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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Do or Don't: Honeymoon registry

After Alex and I got hitched almost three years ago, we went on a two-week honeymoon to Italy and Greece. To help afford our splurgy trip, we skipped the regular household registry and instead created a honeymoon registry. We signed up with buy-our-honeymoon.com (don't worry, guests never see the tacky name!). Then Alex and I spent a fun evening listing our trip plans, restaurants, hotels, even sun hats. Happily, our guests seemed to be into it, and it made our honeymoon possible.

Thoughts? Do or don't? You can see our actual registry below...

Here's part of our registry:
(The images above are faded because our friends and family bought the items. When they choose an item to buy, they just send the money directly through paypal, and then you save up for your trip.)

219 comments:

1 – 200 of 219   Newer›   Newest»
Punk Rock Mom said...

We did the same thing! Since we had been living in our house for awhile we went this route and had the most amazing Hawaiian honeymoon because of it!

Katie said...

We did that for our registry as well and it worked out great. You can break it down into meals, excursions, etc., and I think people like giving you a special experience. We wouldn't have been able to afford our Hawaiian honeymoon any other way!

Nicole said...

We just did this for our honeymoon in Europe last month. Our family and friends loved the idea and got super excited to buy us things like a "double-decker bus tour in Munich" or a "bottle of wine with dinner in Paris". We snapped lots of pics so we can include them in the thank-you notes too!

jaimie said...

I know a couple who did this for their wedding last year. It just makes so much more sense for couples who have lived together and created a household already. If my boyfriend and I ever decide to get married, we'd probably do something like this.

AVY said...

Doesn't sound like the most fun thing to get, but surely useful.

/ Avy
http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com



Mrs. H said...

Hubs and I used honeyfund for our registry, but also we had a conventional registry at a department store. We made it clear that since our wedding was a destination wedding we would prefer people's presence rather than presents. Turns out the honeymoon registry was a big hit. People couldn't wait to tell us they funded our moonlight dinner on the beach, or bought our excursions or paid for our scuba trip. Made for a very relaxing two and a half week honeymoon in Bora Bora, Tahiti, La Taha'a and Moorea. And everyone was equally excited to see the pictures of us doing all the things they bought. I would definitely recommend a honeymoon registry.

Malia said...

One thing I've always wondered is, how much is the present going to that item? Is the purchase really going to cute sun hats or just a big pool of money that you have to use as you would like? We did a traditional registry so I've always wondered....

Jessica - Of Revolt Travel Blog said...

I've been debating this very thing for our upcoming honeymoon to Mexico, and now I don't feel it's tacky! So glad with how the times have changed!

Gentiana (Milano) said...

We do this in Italy very very often. it's because most of people, when decide to get married, are already living together and then have a home and all the necessary in it. So this trend started a while ago here and it's going very strong, all the weddings we've been in the last 5 years at least had the Luna di miele Lista Nozze (Honeymoon Marriage List). We do not usually describe what is in it exactly, just mention the destination and then each guest participates according to his generosity :-) We didn't do it, we got married in Seychelles on the beach and 3 minutes after our honeymoon started. It was a love escape, no one knew about this so we had no guests and no gifts...it was so romantic!!! :-)

Katie said...

I love this idea. It makes so much sense for couples who already have the household stuff typical of most registries. I'm keeping this in mind for when I get married!

Caity @ Moi Contre La Vie said...

Definitely a DO! People are getting married later in life now and therefore they've already accumulated many of the traditional wedding gifts already. I mean, who doesn't have a blender or sheets? I think this is a great, modern thing to do, you've got to change with the times!

Posh Pearl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Awkward Indie Girl said...

This is a great idea! Definitely would help you have the most memorable honeymoon possible.

Posh Pearl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Posh Pearl said...

I would have totally done this instead of the traditional registry! Me and my mister already lived together before getting married so we had most of the traditional household items already. If I had know about this honeymoon registry, I would've jumped on this instead. So useful and fun! Like the previous poster mentioned - times are changing. This registry is much more modern!

michelle said...

I've purchased honeymoon items for friends and I think it's a great idea. Plus, it was fun to see all the items they wanted to do on their trip!

Meg said...

we registered for our honeymoon with honeyfund.com, and it was one of the most fun parts of the wedding planning! we got to take a four week trip through france, italy, spain, and greece, and NOTHING (not bone china, not silk sheets, not a kitchenaid stand mixer) could top that! i recommend doing it to any of my friends who are getting married :)

Sage Crown Parker said...

oh this is a fantastic idea, i will have to share it with all my destination brides and grooms that come to the usvi to get married!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure this would go down well in the UK it seems a bit indulgent and a bit money-grabbing.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure this would go down well in the UK it seems a bit indulgent and a bit money-grabbing.

Nisha said...

I like the idea of marriage/household registry and honeymoon registry here in the States. You choose stuff you like and guest chooses what to gift from there. Ultimately you get what you want, and guests don't have to rack their brain to select a gift.

Back at my place, people either give cash or a gift without asking what we'd like. Several of those gifts are not required, or have to be recycled by gifting someone else. Wish they start this system back home too!

And this honeymoon registry is idea is great, especially if one's household is pretty much filled with everything!


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Giveaway # 1 - Cupcake Carrier - Bake n' Take!

Sarah said...

I would totally do this!

- Sarah
agirlintransit.blogspot.com

Sarah said...

My husband and I did a honeymoon registry (on the same site!), and it worked out fabulously. We used it to fund an incredible 2 week trip to Japan, and wouldn't have changed a thing. Some of our relatives were a little confused at first, but I think that it ended up being a very positive experience for everyone, with many of our friends being inspired to created honeymoon registries of their own!

gaelan said...

My husband and I did this and it was the best decision we ever made! We actually set up our own website though so we didn't have to pay the fees that are charged by most honeymoon registries and just had to pay the paypal fee.

Miyan said...

i LOVE this idea! it sounds super cute & its fun to think what part of the trip you will contribute to loved ones.

Miyan
www.miyan-overseas.blogspot.com

Megan C. Stroup said...

I think this is a great idea, as long as you do it in place of a household registry. I knew a girl in high school who had a graduation party and THEN a "dorm shower" party where she registered for college goodies. I think the dorm registry is a great idea, but not when people have already spent money on your graduation gift. Many of my friends didn't even attend because they couldn't afford to buy two presents. I think it's the same for honeymoon registry: Great idea, as long as you do it INSTEAD of a wedding registry.

All At Once said...

I had a friend do this and I think it is a fantastic idea! We eloped so there was no honeymoon, but we will renew our vows someday and setup a honeymoon registry like this. Do you think that is tacky? Doing a registry years later?

Anonymous said...

We're in the UK & did this too (with Trailfinders). It was amazing for us - we went on a further afield/bigger trip than we ever could have funded on our own - & our guests were more than happy too. We had fun picking out & buying tons of postcards on our trip & sent them as our thank you cards. We didn't see it as money grabbing at all - certainly no more so than having any kind of registry. Our friends & family were more than happy to contribute to once in a lifetime trip memories, rather than material 'stuff'.

Kristyn said...

Wow I'd never even thought of doing something like this, but it's a great idea!

Risse said...

Thank you so much for sharing! This is such a great idea!

Cassandra said...

I say Do! I'm getting married next fall, but my fiance and I purchased (and furnished) a new home together last August. We don't need most of the typical registry items now. Plus, guests can still feel like they're giving you something tangible with the honeymoon registry. Take a photo of the activity/meal/place on your trip & include it in the thank you card.

Simone said...

I've never heard of a website where you can actually register to do this!!

I would never do it to be honest, I'd feel embarrassed to ask guests to find my honeymoon....interesting that someone else from the UK (like me) also thinks it's not a great idea!! Try as it might, I think it's just tacky and bad manners.

Mrs Robinson said...

I had a friend do this for her wedding, and as a guest I thought it was awfully tacky. Its just ends up being cash - so why put fake niceties around it. I think I would have responded better if she had just been honest and said - "guys we really just want to have a kick-ass honeymoon and would love some cash" instead, I felt like I had to choose some arbitrary "memory" for them. I totally don't mean to be a debbie downer - it probably has a LOT to do with which website they ended up using - it just feel cheesy. I like what a previous commenter said - setting up their own paypal account and bi-passing the third party site. That feels more personal and honest! :)

Karaugh said...

Tim and I have been having this debate for WEEKS and we have come to the conclusion to respectfully disagree with one another! I am a HUGE fan of the honeymoon registry, especially for couples not in need of all the household items you typically register for. I contributed to buying a scuba diving trip for a family friend honeymooning in Australia. There were so many options for every budget and when the happy couple sent their thank you note, they included a picture from their scuba experience. I thought it was fantastic! And I was SO happy to help them have such an experience. But I would always recommend at least having a small registry of items if your guests are not on board with the idea.

Tee said...

Cute idea! Dumb question, but don't you get free wine on international flights?

Lauren @ In Her Two Shoes said...

I think this is a great idea, but my traditional mother thinks it's tacky. Why registering for crockpots and China is different, I don't know! It's all money in the end!

Lauren said...

While I certainly understand that many people don't need/want the household goods found in a traditional registry, I dislike these they feel kind of shady to me. I don't like that the amount of money you assign to things is fairly arbitrary, and your guests aren't actually paying for those things. The money gets deposited straight to you, so you can use the money for anything and they'll never know. But the main reason I don't like them is that they take a cut (or at least all the sites I found do), which feels wrong to me. If you really want cash, just don't register at all; guests will take the hint.

Rebecca said...

I think it depends on your particular network of friends and family. Though I have many friends from college and work who would be into supporting a honeymoon registry, I also recognize that there are many people who would find it in bad taste. I also can't imagine asking my dear Kentucky Mammaw, who raised six kids on a rural dairy farm and never traveled anywhere in her life to buy me a moonlight meal in Tahiti. It would just be such an affront to her.

Anonymous said...

My husband (4 years today!) and I did this. It was great. The big department store in Canada has a travel agent department. You can set up a traditional registry and a travel one. Our older relatives used the traditional and got us the pots, etc. Most of our friends contributed to the honeymoon. Best of both worlds!

Mara said...

I actually saw this on your blog and suggested it to my sister when her and her husband got married last year! All the guests loved the idea of the registry and getting them something fun and exciting like drinks on the plane and scuba diving in Aruba! Thanks for the idea.

Andrea said...

I find it a bit tacky. And I share the sentiment of "will that money really fund your zip line ride through the jungle" or is it rather going in some vacuous pot for the spenders discretion. Skip any sort of registry. If you have everything you need, select a few charities that guests can donate to if they feel compelled.

Lindsay said...

I was really intestested in doing this for my wedding, but I couldn't stand the fact that money would go to the website. Of course, I understand that the website is a business, but I thought it would be like having my friends and family pay a fee to give me money. I think that if I saw a friend had one of these, I would give them money and skip the site. That said, I do think I bought a friend and her husband a parasailing trip, which they didn't end up taking because of the weather that day.

fawn said...

Maybe if we had wealthier friends, ha ha!

Jordan G. said...

I think your specific registry is fun, and I like the idea of buying someone an experience. I just contributed to my friend's honeymoon registry the other day and I didn't really get any satisfaction out of it because it was just some paypal account and I couldn't buy them anything specific... I just had to chuck some money into the pot. Just my $.02!

Unknown said...

We had NO money for a honeymoon before we got married. We registered at Target, but our registry wasn't huge because we had both lived on our own and had some pretty nice stuff. So we also registered at honeyfund.com and our family and friends paid for our week long cruise through the Mexican Riviera. It was fantastic, we were so grateful!

Fraser said...

We used honeyfund to register for our 2 week Hawaiian honeymoon and it enabled us to do expensive but memorable things like helicoptering over Kauai and a stargazing trip above the clouds on Mauna Kea. Honeyfund also allows you to post links on the registry so people can see the actual restaurant/views etc. We sent photos of us from the restaurant/activity with our TY cards which made it mean more for gift-givers seeing us enjoy their gift so much than a blender or vase.

beccainboston said...

My friend and her husband went to Disney World for their honeymoon so they set up a way to purchase Disney gift cards on their site. It was an easy way for me to get a gift card without it seeming cheesy since it was going towards their honeymoon hotel and plans!!

Courteney said...

I don't understand why anyone would find this tacky. Isn't it much tackier to ask for things you don't need/already have just because that is what a typical wedding registry entails? My boyfriend and I will have been living together for years by the time we get married, and we already have everything we need. I'd much rather get some traveling money, and some experiences I otherwise wouldn't. My cousin actually asked for gift certificates to a hardware/camping store for her wedding, and only one (fairly stuffy) auntie had a problem with that. The entire point of a registry is so that people can get you what you want/need...so if you want an awesome honeymoon then it's hardly tacky to ask for it.

Nerissa said...

I hate to sound like a fuddy-duddy, and be critical, since you are so lovely to your readers on your blog... BBut I find this a bit tacky. In theory, it sounds great. If you really need beach reads ($15), why not just ask for that? If you don't want the house stuff, I think it is better not just to register at all, and let word travel through the grapevine.

We still use some of our wedding gifts daily and I love associating this knife etc with that person.

Monica L. Shulman said...

I think it is a wonderful idea. I absolutely would have done it if it existed when I got married almost 8 years ago. :)

Amy said...

This just comes off a bit tacky to me. If you truly don't need any househould items, then don't register at all, and just enjoy the wedding celebration. I'm really not a fan of registering for anything - I hate the whole concept of "buy me this". But just pooling money into a big account seems even worse to me than someone buying some new towels to use in your new home together. But, plenty of ppl do it, so I may just be too old fashioned!

Rachael said...

I think it's a great idea. Especially with so many couples living together before hand they don't need even more things, but people feel like they should give things and I really like this idea. Especially if there are opinions to pay for a trip or an outing on the holiday.

paige said...

Good idea, but it feels a bit like asking for cash...? not sure my parents and their friends would go for it.

E. said...

I love this idea. I think traveling is such a valuable memory - I'm almost looking forward to a honeymoon more than the wedding itself! I would be thrilled to buy this for a friend instead of some random platter or vase. I do like the idea of having it as an option in addition to a traditional registry - the older folks can go traditional and the young folks can fund the travel!

Natalie said...

We did a similar thing. Since we were moving out of country just a few weeks after our wedding we had lots of monetary gifts for us to travel Europe while we lived here. Although, now that our time in Europe is coming to a close I am getting excited to go back and unpack all of our new dinnerware and other wedding presents we had to leave behind for the past year!

Anonymous said...

Put me in the tacky camp. For a couple who is already living together and doesn't need household items, save your own money for your honeymoon and ask guests to give a donation to the charity or non-profit of your choice in lieu of gifts. We will be having our guests donate to our favorite museum.

Trina said...

Yeah, the actual "buy our honeymoon!" name would be tacky (so good on the name change!), but the concept seems no different from an actual wedding --or any other type of--registry with things. And I'd rather rack up experiences than things anyway.

sIOBHAN said...

don't think this is a nice idea. i don't like the idea of asking people for money or presents.

Crispin Korschen said...

I think this is a fantastic idea.......I've never seen it before........I often think buying "presents for the home" a bit of a waste when people having been living together for a while.

Kerikins said...

I love this idea! I think it's so practical, especially if you have been living with your fiance for a while and don't necessarily need a blender, or other "gift" for your house. Definitely a do!

Nicole said...

what a wonderful idea. being able to fully explore more experiences is far better than little household appliances
[Treasure Tromp] 

Yarnexploder said...

My husband and I did a honeymoon registry and loved it! We made sure to keep records of who bought what, take photos and include images and stories in our thank-you notes upon our return. It made the gifts much more personal for our family, and we felt like they were with us (symbolically) on our trip!

Anonymous said...

I think it's really tacky. Every time a friend has one, I cringe. The worst was a friend who didn't even have specific items to buy, just a pot of money for the honeymoon.

If you don't register for anything, most people will give you money and you won't offend them.

Breanna said...

Some of my dear friends did this when they got married, since between the two of them they figured they had everything they needed for their house. I think it is one of the best ideas I've seen for a gift registry, and will hopefully do this if I ever get married.

Robyn said...

i think this is a great idea-i sent the idea-seen here to my friends and they used it last summer.

Alexandra said...

LOVE this idea. We have been living together for years... we got all the blenders, pans and pots we need.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, I'm not sure what the sweeping generalisation about people from the UK not liking the idea is all about! (see earlier commenter)

I personally don't see any problem with it.

The past few weddings we have been invited to have all been for couples who have lived together for ages and kindly asked that if guests wanted to buy them something, could they donate to their honeymoons.

I'd much rather give someone money towards the trip of a lifetime then buy them some pots and pans that they don't really want.

x

Nancy said...

I am traditional when it comes to weddings, so it does sound a bit tacky to me. Isn't the man supposed to save up for that? But to be honest, if the couple already has what they want, why collect more "stuff"? One thing that makes me cringe.... diapers on a baby registry. No, I am not buying your baby DIAPERS!!

Megan Isennock said...

we wanted to register for wine only (i recently wrote a post for the Baltimore Sun about it http://tinyurl.com/ccn6q4r) but our mothers convinced us to create a somewhat traditional registry- we're using myregistry.com and it's perfect. i can't recommend it enough if you don't want just dish towels and chip'n'dips. you can pull from any site on the web and add it here.

Kelly said...

I love this idea. How many people really need toasters and china these days?

Olga said...

I've never heard of anyone doing this but it's a brilliant idea!

I love to cook and I couldn't just sit and wait for a husband to come along, so I've pretty much supplied myself with everything I need, from pots and pans to a food processor. I've been worried (I know, first world problems) that I wouldn't have anything to put on a wedding registry if I should get married. Know I know I could just have myself a kick-ass honeymoon! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jo!

sumslay said...

I'm so glad you posed this question! My friend did this a few years ago (she used honeyfund, which I'm curious as to why you didn't, Joanna- Honeyfund seems like it has better rates?). I will say that as the bride's best friend, I got a lot of, "That's so tacky! I can't believe she did that!" but I stood firm that I do genuinely think it's a great idea. We're 30; we have salt shakers. And as someone mentioned earlier, isn't the bottom line money anyway, regardless of what form it is?

I am surprised at the "if you don't need anything, don't have a registry." Um, what? I bought soooo much crap for people that I KNEW would end in divorce, that sorry, I'm going to need some ROI. I had to buy my own damn crockpot, because I didn't marry a bozo at 22 and, sorry, I don't see how people making poor decisions get rewarded in our society. Sorry I sound so passionate about that, but I just got an invite to a friend's second marriage, and... I don't get why I'm supposed to buy her something. AGAIN.

I seriously can't get over how bitter that sounded. Oh well!

That all being said, I'm a firm believer in inviting people to things and expecting nothing. Anything else is a bonus! If it were me, I'd probably do a honeyfund and a traditional registry so that people have a choice....and then return everything from the traditional registry.

sumslay said...

I just read Nancy's comment - I ALWAYS buy diapers (even if they're not on the registry) for a baby shower! Hahahaha, perhaps i'm just a biiiiit too practical for my own good. :P

Ethaney said...

i don't understand why people would think this is tacky. if you're going to think that THIS is tacky...then isn't a registry tacky in general? seems a bit hypocritical.

i think it's an amazing idea and something i would definitely do when the time comes. i find it more awkward asking someone to buy me picture frames or a brand new frying pans.

besides, it's not as if you're asking someone to fund your plane tickets to an exotic location. it's the fun small stuff that you're registering. a dinner here, a bottle of wine there...i don't see the problem in it at all! i'd gladly buy an item off of this registry rather one at a department store!

Alex said...

For those who say "Why not just register at all" - because when you have wonderfully generous family and friends who want to celebrate your wedding, they will just buy whatever they think you need if you don't give them guidance. We gave people both options and found that our younger friends were excited about Honeyfund, and older guests wanted to buy stuff (and even complained to my mom that we didn't have enough expensive china, etc.) -- I was so glad we had both options.

Anonymous said...

@Ethaney - it is different than a traditional registry because the giver wouldn't actually be buying you a zip-line tour for $100, say. They'd think they were, but really the couple just gets cash filtered through the HM registry site. It's dishonest.

Ethaney said...

@ Anonymous...

Same thing with a traditional registry. Someone could ask for a $100.00 _______ then return it for cash. What's the difference?

Jamie said...

I waiver on this one. I'm one to give "experience" gifts over material goods anyday, but as one poster said, it seems a bit money-grabby.

I don't like any of the registry stuff anyway as marriage isn't about gifts!
My husband and I asked for no gifts but if people had the urge to give, we listed off plenty of our favorite charities. I did this for my bridal shower too. I just think its weird to ask people to fund my wedding or trips.

Beth Maurer said...

For people who consider this tacky, I ask you - isn't it all just money in the end? Any registry is just asking for things whether that's a blender or a boat ride - it's all stuff. And you're giving this gift to people you (presumably) care about (since they bothered to invite you) so why not want to make them happy? Most couples are getting married later and they may have managed to acquire their household items over a period of time together. However, after spending so much money on a wedding, they may not have the extra cash to fund a honeymoon they'd really like for themselves... a honeymoon is kind of an after thought most of the time (after trying to make sure they had the $ so they could invite all you good people to share their day with them!)

And to the people who say, "Well, if they already have everything they would ever need, just give to charity! Don't make me give you money", I will say, huh?? This couple may have lived together for 8 years before they got hitched but that doesn't mean they're super wealthy and couldn't use a nice gift. Wouldn't you want to still get them something they can enjoy?

/End rant.

Amanda said...

Call me old-fashioned, but I am not a fan. I think the purpose of wedding gifts (and registries) is to set people up for their life together. If they already have so much money and stuff that they don't need it for their homes, then it seems over the top to ask for money for a nice vacation. Then again, my husband and I got married when we were grad students and only had three forks, so maybe I'm biased. I have had friends who said they already had all they needed and asked for donations to charities of their choosing. I definitely gave for that. But I can't bring myself to give to the honeymoon fund. Unless maybe they were people who had never been able to go on a trip abroad before. But for people who get to travel all the time anyway? Nope.

Elena said...

We did the same as you @Alex for our wedding in Italy last year. We had a little decision tree on our wedding website that people could use to work out which option they preferred.

Whether it was nothing, a gift from our registry or contributing to our Honeyfund, we wanted to be sure our guests felt they were giving what they wanted.
Because , hey any gift, even if it's just showing up to your wedding, is pretty great, right?

http://www.randomlyhappytoday.blogspot.co.uk

Nina said...

I registered at 2am the night before the invitations were being printed. Needless to say, we returned everything- it was a disaster.

My closest friends ignored the registry and pitched in for a weekend away + spa + massages for us. It was the BEST gift.

Barbara said...

I have a feeling this may also be a generational thing. That being said, put me in the tacky corner with the stuffy aunts and the Mawmaw from Kentucky and the gang from the UK.
It is pretty obvious that times have changed with respect to all things to do with weddings, but I say, skip the registering completely and many people will write checks. Voila! Honeymoon cash.

Tammy said...

I think this is a great idea. My husband is a total "experience" person, rather than a "thing" person. I know he'd have loved to have received gifts like this rather than a kitchen item that's more tailored towards my interests. I think this would actually work for other occasions (birthdays, Christmas, graduation), too, where many family members might chip in for a bigger "item/experience" together.

On top of everything, this looks fabulous. Great idea and thanks for sharing!

natalie said...

We didn't register and requested that people not bring gifts. Most of our guests had to travel and pay to camp or find a hotel, in addition, almost everyone in attendance helped in some way.

I never think twice when someone else registers and love printing it out and hunting for items, I think contributing to a honeymoon would be great. But my husband and I have many family and friends who could not or should not give us anything and the thought of even suggesting it made us both uncomfortable.

It sounds cheesy but we really did just want everyones love and support, and to celebrate with our friends and family. (and for those generous guests, they threw some cash in card, no one needed "guidance" in case they wanted to gift us).

Tara Tufo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Antje said...

I love love love this idea! I'm such a travel junkie and I really don't want more stuff. This is so perfect. Thanks!

Joy said...

I think that any time cultural and societal norms shift, there is always a backlash. People are uncomfortable as past traditions fade and new norms are created. Such is the case with registries and most other wedding traditions (who pays gor what, etc.). Until a few years ago, it was customary to not include any info whatsoever on where you registered, under threat of tackiness. Now it is common to include the info in invitations or websites for the event (another new tradition), not because of greed, but because of convenience for the guests and the technology available. With more and more people getting married at a later point in their life, the items on a "standard" registry are going to change. Professional adults are often past needing a nice set of plates. They are also frequently paying for their own wedding, the expenses of which may make affording ANY honeymoon high near impossible. I think the honeymoon registry is useful, fun, practical, romantic, and no more tacky than asking for the sheets you'll f*ck on. ;)

The Wearwithal said...

This is the cutest idea ever! I didn't know you could do that. Wow. So creative and clever.
http://thewearwithal.blogspot.com/

Jaimie said...

I agree with Beth. Just because the couple is perhaps older, or has been living together for awhile, doesn't mean that they don't deserve a nice gift - as any other newlywed couple does! My sister started a 'hope chest' when she was 14. She saved her money and spent it on plates, tupperware, and other household items. Funnily enough, she married a man who did the same thing. So when they got married 10 years later, they didn't need another salad spinner or gravy boat. That doesn't mean they are rich (far from it), nor are they less deserving of a gift because they chose to be wise with their money in the past and purchase what they needed! I think this is a great idea personally. I love giving experience gifts for birthdays, father's day, etc.

Geetika said...

Great idea- but really only for couples that have a household together.

www.readgeetikasblog.blogspot.com

Geetika said...

Great idea- but really only for couples that have a household together.

www.readgeetikasblog.blogspot.com

Meadow said...

I think it's a 'do'. I don't know a whole lot about weddings, but as long as you treat it the same as you would a 'normal' registry (i.e. don't broadcast it) then I don't see the issue. I know that I'd want to buy a gift that makes the couple happy, so why not this? I love to travel.

Sara Hinton said...
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Anonymous said...

One of my friends just did this and everyone I talked to thought it was tacky. And then we found out it just goes to a credit on their credit card (so it doesn't actually "buy" what it says). And then they changed the venue, so the "luau on the beach" I bought for them probably won't work in the Dominican Republic......

Sara Hinton said...

My husband and I went to Disney World for our honeymoon and we definitely had a honeymoon registry! It came with a gift card, so all the money given was put on this card to be used wherever we liked. It was so fun to have that extra cash!

sumslay said...

I love what Jaimie just said! Totally agree!

@Amanda - but it's okay to get people plates when you know they already have plates? I would just think that if I registered for ugly dishes that no one agreed with, people would still buy them for me because it's what I, their friend/family wanted. Therefore, I don't see a difference if it's parts of a trip.

Meadow said...

To all those people who suggest registering for a charity instead (if household items aren't needed), that's a faux pas too. What if your guest doesn't believe in the cause? What if the guest has had a bad experience w. the charity themselves? What if they don't like the way most charities have a huge overhead and hardly any of the donation goes to the cause? Etc. etc. etc.

I think any registry is a bit tacky, but what can you do. At least you know it's for something the couple really wants vs. yet another toaster. Maybe the best option IS to just leave it up to the guest. That's what I will be doing.. but if someone asks what I want, I won't lie or direct them to some charity. I'd be annoyed if I wanted to buy someone a gift and instead I had to donate to some cause. Just seems impersonal to me. I get the sentiment is to help the world, but it really does rub some people the wrong way.

Jennifer of JennySue Makeup said...

great idea- especially for those people who have lived together beforehand and already have most of the household things they would need from a registry. honeymoon memories last a lifetime!!

Jennifer of JennySue Makeup said...

great idea- especially for those people who have lived together beforehand and already have most of the household things they would need from a registry. honeymoon memories last a lifetime!!

catbee said...

My husband and I definitely went this route. We used honeyfund.com which makes their $$ on ad revenue and doesn't keep a percentage of your donations.
Coming from frugal families we felt that it was incredibly wasteful to ask for newer versions of all the things we already owned after living together for 3 years. Also, we wouldn't have had any other way to afford a honeymoon quite frankly.
We were pleased to discover how excited people were about helping pay for our honeymoon experience and i think that's because they were already looking forward to the pictures that would result. A much more pleasant vision than picturing the use of a new bathmat or table cloth...

katie s. said...

My husband and I had everything we needed when we got married, and weren't comfortable asking for anything - including cash or honeymoon funding - from our guests, especially those who were already traveling to celebrate with us.

What we did ask them for was to burn their three favorite songs to a CD so that we'd have a great soundtrack and something funny to talk about on our roadtrip honeymoon. Every once in awhile we wish we'd taken the opportunity to upgrade our pots and pans, but we had enough music to listen solely to funny mix CDs for a two week trip, and learned a lot about our friends and family along the way. It's my favorite part of our wedding.

Ronda said...

Oh my goodness yes!! I had people do this for my 30th birthday for a trip, no registry but some for the tropical drinks on beach, surfing lessons, etc. It was so much fun. I know I would like to help people have some fun and know that your gift is going to be used. Love it!!

Outfit 44 said...

Darn! I wish I knew about this when I got married. I married later in life and I already had a lot of the registry items you would usually ask for so this as an alternate option is absolutely brilliant. What's also great about this is that some newly weds don't have the additional finances to take a honeymoon until much later. And sometimes the later doesn't happen.

Alice said...

That is a very good idea. We're going on our honeymoon next week, before the wedding (strange I know) so it'd be a good way to get the money we will spend back! Is that mean?

Anonymous said...

wow. that pic is nuts! so beautiful.

The slow pace said...

It's a great idea! I will do it!! In fact I think I will do it in all my birthdays!!!!

Sarah H. said...

Oh, I don't know! I'm so torn...as a wedding guest, I think it would be fun to help the couple fund a wonderful, memorable trip. But as a bride, I think I'm just too conventional to have done it myself! I feel like our friends may have embraced the idea, but our families may have been a bit weirded out not to be able to pick out china or towels for us, and since we had yet to really set up home, that was appreciated in our case. (On a side note though, we did register at REI for some fun hiking.camping stuff, which is really not much different from vacation stuff except that people are buying physical items instead of hypothetical ones. Anyway, people loved that, so there's another idea for those toying with where/how to register if they don't need the traditional household gifts.

Anonymous said...

Beth, of course they could use a nice gift! But for a wedding, you don't have to register in order for people to want to give you things! And how selfish of you to basically say "FORGET THE CHARITY! THIS FIRST-WORLD COUPLE NEEDS PRESENTS. NOW!" as though a 5-figure+ wedding isn't enough.

Beth said...

Don't. I have had friends do this, and honestly if you don't need "stuff", you don't have to ask for it. Guests are not required to get you a gift, you are requesting their company. They also shouldn't be required to pay for a massage for you on your honeymoon.

Anonymous said...

Meadow, if the guest doesn't like the charity we've selected, then they're likely not someone I'd want on my wedding. ;) No one *has* to donate anything... It's as simple as "In lieu of gift, the couple has requested that donations be made to XYZ."

Anonymous said...

I wanted to do this, but my mom discouraged me and pushed me to do a traditional registry. Instead, I decided to forego both and to register at justgive.org. Guests can make donations to charities of your choice.

I chose Women for Women International, my fiance chose water.org, and together we also chose The American Cancer Society.

Anonymous said...

Hmm- I've had some friends that have done this and also find it a bit tacky. I remember it seemed like my friend group was split pretty evenly on this

sincerely darcy said...

it is a total DO. i love it!!

Tiffany said...

I am not married yet but I would totally do this! I don't understand how this could be perceived as tacky at all. If you are going to give a gift anyway you might as well give them something the couple really wants and who really wants 3 toasters?

Mardle Made said...

My Husband and I did a honeymoon registry and it was the best thing ever!!!! We were already living together and had 2 of everything from our previous seperate lives so we really didn't need much for the house. We put together a small 'normal' registry for traditional grandparents and family. The bulk of the list was a honeymoon registry which we graduated in price from ice cream ont he beach, through a days hire of a car all the way up to Flights over the grand canyon.

Graduating the prices of the experiences is great as it means it is affordable to everyone. We took the registry with us and wrote each contributer a postcard about the experience they bought as as we did it. We also took photos fo each experience so we could also e-mail them with a thank you when we got back.

I LOVE honeymoon registries!

xx

www.mardlemade.com

Annie said...

I have a hard time understanding how a registry for items is less tacky than a honeymoon registry. In both cases, you're asking friends/family to give you something. Why should it matter if it's a set of china or a zipline tour? I tend to like "experience" gifts, so I'm okay with a honeymoon registry. Mostly I'd rather know that the couple will enjoy whatever I give them, and having a registry of any kind helps that.

Julia said...

I'm Italian and we do cash gifts for weddings. I'm getting married this year and my fiance and I are having a hard time with how to ask his side of the family (traditional, non-Italian types) for cash gifts. My culture sees weddings as a sort of "community barn raising" - everyone coming together to help the couple start their lives on the right foot. The cash is meant to be used as a downpayment on a home - and since we don't need stuff to fill a home (we live together and have that already) we'd rather have to money.
Do cash - it's easier (no shopping, no wrapping), it's preferred and it's tacky. In fact, in my culture, giving an actual wedding gift is the most taboo thing you can do.

Shelley said...

As someone who is recently engaged, I love this idea! at first I thought..hmm I'm not sure but then I saw how it's done and I think its adorable and guests would feel good about it.

Kate said...

this seems like a good idea, especially if you already have an established household. why double all the items you already have?

Amielle said...

I'm not planning on getting married any time soon, but that's something that I would definitely be more than willing to do instead of a traditional home registry.

Eva said...

It's great! You have to ask for what you want! :) It's a prevention from getting a porcelain giraffe at least.

Beth said...

to Anonymous:

Wait, what? I'm getting gifted a 5 figure wedding? That would be so amazing!! You're right, I would not need any gifts after that. However, most people tend to pay for their weddings, so I guess that would be a gift to.. myself, if i were to be getting married.

Registries are made for convenience-sake, not as a declaration of expecting presents. Obviously you're not required to give a gift, but most guests want to, so again, why not give them something they'll enjoy that they may otherwise not be able to afford at all?

Maria said...

We did this a few months ago (inspired by you!) and although my mother was very, very worried about the whole thing, we didn't hear of any complaints and many people said they loved being able to help us make some lifetime memories. My mom wanted us to make a small traditional registry also in case anyone didn't like the honeymoon registry, and only one person used it, and a few went completely "off registry". We were happy with our choice and have no regrets.

Anonymous said...

It's tacky. As are the people who are so insincere as to register for items they don't need with the intention of returning them for cash.

RTah said...

We did this and both of our mothers were all worried about it being tacky. But we didn't need anything for our home, and we got about $4k to put towards our honeymoon. Very very helpful!

Tania said...

I absolutely love the idea. I haven't been to a lot of weddings but I'm pretty turned off by traditional registries. Sometimes I feel like they couple is looting people for all they are worth. For some recent weddings I went to, the registries seemed enormous and over-the-top. I also don't think people need that much stuff, especially when most couples live together before they get married. So many studies show that spending money on experiences rather than stuff makes you far, far happier in the long run. I would much rather buy friends a great meal in Italy or a picnic in a San Francisco park than buy them one of seventeen le creuset pots they have asked for!

Pamela said...

Total DON'T. Tacky and greedy. You don't have money to go on a fancy honeymoon? Don't go. Pick somewhere else. Don't have anything you want to register for? Don't have one. Ask guests to make a donation to your fave charity. This new trend of honeymoon funds make me ragey.

Yush said...

A total do! I can imagine alot of couples not being able to afford an expensive/exotic honeymoon and their loved ones can send them on one. I'd be honored to pitch in to help my friends create those wonderful memories!

carocka said...

We did something similar for our wedding (and it is common at German weddings) - we told everyone that our biggest wish was that they celebrated together with us (some people had to travel within Germany). If they still wanted to give us something extra, we would be happy if they supported one big wish - a journey to Ethiopia. Almost everyone was exited for us and supported the idea (we received one cake stand though;-). But then, we - like almost everyone I know - paid the wedding cost ourselves not our parents. I wouldn't agree that no one should give you anything if you don't "need" anything. What does a couple with a 2000+ Dollar / Euro wedding actually "need"?! Isn't pretty china, new silverware or financial support for travelling put on the registry to make happy memories while using it or looking at pictures not because you need anything of if really (maybe I am too romantic)? Times have changes I guess and people marry when they are already earning, living together etc. I understand the charity idea and would support it too but often, people really want to gift & support the people they love (romantic again?). So from me: a big yes to travels!

RR said...

Sorry but I find this quite distasteful. I understand older couples don't need (or frankly) want household items like pots and pans, dishes, etc. but I'd still rather give a gift that the couple might look at years and years down the line and say "so-and-so gave that to us as a wedding gift". I'm mostly definitely not sentimental but basically just asking for money leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Still, I've been trying to be more creative and less traditional in my wedding gift choices - like games (board games like Settlers of Catan, Carcassone, Dominion, etc), wine accessories, travel bags, etc.

Anonymous said...

I definetly find this way of giving a gift makes sense, as the couple receives something they really want and need.

But to be honest I often find the whole business of giving presents to bridal couples a little overdone.

Very often it is expected that guests spend a certain amount on a present. Here in Germany (where I live now, after years in Denmark, the UK and America) the rule of thumb sort of is "spend as much as the wedding couple spend on your food&drink at the wedding". That is easily 100 dollars per person.

If you are invited to 3 weddings each summer, you easily spend a few hundred dollars on gifts, travel expenses and hotels (not to mention new frocks!). How senseless it seems, when you consider, that often these gifts are given to people only because its is considered polite or standard.

I feel it is a wonderful thing if two people decide they want to legalize their relationship (before god or before the law). And if they feel like celebrating this with others: great! But the way in which gifts are EXPECTED seems nearly rude to me.

When we got married 4 years ago we asked our guests to contribute to our day/weekend. Three friends were the DJ-Team, 2 made cakes, my sisters made dresses for the flowers girls, two relatives of my husband did the flowers (which we paid for), many friends from our town offered beds to friends from out of town. My relatives put on a little performance, my brother in law made a "wedding newspaper", which is common in Germany.

We did not receive any material gifts besides from our parents, which gave us some family silver, a ring to me and some money for a little honeymoon.

This felt so much better than having every guest spending money on some random item.

Karin

Anonymous said...

DON'T! you're basically tricking your guests into giving you cash money by putting a cutesy name on the "item". And it is NEVER okay to ask for money. If you're a couple who has lived together & doesn't need home goods then you've defeated the purpose & don't need a registry.

Anonymous said...

I think this is incredibly tacky and selfish. Isn't the point of inviting guests to your wedding to be part of that very special day...not to ask for money, which this honeymoon fund is. Your friends and family will want to give you things that will help you start your new life together; a traditional registry helps people give you things from a (hopefully) wide range of price points. Some guests may be spending money on airfare & hotels...they may not have much more to spend on a gift. Do you think they will really feel comfortable "giving" you two glasses of wine?

Anonymous said...

RUDE...if you do not need things for you new home, give to charity.

wendy said...

I am going to a friend's weekend next weekend and they're doing this. However, I found out that their parents paid for their honeymoon as a gift, and they're going to pocket the cash gifts from the honeymoon registry. I'm not sure I think this is a bad thing, although it's tricky because you think you're buying them something, and that's not really the case. On the other hand, I have a lot of friends from Indian families and it is definitely the norm to give money instead of gifts - where they're coming from, a registry is a tacky way to ask for things, not the other way around. Guests bring a pretty envelope with cash in it to the wedding - I think is tradition in a lot of cultures. I don't really have a judgment on it, although perhaps best to just be honest about it. I think it's ok to ask for money, especially for people who travel a lot instead of spend time at home, or feel tied down if they have too much stuff. But it's a little disappointing to learn that my friends aren't really using it for the honeymoon, since that's what the registry says. Maybe the Honeyfund registry is a way to ask for money without breaking what seems like an impractical taboo?

Rainbeau said...

I think it's a wonderful idea! We created one for our parents' 30th wedding anniversary last summer. They had never been on a vacation without us kids- EVER! They are super active in their community (she's a school teacher, he's a boy scout troop leader, and they both run a high school youth group), everyone came together to pitch in. This February they went on a fun-filled trip to Hawaii!

Rainbeau said...
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Rainbeau said...
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Katie said...

I agree with the few people out there that think this is a "don't". I think it is very tacky and if you can't afford your honeymoon you should consider an alternative. I just think it is bad manners so I could never ask for this kind of registry but it seems like it worked out well for you and your group of family and friends!

Anonymous said...

all those who say "if you can't afford your honeymoon don't register for one." wouldn't the same go for expensive pots and pans? if you can't afford the expensive home goods, don't register for them?

in this day and age, it feels so wasteful to spend a ton of money on fancy things. i love love love the idea of helping dear friends have a really fun experience.

Luli said...

Hmm, I would say this is a don't for me. But I am from Europe...so probably different mind set. But I'm glad it turned out well for you.

Melissa Blake said...

I'm on the fence with this one. While it's a nice idea in theory to buy a couple, say, a few nights in a beautiful Hawaiian hotel, I'd be weary that the money wouldn't be used for that. At least with a gift registry, you can get them something tangible.

Alli said...

We're in the process of planning our wedding (we don't need anything registry related) and I'm getting all kinds of feedback from our friends and family regarding registering for a honeymoon. Most of my family from Canada think it's kind of tacky (similar to UK...interesting) because they feel that the whole point of a wedding present is to help you start out in your married life...things you need. Helping pay for a honeymoon is considered, to them, kind of frivolous and over the top. I also agree with others...I would feel bad asking my friends (in this economy) to pay for me to vacation while they are having a hard time finding jobs. We've decided to just leave it up in the air and whatever money we may receive from the wedding, we will use it to help pay for our honeymoon. Such a good question!!

Abigail said...

I am a little bit dumbfounded by the amount of comments calling this "tacky." So what if the money goes into a pile that the couple can use at their discretion? What is wrong with that? The point of a wedding gift is that you are giving the couple something that they need and want. If they want a honeymoon, then they will use the money for a honeymoon. If they end up spending less on the honeymoon than they had planned on while designing the registry, then they will use the extra money for things that they need and want.

I think that this idea is kind of lovely. A lot of the commenters who have done this mentioned that they included photos of the activity in their thank you cards. That's really sweet and meaningful.

I don't think there's any harm in creating a honeymoon registry. If a friend or relative doesn't want to buy something through the registry, he or she can always give you a different gift.

Sarah Carlson said...

What an interesting idea! I've never thought to do a honeymoon registry in place of house hold items!

Anonymous said...

Beth, yes, you're paying for your own wedding. Great, that's what grownups do, but you seriously expect gifts from that?! Sorry, but I've always looked at weddings as a way to host a great big party for family and friends, not a massive cash/gift grab. Obviously you feel differently and seem to think that bride and groom need a pat on the back. To each their own.

Anonymous said...

I know many of you had mentioned that you've wondered if the couple is REALLY using the funds to the particular item off the registry. Does it really matter? Regardless of whether someone requested a tea pot, blender or toaster the couple can still take ALL those gifts back and get the pricey China set or furniture set that no one would have bought for them on their own anyway.

Tracy said...

I'm getting married in 2 months and we're headed to the Maldives where a contribution from guests would be welcomed. Ultimately, after speaking to quite a few people we opted not to. Many seemed kind of uncomfortable. I personally feel like it's okay, but it's a VERY fine line, IMHO. If it's specific activities, meal, etc. it makes a lot of sense. But if you're registering for a bathing suit, clothing, or other personal items like this I think you've crossed the line. It should be about things benefitting the couple.

Bec said...

I'm surprised that so many people seem to find this tacky - I can't really see the difference between this and a traditional registry, which (as many have pointed out) often becomes pointless for couples who have already been living together and have all their household items. Traditional registries stemmed from a time when it was far less common for couples to start living together before marriage, so the whole idea was that your wedding guests would be contributing to building your shared household, i.e. something you didn't already have.

Another interesting point is that it is common in some cultures to give money, not gifts, at weddings. I'm half Chinese and I know that at Chinese weddings, it is custom to give money and not considered rude or tacky at all.

For me and my partner, who already live together and have children together, I'm not sure how much a traditional wedding registry would mean to us - we'd probably have to return most items! So I think something like a honeymoon registry would be perfect. And I know that as a guest at weddings (or at any other occasion), I would rather spend my money on something I know the recipient really wants, as it feels so much more meaningful.

Carol said...

Well this has sparked quite a debate Jo!

I'm actually not a huge fan of traditional gift registries OR honeymoon registries where you pick a specific item. It all seems a little too calculated, and I feel like it puts pressure on people to spend more than they may feel comfortable with, just because there may be no items within their budget, or they're worried about the person knowing how much they spent.

However, it's long been tradition that people give you money or gifts at a wedding - in Indian weddings they actually give you cold hard cash in your hand, and in Greek weddings they pin the cash to the brides dress! So I don't think there's a problem with the concept of giving at a wedding, but I think it should be done in a relaxed way.

My preferred method is the one my brother and his wife took - they had a fund set up at a furniture store, and you could make an anonymous donation online for whatever amount you felt comfortable with. The funds were pooled and they bought themselves some new furniture that they needed.

StacyShine said...

Invite your friends and family to join you on your special day as you become one. That makes it special.

Registry's of any sort are tacky. Gifts should be from the heart and not expected.

Lisa said...

I think that's a great idea! When my husband and I got married, we asked for only money for gifts, but we needed the money to pay for our wedding and for my husband to move to Germany to be with me. That left us with a 3-day honeymoon where we mostly ate groceries in the hotel room. But we're making up for it this year (just past our first anniversary), traveling every chance we can -- it's our year-long honeymoon. :)

Anonymous said...

I think registries - honeymoon or otherwise -are a great idea. I like to know what people want. And I never feel obliged. Plus there is a whole range of prices. I am for it all the way, Joanna.

Stephanie said...

Hmm...reading the comments has me thinking quite a bit. At first blush I thought this was a good idea. On the other hand, if my partner and I get formally married in the next couple of years I am sure we will ask our friends and family not to give us gifts. We've both been working for a long time and we wouldn't be comfortable having our friends and families fund a honeymoon for us. It's tricky though because most people DO want to give something at a wedding. Friends of mine married last year and asked that gifts not be given. They have great jobs and are well-established, so I knew that that request was sincere. That said, they had just bought a new house and so I bought a nice card and put some cash in it to "contribute to painting and renos of the new house." So I'm hypocrital on this front. A point though for those who say it's tacky to do the honeymoon registry and that couples should suggest donations to charities instead. To be honest, this sort of thing annoys me. There are many charities out there with religious messages that I don't support, for example, or NGOs who do work in ways that I don't necessarily believe is the best for the population being assisted. Having friends force my hand on who to give to in such an instance I find a bit grating (not to mention that it comes off as a bit "holier than thou"). It seems much more graceful and classy to politely request that guests bring only themselves to share your day. Inevitably people will probably bring a gift anyhow, and hopefully something personal that they can afford.

Melanie Marshall said...

I'm so shocked that so many people are in the "don't" camp!

My husband and i had lived together for a few years before getting married and we had all of the basics we needed for our place.

My sister-in-law planned an 8 day adventure in nyc for us and our guests absolutely loved getting a glimpse at what we had planned for our trip. Everything was kept a total secret and we opened an envelope each day to see what we were going to be doing. We were given a little envelope and card for every experience with a note from the sender/s - it was so sweet and it made us think about everyone who shared our special day throughout our honeymoon. We had everything from one-week subway passes to dinners and nights at our two great hotels. It made it so easy to write our thank you cards too! We were able to write about the experiences each guest contributed towards and even shared some photos.

We made it very clear to everyone who came that their presence was all we really needed but also offered this for anyone who was looking to purchase a gift. I don't think it was tacky at all and it was the best trip of our lives so far!

Great topic :)

Brittany said...

I think times have changed even since I got married in 2009! When I was wedding planning and came across the topic, most people said it was a definite "don't," while today, at least on this blog, the majority says it's a "do!" Just an observation.

Personally I doubt I'll ever contribute directly to a honeymoon fund. I think it's tacky, because I subscribe to the idea that any given couple has $X amount to spend on all of their wedding expenses (ring, wedding, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, etc.). Would anyone set up a registry for friends to donate to the purchase of a diamond engagement ring, much less a bigger, nicer one than they could afford on their own? I seriously doubt it. I just think it's a matter of priorities. I know couples who can't/couldn't "afford" a honeymoon because they spent so much on their weddings ($30k and up), and then whine and moan about the economy, or taxes, or whatever else expense is supposedly out of their control and is responsible for why they couldn't afford to honeymoon. At least for the couples I know in this situation, they all made a personal choice to allocate their money to the wedding day and not to the honeymoon. That is perfectly fine. But I'm not going to pay for someone else's international vacation when they just paid $300 per beautiful, handmade driftwood centerpiece, and served a second dinner at midnight, and had four live bands (seriously). Obviously there are plenty of people who register for honeymoons because they legitimately couldn't afford to go otherwise, but in that case, many are probably still registering for household necessities anyway and certainly aren't having four bands play at the reception.

And, said in a less grumpy voice, I do believe in the traditional notion that the purpose of wedding gifts is to rely on the village (as in, "it takes a village...") to help set up a couple for married life. If a couple truly does not need anything, which is common, and otherwise could have afforded a honeymoon (perhaps to Hawaii instead of Tahiti...) had they not spent an obscene amount on their wedding, I would prefer they recommend charities in lieu of gifts.

I love my best friends dearly, and if they told me privately their heart's desire was an incredible honeymoon and not an extra setting of china, I'd probably write a check instead of purchasing a gift. But again, not through a website registry.

Jo J. said...

Maybe it's a cultural thing (I'm British, and live in NZ) but I would find it abhorrently brash.

Sarah said...

I think mixing this with some of the expected items. Yours is sweet- a nice range of prices too! When my dad got remarried, my stepmom was in grad school and they had loads of books on their registry because, frankly, they needed those more than anything

BrigittaR said...

I think a honeymoon registry is a really fab idea.

However, I don't like this whole thought (by many, even here in the comments) that this is a great alternative to a registry full of household things. I think that thought is a bit off base.

I mean, people come to your wedding to celebrate with you and so they want to give you a gift that you can treasure. That could be two drinks on the plane or a voucher for your local fancy restaurant or maybe a beautiful picture frame.

Household registries became the norm because people lost sight of why we give wedding gifts in the first place.

The only reason "regular" registries are boring is because the bride and groom put boring things on them! It's not the registry's fault! ha ha!

And if you don't like the registry a couple has, don't buy off of it! It's not a law, it's a courtesy.

(Sorry this got waaaay long. x.)

Rashmi said...

It sounds fab as an idea, but am sorry to say this, I think it turns out pretty tacky.
One - A honeymoon is such a personal memory, a very private celebration. To include family and friends into this is just a wee short of gimmicky.
Secondly - I, on the whole, do not like the idea of a registry. In India, guests bring gifts (in kind or cash)when they attend weddings. The wedding includes not just the couple's 50 friends, but a big, group of family (first, second, third cousins and their kids and parents etc.), neighbours, office collegues etc. As such, to tell these people who may not really be knowing the couple to get them sthg specific is rude. The friends of the couple of course know what they like and would use and get gifts accordingly. Which is waaaaaay better than the couple registering and forcing their friends to purchase them specific items. A Gift is not meant to be asked for.

Shea Nichole said...

My husband and I registered for our honeymoon as well - 5 years ago! We had been living together for a few years and didn't need the dinner plates and etc. We also registered at REI since we love to get outdoors! Our families loved the idea! We went through The Big Day and just like yours, it was tastefully done for our Kauai honeymoon! "Drinks for Two at Sunset" or "A Luau for the newlyweds!"

In our thank you cards we included pictures of us enjoying what they bought us! We had a blast with it! Not for everyone but it was perfect for us and our very open minded families ;)

Rob and Mel Rinard said...

I don't think it's tacky at all. Who cares if it just goes into a fund? They will still appreciate your gift, even if it funds a meal at McDonalds on the way to the airport instead of a hat or a book. Maybe you should just love your friends, and want to make them happy on their special day instead of caring how much satisfaction you get from giving a specific gift.
I had to stop reading peoples opinions...it was making me sad for them.
I had a wedding registry, but I wish I hadn't. Not because I didn't need the things, I did. But more so because now I don't have many of those things, seven years later. I would have rather get gifts that my friends picked out themselves and thought I would love.
That was long, sorry :)

Joanna said...

Interesting to see so many nay-sayers here. I couldn't disagree with these people more! I think a honeymoon registry is a fabulous idea and completely appropriate for the occasion. What better way to celebrate a couple's new wedded life together than helping them create unforgettable memories on what will probably be the most magical trip of their life? They'll always look back with such fondness and be so grateful to everyone who contributed. What a lovely, long-lasting gesture.

amy said...

I HATE the idea of registries- it definitely seems so demanding and tacky to make a list of things you want people to buy for you, somehow I would much prefer to have things that people saw and thought of me, rather than being told. (although, you would end up with a lot of money spent on stuff you don't want at all..)

I think that this idea is kind of between no registry and a normal one- it seems less tacky to ask for specific experiences than items!

Jessica Quadra Photography said...

I do think some people will inevitably think it's tacky, but I also think that your friends and family want to give you a gift they know will help you. I disagree with the reader who mentioned weddings aren't about the gifts. I mean, of course that's not what weddings are about, however, they are about celebrating your marriage and giving gifts is a way for family and friends to celebrate that. I always am happy and excited to give gifts at weddings and showers. In some countries it's tradition to give only money and household registries are unheard of.

Anonymous said...

I don't see the problem with it, and kind of wish my husband and I had done this. We live in CA but got married back in our home state of NY and because our guests were worried about us transporting stuff we got mostly money anyway. I wil say that most of
My family is very small town and still goes into a store and prints the registry etc. so I am not sure how having an entirely online registry would work for them. In the end though I think any registry is kind of tacky but I also think people genuinely want to buy the couple something they could use! If that's a honeymoon who cares?

MJ Manuel said...

I think it would be sweet if the couple took pictures of themselves enjoying each activity or meal and mailed that to the giver as a thank you and a momento.

Sarah Jane - lollymixedbag said...

I just wrote a blog post tonight about wedding gift registries.

I dont like them. They are not personal.

Its sad the pratice of gift giving has become just a cash contribution.

I like giving gifts that I choose with love and care :)

angharad said...

I actually think it's a better idea to register for a honeymoon fund than it is to ask people for a load of gifts on your wedding day.

But truthfully both options really confuse me. You wouldn't make a demanding list on your birthday, requesting expensive stuff (or at least I wouldn't) - so why should a wedding be any different? My husband and I didn't register for gifts when we got married and we definitely wouldn't have dreamed of asking our wedding guests to pay for our honeymoon. Just the fact that our guests were willing to make the effort to come along is SO much more meanginful, to me, than loads of material goods or a fancy holiday.

The variety of responses on this topic has been really interesting!

Signorina M said...

I like that idea a lot! The list is cute, and I'm sure many guest will enjoy seeing what the couple's plans are for their honeymoon.

And I absolutelly think it's perfectly fine for a couple to ask help with their honeymoon/ some other project, if they really don't need any household items! I can't see what is the difference gifting money or gifting a toaster!

I've been living with my fiancé for 3 years now, and we're getting married in September. Since we have everything we need, we are not going to do a traditional wedding register. Since my family and some friends is coming from abroad, it wouldn't work neither with everybody. Instead we have mentioned, that if our guests want to gift us something, we would prefer little help for our honeymoon.

And to reply to some previous comments.. It's absurd to think about the wedding as a cash collection party!

Ciao from Italy,
M.

Laura said...

I am getting married in December and we plan to do something like this.

Thanks for sharing the link!

Love,

Lau

http://fallinlove.com.ar/?lang=en

anne said...

a lot of people have said that any kind of registry is tacky. i think in some ways, it feels awkward to make a list of things you want. it can also feel awkward to look at this humongous list someone else has made about what they want! the whole thing IS a little bizarre.
BUT: my mom always tells me she loves when people have registries because it makes gift giving SO much easier. then she knows that whatever she buys a couple is something they want! and it prevents people from receiving 10 of the same thing, or 100 things they never even wanted :)

Anonymous said...

I am all for it. I want to give a couple something they want - even if it is cash. I also love seeing what they plan to spend the money on. I think it helps them plan the details of their honeymoon, too. (Plus, I never feel obliged to buy anything. You can always give them what you want or nothing at all.) I understand how it may strike people as tacky, but actually I love it.

Wendy said...

I think this is brilliant.

jessica said...

My husband and I tried to do this- in addition to a traditional registry, for our older and more old-fashioned guests (we made it clear it was a one or the other sort of thing- like registering at two different stores).

The only problem was, though, that most guests didn't purchase gifts until a few weeks or days before the wedding. I imagine this wouldn't be a problem for most people, but as poor grad students, we couldn't afford to purchase plane tickets, etc, ourselves, and then use the honeymoon registry gifts to "pay ourselves back," and we didn't know how many people would be contributing to this instead of purchasing a regular gift.

We ended up having to cancel our plans for a week in London, and figure out a last minute-trip that we could afford. It led to some awkward explaining among our relatives concerned their gifts had gone to waste (they hadn't- we just used the money on a much smaller, road-trip type honeymoon).

So I'd say it's a great route to take, as long as you plan ahead more than we did!

Anonymous said...

I'm getting married and we've decided not to do any registries. However, after reading your post I'd definitely do a honeymoon registry over a traditional registry. It seems much less materialistic, letting guests have a hand in creating memories.

Also, "tacky" is such a pet peeve of mine! Its so judgy.

Melia Stoight said...

My husband didn't think it was proper to outright ask for money so we went the traditional route and registered for a bunch of things we didn't need (uuugh!). If it was only up to me, we would have registered for a honeymoon fund...especially since we took a 5 week trip through Europe! Would have helped with expenses for sure. I do have one current complain about the honeymoon fund idea, however.... a friend of mine registered for a trip that she and her husband never went on, they'll be married two years this November! Of course, I would never say anything about it to her, but I sort of think that was a tacky move. As a guest, it have me pleasure to know that I was contributing to such a fun trip in their life and I was excited to hear about it. But once a year went by and now almost two... I feel a bit swindled! I know a gift is a gift and I shouldn't care whether it was used, spent or thrown away but something about asking for cash and not using it the way it was intended, really left a bad taste in my mouth. Do you have thoughts on situations like this? Should a couple be expected to use this registry money on a honeymoon or trip?

Shruti said...

Such a great idea..i wish I had thought of this earlier :) Love it! Thanks for sharing.

Shruti-k.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I think that as these become more common, they will seem less tacky.

I still would be hesitant to do this, because it does seem sort of ... not quite right... - but when I think about it, I don't know why telling my friends which cake plate I want doesn't.

I wonder if wedding registries, which now seem "traditional" to me were once thought of as tacky?
What does Miss Manners say about this new practice, does anyone know?

Anonymous said...

As a follow up to my last comment - I looked up Miss Manners and she lumps all registries together as impolite:

"These practices are no less vulgar for having become commonplace. There is no polite way to tell people to give you money or objects, and no polite way to entertain people at their expense. Begging is the last resort of the desperate, not a social form requiring others to help people live beyond their means. Miss Manners fails to understand why philanthropists would turn from the needy to the greedy, but she is not in the business of laundering rudeness to make it seem acceptable."

I do love her.

Anonymous said...

Hummmm... seems kind of tacky to ask for cash, which is essentially what you're doing with a honeymoon registry. But then I also think registries in general are tacky. If your friends don't know you well enough to know what you'd like as a token on your wedding day then why are they invited to the wedding in the first place?

De Nueva said...

We did this and it was great! We were moving to a tiny NYC apartment, so clearly had no want or space for 8 million random kitchen appliances. We used a site called Honeyfund that didn't charge us any fees.

Also, as a side note, I don't understand why this could ever be considered tacky if you're ok with a regular registry. I think it's just our cultures affection for THINGS. Memories from cool experiences last a lifetime and build you as a person. Kitchenaides break. Shouldn't the whole point of a wedding be to create forever memories with your new spouse, not useless things?

Lauren Ashley said...

It's a big DO. My hubs and I registered at three places, Bloomingdales, Target, and for our honeymoon. It turned out to be a great solution - the price range was varied to suit everyone's budget, and the choices of items went from traditional to fun which suited both our older relatives and our younger friends. Everyone ended up being happy - especially us. :-)

Stacey said...

It's stressful trying to come up with a perfect gift for a couple so registries are really helpful. Some people value experiences more than things so I don't see anything wrong with contributing to a very special experience for a couple. Besides, it's not like the couple throwing the wedding isn't spending money on the guests.

Elizabeth said...

I got married last September and my husband and I did a traditional gift registry. For us it was the best choice since most of our household items were old and worn out (towels from college) or hand-me-downs from relatives. It was so nice to get all pretty new household/kitchen/bathroom items! However, I know someone who did a honeymoon registry and loved it, but she and her fiance already had a child and had lived together for several years and purchased their own new household items. I think that this completely depends on an individuals stage of life/age and whether or not you really need traditional items or not. If you're happy with what you have or have purchased the items yourself, then opt for a honeymoon registry!

Anonymous said...

Love people calling it tacky, your wedding is a day when you dress up like a miss America contest - spray tan, false nails, big hair and a the biggest grin of your life- wear a huge white bedazzled dress costing at least twice your rent and its expected of your to wear a tiara, tacky is a world people have to be pretty careful using around weddings.
A honeymoon registry is brilliant if it help people have a honeymoon they couldn't normaly have. It's tacky when you know the couple would be doing that stuff anyway and your gift is just adding to their healthy bank balances

Emily said...

I want a wedding redo, so I can partake in help the honeymooners. We didn't have a honeymoon as the wedding set us back and instead were stuck with 6 crockpots, a slow cooker and various other things I think are used to cook. I don't cook...or crock pot, a honeymoon would have been fantastic!!

Anonymous said...

I am surprised that many people find a honeymoon registry tacky, but don't think it's tacky to show up to a wedding, gulp down hundreds in food and alcohol, and not bring a gift. Equally tacky, people! For the record, I was utterly charmed by the honeymoon registry, particularly the idea of being able to buy beach reads and sun hats and bathing suits. I would love to do that for a loved one, and would cherish a picture of the gift being used. IMHO, you shouldn't judge other people and if you can't stop, maybe you shouldn't be attending the happiest day of their lives....

Txgrrl said...

I think this is a great idea. I always give cash/check for weddings anyway - I am too disorganized to get to a store to buy something on a registry, am usually too late to get the inexpensive items online and am too lazy to think of a great unique gift. So this idea works perfectly for guests like me - it is a slightly prettier way for me to give the money I was going to give anyway!

Mackenzie said...

My husband and I did something similar- we set aside all cash gifts from our wedding and had a wonderful first anniversary trip. It was so fun to plan and look forward to it all year!

Laura said...

Honestly, I think entirely way too much money is spent on weddings. If you want to do a fabulous honeymoon, and you're paying for a 30K wedding, cut back on the wedding and use that money for the honeymoon.

When it comes to registries though, people like getting others something a bit more specific and tangible. A lot of people feel it's a bit impersonal to just throw money into an account.

And someone mentioned all the shower gifts and ROI for themselves. I think the most tacky thing is when people track what others gave them for gifts and give the same. I knew someone who had a spreadsheet that tracked how much money people gave her for her wedding. When those guests later got married, she gave them the exact amount. Despite the fact that she got married young, so many of our friends really weren't in a financial position to give much.

The Intrepid French Learner said...

Hmmm, I don't know... I didn't realize that was even an option!

On the one hand, so many people who get married when they're a bit older already have households set up and really don't need a registry for household items, so it sort of makes sense to ask for something else. On the other hand, asking people to pay for your honeymoon seems a bit selfish... honeymoons are fun, but frivolous, not really "useful" or necessary. I don't see it as a situation where everybody should have some sort of registry, so if you don't register for household items, you should register for a honeymoon. (We actually asked for NO gifts because we already had two households of stuff. It never occurred to us to ask for money for our honeymoon.)

I think maybe it depends on who's coming to your wedding. We had a tiny immediate family-only wedding of parents and siblings with little kids, in the middle of a recession. I would have felt uncomfortable asking people who can't afford to splurge on a trip for themselves to partially bankroll our expensive and somewhat lavish trip to Australia, even if each person only paid a small amount. On the other hand, in more flush times, with people who can afford to travel themselves, I think it would be fine.

Denise said...

We often say if we got married this is what we would do. After living together for so many years, and at our age, there is just nothing we really need. Would rather travel!

By the way where is that photo at???? I want to go ..

Anonymous said...

Someone asked: For people who consider this tacky, I ask you - isn't it all just money in the end?

NO, it's NOT just money in the end, unless you view wedding invitations as something you charge for - as in, "I invited them to my wedding, so they owe me money and I want something super awesome!"

Okay, I know you aren't thinking exactly that, but if you trace that statement back to the underlying assumption, there you are.

A gift is a gesture of support and goodwill that the giver chooses. If the couple does need household stuff (or hardware!), a registry is cool. But the registry should be about needs, not luxuries some of your guests might not be able to afford for themselves or upgrades to chef-quality knives.

If you don't need anything, don't register! People will buy you something small and personal and write you a check and feel good about it, and voila, honeymoon bucks.

I think it's really tacky to ask people directly to fund luxuries. I suppose I'll make an exception if virtually every person at your wedding could afford a trip like that.

And I softened a bit at the listings on your registry, which weren't crazy expensive so didn't seem as graspy, but I'm still at no.

~Ellen

Ashley said...

We did this, rather than asking for crap from Macy's or Bed Bath and BEyond.
But then again we already lived together before marriage and have everything we ever needed before we got married.

But really- traveling is more important that what plates you will eat on - IN MY BOOK :)

CamMi Pham said...

That is a great idea if you don't accept cash. I am Asian Cash is King. We have never gave gift for a wedding in our entire life. It can help to pay for the wedding or the new life

X
Cammi
http://www.cammilicious.com

Anonymous said...

I may be alone in my opinion, but I am not a fan of any kind of registry. We requested that guests not give us gifts, but if they felt compelled to give one, we requested that they make a donation to their favorite charity. There is something offputting to me about the idea of creating a list of gifts that you want people to buy for you. I just couldn't bring myself to register for anything. We received donations to Heifer International, various humane societies and Unicef. It made us feel good to know that people and animals that really needed help benefitted from our wedding.

Käthe said...

I say DO! We never took a honeymoon, and mostly because we couldn't really afford it. We didn't register, either, but I think if you're asking for "stuff" why not ask for whatever you really want? If you don't need dishes, ask for a scooter ride in Roma! Why not?!

Sarah said...

can't say I'm a fan of this. Tacky to ask for money. If you can't afford a honeymoon, don't take one! I didn't. I sure as heck wouldn't ask for anyone else to pay for it. We didn't register for our wedding at all. We had what we needed and I just think its tacky to ask for gifts. I did register for baby items for my first born, after being repeatedly asked to by my aunts and sisters. It was more of a "wish list" and only given to those who asked and insisted on being told exactly what to buy. I would never have advertised the list in any way. Just tacky, selfish, materialistic, greedy...

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