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Monday, September 20, 2010

Our birth story

My dears, at looong last, I'd love to share our birth story with you. Here goes...xoxo
On the warm spring evening of Monday, May 24th, Alex and I were hanging out at home. My belly was getting enormous (and tight as a drum), so we took a few random snapshots, just for fun. Toby’s due date was more than a week away, so we didn't expect to go into labor anytime soon (let alone in a matter of hours!).
Alex and I had Indian food for dinner, and I roped him into watching The Bachelorette. (When you're nine months pregnant, you control the remote.)

After the show, we were just hanging out in the living room, when I started getting cramps very low down, like menstrual cramps. At that point in my pregnancy, everything was pretty creaky and uncomfy, so I just figured, “Ahh, more aches and pains, nothing new here.” As Alex and I chatted, I moaned softly and told him about the cramps, but I was convinced that it was false labor, since my belly wasn't tightening, like my birthing books had said it would. Luckily, Alex wisely ignored me and started timing my contractions. They were five minutes apart.
Over the next couple hours, the cramps kept getting stronger, and I went to lie down in the bedroom. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point, and I admitted that there was a small chance I was in labor, but I still doubted it. (What was I thinking? In hindsight, it was so obvious!) A little after midnight, Alex suggested we call the doctor. The doctor said that we might be in early labor, and if the cramps sped up and became stronger, we should come into the hospital. Shortly afterwards, the contractions became three minutes apart…it was game time!
Now that we knew it was (mostly likely) actual labor, Alex and I were out-of-our-minds excited. I couldn't believe it was really happening and that we would meet our baby soon. Alex grabbed our hospital suitcase, and we headed downstairs to catch a cab. We laughed at how obvious the scene must have looked to passersby: It was 2 in the morning, and a harried guy holding one small suitcase was flagging a cab, while his enormously pregnant wife clutched her belly beside him. What else would we possibly be doing?
(This photo cracks me up.) A cab stopped to pick us up, and I clutched the windowsill and tried to keep my moans to a minimum, so as not to freak out the driver. After a twenty-minute cab ride uptown, we arrived at Weill Cornell Medical Center. We were taken to a triage room, where the doctors decide if you should be admitted. They checked my dilation, and it was only 2 centimeters! You have to be dilated 10 centimeters to deliver a baby, so I had hoped that we'd be further along, but was thrilled to get the official word that we were in labor. Luckily, my contractions were so strong and close together that they admitted us. (The admitting doctor at first contemplated sending us for a walk around the block! Yeah, right!)

We moved into our labor room around 3:30am. The room was big and beautiful, and it felt very peaceful and hushed in the middle of the night. We couldn’t believe we were in the place where we would meet our little baby! It all felt very exciting and surreal. Our nurse, Erika, was really sweet and calming and explained that she'd keep an eye on us, and we could buzz her on a little remote control anytime we needed her.

For the next few hours, my contractions grew stronger and stronger. I tried different labor techniques, including walking around the room with Alex's support, sitting on the bed, lying on my side, splashing water on my face, and picturing my "happy place" (my grandparents' seaside village in England). Alex offered to massage my lower back (we'd even brought a tennis ball to help), but I was surprised to find that I didn’t want to be touched at all. We’d also brought calming music, but I wanted complete silence.

Another surprise: I’d expected to feel self-conscious about moaning. Weeks earlier, I had even asked Alex if he would “co-moan” with me (which I'd read about in a book) so that I’d feel less shy. (Since then we've laughed about it; it sounded a little ridiculous.) But during labor, I didn’t even remember that. I was just so focused on each contraction that I couldn't think about anything else. I tried to visualize my body opening up to let the baby move down and found it really helpful.

A third surprise was that I expected labor to feel really long. When I heard that labor can last hours or even days, I figured that it might feel endless. But in the moment, I was so incredibly focused that time passed really quickly. I'd look at the clock, and it would be 4:30am and then I’d glance back up just a few moments later, and it would be 5:30am. The hands of the clock were spinning! It felt almost like a cartoon.
As I labored, Alex brought me glasses of water and told me he loved me, which was so nice to hear and kept me feeling relaxed. I loved having him there. I don’t know how so many women of past generations could labor without their husbands in the room. (Alex's mom told us that her husband wasn't even allowed in!) Last fall, when we first found out that we were expecting, Alex half-joked, “I might be a hand-out-cigars-in-the-waiting-room kind of guy,” since he was nervous about being there during labor, but during my pregnancy and delivery, he was totally incredible. He’s naturally very mellow (a true Californian), so he brought such a calm energy to the labor room and made me feel safe and supported.

As the labor progressed, three things helped me more than anything else: Alex fed me ice chips, which were hugely refreshing. He put cold damp paper towels on my forehead and wiped my face during each contraction, which felt wonderful and helped distract me from the intense pressure. Most of all, I responded enormously to his positive encouragement. He’d say things like, “You’re doing a great job; you're so amazing; I'm so proud of you; our sweet baby boy is coming into the world because of you.” (Those words still make me tear up!) Every time he’d say something buoying, I’d feel a huge new wave of energy. I was amazed at how well positive encouragement helped, and I was so grateful to him.

A few hours later, around 7am, the doctor checked me again. After four hours of contractions, I had dilated only ONE centimeter! And I still had seven more to go. I was a little bummed. The doctor estimated that I'd probably labor all day and deliver sometime later that evening.
Alex and I discussed my getting an epidural and decided it would be a good idea. I got an epidural at 7:30am (which felt like a rush of ice water down my back), and the pain went away almost immediately. I could still feel a bit of pressure during the contractions and felt in control of my body and labor, but there was no pain at all. The following hour was blissful! Alex even took a nap next to me in a chair. He encouraged me to get some sleep, too, but I was too excited and just lay there thinking about Toby.

About an hour later, however, my lower back began to intensely ache. The nurse explained that I was having back labor, which was caused by the baby descending and pressing against my lower back. The doctors explained that although the epidural eases regular contractions, there's not much they can do for back labor.

As the labor intensified, I slipped into a focused zone. I was essentially feeling the contractions in my lower back. I couldn't talk other than moaning during contractions. I felt shaky and a little nauseous. (Looking back, I now know I was in transition from active labor to the pushing phase--typically the most difficult part of labor.)

Suddenly, around 11am, I felt a strong urge to go to the bathroom. I buzzed the nurse, and when she arrived, I explained, in all seriousness, “I have to go to the bathroom right away. Would you mind unhooking me from the heart-rate monitor and helping me walk over?” (Looking back, I realize how crazy that must have sounded! I just didn't think I was far along.)

The nurse explained that it would actually be impossible for me to go to the bathroom, since the baby was blocking everything; she said the sensation was caused by the baby moving down into my pelvis.

“It’s a good sign,” she said. “It means you’re moving closer to delivering the baby."

"No," I insisted, "I have to push now. Like really, really have to push. Like, I have this crazy huge urge to push and I just have to do it. Would you mind getting the doctor right away?"

I could tell that the nurse didn't really believe me, but after some convincing, she called the doctor. When the doctor arrived, she also doubted that I could have dilated so quickly. (After all, they were expecting me to labor all day, and it was only noon.) But when she checked me, her eyes popped.

“Oh, Joanna, you’re fully dilated!” she said. "It's go time!"

She pulled on a mask and scrub cap and called in her team of nurses and resident doctors. (The doctor who delivered us was a-maz-ing; she was tall and athletic and had the can-do spirit of someone who would climb Everest.)

“Dad, grab a leg!” she told Alex. (Before going into labor, I had demurely planned to ask Alex to stay up by my head, but at that moment, I didn’t care at all.)

The next part was like out of the movies, where you have your legs up and you’re huffing and puffing to push out the baby. It was so, so exciting and intense. I got nervous about the increasing pain, but the doctor said, “When you feel like you need to push, I’ll count to ten, and you push as hard as you can for those ten seconds.”

It was tough and I got a little freaked out by the pain. I would push really hard for about six seconds and then back off. At one point, I even found myself secretly thinking, 'I don't really have to deliver this baby; I'll just stay like this from now on, no big deal.' But the doctor and nurses and Alex were all cheering for me to push and giving me tons of encouragement. I was pushing and pushing, and at one point, I cried out, “I can't do it!” The doctor's awesome response? “Joanna, you CAN do it…you ARE doing it." Finally, after pushing for about twenty minutes, I thought, 'OK, Joanna, let's get this job done.' So I told myself that instead of being scared of the pain, I would just focus on the doctor's voice counting to ten, and that’s all I would think about for those ten seconds. So, for the next push, I put the pain out of my mind, and did an enormous push while I focused on her count each of those ten seconds. And, lo and behold, the baby’s head popped out! Everyone gave a hearty cheer, and Alex was just staring wide-eyed. The doctor told me to reach down and feel the baby's head, which was totally surreal and amazing and gave me another boost of energy.

The doctor instructed me to push when I felt the urge, and I kept pushing as hard as I could, but the next few times, the baby only budged a little bit. Then our doctor said, "You're so close, Joanna; this baby could be out with the next push.” And I thought to myself, 'Ok, then, if he can be out, he will be out!'

What happened next was really strange: I heard myself ROAR. I didn't know I was going to. But I just took a huge breath, squeezed my eyes closed, and put every bit of strength I had into pushing with all my might--and roared like an animal!

And then, whoosh! The baby slithered out like a slippery fish. It was such a funny, unexpected, amazing, thrilling feeling.
So it was at 12:40pm that the doctor placed teeny Toby into my arms. He was purplish-red and wet and crying, and my heart felt like it was going to burst. He felt soft and smooth, and I was weeping and laughing. It was so magical to be cuddling our sweet sweet baby in my arms after nine months. I would have a million babies just for that moment.
His lovely new baby lungs in action! What a little hero!
After a moment, the baby nurse took him to weigh and clean him. His mouth was so giant; he looked like Mick Jagger.
The overwhelming love of a mama starts immediately.
I couldn't stop gazing into Toby's squinting eyes and stroking his wet little head.
This is the photo we sent to our families from Alex's phone that morning.
Toby looks so regal and proud of himself in this photo! (And he had the hugest puppy-dog hands! They looked like they were made of clay.)
There's nothing sweeter than seeing your husband hold your new baby. (Fun fact: Alex had held a baby maybe twice in his life before this.)
After the doctors had left the room, Alex came close to me, and I cuddled Toby in my arms and gave him his first feed. He latched right on to the breast, and it was so cozy and intimate. I felt such overwhelming waves of love, and everything felt perfect and wonderful. The way our bodies work is so amazing; your body grows a baby (a baby!), delivers it and then feeds it with milk. I also have such great newfound respect for all mothers for bringing their babies into the world, and for babies for doing such a great job being alive.

Remembering that day still makes me weepy. Thank you so much for reading our story and being so lovely throughout our pregnancy, as well. It has been such a joy to share everything with you. This week I'll share a few photos from the rest of our hospital stay, and Alex would love to share his side of the birth story, as well. xoxoxoxoxoxo

644 comments:

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Ainsley said...

so beautiful and what a gorgeous little fella! i love reading birth stories, and i'm glad that i'm finally reading yours <3

Plus one Wee Bean said...

WONDERFUL love story.
So similar to our own.
I had no idea you could love something instantly.
Isn't birth such a crazy amazing journey.
Thank you for sharing.
Big LUV!

muebles madrid online said...

The chap is absolutely just, and there is no question.

Carla said...

Thank you for sharing your amazing story! I have tears rolling down my face! Reading your story actually made me excited at the idea that I might give birth someday. I didn't really think that was possible. Congratulations to you and your husband on your perfect little boy :)

Miss Kelly said...

AAAAnd i am in the cube, putting of emails and balling! I flashed back to birthing my Chloe and the magic that ensued is overwhelmingly great.Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment with us all. That's exactly what makes this haven you have create stand out and above the rest.

Best & Bisous!
Miss Kelly

Gayatri Kumar said...

Oh Joanna, it was so lovely reading your story! My eyes would well-up right before you would say it :) .. I also realized while reading that I wont be able to have a natural birth because I have a broken lower back.. guess i'll have to experience it through your story :)

Thanks for sharing!

------------
Gayatri
Look who's Wearing (LwW)

Ames said...

Your birth story seems so similar to mine 9 years ago (I'm a twin, back labor, similar labor/birth story). Oh the joys of little boys. Thanks for sharing!

custom php development said...

The guy is totally fair, and there's no suspicion.

nina corvallo said...

Thank you for sharing this! Very sweet and generous of you & Alex (& Toby!)
I was wondering was your recovery at Cornell just as blissful? Was the nursing staff nice? It would be lovely to hear more birth stories if you ever felt like having more guest posts. I think it is really helpful for first time pregnant women, plus it gives information about how different hospital handle patients.

viagra online said...

How amazing, even with five months of pregnancy you look bright as ever, congratulations!

Kylin said...

I know I'm years away from having a baby but still get nervous/incredulous when I think about someday pushing out a litte one. Reading your post has given me renewed excitement for someday being a Mom. Thank you for your beautiful and honest story!

Emily said...

I am soooooooooo late to the party on this, but Joanna, I really loved your story and I'm all mushy now. I love the words you use and how you didn't just talk about WONDER and JOY and whatever, but roaring like an animal and how he felt like a slithering fish and that his hands looked like they were made of clay. I so look forward to childbirth someday (sort of...)

Thank you for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, beautiful story!

Stapha Charleme said...

Simply beautiful! Thank you for sharing this special moment. I teared up when you spoke about Alex's supportive words during the labor process...just beautiful!!!

Karissa Jade Ferguson said...

Thanks for sharing your birth story! I read one last week that terrified me but yours makes me feel like I can do it one day! I was seriously so scared after reading that one last week ha. My husband and I won't have any babies soon but I'm definitely going to reread this when I'm pregnant for inspiration. And Toby was a super cut newborn! Love that big mouth!

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deena said...

I would just focus on the doctor's voice counting to ten, and that’s all I would think about for those ten seconds. So, for the next push, I put the pain out of my mind, and did an enormous push while I focused on her count each of those acheter cialis ten seconds. And, lo and behold, the baby’s head popped out! Everyone gave a hearty cheer, and Alex was just staring wide-eyed. The doctor told me to reach down and feel the baby's head, which was totally surreal and amazing and gave me another boost of energy.

deena said...

happening and that we would meet our baby soon. Alex grabbed our hospital suitcase, and we headed downstairs to catch a cab. We levitra laughed at how obvious the scene must have looked to passersby: It was 2 in the morning

marry said...

The next part was like out of the movies, where you have your legs up and you’re huffing and puffing to push out the baby. It was so, so exciting and intense. I kamagra
got nervous about the increasing pain, but the doctor said, “When you feel like you need to push, I’ll count to ten, and you push as hard as you can for those ten seconds.”

Mackenzie said...

This was so beautiful! I cried through the whole thing. What a beautiful amazing blessing it is to be a mother. I'm even more in love with my son each time I remember when he was born.

Amanda said...

I found your blog through Cupcakes and Cashmere. Your birth story is AMAZING. Thank you for sharing. My hubby and I are trying for a baby, and your strength in the delivery gives me courage.

Blessings!

Katie M. said...

I have to admit I'm new to your blog, but it has brought me alot of joy and encouragement lately. I gave birth to a son (our first) nine months ago and reading your birthing story just brought me back to the day he was born. Kind of makes me sweat, laugh and cry all at the same time, haha. As amazing as it was I still cannot imagine doing it again. The first time going throught labor was a bit like ignorant bliss, you know what I mean!? Not knowing really what to expect and all. I think I'll be much more nervous and a little less brave when we have another baby. But it sure is beautiful and empowering and the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Your little Toby is awfully handsome! I know this is late and maybe a little strange but I feel like I've just met you and your story is new to me, so congratulations on the beautiful life you brought into this world. You are an amazing mom. Cheers!

Pam said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! I just had a baby and I am so with you re: would have a million babies just for that moment they come out and you hold him in your arms. Priceless. I just discovered your blog, I realize this is old news but I love it and the pics are gorgeous.

www.pamsinel.blogspot.com

Hubert Haley said...

After the show, we were just hanging out in the living room, when I started getting Buy Cialis Online cramps very low down, like menstrual cramps. At that point in my pregnancy, everything was pretty creaky and uncomfy, so I just figured

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The izzle said...

I think I must have ready your birth story at least five times. I just love it!

Aleksey Khodorchenkov said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miami Beach Hotels said...

Wow, Congratulation, what a great story and it is so positive. Thanks for sharing! Best of luck to you and your wonderful family.

Baylee said...

Such a beautiful birth story! I love your pictures from the cab too. They made me giggle. Here you are in labor and your hubby's taking cute/fun pics.
Also, how do you look so great after giving birth!? You don't even look tired.
Toby is beautiful!!! He came out so handsome!!

Rifga™ said...

AMAZING :') i had a little tear in the corner of my eye. motherhood must be so blissful. good luck with everything! toby is beautiful and every girl deserves a husband like alex. way to go joanna!

Whitney Lane said...

I read this a while ago, but it was so fun and special to revisit it as I'm due with my first in 3 weeks! Thanks for sharing it. So beautiful!

Katie: writer, reader, daydreamer said...

What an amazing post! I'm due any day now with my first baby and I really can't wait! Thanks for the insight.

elizabeth said...

Hi Joanna,
I'm 24 - moved to South Africa a year and half ago, fell in love, and now we are getting married in December! And no where near ready to have a kid! But your story made me so emotional! I love how you focused on all the encouraging things that Alex said - that's just a good thing to do in life.
Thanks for sharing. :)

elizabeth said...

Joanna,
I am 24, moved to South Africa a year and half ago, fell in love, and am getting married in December! So excited but no where near ready to have a baby! But your story got me emotional! I love how you focused so much on all the encouraging things that Alex said. Such a good idea for life in general.
Thanks for sharing. :)
http://daysofgumption.blogspot.com/

Lauren said...

Just wonderful! I am misty as I write this. You are a great writer and such an inspiration. Thank you <3

Lauren said...

Such a wonderful story! I'm misty as I write this! Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with me and everyone who reads your blog. You are an inspiration <3

Mich said...

I've been a long time reader of your blog but just read this post today...tears and an extreme desire to pro-create!
Lovely.

Zanne said...

I just read your little delivery story. Our third Bebe is due in February (so you'd think this would all be old hat) but I still got teary-eyed reading this. So nice of you to share the most wonderful moment of your life :)

Ida said...

I am seven months pregnant, and your blog has given me so much information! Your story was so amazing ( I'm weeping as a type). You have given me such peace of mind, and I one hundred percent agree with you on how amazing our bodies are. Thank you for sharing.

Ida XO

Kerry Gersonde said...

My husband and I just came across your blog and were crying and laughing as we read your birth story and "on boobs.". We are home on maternity/paternity leave with our two week old baby boy, and could identify with so much of your story. He is our fourth (and last) baby, but I know what you mean when you say you could have a million babies. It is such an amazing experience! Thanks for sharing your story.

Mindy said...

OMG about to have another baby and reading this made my weep at my desk LOL I want to go back and write something about my first go-round before I forget everything. Thank you for sharing this, it was so touching.

Samantha Parthenais said...

Love your story. I'm expecting a boy in November--I found your site while looking for basic registry list ideas and ended up reading your birth story. I'm in tears after reading this! I'm already so in love with my baby boy--its almost scary to think how much more intense it will be when he's born.

Naum Franpos said...


Wow very entertaining post. Ive notice that there are many 1300 Number in Australia that giving to a business to give them many clients. Most busineses are using smart numbers to easily remember by their clients most especially in labor.

Nicole Horlacher said...

Joanna,
I stumbled upon your blog while searching for "baby massage" on Pinterest. I'm a sucker for a birth story and yours was just incredible! Thank you for sharing your heart- you are beautiful. I'm your most recent follower!

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