) but I still find it such an endearing thing. He will never compare me to anyone else. And why should he? I am his and he is mine. In terms of sexual compatibility or attraction, everyone else is irrelevant.

Amanda said...

That sounds like too much pressure to me. Not to mention, it's like buying a car without taking it for a test drive.

Anonymous said...

I've been sick all week and the worst part is my husband not allowing me to kiss him ;)(he's kind of a germofobe) We kissed on our second date and it's been awesome ever since :)

dilek said...

mükemmel:)

Hayley said...

aww i love them! i have been following their blog for a while and they seem so sweet! i found their wedding video a while back, which is also adorable, but it shows their first kiss which is so awkward but sweet. here is the video (http://vimeo.com/4611181). i think the kiss is around 11 minutes

katilda said...

simply put, the sexual frustration would make me angsty and probably put a dent in a relationship! i think kissing is relaxing and affectionate. good for them, though, if it's what they wanted! way to have willpower!

Jessica Thiessen said...

I LOVE what the brides Grandpa said - If you love a girl, you kiss her. I almost shouted AMEN :)

Ashley said...

It's sweet to see a such a lovely couple committed to romance! I'm sure the anticipation was incredible. And they're brave to share their unique story--I hope none of those comments that challenge their decision hurt their feelings but instead make them feel more united! Congratulations! (and yes--beautiful dress!)

Jessi @ Life: The Epic Journey said...

My husband and I waited until we were engaged for our first kiss.

Carissa is right, it is absolutely romantic to wait!

Abbey said...

Thank you for sharing your story and photos - a first kiss is always wonderful no matter when it happens! xoxoxoxo (and let's face it -- there is a lot of stuff to do besides kiss ... hahahahah).

Stacy said...

That is so sweet I dont know if i would be able to though. ha ha ha

Cat said...

That's awesome. I am not married to my boyfriend yet but I couldn't wait kissing him. We had our first Kiss the night we met and ever since are in love. I am addicted to his kisses and wouldn't have changed a thing!

Anonymous said...

Virginia,
I agree with you. I did not read your initial comment, but what is the point of having comments and a discussion if we are not allowed to have different opinions? I cannot believe your comment was deleted.
Ella

Janie Kamenar said...

My husband and I waited to kiss until our wedding day. As far as the whole not being sure whether your partner will be any good (as a kisser or a lover), two thoughts. First, when you save physical intimacy 'til after marriage, you learn how to do it all from each other. So you really just kind of learn to do things the way your partner likes to do things. You're not bringing any habits or expectations from previous experiences. Second, I remember hearing a story where a guy told his friends that he'd be waiting to have sex with his fiancee 'til after they were married, at which point one of the guys asks, "How will you know if she's any good?" To which the response is, "How will I know if she's not? When you only have each other there's nothing to compare with so you're getting the best kissing/sex you've ever had. I've enjoyed it pretty well so far.

That said, our first kiss was pretty awkward (not in a bad way; we reenact it for each other sometimes and laugh about it) and I can understand why that isn't for everyone.

Rylee said...

I absolutely LOVE this story. I mean their whole lives are as brave & lovely as this story. I'm just totally in awe of their love story. With their now adopted daughter Rina as well.

I waited a year to kiss my boyfriend! It was soooo tough but so fun too. I remember a million times we wanted to kiss. So many fun memories from that. Then we kissed a year later and it was so fun to finally kiss. Self discipline always feels better than lack of (don't u see that in so many other areas of life too?)
I loved that we waited a year.
Now we have been dating 5 years & are getting married next spring. We've kissed. And I looooove kissing- but would I wait til my wedding day if I could do it again- YES. It's so fun even though it's tough. No one loves kissing as much as me, but it's so fun to have those serious butterflies and serious anticipation that is just for the short period of your life. Any time you can create those butterflies and anticipation in your relationship, I say do it. Nothing is more fun than anticipation.

And even though I wish I was already living with and married to my Andrew TODAY, I'm soaking in this wonderful anticipation that engagement brings! Nothing compares to the feeling of anticipation!

Thank you Andrew and Carissa for sharing this with the world!! I love you guys for this.

Rylee said...

I absolutely LOVE this story. I mean their whole lives are as brave & lovely as this story. I'm just totally in awe of their love story. With their now adopted daughter Rina as well.

I waited a year to kiss my boyfriend! It was soooo tough but so fun too. I remember a million times we wanted to kiss. So many fun memories from that. Then we kissed a year later and it was so fun to finally kiss. Self discipline always feels better than lack of (don't u see that in so many other areas of life too?)
I loved that we waited a year.
Now we have been dating 5 years & are getting married next spring. We've kissed. And I looooove kissing- but would I wait til my wedding day if I could do it again- YES. It's so fun even though it's tough. No one loves kissing as much as me, but it's so fun to have those serious butterflies and serious anticipation that is just for the short period of your life. Any time you can create those butterflies and anticipation in your relationship, I say do it. Nothing is more fun than anticipation.

And even though I wish I was already living with and married to my Andrew TODAY, I'm soaking in this wonderful anticipation that engagement brings! Nothing compares to the feeling of anticipation!

Thank you Andrew and Carissa for sharing this with the world!! I love you guys for this.

Casey said...

My first kiss belongs to the man I married, who remains the only one I've ever kissed :) I have friends who wanted to wait on their kiss, and it was absolutely wonderful to witness...pure joy!

Chantel B. said...

After giving this whole story more thought I've come to this conclusion: they were 17 when they met and married at 20 (give or take). Seeing as I didn't have my first kiss until I was 19 years old I think that they were quite young by the time they married and thus, not kissing during that time period, although lengthy, would be do-able.

Definitely not for me (I'm waaay too passionate, hehe) but there is no right or wrong to a relationship so whatever works for them is totally fine.

elizabeth antonia said...

That is the sweetest story and those photos are just wonderful! They seem like an adorable couple.

Melissa Blake said...

I've thought about this, and I think it can be a great idea! And how cute is the couple?

Anonymous said...

It took an enormous amount of dedication, respect and loyalty for this couple to do this. These were just some characteristics of their unique love for each other. Whether it is kissing or sex, every couple (religious or no) puts some expectations and symbolism into that action, and they invested more into theirs than most. I believe that their first kiss held more than their body’s chemistry, it held strength and hope that no matter what hardships their life together will bring, they can wait it out in experience that goodness will come in the right time. I hope this couple always remembers what they mean to the other, and that the legacy/example/romantic story they leave for their Jr. and little Misses to follow will mean even more to them.

justmanette said...

My first kiss was in 7th grade and it was horrible! I didn't sleep with anyone until i met my current husband and i was 19. We've been together for over 20 years!

KristiMcMurry said...

I know people who have done this, but it's usually because they are very conservative. I think the idea is very sweet, but I couldn't do it. My fiance wasn't my first kiss though, so I already knew I liked kissing! In fact I kissed him before we started dating...I guess that's how I got him hooked :) In retrospect, that was very unladylike of me...oh well.

Karin said...

I love Carissa & Andrew...I've never met them in person, but I've been following their blog/photography/films for quite a while now. They do live in my town and I wonder if I'll ever run into them...that would be a treat! I think they are such a sweet couple who are truly each others' best friend...which is awesome. Speaking as someone who has fallen into temptation way too easily in the past (and regretted it), I respect their decision not to kiss until their wedding day. I think they were smart...and romantic. My brother and his wife also waited...now they have 5 kids...ha! I'm not sure I will be able to wait when I meet the guy I'm gonna marry...but I'm considering it. :)

Shaunna said...

GOOD ON THEM! Patience is a scarce thing in our culture of instant gratification. If that is their way of romanticism then I give them tons of credit.

Bethany said...

I commented before but coming back to read what others have written since, I just have to say that I think it is truly comical that so many readers are fascinated by the idea that this couple went from "zero to 60", i.e. no kissing to sex, in a single day, when it's accepted in our society for people to have one night stands. Isn't that the same concept? Oh wait, it's not the same, because this couple actually KNEW each other and had a committed relationship for three years first.

Who cares how old they were when they made this decision! They exercised more self-control than some "older and wiser" sexually experienced 30 year-olds I have met.

Paige said...

They're too cute! I think that if that is where their heart lead them, then it's wonderful. I did not choose to wait for our first kiss (though we both waited for sex until we got married), but I do have a couple friends who did this. I think it is quite touching and very special.

Sarah Pete said...

SUCH a sweet story! I toyed with the idea of waiting until my wedding day to kiss . . . but the hubs put a stop to that. He was willing to wait until we were engaged . . . and then we found out that I had been accepted to study in London for three months. I kept envisioning dying overseas and never showing him HOW much I really loved him, so we kissed a week before I left. We had been dating for almost two years and, that January, we had our first kiss. I was 20, he was 24, and neither of us had ever kissing anyone. I remember saying, "Hey this is kind of fun." We didn't sleep together until our wedding night, when I was 22 and he was 26. We really wouldn't have done it any differently :]

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

A kiss, and how you kiss your partner and whether or not they enjoy it is an integral part of a relationship. I would want to know WAY ahead of the wedding whether or not that kiss was going to be something that I enjoy and vice versa. So, no... I would not wait. That's just silly.

Anonymous said...

Was everything else open for business?

janna beth said...

Truly baffling how (and why) a couple would postpone even kissing til marriage.

I've kissed quite a few people in my life, and I can honestly say that some people are better at it than others. It's not always a matter of practice! I also think there's a lot of value in learning to integrate a physical relationship with an emotional one (and for the two to develop side by side, rather than one at a time).

This would only work in a situation where both parties were struggling to stick to the decision (which it sounds like these two were) - otherwise I'd worry that delaying everything might be an indication of lack of attraction/chemistry/etc.

Anonymous said...

It's sweet, but I've encountered some bad kissers in my day and would hate to make the discovery that my husband is one of them, after we've tied the knot!

Emily said...

One last comment from me - I guess I find this so hard to wrap my head around for two reasons.

1. I have a lot of guys friends who are very close, who I truely love. The difference between them and my boyfriend is physical intimacy. If there is no intamcy, what then, is the difference. And by physical intamcy, I don't mean you have to sleep with the person. I understand why some would wait for that. But kissing seems like a natural way to show affection.

2. Okay, so know you've done it, you've saved yourself for the kiss. Bravo! Buy why tell everyone about it. It's like when celebraties say they are saving themselves for marriage (Tim Tebow, Britney Spears). I never understood why they had to tell the world. If it is so special to you, it shouldn't be broadcast.

-Melissa said...

What s sweet, sweet story! I hardly ever comment in here, although I am an avid reader, but just feel compelled to today, to remind everyone that there are many ways to love. This one is one of them: subtly, gently, and with an almost-conservative respect. Kudos to them for following their own path!

Anonymous said...

why even allow comments if you're going to just delete the ones you don't like? Live in your bubble.. but in the real world, people accept and respond to criticism, instead pretending it never happened. There's nothing tactful about shutting people with a voice up, or deleting your own comments. No tact.

caroline said...

My cousin waited to kiss her now husband until their wedding. I didnt understand it because they had both kissed other people in the past. But i remember it being very sweet and i didnt watch when the preacher said "you may now kiss the bride". It felt like a very intimate moment between the two of them and i didnt feel like i should watch their first kiss

Anonymous said...

I don't think there's a problem with waiting. Some people just aren't as sexual, some people are asexual completely and have very intimate relationships, and some people wait on principle! All are fine.

But I would never get married without having sex. Sex is something so personal, that requires exploring each other's likes and desires, and sometimes it just doesn't work. I need to know the chemistry and be sexually satisfied to be happy in any relationship. And I think that goes for many people. I could not commit for life without knowing how sexual intimacy would be like.

And kissing is so much fun! I would not pass on that either, obviously.

Vanessa Wittmer said...

So sweet :) Some of my friends have saved their first kisses for marriage, and I have already kissed my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, but nothing more! And nothing more will happen until the wedding night. Why give a gift so precious to anyone but the one person you will spend the rest of your life with?

alliespence. said...

oh i love this!

Yazmak iyidir... said...

Come ooon :)

teeny84 said...

@Virginia: I don't think your comment was deleted...if you search Virginia there are several comments from (who I am assuming is) you.

Miss Starshiny said...

I don't find it a good idea at all...
How can you not kiss the person you're with?

Georgia said...

it is really odd that you edit comments that are not in line with your cute worldview. i lost a bit of respect for cup of jo today, that you cannot let a free dialogue appear in your comments speaks to your level of sincerity and perspective of 'spin'. there is 'the internet' and then there is real.

Katie Muncie said...

This is absolutely adorable, I had butterflies reading the story.

Each unto their own, these people have their own life to lead and if it's what made them happy then good on them for going against the grain and swimming upstream.

I personally could never have waited!... I've only ever kissed my husband as we are childhood sweethearts, our dads are life long friends. We started hanging out when he was 11 and I was 13 (I'm a cradle snatcher!) but we waited till he was 18 and I was 20 for our first kiss mostly because I was just giggly and shy and so nervous not because we didn't want to kiss!

That first kiss was crazy out of this world hormones shooting to the stars and I'm convinced it was because we had years of anticipation. Our first kiss was no special time or occasion, the boy just finally wore me down with his teasing and finally convinced me that the virtues of kissing must be to great to keep passing up. That boy was right about that!

We waited another two years before we slept together.

Ági said...

Wow, I've been reading their blog for quite a while and I never knew this. It's amazing! But also not a wise things, I think. If you feel like doing something, you just have to go for it! If you are so passionate about each other, you may go on with your life kissing your loved one every goddamn moment. Why miss any? Time flies. Let's do the things you want to do and don't make it harder for yourself!

Does wedding make any difference? It is a paper, an official thing. Burocracy. Your emotions are inside of you, not on a piece of paper.

I first kissed a guy when I was 14. I've known him for more than a year. Kissing was great with him, so we went on and kissed for 2 more months. And than I broke up with him, and kissed random guys for 4 years. Than I met my second boyfriend, dated him for more than half a year and my lips weren't the first thing he kissed. He kissed my whole body, and than my lips. But we didn't really like kissing on the lips, so we kissed each others hands, neck or any part we wanted. This may sound crazy, but we loved it this way. After him, I've been together with another guy, and with him kissing was great. I couldn't wait to kiss him every time we met. With him, cuddling was the best. And storytelling. And wandering around. Writing this, and making these emotions come up, makes me feel I was really in love with all 3 of them. I respect them and appreciate what they do.

So I'd say: Let's just kiss! Whenever you feel like kissing! Just do it!

Rachel said...

Oy, I couldn't wait three years. My boy friend and I were long distance for two months, and I was just dying to kiss him. I can't imagine waiting 3 years!

kaela said...

yikes. if I couldn't kiss then I couldn't drink because I get the urge to give "i just love everybody so much" kisses........haha so that thought would never cross my mind. too affectionate.

stefanie hurtado said...

i am head over heels for andrew and carrisa! i ADORE their whole story, from their marriage to their work together to their adoption. ADORE them.

as for saving the first kiss until marriage... not a chance. i kissed my boy on our very first date (although, we still argue over who initiated it). i was 16 and he was my 3rd kiss. he soon became my 1st boyfriend and the love of my life.

5 years later, i still consider that first kiss with peter one of my favorite moments, ever.

teeny84 said...

@Georgia: I really don't think the comments have been deleted! There are several comments from Virginia. I think they've just gotten lost in the almost 200 comments that have been posted.

Heather said...

i completely respect everything about this. i've been following andrew & carissa's blog for a while now & it is very clear that they are completely in love. with each other's entire beings, souls & hearts.

but here's my questions to the few being cynical. if you were absolutely in love with someone, clearly attracted to them, wanting to get married & everything seems right, do you really think that then if they had kissed before their wedding day & they both thought they were awful, that that would be a reason to end the relationship? plus, both of them had never kissed anyone else- they wouldn't know if they were bad! they learn together. think about it- your first kiss- if it was the other's first kiss too, wasn't the first one a little bit silly? but you learn together. you learn how you work with your partner, with no other relationships hindering. though this obviously is not for everyone, isn't that romantic? they knew themselves, knew each other, knew the boundaries they wanted to set up, & everything worked out beautifully for them.

plus, to all the people upset at joanna for deleting a few rude comments, please remember that this is joanna's personal blog. she is a positive person, trying to bring about good & interesting conversation, not rude ones that people could be offended by.

this is an absolutely beautiful interview with two absolutely stunning people.

Anonymous said...

I really admire their integrity.

Luli said...

That's sweet. I'm so glad it worked for them. It's not for me though. They must be young? I can see this working if you are like 20 or 21 or something.

Judy said...

There are definitely comments that are spam/rude and need to be deleted (see Anon at 6:27 pm), but I can't believe Joanna has deleted other critical, if opposing, viewpoints. My friend and I discuss this blog regularly and she told me this morning there was a comment discussing how holding off on all sexual activity/expression is mysoginistic and is another form of slut-shaming, but the comment has since been removed (I apologize for paraphrasing, I obviously did not get to view the original comment). Whether or not I agree with that idea, it added to the discussion, which I thought this blog encouraged. Joanna, I understand moderating unnecessarily rude and pointless comments (again, see anon at 6:27pm) ), but deleting thoughtful, analytical ones because they disagree with the sentiment of this post (and movement as a whole) decreases the value of your blog. Why ask what we think of your postings if our opinions will be deleted?

Anonymous said...

I could never do it because physical chemistry is important, but maybe abstaining from sex or kissing for the weeks leading up to your wedding could be romantic!

Anonymous said...

I could never do it because physical chemistry is important, but maybe abstaining from sex or kissing for the weeks leading up to your wedding could be romantic!

Anonymous said...

I'm 18, never been kissed, and don't plan on kissing until my wedding day. It sounds crazy, and honestly hard as heck, but stories like this inspire me! I know a couple who did that and they are more in love 10 years later than any couple I know.

Miss Margarita said...

I couldnt do that! I Love kiss my boyfriend, cant imagine not to kiss him, is a lovely part of our relationship!

Adeola Naomi said...

I love this and am also 24 and never kissed and plan to make it that way till when the priest say " you may now kiss your bride"
Its not easy but I believe its worth the wait and save you from alot of heartache.
If a guy loves you to agree on that with you , then there is no question he is a keeper for life.

Lola Storm said...

My sister *almost* decided to wait for the kiss, but we (the fam) kinda talked her out of it (ha)!

On the other hand, my hubby and I waited to touch (entirely!) until we were engaged -- since the physical attraction was pretty much a no-brainer, we wanted to be sure the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual aspects worked. (And they totally did!)

Anonymous said...

6:27-- I agree.

Beth said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-jZyzQSms

this is all i have to say about that....

brian and amanda said...

no. :)

www.wewouldlovetoadopt.blogspot.com

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