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Monday, August 31, 2009

Grace Bonney: "Our Secrets to a Happy Marriage"

Grace + AC's secrets to a happy marriage:

1. Talk it out: No matter how angry you are, talking always helps. I wasn't a big talker before meeting Aaron (I was a big "slam the door"-er) and he taught me the value of talking through any and all difficult situations.

2. Support each other's dreams: AC loves to play poker and guitar, and he also likes mixed martial arts. If he wanted to leave his job to pursue any of those, I would support him 100%. And I know he'd do the same for me. I realized a few years back that no matter how good the salary or benefits, if your partner isn't happy, even the best job is the wrong job. If you're both truly happy, then material things really do become less important.

3. Go on adventures: Whether it's a scooter ride to Coney Island or a backpacking trip out west, remember to experience new things together. AC and I are complete opposites, but we both love to try new things, which keeps us growing together.

And above is a sneak peek from our wedding :)

-- Grace Bonney, Design*Sponge


erin said...

very wise words. and such a cute photo!

Nathalie said...

I fully believe these keys to a good marriage. Especially love number three. And I adore your photo :)

Hola!Design said...

I like advice #2! Lovely couple!

Nikolett said...

Ah, a beautiful couple and amazing advice. I think those are key for relationships too (since I'm nowhere near engagement or marriage) but these are crucial things to keep in mind, for sure. Love me some adventures :)

Katie said...

Great advice, something I'm finally learning myself!

Ara said...

Good advice! :) Happy honeymoon!

Miss Amy O said...

all true things. especially #2. Best wishes!

Cafe Fashionista said...

Numbers two and three are my favorite. Wonderful bits of advice for all couples - married or not! And, hello? Cutest. Picture. Ever. :)

the southern hostess said...

Wonderful advice! You two are a beautiful couple.

cathi said...

Excellent advice! You look like a very lovely couple!

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

Lovely thoughts.
Lovely couple.

down and out chic said...

definitely advice to live by. communicating is extremely difficult when i'm upset but a good talk always makes it better.

nichole said...

Beautiful sneak peek! And great advice. I completely agree with number 2.

Giovanna said...

Beautiful post! I specially love #2!!

Gretchen said...

wonderful photo, I love the sign, the expressions

design*sponge said...

thanks so much for including us in this column, joanna!

anon- i'm sharing advice for two reasons:

1) joanna asked me to
2) we've been married for 4 months, but we've been (happily) together for 6 years.


Tricia McKellar said...

So sweet! Love the photo! :)

hoganfe said...

Terrific advice & cute pic!

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Robin said...

sounds like some people are so miserable they can't stand you trying to spread your happiness!happily together for six years and now married... ? i will gladly listen to any and all advice you want to dish!


seesaw designs said...

this photo of you two is SO adorable! cannot wait to see more.

and great advice -- i completely agree.


mtran said...

I really like secret #1. I have a hard time talking things out when I am upset or sad. I bottle everything up and my bf gets upset at me because of that. I need to learn how to put my wall down and invite him through. Great secrets!

bess said...

Great sneak peek! Can't wait to see the rest ;) I definitely agree with number - life is all about sharing adventures.

Gillian said...

Your list is bang on, even though you've been married a short time.
I can assure you those things don't change, and I've been at this for 20 years with J.
We are finally getting married, so maybe after I've been married four months, I'll still feel the same too.

hello said...

words of truth!
7 years into my relationship and talking is still so important. particularly when Jamie is very logical minded and I am a creative and emotional thinker...

great happy picture too Grace!

The Lil Bee said...

Great is so important to support each others' dreams. It builds such confidence in one another. And, my gosh, I LOVE your dress!

secret, fragile skies said...

What a gorgeous and happy couple you lucky you are to have found each other. Love your advice!

melly said...

Such a good black&white photo!

I believe in #1 and #2 a lot myself.

Furniture removal said...

That is so sweet! You don’t see couples like that all the time now days. Thanks for the tips. I’ll bear that in mind, hopefully soon. Thank you.

Wellington Jobs said...

You are totally right. I wish my husband is a talker. He doesn’t seem to communicate with me at times when I tried to open up some serious topics, he just sit down read the news paper. With his kind of attitude sometimes it made me think his having an affair. Well I don’t know I hope not.

Antonio Barros said...

The first tip is the most important one! Always try to solve the problem before going to sleep!

kristenhen said...

Thanks for sharing this- it's wonderful! I like secret #2. After four years, my husband and I have each supported the other's dream, and it's not as easy as it sounds. But when I see my husband enjoying his life's work, it is so worth it. He is supporting me right now as I try to find a way to put my dreams to work, and it means so much.

My "secret" is one that has made a BIG difference in our marriage. And it's this: Believe that your spouse is a good-willed person who is not "out to get you." Sometimes it seems like my husband carries out his idiosyncrasies just to tick me off- but when I chill out and realize he's only doing things that make sense to him, everything is a lot better. Patience and understanding go a long way.

All the best!

Anonymous said...

You guys are adorable and I love your advice--it seems like the basis for a happy union.

Are you allowed to tell us about the dress?

design*sponge said...

thanks guys :)

i can't talk about the dress until the end of the month. our wedding will be in martha stewart weddings this month so we have to wait until then.


Atticgoods said...

I always liked black&white photos. But this one is so sweet...
Beautiful post!


susan said...

excellent advice grace - and the photo speaks 100000 words! (although i agree with aaron - talking it through is the best) ;)

Corinna White Charlton said...

this has been my favorite marriage post so far- I've kept thinking about your words, so i've come back to comment! I love adventures, even little things- I have to rally my husband sometimes to build up his energy when he is so tired after work, but i really do think he appreciates my efforts. number 2 we've nailed, we are deliberately thankful for the little blessings we have. and number 1, i have to say I am the weaker one there, i definitely am a slam the door type, so i am working on at what point i am ready to talk, sometimes after the hurt of a fight it can be difficult to be open to discussion.

thank you for posting your personal insights! congratulations on a happy marriage :)

ambika said...

I can't tell you how much I love this series. & I'm not even married!

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Anna of IHOD said...

I couldn't agree more Grace!
Fantastic points! Communication when emotions run high is difficult but it always proves to be most effective. Thanks for sharing!
Congratulations on a happy marriage!

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