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Thursday, June 07, 2012

What annoys you about your significant other?

I recently got an email from a reader, who was stressed because her boyfriend gets on her nerves. "I love him, but sometimes he really bugs me," she said. "Does Alex ever annoy you?" Here's my answer...

YES. People are annoying:)

Annoying things that Alex does: Sneezes really loudly in the middle of the night (terrifying). Doesn't take The Bachelor seriously. Takes forever to get through airport security. Never wants to go on vacations to rainy places (even Maine).

Annoying things that I do: Am bossy. Clip my toenails on the sofa. Can be super chatty, especially when he's trying to read. Am chronically late. Steal bites from his dinner plate. Get inexplicably grouchy when I drink red wine.

Here's the thing: Over the years, I've realized that literally anyone in the world you spend lots of time with will inevitably annoy you. Even if it's your mom. Your best friend. Ryan Gosling. Gandhi. No matter who you date, they will drive you crazy sometimes. And that's OK. You don't have to fear being annoyed.

Alex is wise in his old age:) and last night, he said something great, as we were talking about this post: "Young people in relationships tend to give negative things too much weight and underrate the positives. Negatives often get three times the weight of positives. But look at married couples in their eighties. Their little annoyances are often all they talk and joke about. "Oh, Miriam always says this..." "Oh, Herb always does that..." The little annoyances are acknowledged, accepted and part of the fabric of their relationship. They try act like they're driving each other crazy but they really can't live with out each other. Annoyances aren't a deal killer. They're a natural part of a long, happy marriage."
Great answer, Alex. I can put up with your scary sneezes. :)

So, let's celebrate those annoyances! What bugs you about your significant other?

P.S. Colorful wedding dresses, and to pee or not to pee.

339 comments:

1 – 200 of 339   Newer›   Newest»
Simone said...

Great post and I love the images you chose to go with it, especially the Woody Allen one!

"Doesn't take "The Bachelor" seriously?!"....LOL!!

roadiemon said...

Perfectly stated and perfectly correct.

Kate said...

Tell me about it--Gandhi is SO annoying to live with! That part made me laugh-thanks!

annie said...

I agree. loud sneezes are terrifying...even in the office, much less when I'm asleep!

Joanna Goddard said...

haha, kate, true :) and annie, I KNOW! holy, my heart is always in my throat!

HM Designs said...

My husband takes all the lunch food with him to work. Awesome. So now I have nothing to eat on my lunch break.

Then I'm grouchy.

Can you tell this just happened today? I'm starving.... :(

Amanda said...

so true! all of it. your hubby is one wise gent!

xo, amanda @ http://mamawatters.blogspot.com

Nicole said...

My husband snores in the night and can not wash dishes correctly. It drives me out of my mind. But he tries to be better/do it less often and I love him for it :)

Nisha said...

Tooooooooooooooooooooo many things to list!!!!!!!

Very sensible remarks by Alex! :)

Alexandra said...

My fiancè is soo indecicive sometimes. Drives me nuts. But I just love him....<3

jennifer said...

love this post so much, thanks:)

Jenna said...

Joanna, I loved this post! It kinda makes me want to write down the things that annoy me about my bf (but not make a list of my annoying habits).

Jenna said...

Oh and Tim sleeps diagonal. This seems to be a habit he can't break.

Joanna Goddard said...

haha, i sleep diagonally, too, jenna! but i can't stand touching someone when i sleep, so poor alex is totally on the edge.

Ashley said...

Aron's sneezes are SO loud! I used to get mad at him! AND he was covering his mouth in a cupped way that seemed to amplify. Drove me crazy. Then Hudson heard him sneeze and burst into terrified tears. While I felt bad for Hudson, I was also secretly pleased... like "See?! I'm not the only one who thinks they're too loud." And I feel like they've been less dramatic ever since!

All At Once said...

Amazing post. I have been a follower of your blog FOREVER, but never really comment since I see that you have 100+ comments ;)

Alex made an amazing point and the things that annoy be about my husband often annoy me even more when I am looking for them. Sure, I HATE that he is so nonchalant about things sometimes, I have that he isn't as eager to save money as I am, but I love his so much that they are not deal breakers. We have built this amazing life together and I intend to weather the storm of those crazy days and annoyances. I know I do plenty to annoy him :)

I might do a spinoff of this post, which will of course link back to your page.

Thank you for your insight! Your posts are always so refreshing

in dreams said...

that's such a great way of looking at it! i totally want to be in love with all the annoying things my partner does...it's no fun otherwise! :)

DENISE. said...

My mom once told me that some days she's madly in love with my dad, and other times she may just feel like he's her best friend. Then sometimes they are roommates, and then sometimes she just can't stand to be around him. Hearing that made me feel so much better about ALL relationships. We are human! And nothing is ever perfect when she share your life with someone -- anyone! I think hearing this advice put me at ease. Now I'm able to put my husbands annoyances in perspective ... and I don't feel TOO bad when I'm annoying because he feels the same way. GREAT post! LOL about The Bachelor :)

Alex Musetti said...

Wise words and very romantic! I wish someone told me that when I was younger...

jaimie said...

My boyfriend and I are both fairly laid back people who each have our own little things that bug us, they just happen not to overlap. He hates when I wear my shoes in the house, I hate that he doesn't know how to load the dishwasher properly, etc. The only thing that really bugs me is that he has a habit of not mentioning details that I consider important--for instance, asking me to meet him somewhere and giving extremely vague directions (he's terrible with them), or neglecting to mention that he invited a friend over for dinner. I often blow up about it at the time, but I know that learning how to go with the flow more will only be good for me.

AVY said...

This is why I'm single, I could never stand anyone being that close while being annoying.


/Avy

http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

Meadow said...

This is refreshing. Alex sounds like a wise man - you're a lucky girl :) My boyfriend is older than me as well, and I definitely like having him around to give me advice. But yeah, there are some things about him that bug me. He is way too go-go-go in the morning, and I am so not a morning person. It sometimes bugs me how he's (almost) always right lol. And one totally silly little thing - he swirls fizzy drinks and it drives me bonkers because I love fizz and that kills it haha.

Elizabeth said...

my husband is over the top frugal, never throws anything out, picks out "perfectly good" food out of our kitchen trash to eat and has a hard time pronouncing a hard "a" (he is Greek):)

Ana Magdalena said...

@Avy: this is why you and I are both single

Desiree said...

My husband never fills up the water jug and doesn't put his utensils in the dishwasher, he puts the plates but NEVER the utensils. I don't get it, haha. I, on the other hand, drive him nuts when I take a bath but don't put the shower curtain back on the inside of the tub when I'm done. Silly things that we don't even really realize we do.

I think that a successful marriage means learning to love (or at least appreciate) your significant other's quirks. I think life would be kind of boring if we did things the exact same way as everyone else.

sbt said...

Thank you for this! I think we all need reminders sometimes that it's okay to be annoyed at our significant others!

Jess said...

I'm SO GLAD so many other people out there have partners that sneeze super loud too!! It embarrasses me in public ;)

geena katherine said...

honestly maybe im just cranky but my boyfriend takes forever to make a decision
i have to be bossy and make it for him.

Christine said...

LOVE your husband's answer! Wise beyond his years ;).

and the Ryan Gosling comment--so funny.

RosieB said...

I love this blog post! :) My most annoying habit (according to my boyfriend) is being really excitable and chatty and hyper when we go to bed, and then falling straight to sleep whilst he takes ages to nod off! His most annoying habit is most definitely forgetfulness!

www.ciderwithrosiebee.blogspot.com

RosieB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meagan Murtagh said...

sometimes he gets jealous but he has no reason to be! i'm head over heels in love with him, just a super independent and outgoing person.

xo the egg out west.

Janey Moore said...

Your husband's answer is perfect and I totally agree!

http://fiveminutefashions.blogspot.com

brooklynash said...

i'm currently single, but in the past?

not turning the shower head off when he got out of the shower! what a shock first thing in the morning to reach in, turn on the water, expect it to come from the bottom faucet and cold water BLAST right on your head.

argh

Lauren said...

Ahh! Vacations! I'm with you there. My partner hates HOT destinations - he's super pale and prone to sunburns, so he never wants to travel anywhere beachy. All our trips involve skiing or grey, rainy cities!

Shelley said...

My fiance never closes a damn cabinet! haha He just saunters around the kitchen opening up cabinets and not closing them.... makes for a slightly unpleasant time cooking together (I have literally ran right into an open cabinet when turning around quickly for a spice)

Joanna Goddard said...

rosie b, i'm the same as you:) geena katherine, you sound so cute:)

Andrea L said...

Alex's response is just so sweet!

SmartBear said...

Great post and great thoughts from Alex. :)
After 17 years together and almost 10 years of marriage...the list is long.
He: never closes a drawer or cupboard, refuses to part with anything or throw it away, eats all the sweets in the house after I go to bed and is a germaphobe.
Me: organizes to the point of sickness, purges the house constantly, buys way too many groceries and shares a spoon with just about anyone. We are a perfect pair.
Best,
Tina

ashley faye said...

herb and miriam... excellent choices alex!

ashley faye said...

also, not going to maine is NOT an option.. hit me up for references.. i know that state very well and especially the best places to go. it's also very sunny there most of the time.

ashley faye said...
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ashley faye said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anniecardi said...

My husband is the most wonderful guy ever, but of course he annoys me sometimes. He never notices when the recycling piles up; he wants everyone to love the things he loves (I can't get excited about baseball); he forgets that you need to buy more groceries to have a well-stocked fridge. Whenever these things bother me, I remind myself that he has so many good qualities that outweigh these little annoyances. He buys surprise dessert when I've had a bad day; he gives backrubs (even though I want them all the time); he always tells me I look good, even when I'm wearing shabby pajamas. It's easy to get caught up in little annoyances, but it's also important to look at the big picture.

Danie at Pasadya said...

This is one of my favorites posts you've ever done out of SO many amazing ones. :) I guess life would be pretty boring if it were wiped of annoyances. My husband is trying to deal with the way I "hypotenuse" the bed. I get the diagonal, and he gets the corner. He's a good sport, though!

LJones said...

I think a great way to deal with this is to give yourself a night away every once in a while. A girls night or maybe just a night for you and nobody else.
Sometimes we forget how much we need our own space.
My husband and I totally have our little things that we do, but at the end of the day there is nobody else I would rather grow old with.

Renee Nichol said...

My husband Alex ALSO doesn't take the Bachelor seriously! I've tried to ban him from the room when I watch it, but one of his favorite things to do is sneak back in and make snarky comments. Also, he has this tendency to choose a loud snack item from the kitchen (almonds, apples, etc.) and absentmindedly stand over the chair I'm sitting in crunching away - drives me up the wall! And the worst part is, I realize I'd sound crazy if I said "stop eating so loudly!!"

Jessica Sliman said...

What a sweet post. And so so so true. My husband doesn't take the bachelor seriously either ;)

17 beats. said...

My husband sometimes tunes out what I say, and then suggests it moments later as if it was his own idea. It drives me bonkers. BONKERS ! He may be faking it just to get to me ...

Like you, I am bossy and chronically late. Also, sometimes I talk in my 'teacher voice' -- he hates that.

Kipin said...

LOVE that comment from Alex. You are such a great blogger Joanna. My inspiration!

Bethany said...

My husband takes FOREVER to clean - I always catch him in the bedroom, half-folded tshirt in hand and staring at the tv screen like he's frozen in time. I'll say, "matt what are you doing?" and he'll snap out of it and say, "oh, sorry, got distracted." It takes him days to do what would take me a few hours.

spinningspokes.com said...

We call those 'endearitations'- qualities that you find irritating but after a while they eventually become sort of endearing too because it's part of what makes them who they are- things like being super anal about crumbs on any surface (my husband!) or taking an hour to fully wake up in the morning (me). Good post- we need to be reminded that it's ok to be human and let your significant other be human too.

J.Mill said...

I skipped a step on a treadmill at the gym once when someone sneezed too loudly. I thought I was going to go flying off the back of the machine!

My husband annoys me when he chews on his hands (bites his nails and cuticles), leaves a light on when I'm trying to sleep, comes home later than he previously states and bugs his eyes out when he's making an argument! Some of these things get funny when we look at them in retrospect :)

Julia said...

My fiance eats bananas really loudly. With eat bite, I can hear the saliva hitting the sides of his cheeks while that banana crushes under his teeth. And even though knows I hate it, he continually sits right down beside me and cracks open another 'naner.

If I didn't love him so much....

thecriminallyexpensive said...

Great post and discussion.
My fiance who I love to death can be especially annoying sometimes. He plays xbox for way too long and takes it way too seriously. He loses his car keys at least 5 times a week. He screams in his sleep lol
I am also annoying. I am bossy as well, Take my career and fashion too seriously, I have a bad shopping addiction (from Bergdorfs to Dollar Tree), I am so anal with order and cleanliness. But such is love, we have to accept these things.

michelle said...

I just adore that comment from Alex. I couldn't agree more.

Jesse said...

love this post. alex is a keeper joanna.
p.s. i talk too much and get grouchy when i drink red wine too:)

Alyssa said...

My boyfriend and I have actually discussed some of these. It drives me bonkers that he puts his duffle bag on my bed. Who knows what kinds of germs lurk under there. I also have been raised on putting the towel on the towel bar/hook. He is accustomed to throwing it over the shower bar. So I'm always moving his towel. And his bag. But he hates that I'm so anal and get anxious about silly things. I wouldn't trade him, I'll just train him.

Maike said...

I can rely to this... even so there aren't many annoying habits of my fiancé... Well when I think about them, there are a few: he watches TV quite loud, or drives me crazy when we have an appointment and he makes me leave at least like 10minutes later than I would like to... Also he cut's his fingernails weird... And god, I think I've got quite a few annoying habits ;)
But writing all this, it makes me realize how much I miss him and how much I would love to make fun with him bout our habits... Hopefully we'll be seeing each other sooner than later. We are aiming for October, fingers crossed the Visa works out to get me to beautiful Australia and finally to my life with him :)

VintageDanielle said...

Ah yes! I love my Johnny but he does annoy me, walks around in his thin boxers, picks at his face in front of me (I don't want to see that!), and eats too fast. But he's my annoying Johnny and I love him.

FutureLint said...

My boyfriend is pretty terrific, but he has a bad habit of asking me questions and then just answering them himself before I can say anything! Buuuut, he puts up with my massive drooling in my sleep habit, so I'd say he's a keeper.

Magda said...

My boyfriend has scary sneezes too! I hate that, but I love him :)
We've been together for a long time and I've learned to live with his idiosyncrasies. I'm sure he had to get over some stuff I do too. Healthy compromise is key to having a long-lasting relationship. That, and true love and respect.

Sadie said...

I love this post! My husband gets home from work and immediately leaves a path of clothes: his jacket on the banister, his belt on the bottom stair, his shoes on the kitchen floor, his socks on the living room couch...it drives me crazy! But I've learned it takes less energy to just be entertained by it than to let it enrage me. (He says I have "chicken wings" when I sleep-appartenly I sleep on my stomach with both my arms bent crazy-style taking up all the room :)

Jordan G. said...

My husband clears his throat all the time! Drives me bonkers, especially when I'm already grumpy.

Kelly J. R. said...

#1 annoying thing my husband does - Never says that a meal tastes good even if he's thinking it in his head. I love to cook and sometimes put hours into preparing a meal and then he doesn't say a word about it. I've told him that this bothers me and sometimes I say "Wow Kelly. That meal was delicious!" I guess food just isn't important to him. He ate cereal or PB sandwiches every night before we got married. LOL.

Cherise said...

My husband and I have been together 21 years come August 23rd. I do get so annoyed by him, but then I'm faced with something super serious like... his stroke a few years ago, or my open heart surgery coming on Monday and... I cannot imagine my live without those small annoyances because without them, I would have missed the greatest love.

Anonymous said...

Love the blog! Just think it is funny how you suddenly turned Jewish for this post....with the picture of Woody Allen and the reference to "Herb" and "Miriam" as the older couple. And you are more than welcome as an honorary member of the tribe. Love the blog and again thanks for all the great ideas and sweet links.

Sarah said...

I love how Alex used "Herb" and "Miriam" as his old people example names. :)

kaela said...

oh wow. this all makes me feel better. technically i'm in an unofficial relationship with my best guy friend (my choice) and he drives me bonkers. he is my best friend but holy moses if that boy eats food off my plate or drinks the rest of my ice water without asking i want to call it WW3. also, he takes up 2/3 of the bed with his pillows, puts the keys in the center consul when i specifically ask him to hold them which causes the prius to go off when i try to manually lock it, and he washes his jeans like once a month (yuck! lol)....to name a few hahaha

Angie said...

My husband has what I call "Attention Surplus Disorder," where he cannot change gears for the life of him. He can't multiask! Even talking while driving is downright dangerous. He'll slow waaaaaay down while gesturing wildly... about something we started discussing back at home. ARGH.

Susan said...

Alex's quote really hits the nail on the head. I've been married for 20 years and my husband always reminds me when he is gone from this world that I'm going to miss all of his crazy and quirky habits that I find annoying - the coffee cup collection in the car, clothes and socks always inside out when he throws them in the laundry, dresser drawers always open. Kinda puts things in perspective, huh?

ElsaD said...

Brilliant post! The Bachelor part was hillarious! :) But, wow...Alex's input was outstanding! Loved it! xoxo

Kate said...

Such a brilliant post! My best friends have some seriously annoying habits but at the end of the day you remember all the things you love about them and why they're your best friends in the first place!

Olga said...

That's such a great quote by your husband and it's so true! We tend to focus too much on the negative, not the positive. Although I'm not in a relationship (anymore) I know in my next one, I will be a lot more grateful and positive!

For the Record

Kayti said...

My boyfriend's throat always itches (sensitive to allergens) and he always makes this obnoxious noise in his throat SO loud ALL the time. God, I'm irate just thinking about it.
xx

kayti

Malia said...

I hate when my husband leaves his beard trimmings on the bathroom sink, ick!

Anonymous said...

My husband pees in the shower every morning, no matter how many times I ask him not to....disgusting. And puts the suitcase on the bed. But he puts up with all the shoes I leave in the hallway!

Anonymous said...

GREAT post ... Alex's comment is especially poignant. A gentle reminder.

Rachael said...

Love this post! My husband loves to leave his worn socks EVERYWHERE - I feel like i'm constantly picking them up!

Johanna said...

Twice today you have made me laugh...Twitter and this post. Great post and a profound answer by Alex indeed. It's true...perfection is impossible to reach...and annoyances turn into funny stories later on in your relationship/marriage. Love it!

Mersey said...

Lol-I second the loading the dishwasher properly! I always complain that my boyfriend doesn't help clean the house, but then when he loads the dishwasher I always go behind him and re-do it. I'm sure it's an annoyance for both of us!!

Morgan Stone said...

I love this. Alex is so right too. It's scarily easy to let a person's negative traits outweigh their positive ones. If you dwell on them, they definitely will too. No one is perfect, and it's always better to look at the positive :)

xoxo, me

Stephanie said...

I totally agree with everything in this post - I love your honesty! Have you read Elizabeth Gilbert's book Committed? She says, "People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’?"

rach said...

People annoy me very very much and I married my husband because he annoys me least of anyone I've ever met. ; )

fleur_delicious said...

haha Malia, my husband totally leaves his beard trimmings all over the sink/counter, too! And I have to clean it up!

Sometimes I really hate that my darling husband is so PERFECTLY neutral and logical ALL THE DAMN TIME. So, I have taken to informing him when, "I know I am being irrational and moody and not fair but I need you to hear my side of the story and totally back me up right now. ANd later you can tell me all the things I did wrong in this situation."

Sometimes it drives me crazy, but I actually think he makes me a better person. Once, in our 11 years together, his fairness was a problem. But it was a fraught situation and personally, I was more pissed at the other person involved for trying to drive a wedge between my husband and I. And really, in the grand scheme of things, his maddening fairness is also something I greatly admire!

Jane About Town said...

My finance also sneezes super loudly! Scares me every time. He also acts likes it's impossible to dice onions, garlic, etc. and I always end up doing it for him because his attempts are so pathetic.

Lilli said...

Thihi, thats a nice post. My boyfriend always says that it is his turn to choose a movie when we go to cinema. And lots of other things. But I'm the same think, I do often things that are annoying for him and my friends. But I really love him, he is the best person I've ever met and I want to live with all these little things as long as we could stay together. (I wouldn't go to rainy destinations too. But we live in Austria, we do have enough rain)

Ethaney said...

My boyfriend has butter fingers sometimes and drops/spills things. THe first time he went to my mom's house...he dropped the mojito she made him all over her carpet. Oops. We also had to switch to plastic drink-ware since all our glass ones broke due to his slight clumsiness! Sometimes it's so annoying!!

Anonymous said...

I feel very strange saying this but I've lived with my husband eight years and I don't know anything he does that really annoys me. Honestly! We always get along. One time our neighbour three doors away asked me if we never fight. I said no. She had asked me because the neighbour who lives next to us had told her she had never heard us argue once in five years. Lol!

Vanessa Marie said...

I love this post too! Thanks for it :)

My fiancee does a million things that drive me nuts and I try not to nag him ('cause that's one of the things I do that drives HIM nuts). But I agree, we're both continually working on accepting each other for these small faults because ultimately we love each other and are a team.

Something that we acknowledge a lot about our relationship is that I am pretty independent and can deal with the fact that we don't have all the same interests while he can sometimes dwell on that and get down about it. I sent him this post to remind him that we should not only celebrate the positives but also our differences :) I like being part of the team but I also value my individuality.

Amy P said...

This is awesome. My husband is often very frustrated with the negative parts of our marriage, and I try to convince him that it's normal to have a few parts that aren't perfect. He doesn't really believe me yet. Hopefully with time he won't mind that we get annoyed with each other over some things :)

kendra said...

i am single now, but one of my top priorities in looking for a guy, is someone who won't mock me watching the Bachelor. I will also gladly watch Star Wars and Rocky. Just let me have the Bachelor.

Ryan Adair said...

My fiancé and I are constantly reminding each other that there is no other person we'd rather annoy than each other :)


Www.thismustbetheplaceryan.blogspot.com

Luce said...

Such a lovely post! My boyfriend (of 4 years) is Scottish and can take what feels like half an hour to tell a 5 minute anecdote. It used to really annoy me, I'd be sitting there like 'yeees.... SPIT IT OUT!' but these days it just cracks me up and if I ever can't think of the right word or go off on a few tangents he'll say 'sounds like one of my stories'. Hehe cute!

Becca | Lowlife Couture said...

My hubby is 13 years older than me as well! I have learned to laugh a lot :) as has he!

elizabeth said...

This was such a nice post! My boyfriend has parking charm, its only annoying because I'm not equally as charmed. He can find parking even in the busiest of places...annoying. He likes only the pineapple juice from Trader Joes, nothing else will do. He has a severe dislike for my woolly pocket planter. I still love him like a crazy person, even if sometimes he deserves the stink eye. :)

StephV said...

@Alyssa - haha, I'm like the germ police in our apt! My fiance leaves his toothbrush resting on the sink, not IN the toothbrush holder...just leaves it there to collect germs, soap and other things that roam the sinks edge. So gross!

The Whip said...

i think as long as you really like each other and enjoy hanging out with one another...annoyances just come with the package. no relationship is perfect. i totally agree with alex. annoyances are just part of the interesting and ever evolving tapestry the couple is weaving together.

Allison said...

My hubby cannot remember dates and times to save his life -- we've had to bail last minute multiple times with friends and had to put in for an extension on buying our house, all because he can't remember dates and schedules other things that he inevitably can't cancel (usually for work) on top of them.

We now have an official family calendar, and everything he wants to do goes through his executive assistant first (me).

It's something I know I'll have to manage until the bitter end, but I don't mind :) Good men like my hubby are hard to find so I don't sweat the small stuff (anymore - took me a few years to figure that out first).

The Cyclist's Wife said...

You married a wise man!

Catie Beatty said...

What a great post! I've been married to my husband for exactly a year and still worry that the little things might turn into big things. I understand tho that it's partly my choice to NOT let these things turn into big things.

I still get furious when I find his old lunch containers stashed in weird places. It's so gross!

JenAHM said...

Love this!

My husband, bless his little heart, will do the laundry and I absolutely love him for it. But when I go to do it? I see that he has taken the dryer lint and placed it in a neat little pile on TOP of the dryer. Does he walk two steps to the trash can to throw it out there? No, that would be too hard.
This has been an ongoing discussion since we started living together nine years ago. Just throw it away!

Christine O'Connell said...

I got in a ridiculous fight just last night with my boyfriend & in the midst of my youthful insanity I asked my boyfriend if it was worth staying together because we fight all of the time. We do not, in fact, fight all of the time & my boyfriend was fast to call this out. Reading Alex's comment made me cry a little bit. I am so guilty of weighting the bad things when I know that all of the good things are so so so good. I am now going to apologize & send this to my boyfriend! Thanks!

Lauren Ashley said...

I love this post - such wise words. :-) My hubs also clips his toenails on the sofa, which I could deal with, but then he leaves the clippings on the coffee table! EW! When I find them, I'll gather them up and put them someplace he'll notice - like on his iphone - so it's become a bit of a joke now. Even though it's still icky.

Specky and Sally said...

Wonderful post - and just what we needed to hear today!

Sam said...

I love this post. It's exactly what I needed to read!
My boyfriend leaves the bathroom light on at least once an evening (the fan in there is really loud). He's also hopeless at washing dishes. He's a planner which can be a bit much for me at times -sometimes it's nice to just see how things transpire. For example, I want to turn a shelf in our kitchen into a bar and when we were discussing it he suggested I draw a diagram of how I want it to look so we can see if it'll work. I, on the other hand, would rather just tame everything off the shelf and play around with ideas.

Leah Rife said...

This is such a great post! And so true. :)

I love my husband to death, but he wears old, ratty boxers he wore in high school, mumbles when he talks, and is not an aggressive enough driver for me. :) But he has a million other qualities that more than cancel out these.

I annoy him too, by swearing when I'm really frustrated, stop movies to look up the actors on IMDB, and leave my clothes all over the bedroom floor. But we make it work!! :)

Kat said...

Thanks for posting this! My husband is a chronic offender of eating an entire package of something late at night except for ONE or TWO pieces. I'm always finding boxes of candy or crackers with just one tiny scrap at the bottom. It drives me NUTS!! I'll try to remember Alex's words the next time I unearth a box with 6 sad cornflakes left.

Kate of All things.. said...

I love this post Joanna, a reminder not to sweat the small stuff...my boyfriend always says my name before he speaks to me even though I am the only one in the house and sitting right next to him! grrrr, drives me crazy

jarymane said...

Alex is a brilliant genius, and also science supports his view:) John Gottman has been studying what makes successful relationships succeed for 20 some years, and his major claim is that it's not the negatives that make the relationship (ie, everyone fights, everyone is annoying, etc) but rather the emphasis the couple places on the POSITIVE. So nurturing and attending to the positive keeps the inevitable negative from becoming the dominant focus of the relationship.

Or something. Hope I haven't slaughtered his theory by over-simplifying.

Either way, Alex = genius.

Sarah @ Designs Good said...

Oh my goodness, Alex's answer made me tear up a bit. I love this post. I too catch myself getting annoyed by my fiance ... but then I think of everything else that I love and the little annoying things seem just that--little. ;)

Callie Glorioso-Mays said...

beautiful words from alex! made me want to go kiss my husband and tell him how much i love him!

Miss Starshiny said...

So nice post!
The old couple is so cute!!!
Miss Starshiny

natalie said...

Holy Shit! Did you see the SNL recently that Will Ferrel hosted? There was a skit where he yell sneezed and that completely pegged Nick (my husband:). His sneezes are SO obnoxious and any time I say something he says it feels good and that's the only way to sneeze. Boys...

Hope said...

I'm so glad that my boyfriend is so patient with my annoying habits, like my forgetfulness.

Last week I met my boyfriend for dinner after work. We were on the train home around 9:30pm and I wondered aloud if I had remembered to lock the front door. When we got home, I had not only not locked the door, but not even remembered to close it! It was wide open. Luckily no one came in while we were gone (the mailman had even gently laid the mail on the floor of the entryway), and I was graciously forgiven.

Nikki said...

I can't stand when my husband towels off outside the shower, doesn't recycle and lets our dogs in the bed. I'm perfect ;)

My husband does take the bachelore seriously though after his highschool sweetheart was on it last season.

Sadie said...

I will start with the thing the thing that most annoys him that I do which is randomly use phrases mostly used by 80 year olds or in the 1800s ie: in a coon's age, well well well how many wells in a river, Jeeze Louise

I am annoyed by the way he clears his throat and his inability to rinse his toothbrush before putting it away creating a pool of toothpaste below it.

But mostly we have after 7 years together decided to define each others quirks as endearing ie his need to decide what he is going to order at a restaurant hours before the meal.

Karina Cifuentes said...

He sometimes wakes up earlier than me and will have these conversations with me while I'm trying to sleep! Then he realizes, says sorry, then keeps talking! It makes me laugh later (sort of!)...but kinda annoying in the moment.

Karina Cifuentes said...

@Nikki - I agree with that one! He leaves the bathroom soaking everywhere after he showers. I have no clue how he even does it!

Kay said...

Haha, reading everyone's comments to this post has been hilarious! And touching, too - which is why I'm commenting even though I usually just read quietly from the sidelines. :)

My husband and I have been married for 4 years, and it still ASTOUNDS me how he seems to be incapable of finding items that are right in front of him, or lying in a perfectly obvious place. He will ask me where something is, I will tell him to look in a certain drawer, and he'll look and then tell me it's not there. Then when I walk over, it's LITERALLY staring him right in the face!!! This happens at least once a week in our home... honestly!!

But he puts up with lots of my crazy idiosyncrasies, so I mostly just try to laugh it off. Sometimes it becomes an inside joke, like the time he "lost" his pants after showering. Now we tease each other with "Where are my pants? Where are my pants?!" whenever we can't find something. :)

Keiko said...

My bf is so funny because I think he has mild but cute ADD. Whenever he starts something, he'll get distracted by another thing For example, he'll leave the laundry half folded, or put half of the clothes into the dryer and then forget about it if he gets distracted during our conversation and happen to want to look up something to prove me wrong. Then I have to remind him what he was doing while he's reading into it on wiki. haha

H.C.

nykeiko.com

Lauren Knight said...

This post totally warmed my heart! I love it. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, so we definitely annoy each other at times.

I can't stand how he has to be constantly moving or tapping something. Plus, he leaves every drawer or cabinet door slightly ajar.

He can't stand how I need to be completely not touched while falling asleep (he'd rather snuggle) and apparently the way I load the dishwasher drives him batty!

Victoria said...

Fun post. Great advice to the young from Alex. My Huzz's incredibly loud sneezes drive me mad! I still jump every time. I'm a sticker for getting places early (which is annoying to him) and he's always running late. We are perfect for each other.

SLOmygosh said...

I love that he names the hypothetical old couple, Herb and Miriam. That's amazing.

You guys need to get a doggie couple and name them that. :)

Aya said...

I always love reading through everyone's comments. I think this is the only blog that I do that. It feels like I'm in on a big conversation with faraway friends.
Rosie b--I am just like you. I get so chatty right before bed and want to talk to my boyfriend right in his face and wiggle and cuddle with every part of my body touching his. Then he says, "uh...I'm feeling a little claustrophobic." Then I back off about 3 inches and fall asleep immediately. He's so patient.

I get annoyed when he washes the dishes but leaves just a couple things. Or when he does laundry but invariably discolors something of mine or shrinks it! What makes it worse is I can't gripe too much because he was being helpful in the first place. Argh!

Anonymous said...

I get so annoyed when he throws an empty cereal box in recycling with the cereal plastic bag still in it! Drives me nutty or when he puts his bike by our door entrance and leaves it on top of my shoes so they are all deformed looking when I try to wear them! ha I still love him to itty bitty piece ;)
-S

Kaitlyn said...

Not a lot of things annoy me about my boy, for long stretches of time I'll be perfectly immune to annoyances and then i'll get in a bad mood one day and suddenly everything annoys me -- he's too lazy, he doesn't exercise, he doesn't make an effort to clean the house, he never folds laundry even if I ask... and then I remember how much I love him and forget about those things again.

Dilettante Diva said...

Well said Alex! Wish I had had those words when I was a younger person :) You're so right - he's a wise one!

www.dilettantediva.blogspot.com.au

A-Russ said...

My man is SLOW!!!!! wow it take him 3X as long to do things. But he puts up with me. ahhaha

Piper said...

My husband of 18 years has a heightened sense of smell which is very annoying--he often tells me and other family members we have bad breath, he can't stand the smell of onions, garlic or many vegetables cooking, comments on certain facial creams, cleansers and perfumes. It's something the rest of us are oblivious to and we all agree none of us has bad breath (most of the time) and we love the smell of onions and garlic cooking. It's tough to be completely odorless. lol

Scout and Rice said...

Alex is so right! As much as my husband annoys me sometimes, I wouldn't have him any other way. He is opinionated, occasionally arrogant, has no sense of boundaries and can't see a mess when it's staring him in the face!

But he is also gentle, loving, extremely patient, and a better father to our little one than I could ever have wished for. He teaches me things about myself that I am amazed I'm still learning at my age. :)

Carrie Lynn said...

When I was single, I was asking an engaged friend of mine how she knew the guy she was about to marry was "the one." She said that, in relationships, you will never find the perfect man. Instead you have to pick your battles. When you are tempted to list all of his negative qualities in your head, at the end of the list you have to ask yourself: "Could I live with ____ for eternity?" Sometimes, the answer is no (ie addiction or abuse or differing core values). But when you look at it in an eternal perspective, stealing the sheet suddenly doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

poisonwood said...

I love Alex's answer! I totally agree, what I find annoying about my partner are also aspects that I love about him. Even if they make me roll my eyes, they're also things we can joke about too which is great!

soniadeli said...

That's such a great post. You're absolutely right - everyone, literally everyone can be annoying after a while.
My husband annoys me when he plays videogames (as he becomes totally unresponsive while doing it). Plus, it also annoys me that he spends far too much time on the phone (he's Italian, you see) and is always 5-10 minutes late. Always. It also annoys me terribly that despite knowing this I'm always ready on time :) I never learn...
xx

Christa said...

I love "old love" how patient and present they seem. I remember walking at the shore once and there was this old (I mean OLD) couple and the wife could barely walk....she was slowly shuffling...and her husband (who you oculd tell was capable of walking much faster) was patiently holdng her arm and helping her along. I heard her appologize and just patted her arm and said "its okay dear..." and smiled at her. Thank God I had sunglasses on - I couldn't stop crying because the beauty of THAT moment...the patience of love lived in just got me right in the back of my throat. Totally accpeting, totally unconditional. Love that is lived in.

Ann Cundy said...

My husband is a scary sneezer too!

Anonymous said...

My husband always leaves cupboard doors open and never folds the paper back to the front page for the next reader. I back seat drive!

Joanna said...

He walks SO slooowly. :)

Alexa said...

love alex's answer. i also love that a reader asked your advice! it makes sense, though..your blog is like having a chat with an old friend :)

i am single and can't wait for what christa called a love that is "lived in".

Joanna said...

And I give him whiplash with my subject changes. Poor guy doesn't have a chance when I start talking in the middle of a thought and suddenly switch topics without warning.

Catherine said...

I think my husband tolerates my annoying habits (eating cups of ice, for one) better than I tolerate his. One thing that does bug me is his insistence on putting his hands in his pockets as he starts to descend long flights of stairs. WHY would someone do this?????

leathergal said...

Love this post! You and I must have been communicating on the same wavelengths....my husband and I were having this very discussion the other night. One of our favorite couples is going through a divorce, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was the daily annoyances that come with marriage that contributed to the end. I think it's just part of marriage and when you take a vow to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should put in every effort to make it work. Though I understand some relationships are beyond repair.

p.s. my husband has "scary" sneezes too!

Alaina said...

I can't stand him eating a piece of fruit - I always say a Besonen eating a fresh peach is my worst nightmare. His brother and sister too...they just get so into and all do the same thing with their mouth. :)

Alex is wise beyond his years - I really like what he had to say!

diana banana said...

woah woah wait, i'm SURE i would never be annoyed if ryan gosling was my boyfriend.... :)

Jenny said...

My boyfriend of 7 years sneezes so freaking loud.....no reason to sneeze that loud!! He also gets our dogs super riled up, so that the little one barks a ton. He somehow thinks the dog will understand the difference between being allowed to bark while he's playing and not being allowed to bark like crazy in the backyard late at night. The dog has NEVER understood the distinction. It drives me nuts that he gets him all wound up.

Anonymous said...

Nisha,
I laughed out loud. I'm still laughing. Maybe it's hysterics; my husband is currently seeming overwhelmingly annoying.
Thanks!

Sarah said...

...love this. I've been married for a year and a half and it's funny how many things someone you love does that you don't notice til you've been married for a few months haha. But as I've stepped back, I've realized that these things make him him. And even though it bugs the heck out of me sometimes, I like knowing I can count on him to do them :)

Shannon said...

Last week I was really hoping you would do a post like this !!! The sneezing thing is hilarious. Did you see the SNL skit with Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell a few weeks ago where he's sneezing SUPER loud? That is totally my husband. I laughed SO hard when I saw that skit and he just smirked at me. another annoying thing: he leaves cabinets and drawers open. It is so annoying!

Amber said...

What is with loud sneezes? The SNL skit could have been about my husband, who does these dramatic, overwrought sneezes that steal the attention from any conversations/tv shows. He's also a huge believer in do-nothing days off, which means lots of video games and very few errands getting done. He just looks at me when I get home and says, "But it's my day off!"

Adelita said...

The way he scratches his legs, will poop with the door open, will stand in the bathroom while I am pooping and refuse to leave, how he says he cleans the sink after he shaves (ya right), how he will ask me the same question over and over and over just to be sure (he calls this being thorough, I call it being annoying).

SarahK said...

great post and Alex is spot on. My parents are married 40 years and they bicker like crazy. To the point sometimes that it's unbearable but they love each other to death and would do anything for each other so I know that the bickering is part of how they keep each other on their toes.

Anonymous said...

(from Argentina)
So true what Alex said! I guess in these days we are all so use to through whatever we don´t use and buy a new one of those easily. Relationships take a lot of effort and only a few get to their 80s together, but it´s worth trying!!!

Shannon said...

Here is that funny sneezing snl skit. I just watched it again and am tearing up because it's so true.

http://kfox95.com/will-ferrell-and-kristen-wiig-star-in-hilarious-cold-commercial-on-saturday-night-live-video/

His Little Lady said...

um, what?! how is alex so wise. but this is all so true! simply adore this! what a great and honest post!
and seriously, the bachelor is very serious ;)
xo TJ

oneida Christensen said...

ghandi! ha ha ha ha. this made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

Not sure if someone posted this already, but Dan Savage changed the way I see those annoying, I mean quirky things my man does with his "Price of Admission". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Now, when my man talks in his sleep (waking me up), puts the toilet paper on the roll the WRONG way (it's over not under!) or asks me when I'm getting up on a lazy Sunday morning, I remember Dans insight and smile. - Lisa McKnight

laco said...

my husband loves to talk over (and dance over) all work i try to get done when i get home. it's annoying as hell, but so damn endearing i can't really get mad at him. we got married after five weeks and recently celebrated an undisclosed anniversary. i remind myself daily...of the silly dances/songs/rhymes/riddles he would be interrupting my work with if he were here right now...it is all worth it in the long run...because when it comes down to it, the boy always makes me laugh. laugh until i pee or snort wine up my nose. nothing beats a man like that.

Abby - Bright Yellow World said...

My husband EXPLODES water all over the bathroom every single morning. He doesn't seem to register it, either, so cleaning it up never enters his mind. Also, when he does the dishes, he washes everything except for the utensils. He leaves those in the bottom of the sink, and puts one plate over them, as if to hide them.

Barbara said...

His snoring used to drive me nuts. Then a friend of ours died(way too young) and his wife is now alone. The snoring doesn't bother me anymore . Now it comforts me.

Kiley Kate said...

My boyfriend does laundry and then keeps a "clean" basket and a "dirty" basket to prevent having to fold any of it or put it away. He also complains about how out of shape he is and then goes and orders a triple cheeseburger...I know that's an emotional thing so I try to keep my mouth shut, but I know it annoys him when I bring it up :P

M.B. Captured said...

This post has made my day. FANTASTIC!

My husband is neurotically punctual, whenever we go on a holiday it's stress, stress, stress until we are on that plane!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I read the post to which you linked, and didn't realize Alex was 13 years older than you are! He looks young... does he color his hair? :-) My husband is also 13 years older than I am (and you are two years younger than I am, I think.) My husband has a very young face but is very grey-haired!

Chelsea said...

Aw, that image gave me goosebumps! So sweet!

Oh & that Alex, very wise...he's a keeper!

Happy friday, from Australia. :)

Mornings with Milo said...

loved this! And so true Alex!

caitlin said...

honestly, i think i am far more annoying than my boyfriend! i'm not that easily irritated, but i do hate it when we're in a hurry and he seems to take longer putting on his shoes on purpose because he hates "feeling rushed"--or the fact that he can't sit in the living room without the TV on (he likes background noise--i can't focus on what i'm doing).

katie t10 said...

funny

Katie Ann said...

Hahaha, all these comments are making me giggle. What a great post! And wise advice, too! As humans, we're all hard to live with. I annoy my fiance when I leave a glass of water somewhere else besides the kitchen. And he annoys me when he leaves his blinker on (forever) after changing lanes or turning at a light. What silly things we all get annoyed at!

Katie

Angela Brinkley said...

I LOVE art! I went to school to study art and I search it out everywhere we go, but...Jason (my hubbie) has a severe allergy attack whenever we step foot into an art gallery or museum. I don't know if it is psychological or what, but it drives me insane! But...he will be the first one to suggest we go into a art gallery if he feels me pause or hesitate a little bit in front of a window. He goes, snotting all the way. The thing that annoys me the most, is also the thing that reminds me how much he loves me. As time goes on, the annoying things, become "shake your head and laugh" moments. The key is to stay together long enough to appreciate the transformation : )

Darci said...

Oh this is so very perfect - My husband of 22 fun-filled years can make me crazy...when unloading the dishwasher, why can't he put away the tupperware? I am a teacher, why does he ask me every Sunday night if I am ready for the week? and Pleeeeease just put the recycles in the bin - not on the counter above!

Jam Oblina said...

spoken like a true wise man! agree all the way!

Amber said...

I wish I could give this post two thumbs up.

Janie Kamenar said...

I think the things that annoy you are often the same things you love about your SO-- the ways they are different from you and balance you out. For example, my husband (and his whole family) are chronically late and always underestimate their arrival times by about half an hour. But they don't do it because they're inconsiderate, they do it because they're caring, so they're always running behind because they were talking to someone, or doing someone a favour, or something like that. It annoys me, but I also love it. I think it helps me deal with the annoyances to realize this.

Lonely Wife Project said...

I could relate to so many of these annoyances...open drawers, path of clothes, inability to drive and talk at the same time. But I must say that the number one most annoying thing my husband does is make a huge production out of his sneezes. They're so damn dramatic that I started asking him to take a bow after each sneeze. Oh also, he makes the biggest gulping sound when he drinks. It drives me crazy, but I've managed to keep that one to myself.

Sage Crown Parker said...

great post, thanks for the reminder about an old couple, cause it's so true!!! my boyfriend also sneezes like it's his job to be loud must be a 'manly' thing. he also wakes up and acts like he's had 3 cups of coffee before i've even opened my eyes, it drives me nuts cause i need at least a cup of coffee before i can talk. i drive him crazy when i'm hungry... i get a little grumpy :) so he feeds me, LOL!!!

Jasmine Iris said...

I get absolutely annoyed at my fiance when he snores really loud at night. Ironically the only time he does this is when I have to wake up very early the next day. :) But you gotta love them!

Love this post!

xx

Alexis said...

I love what Alex said, it is so true! My grandparents have been married for 60+ years and anytime I around them, all they do is nit pick and bicker about what the other one does. While my mom gets annoyed with them, I think it's totally endearing. I think its because I look to them to see how people endure through all the ups and downs that life brings us.

Anonymous said...

He never says bless you when I sneeze. I guess he doesn't believe in it.

sophie said...

This is one of my favorite posts ever. I am cracking up at these responses!

My husband always has to shake his iced beverage in its glass. The sound makes me crazy!!! When we watch tv or movies, the room has to be totally dark and quiet. I like to watch tv and multitask (send emails, clean the house up, etc) and he gets so irritated. If I need to say something, he sighs and pauses whatever we're watching so that I won't interrupt. Ha!

However, I'm sure he finds it super annoying when I'm surfing the web on my phone in bed super late at night, when I can't decide where I want to have date night (I change my mind like a dozen times in ten minutes - it drives him nuts), or when I can't stop mocking Star Trek (the tv series) when he watches it.

But like everyone else has said, life would be boring if we were all the same. I appreciate my husbands quirky annoyances, and I'm sure he feels the same way.

Stephanie said...

So very, very true. My husband snores. A lot. And he's got a serious case of what my friend's mom calls "guy eyes." (Meaning he doesn't even notice when the house is a mess.) But he's one of the best cooks I know and he's super romantic and sweet and funny, so I think I'll keep him. ;-)

Stephanie Fazio (aka lealou) said...

Over all my hubby doesn't annoy me BUT I stopped watching regular TV shows with him because he complains about the unrealistic sounds a show makes (a computer would never make that noise!), cheesy characters (that kid on Glee is so annoying!), and music (how do you stand the music in Amazing Race?). I realized he just doesn't like TV therefore only watch documentaries with him or movies ;).

He also tends to put things in weird spots in the kitchen.

I love Alex's response and I agree with him. We definitely get wiser as we get older!

Now here's the real question - don't you just annoy yourself sometimes??? I get so annoyed with myself when I leave my keys in the wrong spot, I can't find my phone (when it's in my hand) or I can't figure something out. :)

Melissa McCoy said...

I loved this post! I too try to find the things that irk me about my husband endearing! Like when he talks about how he can't wait to retire (he's in his early 30's) or wanting the remote from the movie Click to fast forward his bad days (I say, LIVE IN THE NOW and ENJOY IT). But I'm sure it annoys him when I constantly email him at work the latest disease I might have that I read about on Yahoo news. It's the best knowing and loving someone, warts and all, and having them love you back.

libby said...

Love this post. This past January my boyfriend and I took a month long road trip across the US. At the time we had been together for a bit over two years and we knew it'd be a test to our relationship and that we would probably learn a lot (more) about each other. He looks over at me one day with a serious face and says "okay so I have something we have to talk about, something about you I realized I really can't stand" and my heart totally sunk. The way he said it sounded like it could be a total dealbreaker. Turns out he HATES when I leave the little shower thing up/on on the faucet in the bathtub. WHATTTT! I guess at one of the stops along the way he was hit with a rush of cold water because I hadn't turned off the shower the night before. Let's just say i let put quite the sigh of relief. It's the little things!

Posh Pearl said...

l love what Alex said because it is so true! This year will be our 5th year wedding anniversary and I can say what Alex says definitely applies to us. You and Alex are such a sweet couple!

A couple annoying things about my hubby - he also sneezes really loud (it startles me and the baby), puts more than one French fry in his mouth at a time or takes more than one bite of a burger before chewing, and whenever I ask him for the time - without checking, he'll tell me the time and it's always wrong.

Nina Leung said...

Mine loves to leave his shoes in the middle of walkways. I ALWAYS trip over them. Makes me CRAZY!!

Carrolls said...

I love that you have a picture of Woody Allen for this, he's the perfect example of someone you can love and get so annoyed with too :) My husband has scary sneezes too and snorts really loud in his sleep. So annoying!

L said...

It's so true. I found little things that annoyed me about my husband while we were dating, but when I asked myself if I could live with them forever, the answer was an easy yes.

Trina said...

Ha, great post. My s.o. has a habit of wearing these baseball caps so frayed in the rim that the cloth is clear worn away. I'm convinced he looks like a hobo in them but he likes 'em and adamantly refuses to wear any new ones. I guess I can't complain since I like to wear my favorite old jeans even though they're already ripped in the quad area (my rationale is that surely that's back in style, although maybe only for teenagers!). But if he can put up with my quirks, I guess I can put up with his. :)

Claire said...

eats all the leftovers, leaves his giant shoes right where i'll walk, complains when he has to do dishes, won't let the dog in the bed, smokes!

TiffanyH said...

Wow! That was some sage like wisdom, anyone with that amount of insight is worth a lifetime of midnight sneezes.

Leanne said...

Great post! My hubby leaves the seat up...constantly.

I'm quite certain that I'd never be annoyed with Ryan Gosling though. ;o)

Martha said...

When we're in the car and I'm driving, my boyfriend says "whoa" if I get within 100 yards of another car. He snores. He clears his throat for like 30 minutes after finishing a meal. He leaves the seat up. He brushes his teeth in the shower. He doesn't clean up after himself very well. His excuse for not doing things is "I don't know how"

Allison said...

Really great advice. I feel like I've put so much pressure on myself to marry the right person so that I dont become a divorce statistic. Its sometimes hard to focus on the positives. But when I think over the course of my fiance and I's relationship, I have so many great positives that come to mind. Thanks for the reminder!
P.S. why is it so hard for him to throw things in the garbage? Like when he opens a bag of chips and sets the corner of the bag on the counter beside the garbage can. Its 2 f-ing feet away!!

madison said...

this reminds me of my friend's exboyfriend, who used to ask SO MANY QUESTIONS. If you were telling a story, and part of it involved driving to the store, he'd be like "what car were you driving?" "oh, your car's white, right?" "how far was the store?" "what were you planning to get there?" "were getting anything not on the list?" "were you picking up cigarettes?" "did you get stopped at any red lights?"

it was the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER, to me at least. she thought it was adorable!

Anonymous said...

This is an interesting post but I wish your "annoyances with Alex list" was a bit more plausible and less vanilla. It comes off as a little bit bland and breezy and not so much on topic as annoying per se. Annoying is when someone is loud, repetitive. When they keep their cell phone on the dinner table, when they leave the dirty dishes undone all of the time. When they have bad manners or they leave their wet towel over the back of a leather chair over and over. I would appreciate a more fearless list of annoyances.

Ami said...

wow, what Alex said is amazing! i'm gonna quote him on that! :)

Melissa said...

Ohmygoodness.

Its like this post was made for me to hear today. But your husband is 100% right. Reminds me of another quote I heard somewhere how young people just dont stick out the negative stuff and just give up to early when they get frustrated or annoyed. Im young and live with my boyfriend and today he was driving me MAD.

Thanks for this joanna :)

Bec said...

Love this post! And what wise words - I think it's such a refreshing way to look at the little annoyances in a relationship.

My partner (also named Alex) is HOPELESS at multitasking. I know all men supposedly can't multitask, but he takes it to a new level - he can't carry on a conversation if he's doing anything else at the same time, whether it's spreading butter on toast, folding laundry, etc. So he'll pause halfway through a sentence in order to finish what he's doing, by which time he's forgotten what he was saying :)

He also has a pretty bad memory and will tell the same anecdotes over and over again, which he thinks I find annoying, but I actually find super endearing. Also regarding The Bachelor, I know he doesn't take it seriously but he is sweet enough to indulge me and sound interesting when I'm talking to him about it!

Alexa @ A Life in Drive said...

Thank you SO much for this post. Couldn't have come at a more perfect time. And Alex - you are a wise, wise man.

My husband and I got married just over a month ago. Life is great, but I do think it's easy to focus on the negative little things more than all of the good stuff. Why is that?!

Jeanette said...

Great post! It's the annoying things that make relationship's real and truthful.. . Maybe someone farting in their sleep isn't a turn on but there's an intimacy ... even there!

RoOHOohoO said...

Thanks for this post joanna! I've been thinking about this a lot recently...it seems that once you get over the "honeymoon stage" we as women start looking to see what's not there! and tend to ovelook the good things that attracted us to them in the first place.... It's so hard but I've promised myself I'm gonna try to remember the good things and don't let the annoying things get to me. :)

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